Using "NO" To Quickly Persuade People | Negotiation Tactics | Chris Voss

Summary

In this insightful talk, Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator, challenges conventional negotiation strategies, particularly the reliance on getting people to say 'yes.' He emphasizes that the word 'no' is more powerful, allowing for clearer thinking and less anxiety in decision-making. Drawing from real-life examples, including hostage situations and business negotiations, Voss explains how understanding the other party's perspective and fostering collaboration is key to successful negotiations. He also explores the neuroscience behind habit formation, advocating for a shift away from traditional tactics to a more effective, strategic approach rooted in 'no' and mutual understanding.

Takeaways

• 😀 The key to successful negotiation is not about getting people to say 'yes,' but rather understanding their perspective and ensuring that you clearly communicate what they are facing.
• 😀 A 'calibrated no' is more effective than a 'yes' in negotiations. A well-placed no can lead to collaboration and clarity, as it makes people think critically about their decisions.
• 😀 Trying to get someone to say 'yes' can create anxiety and hinder the decision-making process, making people second-guess their choices.
• 😀 Asking for 'no' triggers a feeling of safety, reducing anxiety and allowing the other party to think more clearly about the situation at hand.
• 😀 People are addicted to 'yes' due to societal conditioning, but breaking this habit requires effort and repetition, similar to rewiring neural pathways in the brain.
• 😀 To effectively negotiate, you must first establish rapport and trust by demonstrating that you see and understand the other party’s perspective.
• 😀 Successful negotiation is not about impressing others with your credentials or background, but showing that you understand the problem they are facing and offering a clear solution.
• 😀 Creating new habits, such as moving away from seeking 'yes' to focusing on understanding and collaboration, requires approximately 63 repetitions, based on research from cognitive science.
• 😀 The phrase 'that's right' is more valuable than a 'yes' in negotiations. It signals that the other party feels understood and validated, creating a foundation for productive discussion.
• 😀 The concept of 'yes momentum' is detrimental because it can make the other party feel pressured, causing them to act hastily. Instead, aim for clarity through open dialogue and collaboration.

Q & A

What is the speaker's view on the importance of a resume in negotiations?

The speaker argues that a resume is not as important as understanding the situation and challenges that the other person is facing. Instead of focusing on personal credentials, the key to effective negotiation is showing that you understand the issue at hand.

How does the speaker describe the interaction with the Haitian kidnappers?

The speaker shares an example of negotiating with a kidnapper in Haiti, explaining that by focusing on the kidnappers' interests and understanding the situation, he was able to successfully secure the release of the hostage. The key point was framing the negotiation in a way that addressed the kidnappers' goals.

What does the speaker mean by 'calibrated no' and how does it benefit negotiations?

A 'calibrated no' is a response that deflects a yes-driven question and instead encourages the person to think through the decision. The speaker explains that triggering a 'no' is more effective than getting a 'yes' because it allows the other party to feel safe and in control, making them more likely to engage and collaborate.

Why does the speaker suggest that asking for 'yes' in negotiations is ineffective?

The speaker believes that asking for 'yes' creates anxiety and pressure, which impedes clear thinking. Instead, they suggest aiming for 'no' because it alleviates stress and encourages better decision-making. A 'no' allows the other person to feel protected and less likely to regret their decision.

How does the speaker illustrate the difficulty of breaking the habit of seeking 'yes'?

The speaker uses a simple exercise to demonstrate how difficult it can be to break habits. By asking the audience to switch their hand gestures, the speaker shows that while it's not complicated, it feels awkward and challenging. This illustrates how difficult it is to rewire mental habits, like the addiction to getting a 'yes'.

What does the speaker say about the importance of empathy in negotiations?

Empathy is crucial in negotiation because it allows the negotiator to understand the other party's perspective. The speaker emphasizes that before making a point, you must first trigger a 'that's right' response by showing understanding, which creates clarity and prepares the other person to engage in a productive conversation.

How does the concept of 'that's right' play into the negotiation process?

The 'that's right' response signals that the other party agrees with your perspective, leading to a mental shift where they feel understood and more open to collaboration. This moment of understanding is essential for moving negotiations forward.

How does the speaker describe the impact of anxiety on decision-making?

The speaker explains that anxiety slows the brain and inhibits decision-making. By avoiding the pressure of a 'yes' and instead focusing on a 'no,' the other party is less likely to feel anxious, which helps them think more clearly and make better decisions.

What is the speaker's opinion on the book 'Getting to Yes'?

The speaker criticizes the book 'Getting to Yes,' arguing that focusing on getting a 'yes' is not the most effective approach in negotiations. Instead, they suggest focusing on creating a safe environment where the other party can make decisions without feeling pressured.

How does the speaker demonstrate the power of a 'no' through personal examples?

The speaker shares personal examples, such as the interaction with Jack Welch, where a well-placed 'no' led to a more productive outcome. By asking a question that would likely prompt a 'no,' the speaker was able to trigger a response that moved the conversation forward, making it clear that 'no' can be a tool for deeper collaboration.