🚩🚩🚩 7 CRUCIAL Red Flags To Know BEFORE Marriage: Must-Watch Advice For Muslim Women

Summary

In this video, Henna, a trauma coach and physician associate, shares seven critical red flags to watch for when choosing a husband. Drawing from personal experiences and Islamic teachings, she highlights key issues like reluctance to meet the father, not praying Salah, lack of financial stability, imposing rules, arguing during the talking stage, inability to self-criticize, and talking down to others. Henna emphasizes the importance of making wise decisions to avoid regretful outcomes in marriage, offering practical advice for Muslim women on their self-improvement journey.

Takeaways

• 🔴 Recognize red flags in relationships, especially when dating or getting to know a potential spouse.
• 🚫 A major red flag is when a man avoids meeting your father or delays making things official.
• 🙏 Another critical red flag is if a man does not regularly pray his Salah, as spiritual leadership is vital in a Muslim household.
• 💰 Financial instability, especially when a man shows no drive or ambition to provide, is a significant red flag.
• 🛑 Be cautious of men who have strict 'rules' for their wives, as it indicates a power imbalance and lack of respect for equality in the relationship.
• 😡 If a man argues excessively during the getting-to-know stage, it indicates issues with emotional regulation and maturity.
• 🪞 A man who cannot self-criticize or take accountability for his actions is likely to blame you for problems in the relationship.
• 👄 Be wary of men who speak down to or badly about others, as this behavior is likely to carry over into how they treat their spouse.
• 🚩 It's important to ask potential partners about their expectations regarding gender roles and communication in marriage.
• 🤲 Emotional intelligence and the ability to lift and support a spouse are crucial traits to look for in a partner.

Q & A

What is the primary focus of the video?

The primary focus of the video is to discuss red flags women should look out for when searching for a husband, based on the speaker's personal experiences and Islamic teachings.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of a man meeting the woman's father early in the relationship?

The speaker emphasizes this because meeting the father is a serious step that shows the man's genuine intentions. It also ensures that the woman is not led on or left waiting, as the father acts as a protector in Islamic tradition.

Why does the speaker consider a man who does not pray as a red flag?

The speaker believes that a man who does not pray lacks the spiritual foundation necessary to lead a family according to Islamic principles. Prayer is a basic obligation, and a man who neglects it may struggle to fulfill his role as a spiritual leader in the household.

What does the speaker mean by financial stability as a red flag?

The speaker refers to financial stability as a man's ability to provide for his family. A lack of financial stability, particularly if the man is lazy or inconsistent in his work, is seen as a red flag because it places undue pressure on the woman to support the family.

What is problematic about a man who has 'rules' for his wife, according to the speaker?

The speaker finds it problematic when a man has 'rules' for his wife because it suggests an unequal power dynamic. Such rules may indicate that the man views his wife as subordinate rather than an equal partner, which can lead to an unhealthy and controlling relationship.

Why is arguing during the getting-to-know stage considered a red flag?

Arguing during the getting-to-know stage is a red flag because it suggests poor emotional regulation and maturity. This stage is meant for assessing compatibility, and constant arguing can indicate deeper issues that may worsen in marriage.

What does the speaker say about men who cannot criticize themselves?

The speaker notes that men who cannot criticize themselves or acknowledge their mistakes lack accountability. This can create an unhealthy marriage dynamic where the woman is always blamed, and the man does not work on self-improvement.

Why does the speaker warn against men who speak down to others?

The speaker warns against men who speak down to others because it reflects a lack of emotional intelligence and respect. Such behavior can lead to verbal and emotional abuse within the marriage, which can be damaging to the woman's self-esteem and well-being.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of communication in marriage?

The speaker stresses the importance of healthy communication in marriage, especially regarding expectations and gender roles. Clear communication ensures that both partners understand and respect each other's roles, leading to a balanced and harmonious relationship.

What does the speaker recommend women do if they encounter these red flags?

The speaker strongly advises women to avoid men who exhibit these red flags, as they can lead to unhealthy and potentially harmful marriages. She encourages women to prioritize their well-being and make wise decisions for their future.

Outlines

00:00

👋 Introduction and Purpose of the Video

The speaker, Henna, introduces herself as a trauma coach and physician associate, explaining that the video will cover red flags to avoid when looking for a husband. She mentions her personal experiences and observations from women around her, particularly those who have gone through divorces. The video aims to help women make wise decisions in relationships by recognizing red flags early on.

05:02

🚩 Red Flag #1: Reluctance to Meet Your Father

Henna emphasizes the importance of a man’s willingness to meet a woman's father during the early stages of a relationship. She explains that while some men may feel uncomfortable meeting the father too early, a major red flag is when a man consistently delays or avoids this step. According to Henna, this reluctance can indicate a lack of seriousness or fear of commitment, and she highlights the significance of a Wali (guardian) in Islam for protecting the woman.

10:03

🕌 Red Flag #2: A Man Who Doesn’t Pray

Henna discusses the critical importance of Salah (prayer) in a Muslim man's life, describing it as a basic requirement that reflects his spiritual commitment. She argues that a man who doesn’t pray is not fulfilling his role as the spiritual leader of the household. Henna stresses that a man must prioritize his relationship with Allah before entering into a marriage, as this spiritual foundation is essential for leading a family.

💼 Red Flag #3: Lack of Financial Stability

Henna talks about the importance of financial stability in a man when considering marriage. She distinguishes between men who are trying to achieve stability and those who are lazy, job-hopping, and not taking their responsibilities seriously. Henna warns that a man who doesn’t have a clear plan for financial stability can lead to an imbalanced marriage where the wife is forced to work, and she advises women to be cautious of men who see them as a financial safety net.

📝 Red Flag #4: A Man Who Has 'Rules' for His Wife

Henna addresses the issue of men who set 'rules' for their wives, drawing a distinction between having expectations and imposing rules. She argues that framing expectations as rules suggests a power dynamic where the husband sees his wife as unequal. Henna emphasizes the importance of healthy communication and mutual respect in a marriage, warning against relationships where the husband runs the marriage like a business, which can lead to an infantilizing and unhealthy environment.

😡 Red Flag #5: Arguing During the Getting-to-Know Stage

Henna highlights the danger of a man who argues and takes things personally during the initial stages of getting to know each other. She explains that this behavior indicates emotional immaturity and poor emotional regulation, which are major red flags. Henna advises women to avoid men who display these traits, as such issues are likely to worsen in marriage, leading to a toxic relationship.

🤔 Red Flag #6: Inability to Criticize Himself

Henna discusses the importance of self-criticism and accountability in a man. She warns against men who never admit their faults and always blame others, including in past relationships. Henna explains that a lack of self-awareness and accountability can lead to a one-sided marriage where the wife is always blamed for problems. This dynamic can result in an unhealthy and lonely marriage, where the husband fails to support and uplift his wife.

💬 Red Flag #7: Speaking Down to or Badly About Others

Henna concludes by discussing the red flag of a man who speaks down to or badly about others. She emphasizes that how a man treats others, especially those he perceives as beneath him, is a reflection of his character. Henna warns that a man who lacks emotional intelligence and treats others poorly is likely to do the same to his wife, which can lead to emotional and verbal abuse. She stresses the importance of avoiding men with these traits to prevent a damaging and demoralizing marriage.

Keywords

💡Red Flags

Red flags refer to warning signs or behaviors that indicate potential problems in a relationship. In the video, the speaker outlines several red flags that women should be aware of when looking for a husband, such as a man who delays meeting a woman's father or one who doesn't pray. These signs are used to identify whether a person might not be suitable for a long-term, healthy relationship.

💡Spiritual Leadership

Spiritual leadership is the responsibility of a husband to guide and nurture the religious and spiritual well-being of his family. The video emphasizes the importance of a man who prays regularly, as this is seen as a basic requirement for someone who is expected to lead the household spiritually. A man who neglects this duty is highlighted as a red flag.

💡Financial Stability

Financial stability refers to a man’s ability to provide for his family, ensuring they are financially secure. The speaker stresses that a man should have the financial capacity to support a family and criticizes those who are lazy or jump from job to job without a plan. Financial irresponsibility is identified as a significant red flag in the context of marriage.

💡Accountability

Accountability in this context refers to the ability of an individual to recognize and take responsibility for their actions. The video mentions that a man who cannot criticize himself or acknowledge his own mistakes is a red flag because it shows a lack of maturity and an unwillingness to grow, which are critical qualities for a healthy marriage.

💡Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to understand, manage, and express one's emotions effectively, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. The speaker points out that a man who talks down to others or cannot handle criticism is lacking in emotional intelligence, which is a red flag for a potential partner because it can lead to emotional abuse and a toxic relationship.

💡Islamic Gender Roles

Islamic gender roles refer to the roles and responsibilities assigned to men and women in marriage according to Islamic teachings. The speaker discusses the importance of understanding and agreeing on gender roles in marriage, warning against men who impose rigid 'rules' on their wives, as it may indicate a lack of respect for her as an equal partner.

💡Wali (Guardian)

A Wali in Islamic marriage is a guardian, often a father or close male relative, who plays a crucial role in protecting the interests of a woman during the marriage process. The video highlights the importance of a man respecting this role by being willing to meet and seek approval from a woman's Wali, with reluctance or delay in doing so identified as a red flag.

💡Marriage Expectations

Marriage expectations refer to the beliefs and standards that individuals hold about what their marriage should look like and how their partner should behave. The video suggests that clear communication about expectations is essential, and a man who has unrealistic or overly rigid expectations, especially if framed as 'rules,' is a red flag.

💡Divorce

Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage. The speaker uses the experiences of divorced women to illustrate how ignoring red flags before marriage can lead to regretful outcomes. The discussion emphasizes the importance of recognizing warning signs early to avoid ending up in a failed marriage.

💡Self-Improvement

Self-improvement refers to the process of making positive changes in one's life, particularly in personal growth, behavior, and mindset. The video itself is framed as part of the speaker’s self-improvement journey, providing advice to help other Muslim women improve their lives and make better decisions, especially in the context of choosing a life partner.

Highlights

Introduction by Henna, a trauma coach and physician associate, addressing the topic of red flags in relationships.

Importance of recognizing early signs that a relationship may not be suitable, based on personal and observed experiences.

Emphasis on the significance of meeting a woman's father early in the relationship as a serious commitment indicator.

Warning against men who delay or avoid meeting a woman's father, highlighting the protective role of a Wali in Islamic culture.

Stressing the importance of a man who prays Salah regularly, as a reflection of his spiritual leadership in the household.

Financial stability as a crucial factor, with a caution against men who are not serious about providing for their families.

Criticism of men who expect their wives to contribute financially while they lack a plan for financial stability.

Discussion on the red flag of men imposing rules on their wives, reflecting an unhealthy power dynamic and lack of mutual respect.

Advising women to be cautious of men who argue during the early stages of getting to know each other, indicating potential emotional immaturity.

Highlighting the danger of being with a man who cannot criticize himself, leading to a one-sided relationship dynamic.

Encouragement to observe how a man treats others, especially those of lower status, as an indicator of his character.

Final warning against men who talk down to or badly about others, as this behavior will likely extend to their partner.

Emphasis on the emotional and spiritual damage caused by being in a relationship with a man who is verbally or emotionally abusive.

Invitation for viewers to share their own thoughts and additional red flags in the comments section.

Conclusion encouraging viewers to subscribe for more self-improvement content for Muslim women.

Transcripts

they look at it and it's like oh it's

not it's not a red flag it's orange it

becomes a very infantilizing place to be

in a relationship who think in that way

and speak in that way asalam alikum

everyone and welcome back to my channel

if you're new here my name is henna I am

a trauma coach physician associate and

this is my YouTube channel I make videos

about my self-improvement journey and

talking head advice videos like this for

your self-improvement journey as a

musima I kept getting requests to make

this video and I only have a bit of time

so I am going to jump right into it this

video is about red flags and things to

avoid when looking for a husband I'm

very passionate about this because it

has been my experience to when thinking

about so many of the women around me who

have um been through a divorce when IID

asked them if they knew early on or

before they got married whether or not

this was a good idea there were so many

of them that said there were certain

things that stood out that made made it

in many cases very clear that this was

not a man who was worth marrying because

of social pressure or convoluted advice

they were getting from people who really

didn't know how to give marriage advice

that had the best interest of both

parties involved they ended up in a

situation that led to very regretful

results it is important to say that

these are my own personal opinions to an

extent although I do think that they

have a lot of evidence even based in the

Quran and Sunnah they are still my

opinions I've seen too many women who

when it comes to the red flag

conversation they look at it and it's

like oh it's not it's not a red flag

it's orange right it's a it it looks a

bit like if you mix in some blue there

maybe it can look like a green flag no

we're just going to jump right into it

because I care about you ladies and I

want you guys to make a decision that is

wise for your future so without further

Ado these are seven red flags that you

should keep an eye out for red flag

number one one is when you're talking in

the talking stages or the getting to

know stages and he makes it clear that

he doesn't really intend to meet your

father or he says something along the

lines of like oh much further on no let

me be clear about this for a lot of men

they're not comfortable meeting the

father upright and it makes sense

because uh the speaking to a father

means like hey this is serious serious

and you guys might just have met each

other you might be speaking through an

app you might have been introduced

through a family member or a friend so

it doesn't make sense to take that step

where things are so serious and cified

and things might get announced and there

are celebrations happening before you

even know if you're going to move

forward with this so that I don't see a

big problem with but what I do see see a

big problem with is when a man makes it

very clear that like yeah he is

interested but he keeps delaying the

bringing it up to your dad bringing it

up to your debt you don't have to have

everything together the fact that Allah

even mandate that Muslim women have a

Wily is for the protection so that she's

not being dragged through the waiting

process and you know other options are

not being waved because someone else is

too afraid to step up and speak to her

father so that's a major red flag in my

opinion red flag number two is a man who

doesn't pray his Salah in my humble

opinion and people might you know get

upset that I'm mentioning this one but

let me explain and hopefully you'll

understand what I mean the prophet Alat

wasam said that every every uh person is

a shepherd and in charge of a flock and

they will be asked about their flock on

the day of judgment and that a man is

the shepherd for his family meaning his

wife and if his he has children his

children eventually a man is supposed to

be the spiritual leader of the home he's

a Shepherd what does a Shepherd do right

a Shepherd is in charge of of taking

care of a flock of sheep they are in

charge of making sure that it's

protected and it's safe and they know

what to do and you know they're guided

in the right direction and it's

protecting them from the uh possibility

of Predator how is a husband going to be

a spiritual leader in his home if he

doesn't even do the basic of praying his

five Salah and I'm not talking about

someone who's like who's doing it but

they're struggling and they're genuinely

trying to get better I'm talking about

someone who doesn't do it at all I'm

sorry if you're a man who's who is a

Muslim man looking for a good Muslim

woman and you can't even meet that basic

requirement that Allah requires of every

single one of us indiscriminately then

you need to not worry about your

relationship with a woman and you need

to worry about your relationship with a

law Force you need to get that settled

before you jump into a relationship with

a Muslim woman red flag number three is

he is not financially stable and let me

let me finish let me finish let me talk

Financial stability look looks different

for different people when I say he's not

financially stable what I mean is that

he either presently does not have the

financial capacity to take care of a

family the husband is the financial guar

guarantor of the family meaning his job

is to make sure that they are

financially provided for that doesn't

always mean that he's the one fully

providing so for example if you are a

student and you get married as a

student it might be that your father for

example agrees to help for a certain

period of time I'm not speaking about

men who are genuinely trying or have a

plan for financial stability what I'm

talking about is the number of Muslim

men who don't like to work are lazy um

jump from job to job see it as like okay

I'm going to do what I want when I want

and they don't take it seriously and in

that instance now the wife is being

forced to work on a side no any man who

expects his wife to to take him

seriously when he's not able to fulfill

that is honestly kidding himself again

not talking about the men who are trying

I'm talking about The Men Who defy this

intentionally so if he's giving you that

Vibe sis run the other direction CU you

are he's looking at you as a piggy bank

and nothing more than that the next one

might ruffle a lot of feathers so hear

me out in what I'm saying and how I'm

explaining it okay number four red flag

number four is a man who has rules for

his wife

now one second guys don't jump to the

comments just yet you can have

preferences you can have Norms you can

have expectations of your spouse

completely normal and in fact you should

that is how relationships are built and

Islam has expectations and norms and

things that we are expected to do as

Muslim wives for our husbands Point

Blank period And if you have any trouble

with that you have to turn inward and

work on yourself and ask yourself why is

it that you're having such a difficult

time submitting to the command of Allah

subh but when I say a man who specific

has rules for his wife I'm saying a man

who specifically says I have rules for

my wife the reason why is I have rules

for my kids I have rules for my students

right I have rules for my employees if I

run a business rules are meant to keep

people in line if you can frame that

your expectations as r

rules you're telling me that you don't

see your wife as an equal to you and

when I say equal to you we have

different roles and responsibilities in

Islam but Allah values the the

contribution of a wife and a

contribution of the husband and their

contribution to the family equally so if

you have this IDE if you meet a man who

has this idea that they need to run

their their marriage like um like

they're a CEO of a

business that's problematic because it

doesn't allow for healthy communication

between one another it creates a power

Dynamic that is very stringent it

becomes a very infantilizing place to be

in your relationship so mind men who

think in that way and speak in that way

you should always ask the question what

are your expectations of your wife what

you know what are gender roles that what

are gender roles you would uh prefer to

subscribe to in your marriage you should

ask those and he has the right to have

them as do you you have the right to

have them and I recommend very highly

that you have them and you make sure

that they are according to the Quran and

Sunnah my husband and I have them and

actually I would say we have very gender

typical roles in the way that we operate

our marriage and it works very well for

us alhamdulillah the way people say

things a lot of times and the even the

words they use to choose is a window

into their ideology about how things

should operate this is red flag number

five is a man is arguing with you in the

getting to no stage May major red flag T

getting to know right is the the purpose

is let me ask you pointed questions that

are going to help me assess from a

pretty like practical point of view

whether or not you would be a good

partner right and then obviously there

are elements of do your personalities

Clash or can you can you guys have a a

decent conversation are you attracted to

the person there are different elements

of it that are important a man who you

find in the in the getting to no stage

instead of going about it in a way where

it's like hey let let me just see

if we're compatible and a good fit for

each other is getting into arguments

getting angry taking things really

personally major red flags you guys

aren't even married yet there's a

certain level when we're getting to know

one another we show our our best selves

put our best foot forwards if he's not

able to do that that means there's

something seriously wrong with his

emotional regulation and his emotional

maturity you're not able to have a

discussion something that easy triggers

you and makes you that upset guaranteed

it will get a hundred times worse if you

end up Mar married run away run the

other directions I've I've seen this so

many times and it always ends up badly

the next red flag is you meet a man who

can't criticize himself a man who

doesn't criticize himself everything he

does is perfect everything he does is

right he was previously married or

previously engaged it was always the

other person's fault any mature

individual should be able to say this is

where things get went wrong but this was

my contribution to it even if it's a

small one you know we we always have to

be willing to take accountability and an

inability to be critical of your

actions shows that you are not able to

take accountability marriage is hard

you're going to make mistakes I don't

care how mature of an individual you are

there are going to be times because

there's emotional intimacy aspect of it

um there's vulnerability involved and so

because of that things happen arguing ta

fights happen the repair process is the

most important part part of our

marriages but when those things happen

if you don't know how to step back and

take accountability and think where you

went wrong then you're going to be in a

situation as a a a woman if you're with

a man who's like that where he's always

pointing the finger at you and now

you're the one who's always wrong and

you're the one who's always doing

something you know and it becomes a very

one-sided means of development because

now both of you guys aren't willing to

work on your marriage because you're the

one who's wrong right he thinks you're

wrong so you need to work on it it's a

ugly place to be in a marriage it's not

fun it it it makes you feel very lonely

part of the job of the husband is to

lift his woman up to make her feel

valued and loved and even when she does

make mistakes and you know whatever

challenges come up to know that there is

redemption at the end of the day you

can't do that with someone who's who is

unable to criticize themselves the last

red flag that I will mention is he is

someone who talks down to people or

badly about people it's pretty

self-explanatory the way he treats other

people as a is a window into his

character and we tend to treat different

types of people consistently with what

we believe so look at the way he treats

people who he perceives as less than him

or maybe having less status in him how

he treats his parents how he treats his

siblings how he treats his friends if

you find that he speaks down to people

or badly about people this is someone

who doesn't have emotional intelligence

these people do not make good husbands

they do not because they're going to do

it to you they're going to speak down to

you they're going to speak badly about

you know maybe not about you necessarily

some you know they might they might have

at least some decency to not do that but

they're going to speak down to you and

it's going to break your spirit and you

do not want to be in a marriage where

your spirit is being broken and you feel

like you're not good enough it is a

horrible place to be it will destroy you

as a woman and I have seen so many women

who coming out of you know divorce ing

men who treated them like that who are

emotionally abusive and verbally abusive

and just completely shattered the spirit

of this woman the repair process is very

difficult and you always hear that voice

in the back of your head telling you the

things that he said to you try to avoid

those men at all cost I hope this video

was helpful to you guys leave your

comments below of what your thoughts are

um any other red flags that you think

that I miss drop them in the comments

below and of course if you enjoyed this

video and you like this kind of

self-improvement content for Muslim

women then please please please

subscribe for more Salam alikum and I

will see you in the next one bye