The Road To Healing: My Journey Through Divorce
Summary
TLDRKim shares her 'divorce journey' in her first video, discussing the end of her 32-year marriage marked by her husband's alcoholism and subsequent behavioral changes after quitting. She recounts the pivotal moment when her husband's unfounded conspiracy theories led to family strife, his alarming threats, and her eventual decision to leave for safety. Kim's story aims to support others facing similar challenges, offering insights on navigating life changes, maintaining personal integrity, and finding strength in adversity.
Takeaways
- 👋 Introduction to Kim's divorce journey, starting with gratitude to followers.
- 🏡 Background: Married for 32 years, had two boys, lived on 5 acres, and had many good years.
- 🍷 Major challenge: Husband was an alcoholic, quit drinking after retirement but possibly replaced it with another issue.
- 👨👩👦 Family dynamics: Lack of counseling post-alcoholism, led to misunderstandings and changed behaviors.
- 💔 Conflict trigger: Dispute over son renting in-laws' house, causing a major rift in the family.
- 📜 Husband's reaction: Extreme measures like writing a letter to son, severing communication, and escalating conflicts.
- ⚖️ Turning point: Husband's verbal threat, leading Kim to leave home and seek safety.
- 😢 Emotional turmoil: Kim's struggle with the decision to leave and the fear of starting over.
- 🙌 Support system: Confiding in her sons and colleagues for emotional support.
- 🌟 Purpose: Kim's videos aim to share her story, provide support to others in similar situations, and offer practical advice for those facing divorce or major life changes.
Q & A
What is the main theme of Kim's first video?
-The main theme of Kim's first video is her journey through divorce, reflecting on her past life and the challenges she faced in her marriage.
How long was Kim married before her divorce?
-Kim was married for 32 years before her divorce.
What was one of the significant challenges Kim faced during her marriage?
-One of the significant challenges Kim faced during her marriage was her husband's alcoholism.
How did Kim's husband attempt to address his alcoholism?
-Kim's husband attempted to address his alcoholism by going to a center that used aversive therapy, and as far as Kim knows, he never took another drink after that.
What event triggered the series of difficulties that led to Kim's divorce?
-The event that triggered the series of difficulties leading to Kim's divorce was her son's decision to rent his in-laws' house while they moved, which her husband perceived as a conspiracy against their son.
How did Kim's husband react to the situation involving their son and the in-laws' house?
-Kim's husband reacted with anger and paranoia, believing there was a conspiracy to take advantage of their son, which led to a deep rift in the family and the eventual breakdown of their marriage.
What was the turning point for Kim in deciding to leave her husband?
-The turning point for Kim was when her husband threatened to harm her, which led her to seek safety at her son's home and consider divorce.
How did Kim's husband react when she left the house for the first time?
-Kim's husband reacted with anger and confusion, not understanding why she left and threatening to call the police because he felt she was being unfair.
What was the role of counseling in Kim's situation?
-Counseling played a role in Kim's situation as both she and her husband attended a session, where the counselor advised that the issue with their son's housing situation was not worth losing the family over.
How did Kim's husband's past as an alcoholic affect his behavior post-recovery?
-Kim's husband's past as an alcoholic seemed to affect his behavior post-recovery, as he became fixated on the issue with their son and in-laws, potentially trying to exert control to compensate for past absences.
What is Kim's hope for the videos she is creating about her journey?
-Kim's hope for the videos is to share her story, provide insight and support for others going through similar situations, and to demonstrate that it's possible to come out of a difficult situation without becoming bitter or angry.
Outlines
🔑 Introduction to a Divorce Journey
The speaker, Kim, introduces her video series about her personal journey through divorce. She was married for 32 years, with many good years, but faced significant challenges due to her husband's alcoholism. Despite his recovery, their relationship deteriorated, and Kim shares her experience of becoming independent and the difficulties that arose post his recovery. She also mentions the feedback she received about creating a separate playlist for these videos on her channel.
😔 The Downward Spiral of Family Dynamics
Kim recounts the events that led to the breakdown of her marriage and family relationships. The situation escalated when her son decided to rent his in-laws' house, which her husband perceived as a betrayal. This misunderstanding led to her husband's irrational behavior, culminating in him threatening to sever ties with their son. Kim's attempts to mediate failed, and the family became increasingly divided.
😡 Escalating Conflict and the Final Straw
The conflict within the family continued to escalate, with Kim's husband becoming increasingly fixated on the issue of their son renting a house. Despite counseling and attempts to reconcile, her husband remained adamant, leading to a complete breakdown in communication. Kim's husband's refusal to accept the situation and his obsession with perceived conspiracies against their son led to the end of their marriage.
😢 The Harrowing Threat and Decision to Leave
Kim describes a harrowing incident where her husband threatened her safety, which prompted her to leave their home and seek refuge with her sons. The incident occurred after she questioned him about his intentions and safety, to which he responded with a shocking threat. This marked the end of their marriage, as Kim could no longer feel safe in her own home.
🌱 Starting Over and Sharing the Journey
In the final paragraph, Kim reflects on her decision to leave and start over. She discusses the fear and uncertainty she faced but also her determination to move forward positively. She hopes that by sharing her story through her videos, she can provide support and insight to others who may be going through similar experiences. Kim emphasizes her intention to remain optimistic and not let the experience make her bitter.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Divorce Journey
💡Alcoholism
💡Independence
💡Counseling
💡Conspiracy
💡In-laws
💡Rant and Rave
💡Threat
💡Separation
💡Inner Strength
💡Aftermath
Highlights
Introduction to the speaker's personal journey of divorce and how it will be documented in a video series.
The speaker was married for 32 years with many good years, but faced challenges due to her spouse's alcoholism.
The spouse's retirement and quitting drinking led to a significant change in their relationship dynamics.
The speaker's independence grew due to the circumstances of her marriage, which later became beneficial post-divorce.
A dispute over a family member's housing decision triggered the collapse of the marriage.
The speaker's ex-husband's reaction to the housing decision was extreme, leading to a family divide.
The ex-husband's belief in a conspiracy against the family escalated the situation.
The speaker's ex-husband wrote a letter to their son, cutting off communication, marking the beginning of the family's end.
The speaker's attempt to mediate and resolve the conflict was unsuccessful, leading to further isolation.
The speaker's ex-husband's refusal to seek counseling or accept help worsened the marital issues.
The speaker's fear for her safety due to her ex-husband's threatening remarks led her to leave the home.
The ex-husband's anger was redirected towards the speaker, blaming her for the family's reaction to his threats.
The speaker's decision to leave the marriage was solidified by her ex-husband's unwillingness to change.
The speaker's journey post-divorce includes finding strength and independence, and not letting the experience make her bitter.
The speaker aims to share her story to help others going through similar struggles, offering hope and insight.
The video series will document the speaker's past life, the divorce process, and her current situation.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of maintaining inner strength and not letting adversity define one's life.
Transcripts
hey guys it's Kim and this is going to
be my first video about kind of an
introduction to what I call my journey
which is my divorce Journey um some of
you actually many of you have followed
me when I was in when I call my past
life before my divorce and my home then
um and have followed me for this long so
I really appreciate it I did get a lot
of feedback about putting it just on my
regular channel it'll just be in a
playlist these videos um called I don't
know my journey or something like that
so um so that you can just follow those
if you want so just as a
background I was married for 32
years and many of them were very good
years um if you watch some of my videos
he was even part of some of the videos
and he gave me things to craft with and
provided me organization things and we
had two beautiful boys that I am blessed
to continue to have a great relationship
with um you know lived out in the count
country 5
Acres just you know life was pretty
good um one of the things that was
really difficult throughout our marriage
was he was an
alcoholic and um I had never been around
drinking I grew up with two parents that
didn't drink I think I saw my mom with a
glass some wine in her hand one time in
my entire life with her and I was just
like oh my gosh
so you know I didn't know the signs I I
kind of got some signs from him prior to
our getting married and um but you know
I thought H you know people get over
things I didn't really understand
alcoholism so that was our biggest
challenge I think in our
marriage uh
he did finally deal with it and he did
quit and that was when he retired and I
had hoped and prayed our whole marriage
that he would just quit drinking and
life would be
better and it just wasn't um it just
really wasn't he did quit and I was
amazed the kids and I were were All
Amazed because we'd ask him many many
times to quit and he never did so for
him to just quit
um he went to a center that did it
behaviorally
not wasn't it Elan on or Alcoholics
Anonymous type thing it was more
aversive
therapy
so you he was gone for like a
week and um yeah so he came back and as
far as I know he never took another
drink but I do believe I have no way of
proving this that he' turned to
something else um um so I'm not going to
say whether or not for sure but signs
looking back I kind of see signs that
kind of tell me okay something else was
happening then um and the first year was
great I will say if you're living with
an alcoholic or a recovering
alcoholic um having him recover okay
great different person you know that was
their we became that was part of our
marriage that was part of our life I did
my thing he did his we did a lot
together but a lot separate too because
of um the drinking so and the aftermath
the next day he wasn't always wanting to
go play so I became very independent
woman which I guess is good because now
I'm really independent um but the
journey started six years ago and I do
think the two years that he quit
prior to everything falling apart that
was tough because it was a different
person we got no counseling whatsoever
he didn't get any counseling uh the
family didn't get how to deal with this
new person right suddenly he wanted to
be you know i' put in a piece of
furniture move something he'd say I
don't remember you asking me about that
I'm like excuse me um it was always
inside is mine outside is you deal with
that kind of thing and suddenly
the tables turned um he did retire at
the same time it just was a lot of stuff
came it too fast right um so first year
was pretty good second year not good so
what triggered or started
our difficulties um was this weird
little thing where he my one of my kids
ended
up um renting deciding to rent their
in-laws house while they moved and he
was going to sell his own home my son
was now in saying that I do believe
something else would have happened we've
all discussed this I asked the boys if
they were okay with me doing this videos
and they said yes so but we have
discussed that if it hadn't been that
thing that happened something else would
have caused our difficulties so anyway
so they approached my ex-husband and
said this is what we're
doing and um they weren't asking they're
my son owned a home I mean he was
working they weren't depending on us at
all um so and you know I we I had my
reservations about it as we've I've
discussed with my son and it all ended
up working out okay but they left and it
was thank
Thanksgiving and I'm down in my craft
room a few I took all my old videos off
um but anyway deleted them but and he
came down and he said I know what
happened and I
know and it's all the in-law's fault and
he just was like the look on his face
and from that moment on he had decided
there was like
a a conspiracy going on and they were
trying to take advantage of our son and
all of this stuff and I was just like oh
my gosh okay and I could
tell you know that something was just
not right the way he reacted to all of
this my kids
left um the house after telling it was
Thanksgiving the other my oldest son and
his wife had taken the baby home which
is now em you know well she was Emma
then too but anyway took her home it was
getting late and then they brought it up
about their plan and uh he told them he
didn't agree with it and no they're
adults now they don't want to hear that
they I've learned you know when you're
raising you have adult kids you got to
kind of go along with and maybe advise a
little bit but you know
anyway they left upset and um he came
down just and I didn't think it had gone
that bad but anyway way he came down and
it was just like a switch it was the his
the in-laws versus my our
son and um I was just like okay but I
had no idea how bad it was going to get
so he ended up my kids came back my son
came back and talked to him again it did
not go well um he ended up writing a
letter to my
son that he did not no longer wanted to
he didn't think he wanted to be with him
at
Christmas he did not want to have any
conversations with him that they needed
to not communicate anymore I was like
okay so one evening and it's going to be
hard for me to keep all this streight
because this was six years ago so much
happened in this Saga I'm telling you
and I'm not making any of these this up
I hoped wish it most of this hadn't
happened but it did um anyway one
evening we're watching TV and he just
started in and I watched the clock and I
was working at the time and I had to get
up early and it was like for 2 hours he
ranted and raved about how this was
wrong that this and that and going on
and on and on and all I said to him
finally is I finally stopped him and I
said I'm going to tell you something
right now if you try to come between me
and my
boys you're going to lose it won't you
know if this if this causes us to no
longer if you think you're no longer
going to communicate with our kids then
there won't this our marriage won't work
I can't be married to you then or
something to that I don't got those
exact words but you know don't come
between my boys have been the primary my
life and still
are and uh in his head that was another
snap and I finally said you know you've
been yelling literally yelling for two
hours he's laying on the couch I'm
sitting in my used to have a lazy boy
and we would watch TV and he just went
on and on and on and I I said we've got
to
stop and I said I got to get up for in
the morning for work and I went to
bed well he got so that he did not my ex
I'm not going to try not to use his name
um
anyway he would stay up all night and
write about things
and it just he was so upset with the
kids and going on and on and on and
things got worse and worse and worse and
he was I I was just upset that he
wouldn't talk to his son my oldest
called and came over and talked to him
my ex about you know he had gave Brian
this letter that he had written and
hadn't sent yet to our youngest Eric and
he said 'what do you think and Brian
said this is not good D nothing good is
going to come from this why would you do
this at this point I mean to miss you
know say you're not going to see him at
Christmas and you can't talk to him
anymore he goes little smaller things
than this have divided families well
little did we know that our family would
become so divided over this and he goes
well I don't care I'm still sending it
I'm sending it I'm sending him a letter
i has to know how I feel I am the dad
and so he sent it and that was the
beginning of the end of our family as we
knew it
um of course Eric my youngest was
couldn't believe that his dad over him
renting a
house would ride him off that's it we're
done and um I really think that as an ex
ex
alcoholic he had missed out on a lot of
things right so he was there present but
he wasn't always mentally there um and I
think he felt like he was suddenly in
charge and trying to make up for the
time he wasn't and it didn't doesn't
work that way I mean they're now
adults um so my son I talked to him Eric
and he was just it was in tears I mean
this was his dad that was going to write
him him off over that um I was worried
about the decision to rent and sell his
home I did you know I said you get out
of the market blah blah well what
happened was eventually Brian and I poor
Brian he and I really worked on trying
to kind of talk to and my
daughter-in-law talked to them about it
and they called and my son called and
said guess what we've decided to rent my
then this was my suggest just saying um
why don't you rent your home out to
someone while you rent this other house
and that way you can see if you this is
really what you want to do and so he
called he said I'm going to take your
ADV that's a great idea and we're going
to rent our home out and not sell it so
I thought oh here we go problem solved I
mean it' been like 3 weeks of pure
torture um we're working up to Christmas
time right
and I hang up the phone and I tell my
ex-husband good news they're not selling
the house they're going to rent it to
someone
else nope that still wasn't okay because
in his mind this was all a conspiracy to
take advantage of her
son so that is how this whole thing
started is over our son renting his
in-law's home and Carl even went oh
there went he's his name um he even went
to counseling about it and even his
counselor I went one time and he said
this isn't
worth losing your family over he said
it's not like he's living under a bridge
and doing drugs you know you should
think about this this is this really
what you want to lose your child over
him renting I mean what you know why
what you need to just go over were there
say you're sorry and then stop talking I
could tell he was tired of him too and
um it really agitated my ex-husband that
I would not agree with him I would not
agree that this was worth what he was
doing I never I would not agree and it
drove him nuts literally um that I was
just not going to take his side on this
one I said nope I do not agree with what
you're doing here this is not okay so
but you know you've been married for how
many years you have a home
together I just wanted to fix this I
just needed this to be fixed when he
would drink he would you know have his
little fits or whatever get angry but
then we could he'd move on and I kept
waiting for him to move on like he used
to and he just wasn't I mean it just he
had dug his heels in and he was not
going to agree with what they were doing
so even after the counseling
session I could tell this was not going
well at all
so we went home and um it just I started
losing weight because I saw my my whole
life unraveling and um was scared to
death of what was
coming still wasn't thinking divorce um
but I knew that some something bad was
coming he and I were not getting along
we barely talked I would go home after
work and just dread going home because
then I would have to sit with him and
listen to him rant and Rave about
whatever um on this situ it just was
never ending um and I just I would say
things like I got to go take my you know
I like to take my naps I would say G to
go take a nap I'd go to bed early I
would do anything I could to avoid
this
confrontation um so that kind of started
this was
November by Christmas okay so he says I
don't want to spend Christmas with you
well prior to
Christmas like the week before Christmas
I said to him my
ex because people at work were saying
are you safe are you okay you're not you
know I was still working I'm still doing
my job most people didn't know but
Margaret different people did know I
mean I would confide I had to talk to
somebody and um talked a lot to my
oldest son he's he's my rock a lot of
times
and I just said I just I got to work
this out it's got to I'm okay and people
were saying but are you safe so that
kept being asked of me and I thought
well so I sat down with him and
said Do you ever think of hurting me is
there anything you know do you think you
might hurt me because if I've got my I
had packed my bags I said I've got my
I've got some bags packed and I'm
getting nervous I'm getting scared and I
want to know are you do you think you're
going to hurt
me hoping that what his answer would be
is of course I would never hurt you you
know I mean that's what normal you know
you think that someone would say
he looks at me and says oh you would
never get to your car I would shoot you
first and I'm like oh my
gosh he thinks he's going to kill me and
I stood up and started crying we in the
kitchen and I'm just like oh my God I
can't believe you would say that and
just
hysterical and he says to me I'm going
to the movies I'm like excuse me I'm
going to the movies I'll be back later
and I said you're leaving and he
saides and I was just like oh my gosh so
I called my son and I told him what his
dad had said to me and he said you got
to get out of there that's that's not
okay so I went and stayed at their
home and um my youngest came
over and I told them and the wives what
my ex had said to me and I was crying
but I made sure I even then I was saying
but I still want you to he's your dad I
don't want this to ruin your
relationship with your dad well you
don't tell your their mother that and
then expect it to go well but that was
anyway
so I spent the night my my ex did not
and went to work the next
day he came home from the movies did not
notice that my car was gone
and so he thought I
had he got angry that I hadn't come home
from work the next day and called my son
and said I can't your mom hasn't
answered me she and he left me
voicemails where are you this isn't fair
no in our marriage he had left angry at
me maybe three times no word from him
for a weekend right and here I leave for
one night
and he just came I'm going to call the
cops I can't believe you're doing this
Brian says you're the you know and he
and he just kept calling and calling
saying you better not have told the boys
what I said and and that is when his
anger toward the in-laws became his
anger toward me because in his mind I
had told made this I made him say it
can't make anybody say anything I just
asked and that I coerced him into saying
that yes and that he and um he just said
it you know out out of anger but and um
and that is the beginning of the end of
our marriage and I have much more to
tell but I'm going to break this up so
you'll have to come back for part two
anyway um so if you were going through a
marriage that you know you just don't
know I was so afraid i' lived to leave I
mean I thought where am I going to go
what am I going to do I've invested my
life in this home we' lived there for 30
years um this marriage my family I I
just thought how am I going to start
over and it just it's a very frightening
thing but I did it and I'm in a much
better place now and my hope is through
doing these videos that not only am I
being able to tell my story and get it
out there and kind of get it off my
chest um I've told it many times to
different people but to give you if
you're struggling in any situation even
you know I mean if you've lost a spouse
or it's so scary to start over right and
I just hope that these videos will help
you um um get through it I have some
things that we did prior
to bank accounts and different things
that just happened to fall into place
that worked out later in this journey of
mine but I hope that my by my telling
this it helps some people out there so I
know I've said I was going to do these
videos and I'm finally
starting and I'm also going to tell
stories about just what it's like to be
divorced and alone a lot of it other
love but a lot of it's kind of hard too
so I'm just hoping to do kind of a
journey then and now and just um reach
out to people and share my story and I
know I'm not the only one that's
struggled in life there's been some
people that have because of what I've
gone through have told me their
situations and it's just unbelievable
what we as especially women I feel like
get go through we give our lives lives
and dedicate ourselves to raising our
family and being good one wives and
taking care of the home and then to have
things just snap like that so that's
really the biggest purpose of all of
these videos so I hope you um can take
something from
this you know
or relate to it or it helps you in some
way that inner strength man I I from the
beginning of this I said to myself
because when I tell you what actually
happened and I never did return home
because I went home more than once after
all this
started but that this would not change
me I would stay me I was not going to
let this be make me a bitter angry
person and I think I've succeeded in
that and I'm pretty proud of myself for
that and that's what's kept me going I
just thought nope I have a family I am
blessed life will happen I'm not a I'm
religious but not hugely religious but
yeah this was determined that this was
not going to define the rest of my life
so I hope that this video has given you
some little bit of in insight into what
happened but stay tuned because there's
a lot more coming all right guys take
care bye-bye
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