The back story Interview Support in preventing self harm and suicide

The Skills Network - Videos

23 Sept 202206:38

Summary

TLDRThe video features two individuals sharing their personal experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts. Lucy, a primary school teacher, talks about feeling isolated during her school years and at home, leading to self-harm and a sense of not belonging. Lance, a chef, recounts his battle with substance abuse, depression, and a close call with suicide. He describes the struggle to open up due to societal norms about masculinity but ultimately finds hope through his children and support during lockdown. Both stories highlight the importance of addressing mental health and breaking the stigma around expressing emotions.

Takeaways

👨‍🏫 Lucy, aged 26, is a primary school teacher who experienced feelings of isolation due to family dynamics and school issues.
👨‍👧‍👦 Lucy felt like an outsider at home because her younger siblings received more attention, leading to feelings of loneliness.
🏫 At school, Lucy's self-harm was misunderstood and ridiculed by some, exacerbating her feelings of isolation.
🤔 Lucy's thoughts of suicide were fueled by a lack of understanding and support from her peers and family.
👨‍🍳 Lance, aged 37, is a chef who struggled with drug addiction and depression after leaving his family home.
💊 Lance used drugs as a coping mechanism to deal with his emotions and the pressures of his lifestyle.
🚫 Lance's father's tough upbringing taught him to suppress emotions, which contributed to his struggle with expressing his feelings.
🚶‍♂️ Lance had a near-death experience on the roof of a building, which served as a wake-up call for him.
🚌 Lance had another life-saving moment when he narrowly avoided being hit by a bus, which he attributes to divine intervention.
💬 Lance emphasizes the importance of opening up and talking about one's feelings, challenging the stigma around men expressing emotions.
👥 Lance believes in surrounding oneself with supportive people who encourage open communication about mental health.

Q & A

What challenges did Lucy face during her school years?
-Lucy struggled with friendship issues and felt like an outsider both at school and home. She felt that her younger siblings received more attention, making her feel neglected.
How did Lucy's feelings of isolation impact her mental health?
-Lucy's isolation made her feel like no one listened to her, leading to self-harm. When others found out, instead of support, she faced ridicule, worsening her situation and leading to suicidal thoughts.
What specific thoughts did Lucy have during her lowest points?
-Lucy questioned her existence, wondering if her absence would make any difference since she felt disconnected from her friends and family.
What external pressures did Lance face that led to his mental health struggles?
-Lance's heavy involvement in drug use and a constant party lifestyle contributed to his declining mental health. He also struggled with the societal expectation of being emotionally tough, as instilled by his father.
How did Lance's upbringing affect his approach to emotions?
-Lance was raised by his father, who believed that men should not show emotions or cry. This belief caused Lance to suppress his feelings, which contributed to his drug abuse and eventual mental breakdown.
What event served as a turning point for Lance during his crisis?
-While sitting on the edge of a building, contemplating suicide, Lance saw his reflection and thought of his oldest son. This moment prevented him from jumping and marked the beginning of his realization that he needed help.
What role did Lance's family play in his recovery process?
-Lance's family, particularly his sons, played a significant role in motivating him to stop his destructive behaviors. The thought of his family made him reconsider his actions and eventually led him to seek recovery.
How did the COVID-19 lockdown affect Lance’s mental health and recovery?
-The lockdown gave Lance the opportunity to return home, quit drugs cold turkey, and reconnect with his family. He credits this time with saving his life and helping him recover.
What did Lance learn about mental health through his experience?
-Lance realized that it’s important for men to talk about their feelings, despite societal pressures to remain stoic. He learned that opening up to someone he trusted was crucial in his recovery.
What advice does Lance offer to others who are struggling with similar issues?
-Lance advises not to be ashamed of discussing feelings and to ensure that people in one's circle are supportive. He emphasizes the importance of talking about mental health and finding strength in vulnerability.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Feeling Lonely and Unheard

Lucy, a 26-year-old primary school teacher, shares her experience with feelings of loneliness and isolation. It began in Year 9 when she faced issues with friendships and felt overshadowed by her younger siblings at home. The lack of attention from her family, combined with struggles at school, left her feeling like an outsider. Lucy describes how she turned to self-harm as a way to cope, but instead of understanding, she faced ridicule and was accused of selfishness. This deepened her sense of isolation, leading to suicidal thoughts as she questioned her value to friends and family. She recalls not having anyone to confide in, which only worsened her mental state.

05:01

🌪 Overcoming Addiction and Depression

Lance, a 37-year-old chef, reflects on his battle with drug addiction and depression. He explains how his life spiraled due to drug abuse, despite being surrounded by people who he thought were friends. His lifestyle took a toll on his family life, leading him to move out and further sink into depression. Lance shares how he was raised by a tough father who taught him to suppress emotions, which led him to hide his pain behind drugs. At his lowest, he found himself on the edge of a building, contemplating suicide. His sons, particularly his oldest, were his saving grace, and a near-death fall from the roof gave him a wake-up call. Though he continued using drugs for a while, the incident made him rethink his life.

🌅 Finding Strength Through Recovery

Lance continues his story, describing another close encounter with death when he almost stepped in front of a lorry but was saved by an internal voice. He credits the lockdown during the COVID-19 pandemic for giving him the chance to reconnect with his family and quit drugs cold turkey. He reflects on the toxic masculinity that discouraged him from expressing emotions but emphasizes the importance of opening up and talking about mental health. Lance believes that surrounding oneself with the right people is crucial, and being vulnerable does not make someone weak. His experience taught him that sharing one's struggles is key to healing.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Suicidal Thoughts

Suicidal thoughts refer to the contemplation of taking one's own life, often driven by feelings of hopelessness, isolation, or worthlessness. In the video, both Lucy and Lance discuss their experiences with these thoughts as they struggled with personal and emotional challenges. Lucy describes her feelings of being an outsider at school and home, while Lance reflects on moments when he considered ending his life during his struggles with substance abuse and depression.

💡Self-harm

Self-harm is the act of intentionally causing physical harm to oneself, often as a way to cope with overwhelming emotional pain. Lucy shares that others found out about her self-harming, but instead of offering understanding, they labeled her as selfish or made fun of her, which deepened her sense of isolation. This concept is important in the context of the video as it highlights the lack of empathy and support individuals often face when they express their distress.

💡Loneliness

Loneliness refers to the feeling of being isolated or disconnected from others, even when surrounded by people. In Lucy’s story, she felt like an outsider both at home and at school, which compounded her sense of loneliness. Lance also mentions how despite being surrounded by 'mates,' he still felt isolated, which exacerbated his mental health struggles. Loneliness is a key theme in the video, contributing to the feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts.

💡Depression

Depression is a mental health condition characterized by persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, and a range of emotional and physical problems. Both Lucy and Lance discuss their struggles with depression. Lance, in particular, talks about how it 'crept upon' him and how he used drugs to cope with his overwhelming feelings. Depression plays a central role in their narratives, as it underpins their experiences with suicidal thoughts and substance abuse.

💡Family Dynamics

Family dynamics refer to the relationships and interactions between family members. In Lucy’s case, she felt overlooked by her parents, who focused more on her younger siblings, leaving her feeling like an outsider at home. Lance also mentions the influence of his upbringing, particularly how his father’s 'tough' attitude discouraged emotional expression. The way both individuals relate to their families is significant in shaping their mental health struggles.

💡Substance Abuse

Substance abuse involves the harmful or hazardous use of psychoactive substances, including drugs and alcohol. Lance talks extensively about his use of drugs, including MDMA and cocaine, as a way to mask his emotional pain. This destructive coping mechanism worsened his depression and pushed him closer to the brink of suicide. Substance abuse in this context highlights how people often turn to unhealthy outlets to escape their mental health struggles.

💡Support Systems

Support systems refer to the people, relationships, and resources that individuals can rely on for emotional and practical help. In the video, both Lucy and Lance highlight the absence or inadequacy of support systems in their lives. Lucy felt that no one listened to her, while Lance realized the importance of his sons in pulling him back from the edge. The lack of supportive people around them contributed to their feelings of despair, emphasizing the importance of strong support systems.

💡Mental Health Stigma

Mental health stigma refers to the negative attitudes, beliefs, and discrimination faced by individuals dealing with mental health issues. Lance mentions how his father’s generation taught him that 'men don’t cry' and discouraged emotional expression. This stigma prevented him from addressing his emotions earlier, leading to deeper mental health struggles. Similarly, Lucy experienced ridicule at school when her self-harm became known, reflecting how stigma can worsen feelings of isolation.

💡Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are strategies or behaviors individuals use to manage stress and emotional pain. Lucy and Lance employed unhealthy coping mechanisms, with Lucy engaging in self-harm and Lance turning to drugs. These actions provided temporary relief but ultimately worsened their mental health. The video demonstrates the importance of recognizing unhealthy coping strategies and seeking healthier alternatives, such as talking openly about one’s feelings.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust to difficulties and hardships. Despite their struggles, both Lucy and Lance show resilience in their journeys. Lucy continues to share her story, and Lance talks about how his son helped him realize he needed to stay alive. Lance’s eventual decision to stop using drugs and his focus on his family reflect resilience in overcoming past challenges. The theme of resilience in the video illustrates that recovery and growth are possible even after deep struggles.

Highlights

Lucy shares that her feelings of isolation began in year eight or nine due to friendship issues and lack of attention at home.

Lucy discusses the progression of her mental health struggles, explaining that as people became aware of her self-harm, they often viewed her as selfish or mocked her.

She reflects on feeling like an outsider both at school and at home, particularly due to the attention her younger siblings received.

Lucy recounts how the worsening of these feelings led to thoughts of suicide, as she questioned her own worth and whether anyone would notice if she were gone.

Lance, a 37-year-old chef, describes his experience with depression and drug abuse, which he believes stemmed from social pressures and unresolved emotional issues.

Lance reveals that he left his family home, choosing a lifestyle of drug use over being with his partner and children.

He shares a pivotal moment where he sat on the edge of a building while intoxicated, contemplating suicide, but was stopped by the thought of his oldest son.

Lance reflects on how his upbringing, particularly his father's 'men don’t cry' attitude, contributed to him hiding his emotions and turning to drugs as an escape.

After a near-death experience where he fell two stories from a roof, Lance had a wake-up call but continued using drugs for a while before starting his recovery.

Lance had another close call when he almost stepped in front of a truck, but a voice in his head stopped him in time.

Lance credits the COVID-19 lockdown with saving his life, as it forced him to stay at home and go cold turkey, leading to his recovery from drug use.

He reflects on how his generation was raised to believe that men should not talk about their feelings, which contributed to his struggles with depression and substance abuse.

Lance emphasizes the importance of opening up and talking about emotions, noting that real strength comes from being able to express vulnerability.

He shares that he now values having a strong, supportive circle of people around him who he can talk to about his feelings.

Lance encourages others to break free from the stigma surrounding mental health, especially for men, and to seek help and support when needed.