How to Ask Good Questions in Conversations

Summary

In this communication tips video, Alex Lyon emphasizes the art of asking questions to sustain engaging conversations. He distinguishes between 'easy questions' that elicit simple responses and 'open-ended questions' that prompt more detailed answers, fostering a dynamic dialogue. Lyon advises starting with easy questions to establish a connection and then following up with open-ended inquiries to deepen the conversation. He also suggests avoiding 'why' questions as they may induce defensiveness. The video encourages enhancing communication skills for effective leadership and team interaction.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ The ability to ask good questions is a crucial skill for maintaining a conversation.
• 🎾 Good questions keep the conversation flowing like a ping-pong volley.
• 📍 Start with 'easy questions' that require simple, direct answers like yes/no or short responses.
• 🌰 Jerry Seinfeld uses easy questions to initiate conversations at social gatherings.
• 🔄 Follow up easy questions with open-ended ones to deepen the conversation.
• 🤔 Open-ended questions often start with 'what' or 'how' and prompt more detailed responses.
• 🚫 Avoid starting questions with 'why' as it might make people feel defensive.
• 🤝 Asking questions is essential for connecting with others in both social and professional settings.
• 📈 Good communication skills can enhance your leadership and impact in teams and organizations.
• 🔒 Subscribe to the channel for more content on improving personal communication skills.
• 💬 Engage with the community by commenting your own conversation-starting techniques.

Q & A

What is the main skill discussed by Alex Lyon to keep a conversation going?

The main skill discussed by Alex Lyon is the ability to ask good questions.

What are the two types of questions explored in the script?

The two types of questions explored are easy questions and open-ended or follow-up questions.

What is an easy question according to the script?

An easy question is a direct question that can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no', a one-word answer, or a short phrase.

Can you give an example of an easy question as mentioned in the script?

Examples of easy questions include 'How many years have you lived in New York City?' and 'How many kids do you have?'

What is the purpose of starting with an easy question?

Starting with an easy question allows the other person to respond with minimal effort, making it easier for them to engage in the conversation.

What should you do after asking an easy question according to the script?

After asking an easy question, you should follow up with an open-ended question to keep the conversation going.

What is an open-ended question and why is it effective?

An open-ended question is one that requires more detail and cannot be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. It is effective because it encourages the other person to share more information and engage in a deeper conversation.

Why does Alex Lyon suggest avoiding questions that start with 'why'?

Alex Lyon suggests avoiding questions that start with 'why' because they can make the other person feel defensive, as if they have to justify their actions or explanations.

What is the importance of asking questions in both social and professional situations as discussed in the script?

Asking questions in social and professional situations is important because it helps establish a good communicator and can lead to more dynamic and rich conversations.

What is the role of a communication coach as mentioned in the script?

A communication coach helps individuals increase their personal repertoire of communication skills, enabling them to lead teams and organizations with higher levels of excellence.

How can one benefit from the tips provided in the script?

One can benefit from the tips by using them to improve their conversational skills, which can lead to more effective and engaging interactions in both personal and professional settings.

Outlines

00:00

🗣️ Mastering Conversational Skills

Alex Lyon introduces the importance of asking good questions as a key communication skill to maintain engaging conversations. He emphasizes that instead of impressing others with stories, asking easy and open-ended questions can keep the conversation flowing. The video script outlines two types of questions: easy questions, which are direct and require short answers, and open-ended or probing questions that follow up with more detail, encouraging deeper conversation. The example of Jerry Seinfeld is given to illustrate how asking simple questions can initiate a conversation. The summary also touches on the avoidance of 'why' questions, which might make people defensive, and concludes with a personal anecdote about the importance of asking questions to sustain a conversation.

Keywords

💡Conversation

Conversation refers to the informal exchange of ideas or opinions through spoken words. In the video's context, it is the primary means of connecting with others, both socially and professionally. The script emphasizes the importance of conversation in establishing oneself as a good communicator, which is central to the theme of enhancing communication skills.

💡Good Questions

Good questions are inquiries that effectively stimulate and maintain a conversation. The script highlights that the ability to ask good questions is a key skill for keeping a conversation engaging. Examples from the script include asking about how many years someone has lived in a city or the number of children they have, which are easy to answer and can lead to more in-depth discussions.

💡Communication Tips

Communication tips are pieces of advice aimed at improving one's ability to express ideas and understand others. The video script provides communication tips, such as asking easy and open-ended questions, to help increase personal impact and lead teams more effectively.

💡Impact

Impact in this context refers to the effect or influence one has on others, particularly through communication. The script suggests that by asking good questions, one can increase their impact in both social and professional situations.

💡Excellence

Excellence is the quality of being exceptionally good or outstanding. The video's theme revolves around leading teams and organizations with higher levels of excellence, which is achieved through improved communication skills.

💡Easy Question

An easy question is a simple inquiry that can be answered with a 'yes' or 'no', or a short phrase. The script uses the example of asking about the number of years someone has lived in a particular city, which serves as an icebreaker and a starting point for further conversation.

💡Open-Ended Question

An open-ended question is one that cannot be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' and requires more elaborate responses. The script illustrates this with a question like 'What brought you from Michigan to New York?', which encourages the person to share more about their experiences and thoughts.

💡Ping-Pong Volley

The term 'ping-pong volley' is used metaphorically in the script to describe the back-and-forth exchange in a conversation. It suggests that a dynamic conversation is like a game of ping-pong, with participants actively engaging and responding to each other.

💡Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld is a stand-up comic mentioned in the script as an example of someone who uses easy questions to navigate social situations. His approach of asking questions with one-word answers helps to keep conversations flowing smoothly.

💡Defensive

In the context of the video, feeling defensive refers to a reaction where a person might feel the need to justify their actions or beliefs. The script advises avoiding questions that start with 'why' as they can sometimes lead to a defensive response.

💡Subscribe

The term 'subscribe' is used in the script as a call to action for viewers to follow the channel for ongoing content related to communication skills. It is a way for the channel to grow its audience and for viewers to continue learning about effective communication.

Highlights

The ability to ask good questions is essential for maintaining a conversation.

Alex Lyon provides communication tips to increase impact and lead teams with excellence.

Often, asking questions rather than telling stories is more effective in social and professional settings.

There are two types of questions to explore: easy and open-ended.

Easy questions are direct and can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no', or a short phrase.

Jerry Seinfeld uses easy questions to start conversations at social events.

Open-ended questions, starting with 'how' or 'what', require more detail and can deepen the conversation.

Avoid starting questions with 'why' as it may make people feel defensive.

Asking questions can prevent a conversation from dying out, as experienced by a friend of Alex Lyon.

Starting with easy questions and following up with open-ended ones can almost guarantee a good conversation.

Conversations are a primary way to connect with people in both social and professional contexts.

Being a good communicator can establish one's leadership in teams and organizations.

The channel aims to help increase personal communication skills for better leadership.

Subscribers will receive ongoing content focused on enhancing communication abilities.

Invitation to comment and share personal conversation-starting techniques with the community.

Thanks and blessings are offered, along with an encouragement to apply these tips in the next conversation.

Transcripts

the ability to ask good questions is one

of the main skills that you can use to

keep a conversation going so let's get

some practice I'm Alex Lyon and I'm here

to provide communication tips to help

you increase your impact and lead your

teams with more excellence a lot of

times in conversations we feel like

we're supposed to tell great stories and

dazzle people with how amazing we are

but often times the reverse is true the

ability to ask good questions in a

social situation or a professional

situation is one of the main ways to

keep the ball rolling and keep that nice

volley that ping-pong volley going back

and forth so there are two types of

questions that we're going to explore

the first is called an easy question

essentially this is just a direct

question a question that you can answer

with a yes or a no or quick fill in the

blank like a one-word answer or short

phrase and that's the way you want to

start conversations Jerry Seinfeld for

example the stand-up comic

I love stand-up comedy I used to hate

Seinfeld examples a lot but he says that

he used to have a lot of difficulty at

social situations like parties until he

realized oh I'm just gonna ask question

that I know a question that I know that

there's a one-word answer to a number so

he asks people things like this how many

years have you lived in New York City

how many kids do you have and then it's

very easy for the other person to start

the ball rolling with giving those short

little answers and then you can follow

up with an open-ended question and

that's the second type of question once

you have a little bit of content to work

with ask a follow-up so let's say they

say something about living in New York

City for seven years you might ask

another close question like oh where did

you live before that Michigan and then

you open up the conversation with a what

or a how what brought you from Michigan

to New York that's an open-ended

question or what question or a how

question and that usually requires a lot

more detail it's going to get them

talking and opening up and that's when

you really see the conversation get

dynamic and have that good

back-and-forth detailed rich nature so

easy question and then a follow-up or

probing question that's

open starts with a howl or what some

people say you can also start with a why

the word why I have found however in my

experience that the question that starts

with why sometimes can make the other

person feel a little defensive like

they've got to justify their

explanations and so I personally avoid

it I was talking to a friend of mine

just a couple of days ago and he said

that he was at work and his coworker who

was showing him around was asking a lot

of good questions and he was answering

those questions and then he noticed all

sudden the conversation just died and he

reflected on he said oh I know why it

died I wasn't asking him any questions

and so the next time he went to work he

asked together fellow a couple of

questions and then they started that

good back and forth so you start with

those easy questions and follow up with

an open-ended question and you're almost

guaranteed to get a nice conversation

going

how conversations are one way that we

can connect with people it's one of the

main ways we connect with people in

social situations and professional

situations it can establish you as a

good communicator and that's what this

channel is all about communication coach

is helping you increase your personal

repertoire of communication skills so

that you can lead the team's and the

organizations that you're part of with

higher levels of excellence so if you're

interested in ongoing content like this

then please click the subscribe button

and start watching I also want to invite

you to comment below if you have other

ways that you get the conversational

ball rolling I would love to hear your

techniques and you can share them with

other people and the meanwhile thanks

god bless and I hope you get to use

these kinds of tips for your very next

conversation