This Mental Shift Makes You Dangerously Confident

Kenny Bender

11 Jun 202412:50

Summary

TLDRThe speaker shares his journey from insecurity to confidence, highlighting the societal pressures that contribute to low self-esteem. He emphasizes the importance of internal confidence over external validation and debunks common advice like 'fake it till you make it.' The core of his message revolves around three principles: self-awareness, understanding one's core values, and developing metacognition to reprogram subconscious habits. By visualizing an ideal self and taking small steps to close the gap between current and ideal self, one can achieve genuine confidence, which in turn opens doors to opportunities and respect.

Takeaways

😔 Insecurity is a common struggle that many people face, often feeling overlooked and unheard in social situations.
🤔 The constant internal dialogue of self-doubt can be paralyzing, preventing individuals from taking action or engaging with others.
📱 Distractions like checking phones or apps can serve as a coping mechanism to avoid confronting insecurities.
🚶‍♂️ Feeling like an outsider even among friends can exacerbate feelings of insecurity and loneliness.
📺 Mainstream media often perpetuates low self-confidence, labeling confident individuals as arrogant or narcissistic.
🧩 The idea that a single childhood event can shape a person's self-esteem for life highlights the lasting impact of early experiences.
🤷‍♂️ Common advice like dressing better or working out may not address the root cause of confidence issues.
🎭 The 'fake it till you make it' approach is criticized as being superficial and easily seen through, especially by women.
📚 The speaker found true confidence through extensive reading and learning about psychology and the mind.
🔑 True confidence is described as a key that unlocks opportunities and is linked to high achievers like Steve Jobs and Elon Musk.
🤝 The transformation to confidence can lead to changes in how one is perceived and treated by others.
🤔 The difference between external and internal confidence is crucial, with the latter being unaffected by external factors.
🐌 The analogy of a snail on a boat illustrates the struggle between conscious efforts and subconscious programming.
🧘‍♂️ Developing metacognition through meditation is suggested as a method to understand and change subconscious patterns.
👤 Understanding one's core values and identity is the first step in the journey towards unlocking confidence.
🔍 Acknowledging past events that may have programmed insecurity and separating the self from those events is important.
💭 Building the skill of metacognition allows for awareness of thoughts without being controlled by them.
🌟 Having a clear vision of an ideal self can help identify the gap between the current self and the desired self.
🚶‍♂️ Taking small actions to close the gap between the current and ideal self is a practical approach to personal growth.
🕊️ Stepping into the higher self involves embodying the characteristics and habits of the ideal self, regardless of current achievements.
💬 Positive self-talk or affirmations can reinforce the new identity and help reprogram the subconscious mind.
👗 Wearing clothes that make one feel good and implementing other surface-level tactics can support the new identity.
🎬 Encouraging viewers to step into the hero role of their own life story, rather than being a passive extra.

Q & A

What was the speaker's experience with insecurity in social situations?
-The speaker felt insecure and treated differently in social situations, as if people didn't care about their presence or what they had to say. They experienced constant internal chatter and hyper-analysis of their every move.
How did the speaker describe the impact of mainstream media on confidence levels?
-The speaker believes that mainstream media programs people to have low confidence, portraying hyper-confident males negatively as toxic, arrogant, or narcissistic.
What common advice does the speaker mention that they found ineffective for building confidence?
-The speaker mentions that advice such as dressing nicer, going to the gym, making more eye contact, and making more money, as well as the 'fake it till you make it' approach, were ineffective for building genuine confidence.
What does the speaker consider as the key to unlocking true confidence?
-The speaker found that spending hundreds of days studying psychology and the mind provided them with the protocol to unlock true confidence.
How did the speaker's experience at a party demonstrate their transformation in confidence?
-At a party where they knew no one except the host, the speaker was able to make friends, converse comfortably, and surprise others with their well-spoken and confident demeanor, which was a stark contrast to their past self.
What is the difference between external and internal confidence according to the speaker?
-External confidence is situational and can vary depending on the context, while internal confidence remains consistent regardless of external factors. True confidence is internal and is not dependent on external validation.
What is the 'snail and boat' analogy used by the speaker to explain the subconscious mind?
-The 'snail and boat' analogy is used to illustrate the struggle between conscious effort (the snail moving north) and subconscious programming (the boat sailing south), emphasizing that without addressing the subconscious, conscious efforts may not lead to desired outcomes.
What is the first principle the speaker suggests for fixing a broken identity?
-The first principle is 'know thyself,' which involves understanding one's core values and beliefs, and acknowledging past events or programming that may have contributed to insecurity.
What skill does the speaker recommend developing to gain control over one's thoughts and emotions?
-The speaker recommends developing metacognition, the ability to think about thoughts and be aware of one's awareness, which allows for a non-attached observation of one's own mental processes.
How does the speaker define the 'higher self' and its relation to one's current identity?
-The 'higher self' is the ideal version of oneself, capable of achieving all desired goals and embodying all positive traits, including high confidence. It represents the gap between one's current identity and the ideal self, which can be bridged through conscious effort and self-improvement.
What is the importance of 'stepping into the higher self' according to the speaker?
-Stepping into the higher self is crucial as it allows one to embody the qualities and habits of the ideal self, providing justification to the subconscious mind and reducing insecurity. It's about being the version of oneself that attracts success rather than achieving success to become that version.
What is the speaker's view on the effectiveness of affirmations for building self-confidence?
-The speaker believes that affirmations can be effective in building self-confidence, but only after laying a foundation of self-belief through understanding and embodying the higher self.
What are some of the surface-level tactics the speaker suggests implementing after stepping into the higher self?
-The speaker suggests tactics such as holding eye contact, being comfortable in silence, having open body language, talking flirtatiously, and wearing clothes that make one feel good, which are all behaviors that the higher self would naturally exhibit.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Overcoming Insecurity and the Illusion of Confidence

The speaker shares their personal journey of overcoming insecurity, which was deeply rooted in societal norms and media portrayals. They describe the constant internal struggle of feeling judged and the impact it had on their social interactions. The speaker also criticizes superficial advice often found online, such as dressing better or making more money, and explains that true confidence is internal and not dependent on external validation. They discovered a protocol to unlock genuine self-assurance through extensive reading and learning about psychology, which led to a transformation in their social behavior and self-perception.

05:01

🧠 The Path to True Confidence: Understanding Internal Identity

This paragraph delves into the concept of internal versus external confidence, using the metaphor of a snail on a boat to illustrate the struggle between conscious effort and subconscious programming. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding one's core values and identity to achieve true confidence. They suggest peeling back layers of self-perception to uncover deep-seated beliefs and addressing past traumas that may have contributed to insecurity. Additionally, the speaker introduces the idea of metacognition as a tool for self-awareness and the ability to observe one's thoughts without being influenced by them, which is crucial for personal growth and confidence building.

10:01

🌟 Embracing the Higher Self to Achieve Confidence and Success

The speaker discusses the importance of envisioning an ideal self and the gap that often exists between one's current self and this ideal. They encourage the audience to visualize and define their higher self with clarity, including habits, appearance, and behaviors. The speaker then advises taking small, consistent actions to close this gap, emphasizing that the subconscious mind does not distinguish between imagined and real experiences. They also stress the importance of adopting positive self-talk and affirmations, which can reprogram the subconscious mind when grounded in a genuine belief in one's higher self. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's personal experience of stepping into his higher self, which led to achieving goals and a shift in his self-perception and social interactions.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty and self-doubt that can affect a person's confidence in social and personal situations. In the video, the speaker describes their past experiences with insecurity, highlighting how it can lead to hyper-analyzing one's actions and feeling overlooked in social settings. The script mentions how mainstream media and societal pressures can contribute to low self-confidence.

💡Confidence

Confidence refers to a belief in one's own abilities, qualities, and judgment. The video discusses the concept of 'true confidence' as a key to unlocking opportunities and respect from others. It contrasts external confidence, which can be situational, with internal confidence, which is consistent regardless of external factors. The speaker shares their journey of gaining confidence through self-improvement and understanding their identity.

💡Subconscious Mind

The subconscious mind is the part of the consciousness that operates without conscious awareness but influences behavior and emotions. In the script, the speaker uses the metaphor of a snail on a boat to illustrate how the subconscious can undermine conscious efforts, like heading north while the boat sails south. The video emphasizes the importance of aligning the subconscious with one's conscious goals to achieve true confidence.

💡Metacognition

Metacognition is the ability to think about and be aware of one's own thought processes. The video suggests that developing metacognition can help individuals recognize and challenge negative subconscious thoughts that contribute to insecurity. The speaker recommends meditation as a method to cultivate this skill and gain control over one's thoughts.

💡Identity

Identity in the context of the video refers to one's sense of self, which includes personal values, beliefs, and traits. The speaker argues that understanding and aligning with one's true identity is crucial for building genuine confidence. The script discusses how past experiences can shape identity in ways that may lead to insecurity, and how recognizing and reprogramming these aspects can lead to self-improvement.

💡Ideal Self

The ideal self is a concept representing the version of oneself that embodies all desired traits and achievements. The video encourages viewers to visualize their ideal self to identify the gap between their current and ideal state. This vision is used as a guide to take actions that close this gap and build confidence, as the speaker shares their personal experience of transforming into a more confident person.

💡Self-Talk

Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue one has with oneself. The video discusses the power of positive self-talk in reprogramming the subconscious mind and building confidence. It contrasts ineffective affirmations with those that are believed and supported by one's established self-belief, leading to changes in behavior and mindset.

💡Social Strategies

Social strategies are techniques or approaches used to interact effectively with others. Towards the end of the script, the speaker mentions the importance of knowing specific social strategies to win people over, suggesting that confidence alone is not enough and must be complemented with understanding social dynamics.

💡Meditation

Meditation is a practice of focusing the mind and achieving a mentally clear and emotionally calm state. In the video, the speaker recommends meditation as a tool for developing metacognition and self-awareness, which are essential for understanding and changing one's subconscious programming related to confidence and identity.

💡Self-Improvement

Self-improvement encompasses efforts to enhance personal growth, self-esteem, and well-being. The video's theme revolves around self-improvement as the speaker shares their journey of overcoming insecurity and building confidence. It highlights the process of self-discovery, understanding one's identity, and taking actions to close the gap between the current and ideal self.

Highlights

The speaker discusses their personal journey from insecurity to confidence, highlighting the societal pressures and internal struggles that contribute to low self-esteem.

The transcript emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between external and internal confidence, and how mainstream media can influence self-perception.

The concept of 'fake it till you make it' is critiqued as a superficial approach to building confidence, suggesting that true confidence comes from within.

The speaker shares their experience of a transformative moment at a party, illustrating how personal growth can lead to noticeable changes in social interactions.

The idea that confidence is a key to unlock opportunities is presented, drawing parallels between confidence and the success of high-achieving individuals like Steve Jobs and Elon Musk.

The transcript addresses the misconception that confidence is solely about external validation and argues for the need to understand one's subconscious mind.

The importance of 'knowing thyself' is highlighted as the first principle to building a strong identity and, by extension, confidence.

The process of identifying core values and understanding past experiences that may have shaped one's identity is discussed as a method to address insecurities.

The concept of 'metacognition' is introduced as a skill to develop an awareness of one's thoughts and emotions, providing a tool to combat negative self-talk.

The transcript suggests that visualizing an ideal version of oneself can help bridge the gap between current and desired identity, fostering a sense of confidence.

The importance of taking small, consistent actions to close the gap between one's current and ideal self is emphasized as a practical step towards building confidence.

The transcript explains the psychological principle that the subconscious mind does not differentiate between imagined and real experiences, which can be leveraged to build confidence.

The concept of 'identity synthesis' is introduced, where one consciously adopts the traits of their ideal self to reprogram their subconscious mind.

The speaker shares personal strategies for establishing elite self-talk and the importance of affirmations when they are aligned with one's self-belief.

The transcript concludes with a call to action, encouraging viewers to implement surface-level tactics such as eye contact and open body language to embody confidence.

A final note on the importance of stepping into the 'hero role' of one's life, rather than remaining a passive observer, is presented as a motivational message.