how to love yourself SO MUCH that nobody’s absence bothers you...

Summary

In this reflective video, the speaker shares their journey of personal growth, emphasizing the shift from seeking approval and fitting in with others to focusing on self-love and self-respect. They reveal how overcoming anxious attachment and learning to be comfortable with their own presence led to greater independence and inner peace. The speaker encourages viewers to grow for themselves, not for others, and to question why they may seek validation through the absence or presence of others. Ultimately, it's about loving yourself genuinely, not as a means to forget others, but because you truly deserve it.

Takeaways

• 😀 Self-growth should be for yourself, not for others. Personal growth that revolves around others' opinions or approval will ultimately be unsustainable.
• 😀 The impact of someone else's absence is often linked to deeper insecurities or attachment styles, such as anxious attachment.
• 😀 True self-love means being comfortable with yourself, regardless of whether others are present or absent in your life.
• 😀 Changing your mentality is key to overcoming issues with anxious attachment. It’s about building resilience and self-assurance.
• 😀 Growth for the sake of becoming more likable to others often leads to a distorted sense of self. The right foundation for self-improvement is doing it for yourself.
• 😀 The author used to struggle with feeling unworthy when left on read or when people didn't respond. Over time, this led to a realization that personal growth must be internal, not based on others' validation.
• 😀 Reflecting on past experiences of feeling ignored or undervalued can help identify personal insecurities that need to be addressed for growth.
• 😀 Self-improvement shouldn’t come from trying to change who you are to fit others' expectations. Genuine growth happens when it aligns with your own values and desires.
• 😀 It’s possible to fall into the trap of trying to grow for another person, but the key is shifting the mindset to focus solely on personal fulfillment.
• 😀 Finding passion in things that once felt like obligations (like reading or cleaning) is a powerful example of how doing things for yourself, not for others, can lead to fulfillment and growth.

Q & A

What is the main focus of the script?

The script focuses on personal growth, particularly how changing one's mentality about self-love and self-respect can help overcome the anxiety of attachment and the need for external validation.

Why does the speaker feel anxious when someone is absent from their life?

The speaker struggles with anxious attachment, meaning they become overly distressed when someone they care about or want to communicate with is absent, whether briefly or for a longer period.

What significant change in mentality did the speaker experience?

The speaker realized that self-growth should be for oneself, not for the approval or presence of others. This shift helped them overcome the anxiety caused by others' absences and gave them a stronger sense of independence.

How does the quote, 'Love yourself so much that nobody's absence bothers you,' impact the speaker?

The quote resonated deeply with the speaker, helping them realize that true self-love means being comfortable in one's own presence and not letting the absence of others affect one's emotional stability.

What is the problem with trying to change oneself for other people?

Trying to change for others often leads to superficial self-improvement and doesn't foster true growth. It may provide temporary validation, but it doesn't build lasting self-love or self-acceptance.

What is the core message about self-growth in the script?

Self-growth should come from within and be motivated by a genuine desire to improve for oneself, not for external approval or to forget about someone else.

How does the speaker relate self-improvement to personal passions, like reading or cleaning?

The speaker shares personal examples of how they developed a passion for activities (reading, cleaning) once they stopped doing them for someone else's approval and started doing them for personal growth and enjoyment.

Why does the speaker advise focusing on the 'why' before the 'what' in self-growth?

Understanding the root cause of one's desire for self-improvement (the 'why') helps clarify the true motivation behind it, ensuring that the self-growth process is authentic and not dependent on others.

What does the speaker suggest to those still tied to changing themselves for others?

The speaker encourages individuals who are still seeking validation from others to reflect on why they feel that way and work towards building self-love and self-worth that isn't contingent on someone else.

How does the speaker view the role of external validation in personal development?

The speaker views external validation as a flawed foundation for self-growth. True personal development comes from within and should not be tied to the approval or presence of others.