Why Is Simply Being Not Enough for Me?

Summary

The speaker from the suburbs of Washington DC shares their struggle with loneliness and fear, having tried various coping mechanisms that eventually failed. They found temporary peace through spiritual experiences but faced a return to dissatisfaction. The dialogue emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's true nature, beyond feelings and experiences, as the source of lasting peace. The speaker is encouraged to embrace the 'I am' experience, which is constant and unchanging, as the path to overcoming dissatisfaction and finding inner tranquility.

Takeaways

• 🏘️ The speaker lives in a suburb of Washington DC and feels isolated as a single, non-Christian, gay individual in their community.
• 🌪️ They describe feelings of loneliness and fear that are overwhelming, likening them to steam trying to escape a kettle.
• 🔄 The speaker has tried various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, but these have all eventually failed them over time.
• 🎭 Upon turning 60, the speaker's life fantasies and expectations did not materialize, leading to a sense of disillusionment.
• 🧘 In 2019, the speaker experienced a state of 'expansiveness' through meditation, which provided temporary relief from their usual discomfort.
• 😔 The onset of COVID-19 led to job loss and lack of health insurance, causing the speaker to revert to a state of fear and loneliness.
• 🕊️ The speaker found temporary solace in meditation, reaching a state of neutrality, but real-world concerns often intruded, disrupting this peace.
• 🤔 The speaker expresses a desire for more than just neutrality, indicating a subtle dissatisfaction with their current state of being.
• 💬 The dialogue suggests that the speaker's true nature is not about the feelings they experience but the underlying 'I am' consciousness.
• 🔍 The speaker is encouraged to return to their being, the pure experience of 'I am', which is constant and unchanging, irrespective of external circumstances.
• 🌟 The 'I am' experience is presented as the ultimate source of peace, a place where all desired fulfillment can be found, beyond the temporary satisfactions of conventional or spiritual experiences.
• 📚 The speaker is advised to frequently remind themselves of their 'I am' nature, as it is the key to accessing a state of inner peace and contentment.

Q & A

What is the main issue the speaker is facing in their life?

The speaker is facing loneliness and fear, which they describe as trying to burst out of them like boiling water.

What coping mechanisms has the speaker tried over the years to deal with their feelings?

The speaker has tried alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement as tools to cope with their feelings, but these have eventually stopped working over time.

How did the speaker describe their experience during the six months after the 'expans of state'?

The speaker felt at peace and was able to be in places that were previously horrifying to their body, experiencing a state they called 'expansive'.

What happened when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, affecting the speaker's life?

The speaker lost their job and health insurance, which led to a return of their previous feelings of fear and loneliness.

What is the speaker's current state of meditation and how does it relate to their feelings?

The speaker can go to a state of spaciousness and neutrality during meditation, but the real-world concerns still cause them to condense back to their previous state of fear and loneliness.

What does the speaker believe is the root of their dissatisfaction with the neutral state?

The speaker believes it's a subtle form of dissatisfaction stemming from their feelings, not their true nature, which never says it wants more.

What is the advice given to the speaker about their true nature and the experience of 'I am'?

The advice is to go back to their true nature, the experience of just being or being aware, which is neutral and without a sense of lack or desire for more.

What is the significance of the phrase 'I am' in the context of the speaker's spiritual journey?

The phrase 'I am' signifies the speaker's experience of being, which is consistent and unchanging regardless of their emotional state or circumstances.

How does the speaker's experience of 'I am' compare to their other life experiences?

The experience of 'I am' is described as always being the same, unaffected by the content of thoughts and feelings, unlike other experiences which are temporary and changeable.

What is the final recommendation for the speaker to find peace?

The recommendation is to sink deeply into the experience of being, to rest and abide in it, as it is where true peace is found, free from sorrow and agitation.

How does the speaker's journey reflect on the pursuit of happiness through external means?

The speaker's journey shows that seeking happiness through external means, both conventional and spiritual, is temporary and ultimately unsatisfying, pointing towards the internal experience of being as the source of true peace.

Outlines

00:00

🌈 Struggling with Loneliness and Seeking Peace

The speaker, a single non-Christian gay man living in the suburbs of Washington DC, discusses his struggle with loneliness and fear. He has tried various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, but these have proven ineffective over time. He reflects on turning 60 and the realization that life's fantasies have not brought the happiness he expected. A spiritual experience in 2019 brought temporary peace, but the onset of COVID-19 and job loss disrupted this tranquility. The speaker now seeks to return to a state of expansiveness and neutrality, acknowledging the body's habitual need for more than just peace, and the challenge of maintaining this state amidst real-world concerns.

05:01

🧘‍♂️ The Search for True Peace Beyond Conventional and Spiritual Realms

The dialogue continues with the speaker's realization that he has exhausted all conventional and spiritual means to find peace, leading to a deeper inquiry into the nature of his being. The conversation emphasizes the experience of 'I am' as a state of being that is unchanging and independent of external circumstances or feelings. The speaker is encouraged to recognize the inherent peace in the pure experience of 'I am,' suggesting that this is the ultimate place to find the peace he seeks. The dialogue highlights the distinction between the transient feelings and the eternal experience of being, urging the speaker to embrace the 'I am' as the source of true peace.

10:04

🕊 Embracing the Unchanging Experience of 'I Am'

In this paragraph, the focus is on the certainty and the experiential nature of the statement 'I am.' The speaker is guided to understand that this statement is not a guess or something learned from external sources but a direct experience of being. The conversation delves into the absolute certainty of existence, which is more profound than any worldly certainty. The speaker is encouraged to delve into this experience of being, described as the Kingdom of Heaven, where peace resides. The summary emphasizes the timeless, sorrow-free, and agitated state found in the deep realization of one's being.

Keywords

💡Loneliness

Loneliness is a complex and usually negative emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. In the video, the speaker describes feeling loneliness as an overwhelming sensation that has been a persistent issue in their life. It is a central theme as the speaker discusses their struggle with finding contentment despite their circumstances.

💡Fear

Fear is an emotional response to perceived threats or danger. The speaker uses the metaphor of a 'kettle of boiling water' to describe the fear that is trying to burst out, indicating an intense and uncontrollable feeling that is difficult to manage. It is a key concept in understanding the speaker's emotional state and their journey towards finding peace.

💡Neutral

Neutral refers to a state of being that is neither positive nor negative, often associated with a sense of calm or equilibrium. The speaker expresses a desire to find peace in a state of neutrality, away from the emotional extremes they have experienced. The concept of neutrality is significant as it represents a balanced state that the speaker seeks.

💡Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction is a feeling of discontent or the lack of fulfillment. The speaker mentions dissatisfaction as a subtle form of unhappiness that arises from the desire for more than just a neutral state. It is a critical concept in the video as it highlights the speaker's struggle with finding contentment in their life.

💡True Nature

True nature refers to the inherent or fundamental essence of a person, often associated with spiritual or philosophical concepts. The speaker discusses the idea of returning to one's true nature as a means of finding peace and overcoming dissatisfaction. It is a key concept in the video's exploration of self-awareness and inner peace.

💡Spiritual Journey

A spiritual journey is a personal quest for deeper meaning, often involving exploration of one's inner self or connection to a higher power. The speaker mentions embarking on a spiritual journey after conventional means of finding happiness failed. This concept is central to the video's narrative as it represents the speaker's search for a deeper sense of fulfillment.

💡Altered States of Mind

Altered states of mind refer to temporary changes in consciousness, which can be induced by various means such as meditation, substances, or other experiences. The speaker talks about experiencing altered states of mind during their spiritual journey, which provided temporary relief but eventually wore off. This concept is important as it illustrates the fleeting nature of external sources of happiness.

💡Being

Being, in this context, refers to the fundamental experience of existence or the state of being alive. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and returning to the experience of 'I am' as a source of enduring peace. It is a foundational concept in the video, representing the ultimate destination of the speaker's journey.

💡Despair

Despair is a deep sense of hopelessness or loss of faith in the possibility of a better outcome. The speaker mentions the potential for despair when conventional and spiritual solutions fail to provide lasting happiness. However, the video contrasts this with the possibility of finding peace through a deeper understanding of one's being.

💡Peace

Peace, in the context of the video, represents a state of inner tranquility and contentment that is independent of external circumstances. The speaker's search for peace is a central theme, with the ultimate realization that true peace is found within one's own being, beyond the reach of external experiences.

💡Experience

Experience, in this video, refers to the subjective encounters and events that shape one's life and consciousness. The speaker discusses the limitations of relying on experiences for happiness and the realization that true peace comes from understanding the unchanging nature of being, which is constant regardless of one's experiences.

Highlights

The speaker lives in the suburbs of Washington DC and feels a deep sense of loneliness and fear.

Over the years, the speaker has used various coping mechanisms such as alcohol, sex, travel, and excitement, which have eventually stopped working.

The speaker turned 60 and realized that the life fantasies they had were not fulfilling, leading to a sense of disillusionment.

In 2019, the speaker experienced a period of expansive state which provided a sense of peace and acceptance.

The onset of COVID-19 led to job loss and the loss of health insurance, causing a return to feelings of fear and loneliness.

The speaker found temporary solace in meditation but acknowledges the return of fear and loneliness when faced with real-world concerns.

The concept of 'neutral space' is introduced as a place of peace and non-judgment, which the speaker seeks to inhabit more frequently.

The speaker expresses a desire for more than just neutrality, indicating a subtle form of dissatisfaction.

The true nature of being is discussed as something that is not a feeling but an inherent state of existence.

The speaker is encouraged to return to their true self, where there is no sense of lack or desire for change.

The body's habitual need for more is highlighted as a barrier to experiencing the pure state of being.

The speaker has exhausted all conventional and spiritual methods to find peace, leading to a realization that the only place left to look is within their being.

The experience of 'I am' is described as a consistent, unchanging state, regardless of external circumstances or emotions.

The speaker is advised to focus on the pure experience of 'I am' without qualifiers to find peace.

The certainty of one's existence ('I am') is rooted in a direct experience of being, not influenced by external validation.

The speaker is encouraged to embrace the experience of being as the ultimate source of peace and contentment.

The conversation concludes with the speaker being guided to rest in the experience of 'I am', which is described as the Kingdom of Heaven.

Transcripts

I live in the suburbs of Washington DC

I'm the only single non-Christian gay in

the village and I I have the opposite

problem I feel like I have loneliness

and fear burst trying to burst out of

the the kettle of boiling water and I've

used over the

years so many tools alcohol sex travel

excitement and they all stopped working

over you know over time and and as time

goes on it's like I even seeing

fantasies I turned 60 and then I'm

suddenly like all the fantasies I

thought my life was going to be like was

keeping me sort of on that I could get

sort of Happy

Feelings so all those tools quit

working and then I did get to have the

expans of state with you in 2019 and

that lasted like six months it was like

I felt porest and I was able to just be

in places that were just horrifying to

my body usually like but I was able to

just ah I'm just be and and and sort of

I just called it expansive and then I

condensed back down whenever covid hit

and my job went away and no health

insurance all that stuff so now like

today's

meditation I was able to go to

spaciousness so I wouldn't there's no

joy I don't feel the happiness and the

peace I guess it was peace it was kind

of like neutral so I'm at NE I can be a

neutral I can go to neutral space and be

in neutral

space but then the swirls of uh just

like a little essence of oh I got to

pick out my health insurance and you

know go these real world things that I

don't they come up and then suddenly

that condensation comes back and that

sort of fear and loneliness starts that

sensation in the body comes

back is I know the has got to be more

than just neutral I would like to just

be in that state of

neutral but uh is the I guess the answer

kind of using going to the neutral space

as much as

possible going to allow for things to

shift or me to become aware again

that I'm not this body and or I guess

that I am not the

body and be okay with being here right

now is that a

question Jim this feeling

that that that your your true nature the

experience of just being or being aware

is

neutral and therefore somehow lacking

somehow insufficient that you want more

than than just neutral does

being ever say

I want more than

this or this is

insufficient what I'm trying to point at

by asking that question is that it's not

when you say I I want more than neutral

I you you're not speaking from yourself

you're speaking from your from your Fe

you're speaking about a feeling you want

to change your

feeling but but your your being your

true nature the fact of being it is not

a

feeling if you go back to that there's

no sense of lack there's no sense of I

need more or I want to change this from

neutral to be all that belongs to your

feelings I don't like this feeling I

want that feeling so you're not speaking

from your true nature when you say I

want more I don't just I'm not just

happy with neutral that's just that's

just a subtle form of dissatisfaction

that characterizes the separate self you

you're not speaking from yourself you

have to go back to

yourself to your being and being never

says I want

more so it seems like this body now that

you bring it up or I brought it up the

body is so used to needing something

more to get rid of the pain I get it's

like a habit it's like the alcohol oh

that was good and now I need something

to quit working so I need this so now

it's like I guess even the spiritual

thing is I'm sitting there going I need

more just kind of like this this this

phys yeah but Jim you've got to the

stage where you you've tra you've tried

everything that is available both

everything that's available in the

conventional Realms of experience

objects substances activities

relationships that didn't work then you

embarked on a spiritual journey and you

you had all the you

experienced Altered States of mind which

again worked temporarily but sooner or

later when those Altered States of Mind

wore off you found yourself back with

the old dissatisfaction you've tried

everything and there's nothing else to

you you've tried everything that's on

offer in the conventional realm and in

the spiritual realm so there's only one

more place to

look and that is your

being that's the the only place left for

you to find peace

tell us the nature of your being now

tell us about your being now or are you

having the experience of being now I'm

talking to you or I am aware of are you

having the experience of being

now do you have the experience I am now

yeah tell us about

it this is it this is it right here Bo

yeah tell tell us about it try to

describe it its quality as best you can

try to try to use adjectives that are

that are true of its

nature I

am

experiencing guess

no just tell us about the experience I

am I am all don't add anything to the I

am we don't want to hear anything after

the I am I am we just want to know about

the experience I am not the experience I

am experiencing I am we just want to

know about the what you refer when you

say I am before anything's added to it I

was so happy when Alex was in this spot

ah

yes that that's the place to go that's

where you have to

go you've been around long enough that

is the place of Peace if you want

peace that's the only place to find

it you tried you've tried everything

else yeah and what is the stuff that

covers it up it's like it's don't go

there don't go that's just it doesn't

matter what it's covered up by it

doesn't matter what the shape of this

room is the space in this room the

nature of the space in this room is

always the same irrespective of the

shape of the room or the number of

people in it that the experience I am is

always the same experience its nature is

is always the same irrespective of the

content of your thoughts and

feelings you can be deeply depressed you

can be lonely you can be sad you can be

anxious you can be excited it doesn't

matter it's always the the I am I am

depressed I am lonely I am sad I am

excited the I am is always shining there

whatever the shape of this room the

space is always the same space the I am

is always the same

experience irrespective of what

subsequently qualifies it sadness or

loneliness or sorrow or excitement it

doesn't matter the I am is always the

same all you need to do is to see the

nature of that pure I am before it is

colored or qualified by experience

everything you have ever longed for

lives

there you're in a good position Jim in

this sense that you've been around long

enough and you've tasted life fully

enough

to know for absolute certain that no

objective experience can give you what

you truly want and that recognition can

lead to

despair but in your case you have this

other possib you've been exposed to this

other possibility some people will just

think okay it's impossible therefore to

be happy because I've tried everything

it doesn't work that leads to despair

but that's not the case for you because

this other possibility you you you've

you've come across this other

possibility that there is another

Direction a directionless

direction in which you

can find the peace you long

for thank you a so just take that I am

just say to

yourself from time to time just quietly

inside yourself say to yourself once I

am don't add anything to it just say I

am and when you say I am you you refer

to an experience yes you're not guessing

that you are you didn't read in a

book or you didn't watch a YouTube clip

you don't need somebody else to convince

you that you are yes that I am is your

experience you can say I am from your

experience

yes so you just have to go to the ask

yourself the question what

experience enables me to

say with absolute certainty I

am we can each say I am

because it refers to something we're

experiencing the experience of

being so you must know that experience

otherwise you would say I'm not or I

don't know whether I am

are you certain that you are are you

certain that I

am please say yes but you you you are

absolutely certain you are more certain

we are more certain than that I am than

we are that this is a

world whether or not this is a world I

still am that we are absolutely certain

that I am that that comes the statement

I am comes from from an experience you

must be

experiencing your being in order to to

be able to say I am you just have to go

into that experience of being you sink

deeply into

it that's the Kingdom of Heaven that's

that's where peace that is

peace just go deeply into

it rest in it sink into it abide in it

there's no sorrow there there's no

agitation there there's no time there