Connect and lead, how we create community | Kathy Coffey | TEDxSnoIsleLibraries

Summary

The speaker reflects on the transformative power of community, drawing from personal experiences of loss and isolation. They define community through four connections: mind, spirit, citizen, and people, emphasizing how these bonds foster a sense of belonging and purpose. The narrative highlights the importance of recognizing one's own community and the potential for leadership in building a more connected and caring world. The speaker's journey from victimhood to empowerment serves as a testament to the healing and uplifting nature of community involvement.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker emphasizes the transformative power of community and its ability to deeply connect and fulfill individuals.
• 🌱 The concept of 'common unity' is introduced as the essence of community, suggesting a shared sense of belonging and purpose.
• 🌐 The speaker shares personal experiences of feeling disconnected and the journey towards valuing community as a result.
• 🏡 The importance of community is highlighted through four types of connections: minds, spirit, citizen, and people.
• 🤔 The speaker reflects on the primal need for belonging and purpose, and how community can fulfill this need.
• 💔 A personal narrative of loss and hardship is shared to illustrate the role of community in overcoming life's challenges.
• 🔍 The realization that community support is crucial in times of grief, loss, and loneliness is a key takeaway.
• 🌈 The speaker's shift from self-pity to recognizing the potential of community is a pivotal moment in the narrative.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The idea that community can be created and is not limited to traditional family structures is explored.
• 🌱 The speaker encourages recognizing one's existing community and taking on leadership roles to build and expand community connections.
• 💬 The necessity of dialogue, participation, and trust in community building is underscored as a pathway to making a difference.

Q & A

What does the speaker believe is the key to creating a deeply connected and fulfilling future?

The speaker believes that the key to creating a deeply connected and fulfilling future is community.

How does the speaker define 'common unity'?

The speaker defines 'common unity' as something that encompasses the root and suffix of the word 'community', which are 'common' and 'unity', suggesting a shared sense of belonging and connection.

In what four ways does the speaker experience common unity in their life?

The speaker experiences common unity through a connection of minds, spirit, citizen, and people, which include dialogue, discussion, broadening sense of place and self, joining with others to increase impact, and being reminded of not being alone.

How did the absence of community influence the speaker's values?

The absence of community led the speaker to value it more deeply, as they always had a desire for deeper connection and a sense of belonging.

What significant life events shaped the speaker's perspective on community?

The speaker's early life experiences, including being adopted, losing their parents at a young age, and becoming their mother's primary caregiver, shaped their perspective on community.

What was the speaker's turning point in realizing the importance of community?

The speaker's turning point was a moment of self-reflection while floating in a pool, where they realized that they had always overcome loss, grief, or loneliness with the support of others.

Why did the speaker decide to build a community and how did they start?

The speaker decided to build a community because they realized that being a victim was a choice they did not want to make, and they saw the greater good in the world. They started by joining groups that aligned with their values and needs, such as a church, a 12-step meeting, or a support group.

How does the speaker incorporate community into their family life?

The speaker makes community a core family value, even expanding their definition of family to include exchange students and creating intergenerational programs.

What role does community play in the speaker's view of family, especially for those with dysfunctional or unhealthy families?

For the speaker, community can be a form of family, and for those with dysfunctional or unhealthy families, creating community can be a better way to experience family and connection.

What advice does the speaker give on how to start building a community?

The speaker suggests recognizing that one is already part of various communities and, if in a leadership role, taking a transformative step to build community. They emphasize the importance of knowing oneself, having a purpose, and participating actively.

How does the speaker encourage the audience to engage with their community?

The speaker encourages the audience to embrace community by joining groups that align with their identity, building trust, having a purpose, and participating in conversations that lead to action.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 The Power of Community

The speaker, Huang Haisu, shares her personal journey and the profound impact community has had on her life. She discusses the concept of 'common unity' and how it manifests in her life through four types of connections: mind, spirit, citizen, and people. Haisu reflects on her upbringing as an only child and the absence of extended family, which led her to value community even more. She talks about her struggles with loss and self-pity, and how a moment of clarity by a pool at 29 years old made her realize the importance of community and the choice not to be a victim. Her story emphasizes the transformative power of community and the potential for personal growth when connected to others.

05:00

🔗 Building Community Beyond Family

Huang Haisu continues her narrative by exploring how community has been a source of support and growth for her, especially in the absence of a traditional family structure. She shares her experiences of finding community in various settings, from churches to unconventional places like Mafia bars and support groups. Haisu emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's own role in community building and the transformative power of leadership. She discusses the challenges of community building and the necessity of first understanding oneself and one's passions before inviting others to join. The speaker also shares her efforts to create a sense of community within her own family, including welcoming exchange students and participating in intergenerational programs.

10:02

🌱 Cultivating Community and Leadership

In the final paragraph, Haisu offers insights on how to build and expand one's community. She stresses the importance of recognizing one's existing connections and the potential for leadership within those communities. The speaker highlights the qualities of a good leader, such as collaboration, active listening, and empowerment. Haisu encourages the audience to embrace community, participate actively, and use the connections of mind, spirit, and people to bridge passion with purpose. She concludes with a call to action, urging everyone to take an active role in their communities to address the world's challenges and to recognize that there is more of oneself when connected to others.

Keywords

💡Community

Community refers to a group of people who share a common identity, interests, or purpose. In the video, the concept of community is central to the speaker's narrative, as they discuss how community has been a transformative force in their life. The speaker explores the idea that community is not just about physical proximity but about shared values and support systems, as illustrated by their experiences in various settings such as a church, a support group, and an intergenerational program.

💡Connection

Connection signifies the act of linking or associating with others on various levels, including emotional, intellectual, and social. The speaker emphasizes the importance of connection in building a sense of belonging and shared identity within a community. They describe four types of connections—of minds, spirit, citizen, and people—which are integral to their personal journey and understanding of community.

💡Identity

Identity is the set of characteristics that define who a person is. In the video, the speaker's identity is shaped by their experiences with community and their quest for belonging. The concept is used to illustrate how individuals can find their place within a community and how community can, in turn, enhance one's sense of self.

💡Transformation

Transformation implies a significant change in form, nature, or appearance. The speaker uses this term to describe the profound impact that community has had on their life, particularly in moving from a state of self-pity to one of empowerment and leadership. The narrative showcases how community involvement can lead to personal growth and change.

💡Leadership

Leadership is the act of leading a group of people or an organization. The speaker discusses the role of leadership in community building, emphasizing that it is not just about holding a position of authority but also about collaboration, listening, and empowering others. They share their journey of becoming a leader within their community and how it has influenced their approach to building connections.

💡Support

Support refers to the provision of assistance or encouragement. In the context of the video, support is a key element of community, as it is through the support of others that the speaker was able to overcome personal challenges. The speaker reflects on how community support has been crucial in their life, particularly during times of loss and grief.

💡Potential

Potential refers to the capacity to develop or become something in the future. The speaker talks about the realization that their potential was realized when they were part of a community, suggesting that community can unlock and amplify an individual's abilities. This concept is used to highlight the empowering nature of community involvement.

💡Purpose

Purpose denotes the reason for which something is done or created, or the reason for someone's existence or for the existence of something. The speaker connects the idea of purpose with community, arguing that being part of a community can give individuals a sense of purpose and direction. They encourage the audience to find their purpose through community involvement.

💡Fulfilling

Fulfilling implies providing satisfaction or happiness. The speaker uses this term to describe the deep sense of satisfaction that comes from being part of a community. They contrast this with mere improvement, suggesting that community can lead to a more profound and meaningful life.

💡Citizen

Citizen refers to a person who has the rights and privileges of a national of a country. In the video, the speaker extends this concept to the idea of being a 'citizen' within a community, suggesting that individuals have a role and responsibility in contributing to the community's well-being. This is exemplified by the speaker's experiences of joining with others to increase their collective impact.

💡Empowerment

Empowerment is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights. The speaker discusses how community involvement can lead to a sense of empowerment, as it provides individuals with the support and resources to overcome challenges and achieve their goals. This concept is integral to the speaker's narrative of personal growth and change.

Highlights

The speaker emphasizes the transformative power of community and its impact on personal growth.

The concept of 'common unity' is introduced as the essence of community.

The speaker shares personal experiences of feeling disconnected and the desire for a sense of belonging.

Four ways community manifests in one's life: connection of minds, spirit, citizen, and people.

The realization that community is not just about being present but about actively participating and leading.

The speaker's journey from self-pity to recognizing the importance of community after a personal awakening.

The idea that community can be found in various places, from traditional to unconventional settings.

The importance of community as a family value and how it can redefine the concept of family.

Margaret Wheatley's research suggesting that the instinct for community is not unique to humans but is a biological trait.

The speaker's advice on recognizing one's own community and the potential for leadership within it.

The necessity of self-awareness and self-sufficiency before one can effectively build or lead a community.

The qualities of a good leader in the context of community building: collaboration, listening, and empowering others.

The process of joining a community involves trust, purpose, and active participation.

The speaker encourages the audience to embrace community and recognize the strength found in connections with others.

The call to action for the audience to take an active role in their communities to address global challenges.

Transcripts

Translator: Huang Haisu Reviewer: Cristina Bufi-Pöcksteiner

I'm here to expand and change

how you think about, build, and live in community.

Actually, I owe this to you,

because, in my life,

community has changed and affected me in more ways than I could count.

How will we create a future that's not just an improvement,

but one that is more deeply connected and fulfilling?

The answer to that question for me is community.

Most of us carry our own meaning of the word,

but the root and suffix, 'common' 'unity', seem to sum it all up.

Common unity is something I've always thought.

I spent a lot of time looking at other cultures

with a sense of envy at traditions and rites of passage and ritual

that indicated this sense of connectedness and belonging

that I didn't see a lot of in the America that I grew up in.

Common unity shows up in my life in four ways:

through a connection of minds

when I have the opportunity for dialogue, discussion,

and permission to be curious;

connection of spirit, broadening my sense of place, self,

and meaning in the world;

connection of citizen, when I can join in a line with another

to exponentially increase my own potential for impact;

and connection of people, reminding me that I'm not alone,

and that others love and care for me.

I actually came to value community through the absence of it.

I always had this desire for deeper connection

that was a primal need for a sense of belonging and greater purpose.

Where did I fit in?

Where was I, my best self, made better by what you brought out in me?

I believe that community completes our soul.

That every person has the capacity to expose a part of me

that can exponentially increase my ability for impact.

I was adopted at birth,

and raised by two people

that gave me a phenomenal foundation of love in my life.

I was an only child, as were they,

so I had no extended family.

Life took my parents away early.

My dad died when I was 9.

My mom got terminally ill when I was 13.

I became her primary caregiver, and she passed away when I was 18.

That situation gave me a perceived license

to be angry and resentful at the world

for robbing me of experiences that I felt that I was owed.

I began to see the world through a lens of self-pity.

So I realized one day:

I'm 29 years old,

I've been sober for a year,

I'm at a friend's house, housesitting,

and after a relapse

and a rather rough time trying to get back together,

I decided I was ready to try again.

She had a pool in her back yard,

and I'm at this pool, and I'm floating on the pool,

and just asking myself,

"How do I want to be in this world?

Do I want to be in this world?"

And I knew that there was an answer other than self-pity.

And the answer came to me almost like this spiritual awakening.

I was floating on the pool,

the sun was really hot,

the water cool,

and tears were just streaming down my face.

I was asking, "What was I doing?"

On my own, I had lived in the streets,

I had gone to drinking establishments to find my friends,

and I had been in the back seat of a police car

more times than I'd care to mention.

And then, all of a sudden, I got this glimpse

that every time I had gotten to the other side of loss, grief, or loneliness,

I had done so with the support of others.

Every time I came to realize my potential to be more or become more

was when I was part of something that was bigger than me.

And then I got this sharp clarity that there was more of me

when I was connected to you,

and, in that moment, I realized that being a victim was a choice,

and not the one I wanted to make.

I saw this greater good in the world,

and I knew that I was a part of it, and even entitled to some of it.

I knew that I wasn't alone.

So, even sometimes when you are alone

and then you meet someone else that's alone,

there's this sense of instant togetherness.

You have this opportunity to transcend from 'me' to 'we'.

And this 'we' becomes a 'we' of greater caring,

and I believe it's the perfect place for community building to start.

I found my community in a lot of different places.

Some of them were as traditional as a church,

or as unorthodox as a Mafia bar,

(Laughter)

as conventional as a 12-step meeting,

or as raw as a support group for rape victims.

Every time I came together with individuals in a like situation,

I got what I needed to get to the other side.

Every time I joined in community,

my situation was normalized and almost okay.

As a parent, I have made community of the upmost importance

for our family value, for us.

Because I didn't have family, I wanted to make sure

that it was a core value where our decisions were made from.

We even expanded our definition of family

and invited in exchange students to our home.

We had one from Brazil, and one from Lebanon,

and they are brothers to my boys now, and part of our family.

At one point, we created this intergenerational program

where adults were matched with kids.

Relationships are still in place today from that.

Community can be family.

And for those of us who had a dysfunctional or unhealthy family,

creating community can be a better way to know family.

Even though some of us don't or won't, we are wired to connect

through all life species.

Researcher and author Margaret Wheatley states

that the instinct of community is not peculiar to humans.

It crosses all life forms,

from microbes to the most complex of species.

Through our biological roots,

we are wired to be more than isolated individuals.

So, how do you build a community?

Where do you start?

I want to suggest first

that you recognize that you are part of a community.

Your family, workplace, schools, past and present.

Oftentimes we are very comfortable simply being a member of a community.

But I want to suggest

that if you own a leadership role,

that it's a transformative step that's available to anyone.

Community building is hard.

Leadership is hard, and it can be unnatural.

But it's available for all of us.

There were times when I was needy that I thought I was building community,

but really I was trying to fill this hole inside of me.

That's not leadership,

and it's not community building.

Before I could build a community or recognize my own potential as a leader,

I had to be my own community.

I had to know who I was and what my passions were.

I had to not need you to complete me.

Only when I spent the time to learn what I cared about,

was I able to ask you to join me.

In my work, I'm fortunate enough to spend time with hundreds of leaders.

One thing I've noticed in their quest to make a difference

is that they all do it different.

It's like their fingerprint.

There's no one right way.

A good leader collaborates and knows how to listen.

They don't have all the answers,

but they know how to ask questions to get the answers that they need.

They know how to align their actions with stated intentions.

A good leader empowers others to find their voice

and recognizes their strengths.

So, before I leave you today,

I want you to see a path to expand your community

and make a difference in your world.

You join a community

when you find a group that aligns with who you are or want to be.

Trust is fundamental.

And then you have to have a purpose for spending your time there.

And then you have to participate.

Participation is why I believe

that community can start small ...

with that 'we'.

And it all begins with a conversation.

Create common unity

using the connections of mind, citizen, spirit ...

and people,

to build your bridge from passion to purpose.

There are so many questions and challenges in this world that need answers,

and you taking an active role to lead in your community

is the best chance we all have.

So I ask you to embrace community

and know that there is more of you when you are connected to others.

Thank you.

(Applause)