A low-risk technique for gaining intimacy with people

Summary

In this video, Clinical Psychology doctoral intern Anna introduces 'Match Plus One,' a technique from Radically Open DBT to build intimacy in relationships. The method involves gradually increasing personal disclosures based on reciprocation, allowing for a low-risk approach to emotional openness. Anna provides an example and a worksheet to assess relationships, encouraging viewers to challenge their comfort zones and explore deeper connections.

Takeaways

• 📚 The speaker, Anna, introduces herself as a Clinical Psychology doctoral intern.
• 🌟 The video discusses a technique called 'Match Plus One' from Radically Open DBT, a variation of traditional DBT.
• 🔄 'Match Plus One' is a low-risk method to increase intimacy by starting with less personal disclosures and assessing reciprocation.
• 🔑 The technique involves a feedback loop to gauge the level of vulnerability based on the other person's responses.
• 🚀 It helps to avoid emotional investment without reciprocation, thus reducing the risk of rejection or abandonment.
• 📈 The method allows for gradual trust-building and increasing intimacy without taking huge risks.
• 🌱 The script includes an example of how to apply 'Match Plus One' in a conversation with a classmate, starting from everyday topics to more personal disclosures.
• 📊 The video outlines different levels of intimacy, from discussing non-emotional everyday events to expressing deep-seated emotions and desires for committed relationships.
• 🤔 Anna encourages viewers to assess their relationships using a worksheet, identifying patterns and potential gaps in intimacy levels.
• 💡 She suggests reflecting on why certain relationships may cluster at specific intimacy levels and considering one's own role in these dynamics.
• 🏋️‍♀️ The video concludes with a challenge to viewers to step outside their comfort zone and try to increase intimacy in areas where they may be struggling.

Q & A

What is the main topic of the video?

The main topic of the video is the 'match plus one' technique from Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO DBT), which is a method to build intimacy in relationships in a low-risk way.

What is RO DBT and how does it differ from traditional DBT?

RO DBT stands for Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It is a slight variation of the original DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), focusing more on openness and vulnerability in relationships.

What is the purpose of the 'match plus one' technique?

The 'match plus one' technique is designed to help individuals get closer to others by starting with less personal disclosures and gradually increasing the level of intimacy based on the reciprocation received.

How does the 'match plus one' technique work?

The technique involves making a disclosure and then assessing if it is reciprocated. If it is, you increase the level of vulnerability by one degree. If not, you can stay at the same level or match down, effectively gauging the level of intimacy based on the other person's responses.

What are the different levels of intimacy mentioned in the script?

The script outlines levels of intimacy ranging from one to ten, with level one being everyday non-emotional events and level ten involving the expression of love and intense feelings for committed long-term relationships.

Why is it important to start with less personal disclosures when trying to build intimacy?

Starting with less personal disclosures is important because it allows individuals to gauge the other person's willingness to reciprocate vulnerability before revealing highly personal or vulnerable information, thus minimizing the risk of rejection or emotional harm.

What is an example of a level one or two disclosure according to the script?

An example of a level one or two disclosure is talking about everyday non-emotional events such as the weather, traffic, or the taste of a meal, or stating opinions about non-emotional topics like the service at a restaurant.

What might a level five or six disclosure involve?

A level five or six disclosure might involve revealing private feelings or emotional judgments about personal events, such as true feelings about a boss or coworker, or socially unacceptable opinions, judgments, or preferences.

What kind of exercise is suggested in the script to assess one's relationships?

The script suggests using a worksheet to map out the levels of intimacy with different people in one's life, such as family members, friends, and partners, to identify patterns and areas for potential growth.

What is the homework assignment suggested in the video?

The homework assignment is to challenge oneself by stepping outside of one's comfort zone in terms of intimacy levels with others, such as giving a holiday card to a coworker or expressing deeper feelings to a friend.

How can the 'match plus one' technique help in professional relationships?

The technique can be applied in professional relationships by starting with less personal disclosures and gradually increasing the level of openness based on the reciprocation received, which can help in building trust and rapport without overstepping professional boundaries.

What is the potential risk of not reciprocating at a certain level of intimacy?

The potential risk of not reciprocating at a certain level of intimacy is that it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship, as one party may feel that their vulnerability is not being met with an equal level of openness, leading to feelings of rejection or abandonment.

How does the 'match plus one' technique relate to the concept of emotional investment in relationships?

The 'match plus one' technique helps to balance emotional investment in relationships by ensuring that one is not investing more vulnerability than the other person is willing to reciprocate, thus avoiding an imbalance that could lead to emotional distress.