Intro to ATTACHMENT TRIGGERS

Summary

In this insightful video, licensed marriage and family therapist Taylor Chandler discusses the universal triggers of rejection and abandonment in relationships. She emphasizes that everyone experiences these fears, but the key lies in managing them effectively. Chandler explains that a secure foundation in a relationship can mitigate the impact of these triggers, and that secure individuals handle them through communication rather than resorting to emergency stops or control. She advocates for developing a sense of safety within the relationship to openly address and correct misperceptions, fostering a healthier dynamic.

Takeaways

• 🧩 Rejection and abandonment are common triggers for everyone, causing discomfort when feeling someone you're attached to might leave.
• 🔑 The way individuals manage these triggers when they occur is what differentiates their responses.
• 🌐 Rejection and abandonment signals can happen in any relationship, affecting even the most secure individuals.
• 📈 The severity of the impact from these signals depends on the security of the relationship foundation.
• 💡 A secure relationship foundation helps to mitigate the sense of rejection and abandonment.
• 🚫 Secure individuals do not typically use an 'emergency stop' button to manage triggers, instead opting for communication.
• 🤝 Communication is key for deescalation, rather than resorting to control or avoidance.
• 🚫 Emergency stops are unsustainable in the long term and are not a healthy strategy for relationship management.
• 💭 It's important to be able to be with the trigger and communicate through it to maintain a healthy relationship.
• 🔄 Developing a sense of safety in the relationship is crucial for being able to openly discuss and address triggers.
• 🔄 Taking responsibility for one's actions and their impact is part of creating a safe and communicative relationship environment.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video script?

The main topic discussed in the video script is how to manage triggers related to rejection and abandonment in relationships, with a focus on attachment styles and communication.

Who is Taylor Chandler and what is her profession?

Taylor Chandler is a licensed marriage and family therapist who helps individuals break negative relationship patterns and shift their attachment styles.

What are the common triggers in relationships that Taylor Chandler talks about?

The common triggers in relationships discussed by Taylor Chandler are signals of rejection and abandonment, which can occur in any relationship and affect even the most secure individuals.

How does the level of security in a relationship affect the impact of rejection and abandonment signals?

In a securely founded relationship, the impact of rejection and abandonment signals is mitigated, meaning that such signals do not hit as hard as they would in an insecure relationship where trust and safety are consistently lacking.

What is the difference in how a secure attachment style might react to triggers compared to an insecure one?

A secure attachment style does not typically use an 'emergency stop' button as a strategy to manage triggers. Instead, they manage triggers through slow de-escalation with communication rather than control.

What is an example of an 'emergency stop' reaction in the context of relationship triggers?

An example of an 'emergency stop' reaction could be completely cutting off communication or insisting on talking immediately when triggered, which is not a sustainable strategy for a relationship.

Why are 'emergency stops' not sustainable in relationships according to Taylor Chandler?

'Emergency stops' are not sustainable because they might provide temporary relief but do not address the underlying issues, and they do not contribute to the long-term health of a relationship.

What does Taylor Chandler suggest as an alternative to 'emergency stops' for managing triggers?

Taylor Chandler suggests managing triggers through slow de-escalation and open communication, which allows for the expression of feelings and thoughts without resorting to control or avoidance.

What is necessary for a person to communicate effectively about their triggers in a relationship?

To communicate effectively about triggers, a person needs to be able to regulate their nervous system, have good communication skills, and a sense of safety in the relationship that allows them to express their concerns and seek reassurance.

What is the importance of developing a sense of safety in a relationship according to the script?

Developing a sense of safety in a relationship is crucial because it allows individuals to openly discuss their triggers and feelings without fear of judgment or further distress, thus fostering a healthier and more secure relationship.

How does Taylor Chandler address the issue of unrealistic expectations in relationships?

Taylor Chandler addresses the issue of unrealistic expectations by stating that it is not realistic to expect that no one will ever trigger you or that it's not necessary to have conversations when triggered. Instead, she encourages the development of communication skills and a sense of safety to manage these situations.