Brené Brown on Blame

Summary

In this engaging talk, Brené shares her personal experience as a 'blamer' and humorously recounts a coffee spill incident that led to blaming her husband. She explains how blame is a quick but corrosive reaction to discomfort and pain, inversely related to accountability. Brené emphasizes the importance of accountability over blame, advocating for open communication and empathy rather than the destructive discharge of anger through blame.

Takeaways

• 😅 The speaker identifies herself as a 'blamer' and shares a personal anecdote about blaming her husband for spilling coffee.
• 🕒 The story illustrates how quickly the speaker jumps to blame, even in a situation where it's clear she is at fault.
• 🤔 The speaker ponders the human tendency to blame as a way to seek control and avoid feeling powerless.
• 🧐 Research is cited to explain that blame is a defense mechanism to discharge discomfort and pain, rather than a constructive approach to problem-solving.
• 🔗 There's an inverse relationship between blame and accountability; blaming avoids the vulnerability needed for true accountability.
• 🗣️ Accountability involves open communication and expressing feelings without assigning blame.
• 💢 Blaming is a quick emotional response that can be corrosive to relationships and hinders opportunities for empathy.
• 👂 The speaker suggests that blamers are not truly listening when a problem occurs; they are too focused on identifying fault.
• 🚫 The speaker advises against blaming, as it can be detrimental to personal growth and maintaining healthy relationships.
• 💡 The overall message is a call to self-reflection and a shift towards accountability and empathy instead of blame.

Q & A

Who is the speaker in the transcript?

The speaker in the transcript is Brené, who identifies herself as a blamer.

What is the main topic discussed in the transcript?

The main topic discussed in the transcript is the concept of blaming and its effects on accountability and relationships.

Why does Brené blame her husband for the coffee spilling?

Brené blames her husband because he came home later than they had discussed, causing her to go to bed later and thus have a second cup of coffee, which she spilled.

What does Brené suggest is the psychological reason behind blaming others?

Brené suggests that blaming others is a way to discharge discomfort and pain, and it gives a semblance of control.

How does blaming relate to accountability according to the transcript?

Blaming has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability involves a vulnerable process of communication, whereas blaming is a way to discharge anger without taking responsibility.

Why does Brené believe blaming is corrosive in relationships?

Blaming is corrosive in relationships because it prevents opportunities for empathy and genuine communication, as people are focused on assigning fault rather than understanding and resolving issues.

What does Brené imply about people who blame a lot?

Brené implies that people who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to hold others accountable because they spend their energy on anger and figuring out fault.

What is the role of vulnerability in the process of accountability as described in the transcript?

In the process of accountability, vulnerability plays a crucial role as it involves openly communicating feelings and issues without resorting to blame.

How does the transcript illustrate the speed at which people can resort to blaming?

The transcript illustrates the speed at which people resort to blaming through Brené's immediate reaction to blame her husband for the coffee spill, despite it being an accident.

What is the alternative to blaming that Brené suggests for dealing with discomfort and pain?

Brené suggests accountability as an alternative to blaming, which involves acknowledging one's own feelings and engaging in open, non-blaming communication with others.

How does the transcript use humor to convey its message about blaming?

The transcript uses humor through Brené's self-deprecating story about blaming her husband for a coffee spill, making the audience laugh while highlighting the irrationality of blaming in everyday situations.