Active Listening Skills

Summary

In this video, Alex Lyon emphasizes the importance of active listening for building relationships and offers practical tips to improve this skill. He explains that active listening involves nonverbal cues like eye contact and open posture, asking insightful questions, and providing informed responses. Lyon also stresses the need to commit and practice this skill, as well as keeping the conversation focused on the speaker. He invites viewers to engage with the content and mentions upcoming videos on comprehensive and empathetic listening.

Takeaways

• 👂 Active listening is essential for connecting with others and building relationships.
• 🔄 Active listening is the opposite of passive listening, where the listener is not mentally engaged.
• 📱 Two prerequisites for active listening are commitment and practice, setting aside distractions and making listening a priority.
• 🤝 Nonverbal communication is a key part of active listening, including putting away devices, making eye contact, and having an open posture.
• 👀 Active listeners also pay attention to the speaker's nonverbal cues to understand their mood and emotions.
• 🤔 Asking good questions is a hallmark of active listening, allowing the speaker to fully express themselves.
• 🗣️ Small verbal affirmations like 'I hear you' or 'Hmm' show that the listener is following the conversation.
• 💬 Responding to what the speaker has said is crucial, reflecting back what was heard or asking follow-up questions.
• 🙅‍♂️ Avoiding the temptation to jump in with one's own story and keeping the focus on the speaker is part of active listening.
• 🗣️ Keeping the conversation focused on the speaker and allowing them to talk without interruption is important for active listening.
• 📚 Alex Lyon offers a one-hour course on effective listening skills for leaders and has additional resources on comprehensive and empathetic listening.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The main topic of the video is active listening skills.

Why is good listening important according to Alex Lyon?

Good listening is important because it is the easiest way to connect with other people and build relationships.

How does active listening differ from passive listening?

Active listening involves being mentally engaged and fully attentive to the speaker, while passive listening involves hearing but being tuned out and not fully engaged.

What are the two prerequisites to active listening mentioned in the video?

The two prerequisites to active listening are committing to make listening a priority and practicing the skill regularly.

What are the four qualities of active listening discussed in the video?

The four qualities of active listening are: nonverbal communication, verbal communication, responding to what was said, and keeping the focus on the speaker.

What are some examples of nonverbal communication in active listening?

Examples include putting away devices, making eye contact, having an open body posture, and observing the speaker's nonverbal cues like their mood or emotions.

How does verbal communication play a role in active listening?

Verbal communication in active listening involves asking good questions and making small utterances that show you are following along.

What should you do after asking a question in a conversation?

After asking a question, you should actively listen to the response and then give an informed response or ask a follow-up question.

Why is it important to keep the focus on the speaker during a conversation?

It is important to keep the focus on the speaker to show that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying and to resist the temptation to shift the conversation to yourself.

What does Alex Lyon suggest doing for at least the first half of the conversation?

Alex Lyon suggests dedicating at least the first half of the conversation to pure active listening.

What additional resources does Alex Lyon mention at the end of the video?

Alex Lyon mentions two follow-up videos on comprehensive listening and empathetic listening, and a one-hour course on effective listening skills for leaders.

Outlines

00:00

👂 Active Listening Skills Introduction

In this introductory paragraph, Alex Lyon sets the stage for a discussion on active listening skills, emphasizing their importance in connecting with others and building relationships. Active listening is contrasted with passive listening, where the listener may hear but is not mentally engaged. The speaker's dissatisfaction with passive listeners is highlighted. Alex introduces two prerequisites for active listening: commitment and practice. He promises to delve into four qualities of active listening that can be implemented in practice.

05:03

🤔 The Four Qualities of Active Listening

This paragraph delves into the specifics of active listening, outlining four key qualities. First, nonverbal communication is crucial, both in demonstrating engagement through eye contact and open body posture, and in observing the speaker's nonverbal cues to gauge their mood or emotions. Second, verbal communication involves asking good questions and providing small verbal affirmations to show attentiveness. Third, responding to what the speaker has said is essential, which includes reflecting back what was heard or asking follow-up questions to demonstrate active engagement. Lastly, maintaining focus on the speaker and allowing them to talk without interruption is highlighted, with a suggestion to keep the first half of the conversation dedicated to listening. Alex invites viewers to reflect on which tip they need to work on and teases upcoming videos on comprehensive and empathetic listening, as well as a one-hour course for leaders on effective listening skills.

Keywords

💡Active Listening

Active listening refers to the process of fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said. In the video's context, it is presented as the opposite of passive listening, where the listener is mentally engaged and not just hearing the words but also comprehending the message. The script emphasizes the importance of active listening in building relationships and its role in effective communication.

💡Passive Listening

Passive listening is a state where a person may hear the words being spoken but is not actively processing or engaging with the content. The script describes it as being 'on autopilot' and not mentally present, which can lead to dissatisfaction for the speaker who feels unheard.

💡Commitment

Commitment in the context of the video means dedicating oneself to the act of listening, setting aside distractions, and prioritizing the speaker. It is identified as a prerequisite for active listening, indicating that good listening is a deliberate choice made each time someone speaks.

💡Practice

Practice, as mentioned in the script, is essential for mastering the skill of active listening. It suggests that, like any other skill, active listening requires consistent effort and repetition to improve and become more natural.

💡Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication encompasses body language, eye contact, and other visual cues that convey engagement and attention. The script highlights its importance in active listening, both in demonstrating one's own attentiveness and in interpreting the speaker's mood and emotions through their nonverbal cues.

💡Verbal Communication

Verbal communication in the video involves the use of words to interact with the speaker, including asking questions and providing feedback. It plays a crucial role in active listening by facilitating a deeper understanding and showing the speaker that their words are being followed and valued.

💡Questions

Questions are a key component of active listening, as they demonstrate curiosity and the desire to understand the speaker more fully. The script illustrates this by describing how good listeners ask thoughtful questions and allow the speaker to fully answer before responding.

💡Utterances

Utterances in this context refer to small verbal cues such as 'I hear you' or 'Hmm,' which indicate that the listener is actively following the conversation. The script uses these as examples of how to maintain engagement and show the speaker that their narrative is being acknowledged.

💡Response

A response in active listening is the act of reflecting back what has been heard or asking a follow-up question to show understanding and interest. The script explains that responding is crucial to show that the listener was actively engaged and interested in the speaker's narrative.

💡Focus

Focus, as discussed in the video, is maintaining the listener's attention solely on the speaker and their narrative. It involves resisting the urge to interject with one's own stories and ensuring that the conversation remains about the speaker, which is a hallmark of effective active listening.

💡Course

The 'Course' mentioned in the script refers to a one-hour educational program on effective listening skills for leaders. It is presented as a resource for those who wish to enhance their active listening abilities in a more structured and in-depth manner.

Highlights

Active listening skills are essential for connecting with others and building relationships.

Active listening is the opposite of passive listening where the listener is not mentally engaged.

Good listening is a choice and requires commitment to prioritize and focus on the speaker.

Active listening involves nonverbal communication, such as putting away devices, making eye contact, and having an open body posture.

Listeners should also pay attention to the speaker's nonverbal cues to understand their mood and emotions.

Active listening includes verbal communication, starting with asking good questions and allowing the speaker to fully answer.

Small verbal responses like 'I hear you' or 'Hmm' can show that the listener is following the conversation.

After the speaker has finished, the listener should give an informed response to show active engagement.

Reflecting back what was heard or asking a follow-up question is a key part of responding to the speaker.

Avoid having a blank reaction after the speaker has finished talking to show active listening.

Keeping the focus on the speaker and letting them talk is crucial for effective active listening.

Resist the temptation to jump in with your own story or change the subject to your favorite topic.

Dedicating the first half of the conversation to pure active listening is recommended for optimal engagement.

There are upcoming follow-up videos on comprehensive and empathetic listening.

A one-hour course on effective listening skills for leaders is available for further learning.

The importance of practicing active listening as a skill that can be improved over time is emphasized.

Transcripts

- We're going to talk about active listening skills,

so let's get into the details.

(upbeat music)

Hey there, I'm Alex Lyon,

and I actually have a one-hour course

on effective listening skills for leaders.

I will tell you more about that at the end of the video.

So listening is so important

because good listening is probably the easiest way

to connect with other people and build relationships.

Active listening is the opposite of passive listening,

and you have probably experienced this.

The person you're talking to might technically be hearing

some of what you're saying,

but they're tuned out.

They're on autopilot.

They're just not mentally engaged with what you're saying.

And as the speaker, this can be very dissatisfying,

very discouraging

when people really aren't paying attention to us,

like, why am I even talking in the first place?

But active listening looks, sounds, and feels obvious.

Active listening means listening completely.

But before anybody does that well,

there are two secrets,

two prerequisites to active listening.

Number one, you have to commit.

You have to put aside whatever else might be distracting you

and make listening a real priority.

Good listening is first and foremost a choice that you make

every time somebody speaks.

Number two, it takes practice.

Like any skill, you have to work at it.

The good news is that listening

is not mysterious or complicated,

so let's talk about four qualities of active listening

that you can put into practice.

First, active listening involves nonverbal communication,

and there are two sides to this.

On the one hand,

you're demonstrating that you're engaged

and paying attention nonverbally.

You put your devices completely away.

You make eye contact.

Your body posture is open

and oriented toward the other person.

Now, on the other side,

you're also noticing the speaker's nonverbal cues.

There's an expression, you listen with your eyes.

And part of that means you're noticing what's happening

with the person visually,

on their mood or their emotion that they're showing.

Do they look nervous, frustrated, annoyed?

You can pick up on that by actively observing

their nonverbal communication.

Second, active listening involves verbal communication.

Again, there are two sides to this.

The most obvious part is asking good questions.

Probably the most common pattern

that good listeners demonstrate

is that they ask a good question

and then they let the speaker fully answer it.

Like a good mental health therapist

will ask thoughtful questions

and then stop talking for a while

and let the client speak.

Honestly, what we're paying for in many cases

is just somebody to listen carefully to us.

So a good question is a huge part of the listening pie.

And the other part of verbal communication

is those small utterances

that show the other person that we're following them.

Like I hear you, yeah, that makes sense.

Sometimes it's not even full words.

It might just be, hmm, ah.

Those little utterances keep us engaged

and show the other person that we're following.

Third, active listening involves responding

to what somebody just said.

So the pattern goes like this.

You ask a question, they respond,

for however long that takes.

And at the end of that talking term,

you give an informed response to them.

So let's say you just asked a person

what they've been up to lately,

that's your question.

And in their talking turn they tell you

that they have been doing diving lately.

So you actively listen for a while while they're talking,

and at the end of their talking turn, it's your turn again,

and this is where you show

that you were actively following along

and were interested in what they were saying,

and you can do this by reflecting back what you just heard.

You might say something like, wow,

that sounds like an exciting sport.

That's really cool that you're doing that.

Or you could ask another follow-up question.

I had no idea that you were into diving.

How did you first get into that?

Of course you could do a little bit of both,

like I just did.

You could make an informed, reflective statement,

and then ask a follow-up question.

The key is to respond to what they have just been saying.

What you don't wanna do is just look at them blankly

and not react when they're done talking,

and you've probably had somebody do this to you.

You tell them about part of your day

or something about your life,

and they don't react.

They just have this stone face.

That's not active listening.

If you want a gold star for active listening,

then you have to respond to what they just said.

Fourth, keep the focus on them and let them talk.

Now this one might seem obvious because you're listening,

but when you decide to go into that listening mode,

just make a decision that this is gonna be

all about the other person talking and not about you.

Resist that temptation to jump in with your own story

or to change the subject to your favorite topic.

Keep your talking turns and questions concise,

and then stick to whatever topic they're interested in.

Now, eventually, once they've done plenty of talking,

there will usually be an opportunity

later in the conversation

for you to share your experiences.

But my rule of thumb is to dedicate

at least the first half of the conversation

to pure active listening.

So I hope these four tips help you listen completely

in your next conversation.

Question of the day,

which one of these tips do you need the most work on?

I would love to read what you have to say

below in that comment section.

And I do have two follow-up videos on listening coming soon

on comprehensive listening and empathetic listening,

and I'll link to those in the description below

once they are posted.

And I also have a one-hour course

on effective listening skills for leaders.

You can find out more about that

by following the link in the description below the video,

and you can find out all the details by following that link.

So thanks, God bless, and I'll see you in the next video.