Understanding men: rich, attractive, or loyal

Summary

In this episode of *Psych: Better Living Through Psychology*, Dr. Orion Terban explores the dynamics of relationships between men and women, focusing on three key traits men can offer: wealth, attractiveness, and loyalty. Dr. Terban explains that men can only offer two of these traits at most, with loyalty being the most common starting point. He breaks down the archetypes of desirable men: the loyal yet unattractive Romeo, the rich but not attractive Patron, and the rich and attractive Playboy. Ultimately, he emphasizes the myth of the 'Prince Charming' and advises women to adjust their expectations for healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Men can be rich, attractive, or loyal, but they can only possess two of these qualities at most.
• 😀 Achieving a balance of two out of the three qualities—rich, attractive, or loyal—places a man in the top percentiles.
• 😀 Loyalty is typically the least desirable trait because it doesn't require as much work compared to being rich or attractive.
• 😀 Men often start by offering loyalty because it's easier to maintain than wealth or attractiveness.
• 😀 Most men don't want to be loyal but understand it's necessary to access a woman if they're not rich or attractive.
• 😀 Men learn from experience that loyalty alone is not enough to attract a woman if they lack wealth or attractiveness.
• 😀 Women may want all three qualities in a man, but realistically, getting two is considered extremely fortunate.
• 😀 The archetypes of desirable men are: Romeos (loyal and attractive), Patrons (rich and loyal), and Playboys (rich and attractive).
• 😀 Romeos can be exciting but often lack long-term stability and lifestyle development, making them short-term lovers.
• 😀 Patrons can provide security and comfort but may lack physical attractiveness, leading to a lack of genuine sexual desire from women.
• 😀 Playboys are sophisticated and charming but are unlikely to offer exclusivity, instead providing investment in experiences and memories.

Q & A

What is the main idea presented in the script?

The script explores the concept of relationships, specifically how women interact with men based on three main traits: wealth, attractiveness, and loyalty. It argues that men can typically offer only two out of these three traits, and women are often fortunate to find a man who possesses even one.

Why does the speaker claim that men can only offer two of the three desirable traits?

The speaker argues that each of the three traits—wealth, attractiveness, and loyalty—requires significant work or resources to cultivate. As a result, most men can only offer two, as they would lack the time or ability to develop all three.

What are the three 'Goods' discussed in the video?

The three 'Goods' discussed are wealth, attractiveness, and loyalty. These traits are considered important when assessing the desirability of a man in the context of relationships.

What is the role of loyalty for most men, according to the speaker?

Loyalty is often the first trait that men offer because it requires less effort compared to becoming wealthy or attractive. However, many men are loyal primarily because they lack the other two traits, which would otherwise give them more sexual opportunities.

What is the economic principle mentioned in the script related to men?

The script references an economic principle that says a person won't pay more than they need to. This is applied to relationships, where women often have to choose between wealth, attractiveness, or loyalty because having all three in a man would be inefficient and unnecessary.

How does the speaker describe the different archetypes of men in relationships?

The speaker describes three archetypes: 1) The Romeo (loyal and attractive, but lacking in resources), 2) The Patron (loyal and wealthy, but not attractive), and 3) The Playboy (wealthy and attractive, but not loyal). Each has its strengths and weaknesses in terms of relationships.

What is the downfall of the 'Romeo' archetype?

The downfall of the Romeo archetype is that, while he may be charming and passionate, he typically lacks a stable lifestyle, which makes him more suitable for short-term relationships. Over time, the initial excitement fades, and his lack of substance becomes evident.

Why does the 'Patron' archetype struggle in relationships?

The Patron archetype struggles because, while he may be wealthy and loyal, he lacks attractiveness, which makes it difficult for women to feel authentic desire for him. Over time, this can turn the relationship into a transactional dynamic, leading to disinterest from women.

What is the appeal of the 'Playboy' archetype?

The Playboy archetype is appealing because he is both wealthy and attractive, often providing exciting and luxurious experiences for women. However, he tends not to offer loyalty, leading to short-term investments rather than exclusivity.

What does the speaker suggest about the concept of 'Prince Charming'?

The speaker suggests that 'Prince Charming'—a man who possesses all three desirable traits—is a fairy tale. Such men don't actually exist, and many women set themselves up for disappointment by expecting perfection in a partner, which leads them to punish real men for not meeting these unrealistic ideals.