Jordan Peterson's Advice on Finding a Woman, Marriage and Having Children

Summary

The speaker discusses advice for young men seeking marriage and family, emphasizing the importance of attraction, trust, and truth in a relationship. He highlights the biological factors that influence attraction and the significance of building trust through honest communication. The speaker also underscores the value of marriage as a lifelong commitment and the role of mutual support. He advises marrying someone trustworthy, who desires children, and would make a good parent. He concludes by stressing the fulfillment that family life brings, despite the cultural tendency to undervalue it.

Takeaways

• 😀 Physical attraction is important in a relationship, and it's influenced by mysterious factors like bilateral symmetry and scent.
• 🤔 Trust is crucial for a successful marriage, and both partners must commit to telling each other the truth.
• 🛠 Marriage involves working through tough truths and weaknesses in order to grow stronger together as a couple.
• 💍 Marriage is a lifelong bond where both partners are 'handcuffed' together, committing to truth and personal growth.
• 🙏 In a Christian marriage, the goal is mutual subordination to a higher order, focusing on truth and spiritual growth, not personal dominance.
• 🤝 Marriage provides stability, helping partners face life's challenges by supporting each other through honesty and trust.
• 👶 Children are often unfairly criticized, but they can bring immense joy and are great company when raised with proper discipline.
• ⏳ Knowing the limits of children’s attention and understanding their needs (like food, rest, comfort) can make parenting more enjoyable.
• 💡 Choosing a partner should include considering their qualities as a potential parent and their sense of the importance of family.
• 🔑 By building trust, sharing life's burdens, and raising a family, marriage offers continuity, meaning, and a rich life experience.

Q & A

What is one of the mysterious factors that influence physical attraction according to the speaker?

One mysterious factor influencing physical attraction is bilateral symmetry. Research suggests that women are more attracted to the scent of men with symmetrical faces than those with asymmetrical ones.

How does smell influence attraction according to the speaker?

Smell plays a significant role in attraction. Women tend to be less attracted to the scent of men whose genetic makeup might cause issues during childbirth, such as Rh factors. Interestingly, they may describe such a scent as being too similar to that of a brother.

Why is trust important in a marriage?

Trust is essential in marriage because it allows both partners to be open and honest about their flaws and mistakes. It creates a safe environment for truth, ensuring that both partners can rely on each other during difficult times without fear of abandonment.

What does the speaker believe is the role of truth-telling in a marriage?

The speaker believes that truth-telling in a marriage is crucial for the relationship's success. Both partners need to confront and deal with their flaws, and the commitment to stay together helps them work through challenges, making them stronger and wiser.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of marriage?

The speaker views marriage as a critical aspect of life, representing about a third of one's existence. He warns against undervaluing it, stressing that neglecting marriage can lead to significant missed opportunities for personal and relational growth.

What does the speaker say about children and their role in life?

The speaker emphasizes that children are delightful and bring joy if they are well-behaved. They provide a sense of enthusiasm and love. The speaker stresses that managing their needs properly, like not letting them get too tired or hungry, leads to better behavior.

How does the speaker describe the dynamics of discipline and engagement with children?

The speaker suggests that children, when disciplined thoughtfully and with mutual agreement between parents, are easier to manage. He also notes that children tend to get restless slightly before adults do, highlighting the importance of being attentive to their needs.

What does the speaker recommend young men look for in a partner for marriage?

The speaker advises young men to seek a partner who they are attracted to, love, and can trust. Additionally, he suggests looking for someone who would be a good mother and has a clear understanding of the importance of having children.

What is the speaker's stance on women who don't want children?

The speaker acknowledges that some women may not want children, and in some cases, they may be right in not having them. However, he suggests that by their mid-twenties, if a woman does not recognize the importance of children, she may not be oriented correctly about what is important in life.

What does the speaker say about leaving 'a backdoor' open in marriage?

The speaker warns that if there’s an option to exit a marriage easily, it will likely be used. He believes the marital oath, which binds both partners together, is necessary to force them to confront and resolve their issues rather than escape them.