7 Relationship RED FLAGS You Should NEVER Ignore
Summary
TLDRDans cette vidéo, l'animateur aborde les sept signaux d'alarme dans une relation qu'il est crucial d'identifier dès le début. Il insiste sur l'importance de reconnaître ces signaux, souvent ignorés dans le passion de la nouvelle relation, pour éviter des erreurs coûteuses. Parmi les points soulevés figurent l'influence des amis, les antécédents d'infidélité, l'obsession par les réseaux sociaux, et la manière dont ils parlent de leurs ex. L'animateur encourage également à établir une liste personnelle de normes pour évaluer les relations sérieuses, soulignant que les valeurs partagées et la capacité de l'autre à faire émerger le meilleur en nous sont des indicateurs clés d'une bonne relation.
Takeaways
- 🚫 Les signaux d'alarme dans une relation ne sont souvent clairs qu'à la fin, il est important de les reconnaître tôt.
- 💰 La rupture de relations peut être coûteuse, il est donc essentiel de détecter les problèmes précocement.
- 👫 L'entourage d'une personne peut influencer son comportement et ses valeurs, il faut prêter attention aux amis problématiques.
- 🔍 Une infidélité passée est un signe d'alarme, surtout si la personne ne prend pas entièrement la responsabilité de ses actions.
- 📱 Une obsession pour les réseaux sociaux peut être préoccupante, surtout si cela est lié à la recherche de validation.
- 🤔 Les personnes qui parlent constamment de leurs ex avec une négativité excessive peuvent cacher des problèmes de personnalité.
- 🧐 Il est important de ne pas tomber amoureux d'une idée plutôt que d'une personne réelle, il faut être conscient des vraies qualités de quelqu'un.
- 👂 L'écoute aux avis extérieurs, tels que ceux de la famille et des amis, peut révéler des problèmes dans une relation.
- 🏆 Les valeurs et les croyances partagées sont cruciales pour une relation durable, elles doivent être discutées et alignées.
- 🌟 La meilleure relation est celle qui permet à chacun de devenir la meilleure version de soi-même, il faut chercher quelqu'un qui encourage et soutient.
- 🔗 Les signaux vert positifs dans une relation sont également importants, une suite vidéo sera dédiée à ces aspects.
Q & A
Quel est le point central du script sur la vie moderne et la relation?
-Le script aborde les sept signaux d'alarme dans une relation que l'on ne devrait jamais ignorer, en se concentrant sur les problèmes qui apparaissent généralement à la fin d'une relation.
Pourquoi est-il difficile de reconnaître les signaux d'alarme au début d'une relation?
-C'est parce que l'on est souvent pris dans la passion et l'on peut manquer les avertissements et les signes rouges qui sont clairement visibles à la fin de la relation.
Quel est le coût de la nourriture pour deux dans le contexte de la relation moderne mentionné dans le script?
-Le script mentionne que le coût de la nourriture pour deux est devenu élevé en raison de l'inflation, ce qui peut être un facteur à considérer dans les relations modernes.
Quels sont les signaux d'alarme que le script suggère d'ignorer dans les relations sérieuses?
-Les signaux d'alarme incluent des amis douteux, un passé d'infidélité, une obsession avec les médias sociaux, une mauvaise relation avec les ex partenaires, et des divergences de valeurs clés.
Pourquoi les amis d'une personne peuvent-ils être un signe d'alarme dans une relation?
-Parce que les amis peuvent influencer les pensées et les comportements de la personne, et on est en moyenne semblable aux cinq personnes avec qui on passe le plus de temps.
Quelle est la position du script sur l'infidélité dans les relations?
-Le script suggère que si une personne a un passé d'infidélité, il est important d'écouter comment elle parle de cet événement, et si elle minimise ou justifie son comportement, c'est un signe d'alarme.
Comment les médias sociaux peuvent-ils être un signe d'alarme dans une relation?
-Une obsession excessive avec les médias sociaux, en particulier la recherche de validation par les publications, peut être un signe d'alarme selon le script.
Quel est le conseil donné par le script sur la manière de traiter les histoires passées des partenaires?
-Le script indique que si une personne parle constamment de ses ex partenaires de manière négative sans prendre de responsabilité, c'est un signe d'alarme.
Quelle est la différence entre aimer une idée de quelqu'un et aimer la personne elle-même, selon le script?
-Aimer une idée de quelqu'un est appeler 'Fixer-Upper', où l'on ignore les signaux d'alarme en espérant qu'ils changeront, tandis qu'aimer la personne elle-même signifie accepter et aimer les qualités et les défauts réels.
Quels sont les signaux verts que le script suggère de rechercher dans une relation?
-Bien que le script ne les mentionne pas directement, il suggère de chercher quelqu'un qui partage les mêmes valeurs clés, qui vous soutient et qui vous inspire à être la meilleure version de vous-même.
Quel est le conseil final du script pour ceux qui cherchent à s'engager dans une relation sérieuse?
-Le script recommande de se concentrer sur les valeurs fondamentales et les choses importantes, et de déterminer si la personne apporte la meilleure ou la pire en vous.
Outlines
🚨 Signaux d'alarme dans les relations sérieuses
Le script parle des sept signaux d'alarme dans les relations qu'il est important d'identifier pour éviter les erreurs. Il insiste sur le fait que ces signaux deviennent évidents vers la fin d'une relation, mais sont souvent ignorés dans le passion. Il suggère de prendre conscience des amis influents de la personne, de leur passé d'infidélité, de leur obsession pour les médias sociaux, et de leur attitude envers leurs ex. Ces éléments peuvent influencer la santé et la durée d'une relation future.
🔍 Comprendre les signaux et les vertus d'une relation
Dans ce paragraphe, l'auteur discute de la façon dont les personnes peuvent être influencées par leurs anciens partenaires et les problèmes récurrents dans leurs relations passées, ce qui peut être un signe de narcisme. Il met en garde contre la tendance à 'réparer' ou à 'améliorer' quelqu'un, plutôt que d'apprécier qui ils sont vraiment. Il souligne l'importance de partager les mêmes valeurs fondamentales et de s'assurer que la relation favorise le meilleur en chacun, plutôt que de susciter une compétition ou un changement forcé.
🤔 Conseils de relation et signaux verts
Le dernier paragraphe annonce un prochain vidéo qui donnera d'autres conseils de relation, en se concentrant sur les signaux positifs à rechercher, connus sous le nom de 'signaux verts'. L'auteur remercie les téléspectateurs de leur visionnage et promet de les retrouver dans la suite de la série.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Relation
💡Signaux d'alarme
💡Passion
💡Amis influents
💡Infidélité
💡Réseaux sociaux
💡Ex partenaires
💡Idée idéale
💡Valeurs
💡Meilleure version
Highlights
It's often at the end of a relationship that one gets the clearest perspective on where things went wrong.
The video discusses seven relationship red flags that should never be ignored.
The importance of being aware of a potential partner's friends and their influence.
The saying 'birds of a feather flock together' is used to emphasize the impact of a person's social circle.
A person's close friends can be an indicator of their true character and future behavior.
A history of infidelity or cheating is a red flag, especially how it's discussed.
The speaker's personal stance on not tolerating justification for cheating in a relationship.
The potential harm of social media on self-esteem and unrealistic expectations.
Being overly obsessed with social media and seeking validation can be a red flag.
The suggestion that Instagram has replaced dating apps for some celebrities.
The importance of how a potential partner talks about their exes as an indicator of their character.
The concept of 'Fixer-Upper' where people date for potential rather than who the person currently is.
The misconception that marriage will solve pre-existing relationship problems.
The value of listening to friends and family's feedback about a partner.
Aligning on core values and non-negotiables as a foundation for a successful relationship.
The significance of whether a partner brings out the best or worst in you.
A teaser for a follow-up video on the best pieces of relationship advice.
Transcripts
you want to know what's hard about
modern dating how much time we got here
it's usually not until the end of your
relationship that you get the full
picture the clearest perspective of
where things went wrong warning signs
red flags that were staring out right in
front of the face we missed because we
were so caught up in the passion you
might even think to yourself if I only
knew this about this person from day one
I could have saved so much time energy
money lots of money you guys seen the
price for dinner for two lately
inflations no joke so that's why in
today's video we're going over seven
relationship red flags you should never
ignore quick note these are my personal
standard I encourage you to make your
own list but I think that these are a
good jump off point for everyone second
I'm talking about committed serious
relationships here you're serious about
them they're serious about you not the
texting phase or you know you just met
someone off an app from week one you'll
see why with red flag number three why
that might be a little too much too soon
[Music]
I was dating a woman in my early 20s and
we kept getting into these out of
nowhere big blow-up fights I would ask
her where she was coming up with these
ideas or thoughts or why she was making
this such a big deal after about two or
three questions we would trace it back
to something one of her friends told her
I saw how friends can affect you
firsthand so right off the bat if the
person you're dating and gonna get
serious with has some sketchy friends
that you don't really like that could be
cause for concern there's a saying birds
of feather flock together you might have
heard that you are the average of the
five people you hang around most that's
not just a good saying it's true there
was a statistic I saw a while ago where
if your best friends are overweight or
obese you're like 50 or something more
likely to be obese or overweight
yourself so if you really get a bad gut
feeling about someone's close circle of
friends that might be a sign of how they
actually are or behave later down the
road because you do become who you hang
around
I'll start with saying I believe that
everyone deserves a second chance but if
the person you're getting serious with
has a history of infidelity or cheating
you want to really listen for how they
talk about what happened when it comes
up anything less than complete full
ownership that they messed up their they
feel guilty about it they're sorry it
ever happened if they're justifying poor
behaviors with I had to cheat because I
wasn't getting XYZ again that's
justifying toxic Behavior personally I
wouldn't sign up for that
[Music]
this one is going to be very unpopular
my relationship with social media is
very odd because I make a living from it
I am very public on social media I have
a whole brand and a business on it but
the data is out and we know how
unhealthy it is for the everyday person
not only what it does for your dopamine
levels and kind of disassociating from
life but what it does to your
self-esteem and how it sets unrealistic
expectations that dictate a lot of your
behaviors you want to watch out for
someone who's overly obsessed with
social media now I'm not talking here
about someone who uses Instagram or
Facebook or whatever platform to like
stay in touch with the close group of
friends keep them updated that's
positive that's what social media is
intended for I'm talking here about
someone who's obsessed with posting
things for validation the thing is like
happy people aren't spending time on
social media trying to convince everyone
they're happy really rich people aren't
spending hours and hours on social media
trying to convince total strength
Rangers that they're rich and they've
made it and again this is a bit of a hot
take so I know some people freak out but
let me ask you this would you let your
partner be on a dating app if you were
dating them you'd be like no that's of
course not no absolutely not you think
the celebrities out there use dating
apps are on Tinder no they use Instagram
that's how it works they slide in the DM
Instagram is sort of replace dating apps
in a lot of ways now again this is
different if they have a business or a
brand on there but if you meet someone
and they're like just overly obsessed
with an image and portraying that on
social media for a bunch of strangers
and they get tons of validation from it
in my opinion that's a red flag bare
minimum if they're not willing to
private an Instagram account for you out
of the respects in the relationship to
me personally it's a red flag
[Music]
number four this is track record there's
a saying if it smells like walk away but
if everywhere you go smells like
check your shoe pay close attention to
how they talk about their ex now look
I'm not someone in a relationship who
says you can never bring up your ex
don't ever say their name like it's
natural if you spend that much time with
someone at one point you like them so
yeah of course they're gonna come up
every now and then in my opinion not a
problem not a red flag what is a red
flag is if they go into a bunch of
stories about how toxic their ex was or
how their ex was a narcissist what's
even a bigger red flag is if they've had
multiple narcissistic axes toxic X's the
worst exes they were 50 of any
relationship they were in now look I do
have to say do an artistic people exist
absolutely is there abuse in
relationships absolutely I'm not talking
about that I'm talking about someone
where every person they've ever dated
had something wrong but not them and
ironically if everyone you've ever dated
has the problems but not you that's
narcissism we're all humans we're all
works in progress we're not perfect and
I think the imperfections is actually
what causes us to bond and connect with
people
[Music]
I was reading a book from a famous
marriage counselor and he said that this
was one of the biggest red flags he sees
in couples therapy when people are
trying to date an idea of someone and
not the person in front of them I call
this one the Fixer-Upper where you're
dating someone for their potential and
you want to be with them for the
potential of what they could be so you
overlook a lot of the red flags staring
right in front of you there's a
misconception that like problems will go
away as soon as you get married to
someone I don't think that's actually
true I think that a lot of the problems
you have before the relationship don't
just get solved overnight when you flip
a switch and now you're legally married
they still exist when you get in a
relationship you have rose-colored
glasses on it's like being drunk
literally like drunk on The Passion of
the romance and it's really hard to
think objectively you think subjectively
through the lens of your emotions your
heightened emotions your Peak state that
you're in and that's why we Overlook a
lot of these red Flags in the beginning
that were again staring us straight in
front of the face but your friends your
family the people around you they're
outside the relationship they're more
objective it's actually easier for them
to see what's going on because they're
not so close and they don't have the
glasses on there's some great advice out
there in self-improvement that says if
you keep hearing the same feedback about
yourself then it's probably true on that
note I think the same advice applies to
relationships you you keep hearing
negative feedback or opinions or things
from people outside your relationship
that you trust and you respect your
friends your family people who know you
like really well when they meet your
partner it might be true
I've always said that love might fade
but values don't if the person you're
getting serious with and dating they're
not on the same page with things that
are really important to you that is a
red flag that is going to cause problems
down the road that's not just going to
go away on its own for example do they
want kids what are your views on kids
how do you want to raise kids big
important question even things now like
politics political beliefs if that's
really important to you what's
considered cheating what are boundaries
in your relationship these are all
really good questions that you should
discuss now yeah you don't have to agree
on every single thing to make a
relationship work but the more on paper
things you have in common with that
person it sure as hell makes it a lot
easier it's not this uphill battle of
you trying to change them and them
trying to change you like this tug of
war match where you're trying to get
them to be more like you and they're
trying to get you to believe what they
believe that puts a you versus them
frame a right verse wrong so if you're
on the same page with a lot of these
core fundamental things man as someone
who's been in relationships where I was
and I wasn't on the same page on paper
with someone it is 10 times easier and
smoother and better when you are keeping
context here the vibe of where you are
in the relationship like bringing that
stuff up in week one might be a little
too extreme too fast too soon but
trickle them out over time and try to
fish out what their core values are I
will say here that the younger you are
the more malleable these are so if
you're in your 20s well you spend five
ten years with someone eventually you're
gonna start to sync up on a lot more but
you have to know what they are so I'd
highly recommend you make a list of your
core values and your non-negotiables
like if you could literally just agree
on four things on any area but these
four things are like 10 out of 10
important to you what are those and now
you know what to look for when you're
dating someone or getting serious in a
relationship
this one's probably the most important
one
and that is does this person bring out
the best version of you the highest self
or do they kind of feed into the lowest
self and hold you back it'll often show
up in little things like do they
encourage you to go to the gym or do
they encourage you to stay home and Skip
Leg Day does she get mad when you make
plans with your friends or does she
encourage you to go out and be social
does he let you be your true self is he
inspired when you're inspired and you're
trying something new and you want to
learn a new hobby or you get really
passionate about something that you
heard and you want to share it with them
do they build you up or do they kind of
like tear you down and say that stupid
are you proud of the man you are around
her does she bring out the 2.0 you or do
they drag you and keep you in that 1.0
so now you know what to watch out for
but what are the green flags what are
the good signs that you got a good thing
with this person what I'll do now is
link up right here a perfect follow-up
to this we're going over the best pieces
of relationship advice no one ever told
you thank you so much for watching I'll
see you you in that video
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