How to move from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food.

Summary

The video script addresses the struggle with disordered eating, offering guidance on developing a healthy relationship with food. It emphasizes understanding appetite cues, moving past emotional eating, and improving body image. The speaker provides options for those seeking clarity, questioning if a healthy relationship is right for them, or needing support on their journey. The script also discusses the misconceptions about healthy eating and the importance of addressing psychological factors, self-worth, and identity in achieving a balanced relationship with food.

Takeaways

• 😐 The struggle with disordered eating involves being pulled in different directions due to a lack of fundamental understanding of what needs to change.
• 🔍 There are various paths to explore for those with disordered eating, including seeking clarity on what a healthy relationship with food means, determining if such a relationship is right for them, and understanding how to achieve it.
• 📈 The journey to a healthy relationship with food involves moving away from dieting, restricting, and emotional eating towards a more intuitive and balanced approach.
• 🤔 A common misconception is that a healthy relationship with food is abstract and unattainable, but it can be made tangible and understood through proper guidance.
• 🍽️ A healthy relationship with food is characterized by balanced appetite, awareness of hunger and satiety cues, eating freely without overeating, enjoying all foods without fear, and trusting oneself around food.
• 💪 The process of developing a healthy relationship with food requires addressing underlying psychological factors, emotional needs, and behaviors that contribute to disordered eating.
• 🧘‍♀️ Emotional eating is a significant aspect that needs to be understood and managed by identifying emotional triggers and finding healthier ways to meet emotional needs.
• 🌟 Improving body image is crucial and involves not letting body shape or size dictate self-worth, confidence, or happiness.
• 🔑 Developing self-trust is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with food, which involves learning from setbacks without judgment and favoring progress over perfection.
• 📚 There are various resources available, including a reading list of books, to aid in self-guided learning for those wishing to understand and improve their relationship with food.
• 🤝 For those seeking professional guidance, there are options like introductory calls and consultations to assess suitability and explore the possibility of working together to achieve a healthy relationship with food.

Q & A

What is a disordered relationship with food?

A disordered relationship with food is a pattern of eating behaviors that are not in harmony with the body's natural hunger and satiety cues, often involving emotional eating, binge eating, yo-yo dieting, and an obsession with food or body image.

What does the speaker mean by 'healthy relationship with food'?

A healthy relationship with food means having a balanced appetite that is appropriate for one's body needs, being able to hear and respond to hunger and satiety cues without using willpower, eating freely without over or undereating, enjoying any foods without fear of losing control, and having trust in oneself around food.

Why do people struggle with understanding what a healthy relationship with food entails?

People struggle because the concept can seem abstract and they often focus too much on the specifics of what they're eating rather than understanding the underlying reasons for their disordered eating habits.

What is the significance of the 'intuitive eating diet' mentioned in the script?

The 'intuitive eating diet' refers to the misconception where people take the principles of intuitive eating, such as eating when hungry and stopping when full, and turn them into rigid rules to enforce, which contradicts the natural and flexible nature of a true intuitive eating approach.

How does the speaker define 'emotional eating'?

Emotional eating is the act of using food to cope with or numb emotions, often leading to overeating or binge eating, and is considered a part of disordered eating patterns.

What is the role of therapy in addressing disordered eating habits?

Therapy can help uncover and address the emotional ties to food, understand the psychological factors contributing to disordered eating, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Why is it important to address body image concerns when working towards a healthy relationship with food?

Addressing body image is crucial because if one's self-worth and confidence are tied to body shape or size, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy relationship with food without the underlying issue of body dissatisfaction being resolved.

What are some common misconceptions about a healthy relationship with food according to the script?

Common misconceptions include believing it's about eating everything in moderation, enforcing willpower to maintain balance, copying someone else's eating habits, or following the intuitive eating principles as a strict set of rules.

How does the speaker describe the journey from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food?

The journey involves recognizing the need for change, understanding the concept of a healthy relationship with food, addressing psychological factors, moving past emotional eating, improving body image, and developing self-trust and self-worth, among other aspects.

What is the purpose of the reading list mentioned in the script?

The reading list is intended to provide further understanding and guidance for those who wish to develop a healthy relationship with food on their own, by exploring various books that have been helpful to the speaker or their clients.

What does the speaker offer for those interested in step-by-step guidance on developing a healthy relationship with food?

The speaker offers one-on-one client work that covers all the necessary areas for transitioning from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food, starting with an introductory call and potentially moving to a complimentary consultation.

Outlines

00:00

🌀 Struggling with Disordered Eating Patterns

The paragraph discusses the complexities of disordered eating relationships, where individuals often seek help from various sources such as nutritionists and therapists without fully understanding the underlying issues. It highlights common struggles like binge eating, emotional eating, and yo-yo dieting, and emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns as symptoms of a larger problem. The speaker offers different resources and options for those at various stages of understanding and addressing their disordered eating, including guidance for those seeking clarity on what a healthy relationship with food looks like and how to achieve it.

05:00

🍽 Defining a Healthy Relationship with Food

This paragraph delves into the misconceptions about what constitutes a healthy relationship with food, clarifying that it is not about moderation, balanced eating, or following someone else's eating habits. It critiques the intuitive eating diet, explaining how it can be misinterpreted as a set of new rules rather than a natural approach to eating. The speaker then presents their definition of a healthy relationship with food, which includes having a balanced appetite, responding to hunger and satiety cues without willpower, eating freely without overeating in the long term, enjoying any food without fear of losing control, and having a natural inclination towards nourishing foods.

10:04

🚶‍♀️ Moving from Disordered Eating to a Healthy Relationship with Food

The speaker addresses the common concerns and questions that arise when considering the transition from disordered eating to a healthy relationship with food. They discuss the possibility of achieving such a relationship and the factors that contribute to the current state of disordered eating. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding the specifics of a healthy relationship with food and the necessity of addressing the root causes rather than focusing solely on dietary habits. It also touches on the misconceptions about intuitive eating and the importance of making it a natural, rather than forced, practice.

15:05

🤔 Addressing Concerns about Weight and Body Image

In this paragraph, the discussion centers on the apprehensions people have about their weight and body image when considering a shift towards a healthy relationship with food. The speaker challenges the audience to trust their body's natural weight regulation and to consider whether they would accept their 'natural healthy weight.' The importance of improving body image as part of developing a healthy relationship with food is highlighted, as well as the interconnectedness of these two aspects of well-being.

20:05

🛠️ Developing a Healthy Relationship with Food: A Step-by-Step Approach

The speaker outlines a step-by-step approach to developing a healthy relationship with food, emphasizing that it is a skill set made up of many smaller skills. They compare the process to developing a sense of style in interior design, where understanding principles and concepts leads to a cohesive and personalized outcome. The paragraph encourages a focus on understanding and skills development, rather than trying to copy someone else's approach or relying on willpower and restrictive rules.

25:07

🧘‍♀️ The Psychological Aspects of Food and Eating

This paragraph explores the psychological aspects of food and eating behaviors, discussing how thoughts and mindsets can contribute to disordered eating patterns. It provides examples of how certain thought patterns, such as planning a perfect diet for the future, can inadvertently trigger binge eating. The speaker stresses the importance of understanding and changing these psychological factors to develop a healthy relationship with food, rather than just focusing on the act of eating itself.

30:07

🌟 Identity, Confidence, and Assertiveness in Food Relationships

The speaker discusses the importance of identity, confidence, and assertiveness in developing a healthy relationship with food. They explain that a strong sense of self that is not centered around food or body image is crucial, as well as confidence in one's own worth and the ability to assert one's needs and desires. The paragraph highlights how these factors can contribute to a more balanced and self-care-oriented approach to eating.

35:09

📚 Resources and Support for a Healthy Relationship with Food

In the final paragraph, the speaker offers resources and support for those looking to develop a healthy relationship with food. They provide a reading list of books that can help individuals understand different aspects of this journey and form their own path. For those seeking more structured guidance, the speaker offers the option of an introductory call and a complimentary consultation to assess the suitability of their services for the individual's needs.

Keywords

💡Disordered Eating

Disordered eating refers to any pattern of eating that is not in line with what the body needs for optimal health. It is often characterized by an unhealthy relationship with food, which can include behaviors like binge eating, emotional eating, and yo-yo dieting. In the video, the narrator discusses the struggle with disordered eating and the journey towards a healthier relationship with food, mentioning how individuals are 'pulled in all these different directions' due to a lack of fundamental understanding of what they are trying to achieve.

💡Emotional Eating

Emotional eating is a behavior where individuals eat in response to emotions rather than physical hunger. It is often used as a coping mechanism for dealing with stress, anxiety, or other feelings. The video script mentions 'emotional eating' as a common issue among those with disordered eating patterns, and it suggests that addressing the underlying emotions is key to developing a healthier relationship with food.

💡Intuitive Eating

Intuitive eating is an approach that encourages individuals to listen to their body's natural hunger and satiety cues, rather than following strict diet rules. It promotes eating without guilt and enjoying foods without fear of losing control. The script discusses how people often misunderstand intuitive eating, turning its principles into rigid rules, which is contrary to the concept of freely eating in tune with one's body.

💡Body Image

Body image is a person's perception of their own body, including the way they view their appearance and the feelings associated with it. The video emphasizes the importance of improving body image as part of developing a healthy relationship with food, noting that a negative body image can hinder progress and maintain unhealthy behaviors.

💡Yo-Yo Dieting

Yo-yo dieting refers to the cycle of repeatedly losing and gaining weight, often as a result of strict dieting followed by periods of overeating. The video script mentions 'yo-yo dieting' as one of the struggles individuals face, indicating that it is not a sustainable or healthy approach to managing one's weight and food intake.

💡Healthy Relationship with Food

A healthy relationship with food is characterized by a balanced intake that meets the body's needs, listening to hunger and satiety cues, and eating without guilt or fear. The video's main theme revolves around achieving this state, where individuals can 'eat freely without over or under eating' and 'enjoy any foods without a fear of losing control'.

💡Appetite Balance

Appetite balance refers to having a physical appetite that is appropriate for one's body needs, neither overeating nor undereating. The script discusses the importance of 'balancing the appetite' as a part of developing a healthy relationship with food, noting that dieting and restricting can unbalance the appetite.

💡Appetite Awareness

Appetite awareness is the ability to recognize and respond to one's body's hunger and satiety cues. The video emphasizes the need for 'appetite awareness training' to get in touch with these cues, which is essential for a healthy relationship with food.

💡Mindset

Mindset, in the context of the video, refers to the psychological perspective one holds towards food and eating. The script mentions understanding one's 'psychology around food' as a crucial step, including recognizing thoughts and beliefs that may drive disordered eating behaviors.

💡Self-Trust

Self-trust is the confidence in one's own abilities and decisions, particularly in relation to the video's theme, it involves trusting oneself around food choices. The script discusses building self-trust as a part of developing a healthy relationship with food, suggesting that without it, maintaining such a relationship would be difficult.

💡Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the tendency to pursue unattainably high standards and is often associated with rigid thinking and black-and-white perspectives. The video script connects perfectionism to the struggle with food, suggesting that letting go of perfectionistic thinking can help in developing a more flexible and healthy relationship with food.

💡Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to express one's thoughts, feelings, and needs in an open, honest, and self-assured way. The script touches on the importance of assertiveness training for some individuals, as it helps in recognizing and asserting one's own needs, which is beneficial for a healthy relationship with food.

💡Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to the overall sense of worth or value that an individual holds about themselves. The video discusses the importance of confidence, self-worth, and self-love as foundational to a healthy relationship with food, suggesting that these aspects of self-esteem are integral to making self-caring decisions around food.

💡Body Image Improvement

Body image improvement involves changing one's perception and feelings about their body to be more positive and less critical. The script notes that if body image is not addressed, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy relationship with food, as the individual's self-worth may be too closely tied to their physical appearance.

💡Identity

Identity, in the context of the video, refers to one's sense of self that is not defined by disordered eating or body image concerns. The script mentions the importance of developing an identity outside of food and body preoccupation, which can help in crowding out thoughts about food and weight, thus aiding in establishing a healthier relationship with food.

Highlights

The struggle with disordered eating is often due to a lack of fundamental understanding of what a healthy relationship with food entails.

People with disordered eating are often pulled in different directions, trying various methods without a clear understanding of their underlying issues.

A healthy relationship with food does not mean following the 'eat everything in moderation' diet or enforcing willpower to maintain balance.

Intuitive eating is often misunderstood and can become a new set of rules to enforce, rather than a natural way of eating.

A balanced appetite is essential for a healthy relationship with food, and dieting can often disrupt this balance.

Appetite awareness training helps individuals recognize and respond to their body's hunger and satiety cues.

Understanding the psychological factors behind food choices is crucial for developing a healthy relationship with food.

Emotional eating is a common issue that needs to be addressed by understanding and meeting the emotional needs that drive it.

Improving body image is intertwined with developing a healthy relationship with food, as body image affects how we relate to food.

The concept of 'Fu' from interior design can be applied to developing a healthy relationship with food by focusing on tangible principles.

Developing self-trust is key to maintaining a healthy relationship with food without relying on external validation.

Assertiveness training helps individuals recognize and assert their needs and feelings, which is important for self-care and food decisions.

Recognizing and addressing perfectionism or black and white thinking is essential for a flexible and healthy relationship with food.

A healthy relationship with food is not about following a specific diet but about developing an overarching skill set that includes many smaller skills.

The journey to a healthy relationship with food involves learning, practicing, skill-building, and moving on from there in a step-by-step fashion.

The speaker offers a complimentary consultation for those interested in step-by-step guidance through their journey to a healthy relationship with food.

Transcripts

and I see the same thing with people

with their relationships with food when

they're really struggling with a

disordered relationship with food is

they'll go over here they'll see

nutritionist over here and then they'll

try to water fast and then they'll try

to just stop emotionally eating and then

they might go to therapy over here and

they're kind of being pulled in all

these different directions because they

don't fundamentally understand what it

is that they are trying to do I

appreciate that if you found yourself

here then you have likely been

struggling maybe for some time with

binge eating or emotional eating or

yo-yo dieting or food obsession

insecurity around your body body image

concerns maybe even all of the above and

if you think that you have disordered

eating and potentially bad body image as

well I completely understand if you have

a lot of questions a lot of concerns

you're wondering what is best for you at

this point where can you go from here as

well as hopefully some renewed hope and

curiosity that maybe things can actually

get better depending on what it is that

you need I've created different options

of where you can go next and different

resources that can help so if you're

here because you have heard me talk

about a normal and healthy relationship

with food and you think that's sounds

really nice but what does that even mean

I need some clarity on that there's an

option for you if you're here because

you know what a healthy relationship

with food is and now you're wondering

but is that right for me is going down

that path right for me is it possible

for me if you have questions or concerns

about that then there's an option for

you if you're here because you know what

a healthy relationship with food is you

know it's what you want and you want to

go down that path but you're wondering

how do people actually do that what does

that look like that Journey then there's

an option for that as well or if you're

here because you're interested in

exploring the option of working together

on your journey to a great relationship

with food and you're wondering what that

looks like and if that's right for you

then there's also an option where you

can book in for an introductory call

where we can provide some clarity for

you on that there so depending on where

you're at I invite you to now head to

the place that makes the most sense for

you you and I will be over there to

offer Clarity and support and help hi

lovely this video is for you if you've

been struggling with thinking about food

a lot binge eating feeling out of

control with food emotional eating yo-yo

dieting yo-yoing weight and you know

that you can't continue in the way that

you are you've got enough evidence

behind you now to know that things may

not just improve on their own with what

it is that you've been doing but it's

confusing and you would have seen people

have a healthy relationship if you and

wondered how are they doing this they

don't track anything they don't monitor

anything and they just kind of eat

naturally IM balance intuitively all of

the time and it seems really bizarre

let's begin with what a healthy

relationship with food isn't cuz I think

there's a lot of misconceptions about it

and I think that's because it can seem

like a very abstract concept what a

healthy relationship with food isn't is

the eat everything in moderation diet

it's not balanced eating it's not

copying what someone else with food

Freedom has or eats rather it's not

enforcing willpower on a regular basis

to maintain balance and flexibility

around food and it's not the intuitive

eating diet and what I mean when I say

it's not the intuitive eating diet is

it's very common for people to take the

principle rules of intuitive eating like

oh it's a good idea to kind of eat when

you're hungry and startop when you're

full and turn them into new rules from

which to enforce and if intuitive eating

isn't coming coming naturally to someone

then I would argue that they are on the

intuitive eating diet I hope that makes

sense a healthy ra of food also isn't

the hunger fullness diet by the way eat

when you're hungry start when you're

full and stick to it with force and

willpower okay now I'm going to take you

through how I Define a healthy relation

reltionship with food and this is after

years of experience of trying to Define

it and make it tangible okay and fair

warning if you've been struggling in

your relationship with f for quite some

time and feeling out of control Etc then

the following might seem like a fantasy

to you or too good to be true all right

that's really common so fair warning but

I'll just lay out what it is and then we

can take it from there a healthy

relationship with food to me means that

someone's physical appetite is balanced

and it's appropriate for their body's

needs firstly that they can hear the

full range of their appetite cues and

they can respond to hunger and satiety

most of the time without using willpower

so you know when it's time to breathe in

and out most of the day you know that

but you're not consciously aware of it

and it happens quite naturally same

thing with oh I'm feeling a little bit

hungry oh I'm becoming satiated and so

I'm eating and now I'm stopping eating

and I'm moving on that's what I mean

without willpower

next that you can eat freely so no heavy

analysis no monitoring no tracking no

calorie counting eat freely without over

or under eating in the big picture not

meal to meal necessarily cuz sometimes

people with a healthy relationship with

food they aren't able to eat when

they're hungry or they eat a bit bitey

but in the big picture over weeks and

months eating freely without over or

undereating next that there's that they

can enjoy any foods that they want to

enjoy without a fear of losing control

that there's little emotional eating

happening against my definition it's my

way of working with it to me if there's

absolutely no emotional eating occurring

whatsoever then someone is only eating

for Optimum Nutrition at all times and

is deriving no pleasure or satisfaction

from their food whatsoever but you might

have an intuitive sense of when it

starts to cross over that line for you

and it's becoming a little bit

problematic and distressing the next

part is that you tend more towards

nourishing food because you genuinely

want it not because you feel that you

should eat it next that you can trust

yourself fully around food to the point

that not trusting yourself around food

seems as ridiculous as not trusting

yourself around your sunglasses for

instance and it is that way for people

with a healthy relationship with food

and lastly that there is healthy control

with food so not the tight in control

willpower enforced better maintain this

rigidity otherwise there's chaos kind of

control and not out of control you know

checking out zoning out feeling chaotic

Etc healthy control so the ability for

you to make decisions around food which

align with what you want for yourself

and decisions coming from an easy place

of self-care and peace like oh I've got

a craving for ice cream and you would

have seen people do this got a craving

for ice cream

H what time's D going be oh 45 minutes H

okay well actually I think I'll wait

then maybe until after dinner to have an

ice cream if I still fancy one you see

that easy decision or maybe I will have

an ice cream that easy decision from a

place of selfcare hi lovely you're here

if you have understood what a healthy

relationship with food is as far as I

work with it and I think of it and it

sounds nice to you it sounds like

something that you want but you're

wondering if it is quite that simple cuz

it doesn't feel like it and if going

down this path towards that as a goal

makes sense for you and is right for you

so that's what we're going to discuss

and what I'm going to start with is the

primary concerns and questions that tend

to come up at this point so those are

what would happen to my weight if I went

down this path towards this goal is it

possible for me to have a healthy

relationship with you and is that

dependent on anything what if I'm not

happy with where my body ends up as a

result of gaining this relationship with

food and will life actually be better

with this relationship with food you

know because it means giving up certain

things like dieting restricting and the

highs of that and also emotional eating

and binge eating and kind of that

emotional roller coaster which can be

devastating but it can also be very

entertaining and can serve different

roles so will life even be better and

you'll also probably be wondering how do

people actually move from disordered

eating to a great relationship with food

so I'm actually going to start with is

it possible for me to have a healthy

relationship with food and the so I

don't know you we haven't met yet most

likely but my take on this is that your

relationship with food is the way that

it is for a

reason and there's many different

factors which are going into it right

now to create create this disordered

eating which again is such a high level

term and everything in it can be broken

down into something very tangible and I

think one of the reasons why people

don't think that it's possible for them

is because they don't actually

understand the specifics of what a

healthy relationship with food actually

means and they don't understand how to

get there and they focus far too much on

what they're eating rather than all the

reasons why they don't have a healthy

relationship with food in the first

place and what a lot of people do in my

experience is they hear about a healthy

relationship with food maybe from me and

they understandably take all of their

experiences with dieting or trying to

control their food or trying to maintain

balance with eating

and not succeeding at that in their mind

cuz they were using willp power

essentially and dealing with the surface

stuff but anyway they take all of that

experience of I can't be trusted I'm a

failure at this and this is not going to

work for me here we go again they take

all of that

into the goal of a healthy relationship

with food when they think about it

because they think that was about food

and that didn't work and this looks like

is about food so how on Earth can that

work this happens quite regularly now

because the intuitive eating movement

has become a lot bigger that I will

speak with someone who says I don't

really don't think I can have a healthy

relationship with food because you know

I've tried intuitive eating for a while

and I still binge I still feel like I'm

thinking about food often I still feel

like I overeat and then invariably what

will happen when I ask them okay just

walk me through your approach to

intuitive eating help me to understand

and then they will say things like okay

well I was trying to only eat when I'm

hungry and stop when I'm full do that

most of the time and I was trying not to

emotionally eat or and I was trying not

to drink my calories and I was trying to

make balanced meals and I was trying to

eat enough you know and trying to reduce

sugar Etc these are the kind of things

that would come up that were trying a

lot and so what's happened here which is

completely understandable what's

happened here is someone has heard about

intuitive eating it makes sense

logically makes sense on the tin and

then they take the intuitive eating

principles almost and they turn it into

a new set of rules without meaning to

and then they try to enforce them and

that is not gaining a healthy

relationship with food at all gaining a

healthy relationship with food means

looking at okay eating when I'm hungry

and stopping when I'm satiated most of

the time that seems to be like part of a

healthy relationship of food okay I'm

currently finding it difficult to do

that naturally so what needs to

fundamentally change underneath that so

that it comes naturally to me to eat

when I'm hungry and stop eating when I'm

satiated most of the time another

example okay reducing emotional eating

okay that seems like it's part of a

healthy relationship with you that makes

sense okay so I'm just I'm going to

recognize when I'm not hungry and I want

to eat and I'm really going to try to to

not do that and maybe I'll I'll call A

friend or or go for a walk instead and

I'll just try to not emotionally eat but

gaining a healthy relationship with food

the difference there is I recognize I

want to eat often when I'm not

physically hungry or I want to eat past

the TIY that's interesting I wonder what

that's about I wonder what is driving

that then exploring what types of

emotional eating that they're doing what

needs that it's serving Etc and taking

the necessary steps

to address those emotions and those

needs effectively in the right way so

that the urge to emotionally eat does

not come up nearly as much because some

is normal and healthy so there is the

key difference and the missing link and

why gaining a healthy relationship with

food is nothing like any other the

dieting or wol power plans or anything

like that and while gaining a healthy

relationship with food actually actually

has very little to do with any

discussions about food whatsoever and

that's why I often say I help women gain

a normal and healthy relationship with

food without relying on rules

restrictions or willpower not just

because that's more pleasant to do it

that way but because it's fundamentally

necessary gaining a healthy relationship

with food that comes naturally to us is

the point and that people haven't

actually

done and so when people come to me and

they say and I've worked with women who

are in their 60s and 70s well and they

come and they say I really don't think I

can have a healthy relationship with few

because I've been trying all of my life

I've really been trying all of my life

and when we get into what it is that

they've tried you know things like keto

or I tried um eating when I'm hungry and

S when I'm full I've tried fasting I've

tried this I've tried that all things

surrounding trying to maintain control

in one way or another when you break it

all the way down and I say to them and

I'll say the same thing to you I say to

them this is good news really because

essentially what you've been doing for a

long time is saying I really really want

to learn to drive and then you've gone

out and you bought a bike and you've

been pedaling away for hours and hours

and hours trying really really hard so

much energy and effort into it you've

been trying so hard and then you're like

oh I'm not any closer to being able to

drive a car okay I'm going to go and get

a scooter spending hours practicing

scootering around like oh I'm not any

closer to driving a car it's like well

of course you're not because you haven't

been focused on the things that you need

to focus on to be able to drive a car

and it's same with a healthy

relationship with food I imagine that

you've actually got so much discipline

and energy and

focus and it's just that it's been going

into the wrong places as it were and

imagine all of that when it's put into

the right places and the underlying

reasons why each part of your

relationship with fud isn't particularly

healthy are actually addressed as it can

come naturally to you the next common

concern that comes up of even if I think

I'm capable of having a healthy

relationship with Fe are moving towards

that what is going to happen to my

weight so I'm going to put it back to

you and say if you had that healthy

relationship with food which we outlined

so eating freely without over underere

eating can hear your hungry and ctiy

cues you're not really emotionally

eating you're tending more towards

nourishing food because you want it you

can trust yourself fully around food you

have healthy control with food all of

that stuff but just as a thought

experiment if you woke up with that

relationship with food all of it would

you trust your body to take care of its

own weight regulation first and foremost

and if the answer to that is yes then

the next question is okay so I trust my

way do that but what if I don't like my

I like to call it my natural healthy

weight so the the the weight and body

that we have that is in response to a

healthy relation relationship with food

they go hand in hand to change outside

of our natural healthy weight would mean

by default we no longer have a healthy

relationship with food if you see what I

mean so they go hand in hand next

question is what if I don't like my

natural healthy weight even if I want

that relationship with food and this is

a big question but I'll do my best the

honest answer is that in order to move

down the path of gaining a healthy

relationship with food that path also

involes involves improving body image

because if you gained a healthy

relationship with you and your body

settled somewhere and you were really

really unhappy with it and it was

impacting your life your sense of

confidence Etc i. you still have bad

body image then it's not really going to

be a likely outcome that you can

maintain that healthy relationship with

food so they kind of go hand in hand

moving towards a healthy relationship

with food in my experience means also

moving towards good body image and when

I say good body image I think and I've

asked this on my YouTube channel so so I

know that there's lots of different

responses I think it's important for me

to Define what I mean by that so this is

my definition of what good body image

means and it's the way that I work with

it good body image means that my body

does not determine anything that I think

of myself anything that I feel anything

that I do anything that I wear anything

that I feel I deserve to have and

anything that I go after in life and

that might be different to your idea of

good body image some people some people

consider it to be I like the way that I

look they're different things my body

does not impact my life and sense of

self conversely bad body image I would

Define as the opposite so my body

determines absolutely everything I think

of myself everything that I feel

everything that I do everything that I

wear everything I feel I deserve to have

and everything that I go after in life

those are kind of like the two extremes

I'm not sure anyone really fools on

either absolute extreme and so this is

this is about choice so my question to

you is that definition of good body

image is that also what you want is that

also what you want really really really

important question and if you say yes

you know I don't know how and I have

concerns about that but yes that sounds

really nice I'd like a healthy

relationship with you to sell my natural

healthy weight to be taken care of my

healthy and fitness from a place of ease

and pure passion and enjoyment and I'd

like to be free to live my life and feel

confident and good on my terms not

because of what the scale says

essentially and if that's the case if

that's the case then to me those goals

are congruent and that's a really good

thing because then they're attainable if

you see what I mean then the next

question becomes how do people do that

hi lovely so you're here if you want a

healthy relationship with food a normal

and healthy relationship with food even

if you still have questions like yes

that sounds great feel like I can do

that probably that's what I want the

next question that you probably have is

how how do people do that now I can only

speak from my experience of working with

people through that transition shall we

say I also want to be respectful to the

fact that that is a very very big

question how do people do that that kind

of takes going through the entire

process yourself to really understand

fully how people do that if that makes

sense nevertheless we can do our best to

create an overview so that conceptually

hopefully it makes a lot of sense to you

so the first thing is the recognition

that the relationship with you that you

have whether it's disordered and

struggled or healthy as it were is the

symptom as it were or the effect of

other stuff it's like okay eating when

you're hungry and stopping when you're

satiated most of the time okay well we

got two options there we could turn that

into a rule I'm going to eat when I'm

hungry and stop when I'm assciated 90%

of the time and I'm going to track it

and I'm going to enforce that or we look

at oh why is that not coming naturally

to me already and What needs to change

underneath that to allow for that to

come naturally to me the next part is

the recognition that a healthy

relationship with you that comes

naturally to us cannot be born out of

control rules restrictions or willpower

and if we're doing that then we've

basically gone on to what I like to call

the intuitive eating diet or the healthy

relationship with food diet I think it's

helpful to think of a healthy

relationship with food the seemingly

abstract concept like style and I'm

going to use the example of interior

design style because I've just got a new

apartment looking around it now and I

got it completely empty and I decided I

want to do the interior design for this

I've never done that before and I think

I'd really enjoy it and I very quickly

found that I couldn't it felt like I

spent hours on Pinterest as per

everyone's advice looking up rooms and

design and style and my style was

consistent in what I was looking at I

knew what I wanted when I saw it but

then taking that and actually starting

to choose pieces

and colors and then bringing the room

together so that my apartment looked

like or had the same feel as these rooms

on Pinterest completely different thing

but I didn't know at that point why I

was finding it so hard I just thought

and I was joking to my friends I don't

have any style so I called my brother

and I asked for help he's a designer I

said help me please I have no style and

bless him he really tried to help and I

pretended that the phone unle was more

helpful than it was and one of the

things he said was well you know a mix

of modern and kind of rustic is nice and

then's some nice things on the wall and

I was thinking yes but I don't know what

nice means so saying that really doesn't

help me at all but then fortunately I

came across the con concept of Fu which

I knew about but I actually started

looking into it and I was like okay

spatial arrangement in the room okay I

took a few concepts of that was tangible

was logical cool I got that and I moved

things around according to these

principles and I was like wow this feels

a lot better and all of a sudden I felt

a little bit excited about it I was like

oh I've learned something I can develop

style I'm like an infant right now but

there are tangible things and Concepts

that I can learn bit by bit now just

like when I would look at someone like

my brother who has interior design style

and think but how are you doing that you

might have looked at someone with a

healthy relationship with you and have

been like but how are you doing that

just as someone can develop a sense of

style something which I didn't think was

possible until recently but just as

someone can develop that bit by bit

someone can also develop a healthy

relationship with food but not by

copying what someone else is doing that

doesn't work not by trying to just try

really hard to just get it right that's

what I was doing with my apartment just

trying really hard to get it right not

by any of that but by developing the

necessary

understandings and developing skills

many skills one bit at a time and slowly

this picture starts to form and this

overarching skill of styling or a

healthy relationship with food can be

formed and I think of a healthy

relationship with you as just one big

skill made up of lots and lots of many

skills and that is the way that I teach

it and so what I have seen so much of of

people talking to me about it is

basically what I was doing when I was

trying to make my apartment look nice I

was going over here and I was going over

here I'm like maybe I'll get this bit of

friendship off but then will it work

with the wall like what color would I

get with that and how do I get another

piece of furniture that would look good

with that one it just doesn't make too

much sense there too there's too much to

think about all at once how do people

possibly ever do this I must just not

have any style and I see the same thing

with people with their relationship with

food when they're really struggling with

a disordered relationship with food is

they'll go over here they'll see a

nutritionist over here and then they'll

try to water fast and then they'll try

to just stop emotionally eating and then

they might go to therapy over here and

they're kind of being pulled in all

these different directions because they

don't fundamentally understand what it

is that they are trying to do it's not

tangible they don't understand it and so

when people say is it possible to

improve your relationship with food that

to me

seems just as not ridiculous cuz I

understand why it's being asked but but

we'll use it just as ridiculous of a

question as if someone were asking like

I was can someone develop better style

and the thing is a lot of what people by

the time they speak to me have tried

over the years some of it was really

helpful and kind of a part of having a

healthy relationship with food you know

I spoke to someone the other day who

went to see a nutritionist to help them

to kind of resettle their appetite cues

and rebalance their appetite and having

a balanced appetite you know it's

appropriate for our knes is that part of

a healthy relationship ship with food

well yeah that's really helpful it's a

part of it but there comes in the

importance of the awareness of the whole

picture at large and seeing as I'm going

to rebalance my appetite CU that's

really helpful but it's not the whole

picture and I got to do these other

things as well but what will often

happen is someone might go to a

nutritionist like that they try to work

on and they say oh this hasn't helped at

all scrap all of that entirely now I'm

going to go to therapy and they uncover

some emotional ties to food and they

start to address it and that's really

helpful and they might think okay that's

been kind of helpful but I don't have a

healthy relationship with food now that

comes naturally to me maybe my appetite

cues have got out of balance again or if

I have a craving do I honor my craving

do I not how do I make decisions around

food that sense of healthy control isn't

there I'm clueless still oh that didn't

work let's bring in the next thing so in

summary conceptually how does someone

develop a healthy relationship with food

and again I can only speak from my

experience personal and professional

experience first comes the awareness of

what a healthy relationship with food

actually is you got to make that

tangible even though it seems abstract

it's tangible got to break it down then

into the different categories and steps

in essence of things that need to be

addressed in order for a healthy

relationship with food to come into

fruition and being aware of the bigger

picture at large of all those things

that need to be addressed and then go

into

focusing on the one part at a time like

developing a balanced appetite getting

in touch with appetite cues moving past

emotional eating building trust in in

self and step by step bringing all of

this new understanding and new practice

and new skills bringing them all in

together because they're all

interconnected just like with style all

of those elements of style need to come

together for a room to look stylish to

that person now that we've looked at

that conceptually which hopefully was

helpful in and of itself I understand

that now you probably want it to be more

specific what are the actual areas that

people address that come together to

create a healthy relationship with food

as a side effect essentially hey lovely

welcome you are here if you would like

to learn more about how to develop a

healthy relationship with food and all

that that entails so what are the

different areas that in my experience

someone needs to address kind of in

isolation but also as a whole picture in

order to move from binge eating yo-yo

dieting food Obsession emotional eating

feeling out of control to a normal and

healthy relationship with food and I'll

summarize those for you the first area

is balancing the appetite making sure

that the physical appetite is balanced

and appropriate for our body's needs so

a lot of people don't know this but

dieting restricting ignoring appetite

cues on both ends of the spectrum can

actually lead to the physical appetite

becoming unbalanced and I've heard so

often I feel so much hungrier than other

people or I can't hear my appetite CU I

don't know when I'm hungry I don't know

when I'm satiated and actually the

disordered eating and dieting in itself

can massively contribute to that and of

course having a balanced appetite which

is appropriate for your body's needs is

a part of a healthy relationship with

food so learning how to do that is one

part the second part is some appetite

awareness training if you like so that's

getting in touch with Hunger Andy cues

and appetite cues the appetite might be

balanced from the first part but that

doesn't mean an awful lot if you can't

hear your appetite cues as it were and

again there can be a lot of confusion

around this might be true for you may

not be there can be a lot of confusion

around this am I hungry enough to eat

yet am I not hungry enough to eat should

I stop eating am I satiated enough Etc

what does tus even feel like all all of

these kinds of things and so being in

touch with appetite cues doesn't give us

a healthy relationship with food in

isolation but it's an important part

hard to have one without hearing

appetite cues the third part is

understanding your psychology around

food and that can seem like a

daunting area I'll give you an example

of what I mean so someone that is binge

eating may be completely unaware that

the urge to binge is pretty much a

creation of their own they're creating

the urge to binge typically without even

realizing it and one small example of

this is and that's through thoughts one

through one small example of this is

have you ever planned a diet for the

next day thought I'm going to be really

good and kind of really on track and

everything's going to be amazing I'm

going to follow this plan perfectly and

I'm going to lose this amount of weight

starting from tomorrow and that very

idea of I'm going to begin tomorrow and

be almost perfect on my plan was the

very instigator of you having a binge

that evening you might not have been

aware of it happening but it's very very

common and so there a thought of I'm

going to go onto a diet should you say

tomorrow instigated or at least

contributed to the urge to binge that

otherwise wouldn't have been there

that's one small example then there's

other things like scarcity mindset you

know wanting what we can't have creating

the urge to binge and

unnecessary cravings and urges then

there's things like checking out when a

binge starts to occur and checking out

contributes to the binge unfolding

there's a lot that we do in our thinking

that creates and drives the urge to

binge and unnecessary thoughts and

preoccupation around food and the really

ironic thing is that when people are

thinking certain things or having

certain perspectives around food that

are contributing to the urge to binge

they are actually having those thoughts

and taking those perspectives because

they believe that they are helpful hence

they are being done intentionally and

that's really really good news because

if they're being done intentionally and

for a Positive Purpose it means that

once they are identified then you can

stop doing them basically and do

something more helpful developing the

mindset of someone with a healthy

relationship with food which again isn't

as daunting or unrealistic as it can

sound on the tin it's actually really

tangible that's really crucial to

actually genuinely having a healthy

relationship with food so we have to

take into account psychology the next

part is moving past emotional eating and

this I can kind of break up to summarize

into understanding and identifying what

types of emotional eating that you do

what do you use food for emotionally to

meet needs or to meet emotions does food

mean certain things to you and the next

part then is actually tending to those

needs and getting those needs met and

working through emotions and responding

to emotions in

really healthy and productive and

self-development and resilient ways

sufficiently and effectively enough that

the urge to use food emotionally in

those ways goes down on its own a lot of

people make a mistake when it comes to

emotional eating of just trying to not

emotionally eat and just try to stop it

using that force and willpower which you

supp spoken about but with a healthy

relationship with food we would

considered that those urges to use food

in unhealthful ways aren't there in the

first place and so we're looking at what

can we do to bring the urges down which

is getting those needs and emotions met

in more fulfilling and appropriate ways

the next area is body image improving

body image so if at the moment a lot of

what you think of yourself or feel or do

or wear or feel that you deserve to have

have is dependent on your body shape or

size then that's going to need to be

addressed in my opinion and experience

because if it's not and there's a lot

riding on what body weight or shape you

have then how could you not go in and

start to rec control food even if you

developed a healthy relationship with

food how could you maintain a healthy

relationship with food if say your

confidence or your sense of style or

your feeling of being worthy or lovable

or having fun in life is dependent on

your body body and it's absolutely

possible and something which I fully

support to have a healthy relationship

with food that comes naturally to us and

care about health and fitness from a

place of self-care and passion and

enjoyment and have good body image and

feel good about ourselves and be out

there thriving in our lives and feel

confident regardless of what exactly our

body shape is doing at that particular

time and improving the relationship with

food and improving body image these two

invariably they go hand in hand it's

like you want both of them or neither of

them for the vast majority of us another

area which is crucial for developing a

healthy relationship with food which

people don't often think about is

identity essentially who are you when

you're not thinking about food all the

time you're not preoccupied with food

all of the time your energy and

attention isn't going there it's also

not going on your body and what it looks

like and your sense of self as well is

not dependent on your body weight or

shape I never used to do any work with

identity at my own Peril when I was

working with clients a few years ago and

I very quickly learned that these

questions really need to be asked and

that's for two reasons the first is that

I would work with clients to healthy

relationship with food and good body

image and then they would come back or

sorry two of them came back with one

specific problem and that was I don't

know who I am without my disordered

eating and bad body body image taking up

all of my time and attention essentially

and the second reason is that if we are

adding these things in along the journey

to our sense of self our interests where

our attention goes what we want to focus

on and these things are being added in

then it actually does a wonderful job of

crowding out the thoughts around food

and weight themselves which obviously is

really helpful for gaining healthy

relationship with food and good body

image it all kind of works in tandem

another area is confidence self-worth

self-esteem self-love and kind of group

those together as it were and that's a

really important part of gaining a

healthy relationship with food because

what is a healthy relationship with food

if not a continuous Act of self-care

essentially if you were only able to

make decisions that were self-caring and

everything else was impossible then in

my opinion you would essentially

immediately then have a healthy

relationship with because You' be

tending to emotions and tending to needs

in self-caring ways you would be

naturally finding this balance of

flexibility and enjoyment in food but

nourishing your body and I'm not sure

what a healthy relationship with food

without self love grown would even look

like or if that would even be possible

that to me again would sound like the

healthy relationship with food diet I'm

just enforcing all of these rules new

rules on myself out of a place of

judgment and guilt and shaming Etc and

confidence and self-worth these are

really important because firstly for

body image you know expanding out

domains of selfworth so that not all of

it is riding or not so much of it is

riding on body weight and shape that

hopefully is intuitive to you but also I

work with so many people in this area

where a large part of their troubles

with food and body image is coming from

the seeking the desperate need

essentially of external validation

because they don't have that internal

sense of confidence and stability and

internal validation so they need it from

the outside another important area is

developing self trust which is not the

same thing as being really disciplined

or perfectionistic how can we develop

and maintain a healthy relationship with

food which comes naturally to us if we

don't trust ourselves and might argue

how can I develop trust with myself what

would that even look like when I'm

constantly doing things that I don't

want to be doing that I think are

unhelpful or not in line with a healthy

relationship with food and the short

answer that I have for that is you don't

have to be perfect in order to build

trust with yourself what you can do is

you can reflect on the things that don't

go according to plan in a compassionate

way and you can continuously learn from

these things so that you are favoring

progress a sense of progress over

Perfection that's the short answer but

self self trust really important part of

a healthy relationship with food in my

experience another really important area

When developing a healthy relationship

with food is assertiveness training

applicable more to some rather than

others assertiveness is essentially the

recognition of our own wants and needs

and feelings and seeing them as valid

and as equal to other people's and then

being able to assert them in a in a

polite non-aggressive and non-passive

way so essentially it's the path to

being able to tend to our needs and get

our needs met and that is so important

for building confidence for building

sense of selfworth and also for bringing

down the urge to emotionally eat which

hopefully will make sense to you and

here you start to see how these things

Link in with each other and that's the

point that I keep making in isolation

all of these different areas do they

develop a healthy relationship with food

no but together with those links between

them yes absolutely another important

area in my experience is developing the

ability to recognize our own beauty in

all the different facets of what that

means for some of us we have a very

narrow range of what we consider to be

beautiful we also make the assumption

that everyone else considers it in the

same way we also value physical

attractiveness very very highly to our

disservice robbing ourselves of the

ability to to recognize and appreciate

our own beauty in all the different ways

that that means that's not going to be

helpful for our confidence our sense of

self our Identity or body image and

therefore it's not going to be helpful

for our relationship with food and the

last area which I'll leave you with

there are a few others but I'll leave it

here the last area of developing a

healthy relationship with you in my

experience is addressing perfectionism

or black and white thinking and

developing instead the ability to be

flexible again devel in more of a sense

of self-worth and self value and self-

appreciation and developing

self-efficacy black and white thinking

or Reliance on rules or rigidity or

perfectionism as many of my clients will

test I got a few in my mind at the

moment who just move past perfectionism

and black and white thinking those

things are really hard to keep in place

and develop a healthy relationship with

food at the same time because what is a

healthy relationship with food if not

lots of flexibility in combination with

self-care and what is binge eating and

going off the rails if not a really good

depiction of black and white thinking

that pendulum swinging I'm either in

control or I'm out of control so there

are some of the main areas of developing

a healthy relationship with food the

kind of individual parts that sort of

come together and work in combination to

develop this overarching skill if you

like of a healthy relationship with food

now if you're looking to develop a

normal and healthy relationship with you

and form your own path and carve your

own path there and you're not looking

for outside help or step-by-step

guidance then I've put together a

reading list of books either I have read

or clients have read that have been

helpful for

understanding these different areas and

you can read through them and you can

understand how it relates to your

relationship with food and you can sort

of form your own path and carve from

there so I hope that that would be

helpful I don't have a full reading list

of books that I have read to develop a

healthy relationship with food I went to

school essentially to learn how to

develop a healthy relationship with food

but I've done my best with this reading

this and I and I hope that it's helpful

on your journey now if you are

interested in our help or having

step-by-step guidance then we work with

clients all the way from disorder eating

binge eating y dieting food Obsession

emotional eating bad body image to a

normal and healthy relationship with

food and we cover all the bases and do

so in a learn practice skill build move

on learn practice skill build move on

fashion if that's an option that you

want to explore then we begin with an

introductory call to just assess that

the work that we do is suitable for you

then you'll have the option to have a

complimentary consultation with me which

will be up to a couple of hours and

that's where we get everything out on

the table your relationship with food

where you're getting stuck what your

needs are what your goals are what

questions and concerns you have about

the journey itself and about the work

that we do and if it's suitable we'll

look at what working together throughout

your entire Journey would look like for

you and there's no obligation at all on

either side with this introductory call

or the consultation we'd only move

forward with working together if that's

what we have all mutually decided is the

most beneficial thing to do and it's a

really good fit so if it's an option

that you want to explore then I

recommend just getting started with an

introductory call and then we can take

it from there