7 Things the Dismissive Avoidant Woman Wants You to Know Now
Summary
TLDRThis video script delves into understanding dismissive avoidant women, highlighting their sensitivity to criticism and their appreciation for appreciation. It emphasizes their hidden emotional depth and the tendency to withdraw to prevent conflict escalation. The script advises on fostering secure attachment through open communication, valuing their need for space and independence, and the importance of positive reinforcement when they share feelings. It concludes with a call to action for a relationship coaching program based on integrated attachment theory.
Takeaways
- đŁ Criticism affects dismissive avoidant individuals more deeply than it might appear on the surface.
- đ Dismissive avoidant women appreciate being appreciated, acknowledged, and supported.
- đ They have feelings and are affected by things, even if they don't outwardly express them.
- đââïž Dismissive avoidant women withdraw from arguments to prevent conflict escalation and to sort out their feelings.
- đ« The withdrawal is not intended to punish or stonewall but is a protective mechanism.
- đ They value their space and independence, viewing it as essential to their emotional well-being.
- đ Dismissive avoidant individuals often adapt to protect themselves from the pain of unmet emotional needs.
- đ€ The goal in relationships should be interdependence, balancing reliance on others with self-reliance.
- đïž Dismissive avoidant women often feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood due to their emotional disconnection.
- đŁïž When dismissive avoidant individuals share their feelings, it's important to give them space and positively acknowledge their expressions.
Q & A
How does criticism affect a dismissive avoidant female?
-Criticism affects dismissive avoidant females more than one might think, as they are often stoic and do not outwardly show their reactions. They may protect themselves and pull away from experiences where criticism could be perceived.
What is a constructive way to give feedback to a dismissive avoidant female?
-Start by acknowledging something positive about them, then deliver the criticism in a constructive and proactive manner focusing on what is needed rather than what they are lacking, and end with another supportive or acknowledging statement.
Do dismissive avoidant women have feelings, and if so, how do they express them?
-Yes, dismissive avoidant women have feelings, but they may not express them outwardly due to their protective mechanisms against vulnerability. They may struggle with expressing emotions because of a fear of being too open.
Why do dismissive avoidant women withdraw during an argument?
-They withdraw to prevent the conflict from escalating and to sort out their feelings. It is not intended to punish or stonewall but is a way to protect themselves from saying something they might regret.
How does a dismissive avoidant woman view space and independence in a relationship?
-Dismissive avoidant women value space and independence highly, as it is tied to their survival strategy and relief from past pain. They see it as a way to protect themselves from the fear of rejection.
What is the importance of interdependence in relationships for dismissive avoidant women?
-Interdependence is about being able to rely on others while also being self-reliant. It is a balance that dismissive avoidant women are encouraged to master for healthier relationships.
Why might a dismissive avoidant woman feel unseen or unheard?
-They might feel unseen or unheard because they often disconnect from their emotions and communicate indirectly. This can make it difficult for them to convey their feelings clearly to others.
How should one respond when a dismissive avoidant woman shares her feelings?
-Give them space to express their feelings and positively acknowledge or reinforce their sharing. Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement for this attachment style.
What is the Integrated Attachment Theory training mentioned in the script?
-It is a program that trains individuals to become certified relationship coaches in Integrated Attachment Theory, which can help them understand and support others more deeply.
Who is the Integrated Attachment Theory training suitable for?
-It is suitable for individuals who want to make an impact, serve others, and obtain freedom and flexibility. It's also for counselors, therapists, and coaches who want to expand their toolkit.
What can one expect to learn from the Integrated Attachment Theory training?
-Participants can expect to gain mastery in understanding their own attachment patterns and those of others, which can help them support and understand loved ones more deeply.
Outlines
đ€ Understanding the Dismissive Avoidant Female
This paragraph discusses the challenges of understanding dismissive avoidant females, whether in a dating or friendship context. It highlights that criticism affects them more deeply than it might appear, as they tend to internalize it rather than showing a reaction. The speaker suggests approaching feedback with appreciation first, then delivering criticism constructively, and ending with more positive reinforcement. It's emphasized that dismissive avoidant women have feelings, despite not expressing them outwardly, and they struggle with vulnerability. The paragraph also explains that when they withdraw from arguments, it's not to be malicious but to prevent conflict from escalating and to process their feelings.
đż The Importance of Independence and Space for Dismissive Avoidants
Paragraph two delves into the dismissive avoidant attachment style's formation, often due to unmet childhood needs for connection. This leads to a subconscious drive for independence and self-reliance as a protective mechanism. The speaker notes that dismissive avoidant individuals value their space for recharging and maintaining independence. They may also appreciate their partner's independence, which can be confusing for those with different attachment styles. The paragraph stresses the importance of interdependence, where both reliance on others and self-reliance are balanced. It also touches on the dismissive avoidant's feeling of being unseen or misunderstood, suggesting that asking for clarification and showing effort to understand can help.
đ Becoming a Certified Relationship Coach in Integrated Attachment Theory
The final paragraph shifts focus to an opportunity for individuals to become certified relationship coaches in integrated attachment theory within 60 days. It's aimed at those looking to impact others' lives positively, gain flexibility, and abundance. The program is also suitable for counselors, therapists, and coaches wanting to expand their skills. The speaker mentions that previous iterations of the program filled up quickly, encouraging interested individuals to act fast. The paragraph ends with an invitation for more questions in the comments and a prompt to subscribe for daily content focused on attachment theory and related topics.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄDismissive Avoidant
đĄCriticism
đĄStoic
đĄProactive Communication
đĄVulnerable
đĄWithdrawal
đĄIndependence
đĄInterdependence
đĄPositive Reinforcement
đĄSubconscious Mechanism
đĄAttachment Theory
Highlights
Criticism affects dismissive avoidant individuals more than expected.
Dismissive avoidant people are more sensitive to criticism than they appear.
They appreciate being appreciated, acknowledged, and supported.
Constructive feedback should be sandwiched between positive comments.
Dismissive avoidant women have feelings, even if they don't express them outwardly.
They withdraw to prevent conflict from escalating and to sort out their feelings.
Dismissive avoidant individuals are not withdrawing to punish; they are processing.
They value space and independence due to their attachment style formation.
Independence is crucial as it provides relief from past pain and stress.
Interdependence is the goal, balancing reliance on others with self-reliance.
Dismissive avoidant women often feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood.
They may struggle with self-understanding due to emotional disconnection.
Asking for clarification can help them feel more understood.
Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement for dismissive avoidant individuals.
When they share feelings, acknowledge and validate their emotions.
Integrated Attachment Theory training can help individuals become certified relationship coaches.
The training is for anyone wanting to make an impact and understand attachment patterns.
The program fills up quickly, indicating high demand.
Transcripts
are you dating a dismissible avoidant
female or have a dismissible avoidant
female friend and are really trying to
understand her but finding it difficult
well in this video we are going to talk
about seven things the dismissive
avoidant female wants you to know even
though they may not share
it so first and foremost I think one of
the biggest sort of aha moments for
people who are in any kind of
relationship with a dismissible voyant
is that criticism affects them more than
you would think
and because they're often so stoic you
wouldn't necessarily know it or notice
it because they may not say anything
about it but if you are somebody who
gives really blunt feedback or gives
feedback in a more critical way you know
one really common example is that if
you're an attachment style or just an
individual who tends to communicate in
the reactive form instead of the
proactive form an example being if you
say something like hey you never do the
dishes rather than saying hey I could
use some support could you take a turn
doing the dishes even even those types
of things can often land as critical
feedback and as a result of this what
you'll see is this individual tends to
sort of protect themselves and and sort
of pull away from any kind of experience
where something could be taken as
criticism and it's because they're
actually much more sensitive when it
comes to these things than you might
realize and on the flip side number two
is that they dismissive abant women and
men both tend to really appreciate being
appreciated and being acknowledged and
being supported so if you're in a
position where you think that you have
to give feedback to a loved one that's a
dismissive avoidant it can be really
beneficial to start by talking about
something that you do appreciate or you
do want to acknowledge about them then
share the criticism that you have in a
constructive and proactive way talking
about what you do need not talking about
what they don't do enough of and then
sandwich it with sharing something at
the end that is also supportive or
acknowledging so those are the first two
really important pieces number three
dismiss of avoidant women have feelings
much more than you might realize just
because somebody doesn't Express their
feelings in an outward manner or they
aren't as forthcoming with their
feelings or as vulnerable it doesn't
mean that they are not feeling their
feelings and feeling their emotions and
that they are not affected by things
even if they are not really showing too
much that they are affected by things
and I think that that's something that a
lot of dismissive avoidant females tend
to really want other individuals to know
and understand about them but it's also
tricky for them to express that or
communicate that because as you know
dismissive avoidance have this big
protective mechanism where they've
learned to kind of Disconnect and not
share their feelings as openly because
of that fear of really being vulnerable
around others and how that may be taken
number four when dismissal avoidant
attachment cells especially women do
withdraw from an argument and we could
say the same thing about men but um they
tend to withdraw because they are trying
to prevent the conflict from escalating
more and because they are trying to sort
out what they're feeling I think that
one of the big common misconceptions is
that because the dismissive wind is
withdrawing it means that that's their
way of like stonewalling you or trying
to ice you out and then it's like
malicious or intentional but the
relationship that the vast vast majority
of dismissive avoidant women have to
this is not to punish or Stonewall or
hurt somebody they would draw because
they are trying to number one sort out
their feelings and number two stop the
conflict from getting too heated and
I've had so many dismissive Wen clients
over the years say A variation of this
which is I'm scared I'll say something
that I'll regret or I'm scared I'll say
something that will make the situation
way worse or that I can't take back and
I've heard so many variations of of Da
women say these things and their
relationship to is actually healthy and
I think that it's important to realize
that people have different rates at
which they they process their feelings
and warm back up and are able to sort of
explore how to communicate and
dismissive WS are just more of like a
slow burn when it comes to this they
really take their time to whittle
through their feelings to understand
what it is they're experiencing and they
just need space a lot of the time to do
that now as I'm going through all these
different things you know this is not a
video that's meant to be like hey you
should walk on eggshells around dismiss
avoidant women and do all these things
all the time perfectly that's not the
expectation nor should that be the the
key takeaway you know what is ideal here
is that you have the understanding about
things that dismiss avoiding females may
not share directly but that can be
really beneficial to understand about
them in a relationship but ideally what
you want to be doing is communicating
your needs to one another communicating
about these things to one another that's
a huge part of be what it takes to
become securely attached and the more
you are able to share your feelings your
needs with one another in an open and
healthy and constructive way and the
more you're mastering Communication in a
relationship the FAS faster of a pace
you will get out of the power struggle
stage of relationships and also the more
longevity relationship is likely to have
um number five dismissal avoidant
attachment cells definitely value space
because they need to recharge in that
space and because they Value
Independence you have to remember that
as a dismissive avoidant when their
attachment style was forming essentially
what would have happened is you'll see a
dismissible wouldn't be urning for
Attunement because literally every
person is biologically wired for
Attunement for presence for connection
and when their parents or caregivers
couldn't give that connection to them
what ends up taking place instead is
there's sort of this pervasive pain
around that because a child is yearning
for something that they can't gain
access to in the way that they need and
this goes on on for long enough that the
dismissive avoidant eventually adapts by
saying okay it doesn't feel good to want
this from somebody I'm going to protect
myself and try to create relief for
myself by trying to not really want it
much at all by trying to be very reliant
on myself not need something from
somebody who's not able to give it to me
and that adaptation actually creates
relief for them and so as a result of
that adaptation creating that relief it
becomes a programmed mechanism right the
the fear is relying on other people in
that way again and having that deep
sense of rejection so when they start to
have their independence and it creates
relief they build all of these positive
subconscious emotional associations to
this and now they feel like wow like my
Independence is so important it's freed
me from this pain and this this stress
that I might have felt at a young age
now that may not be a conscious process
for a lot of dismissive avoidance but
that is a subconscious mechanism that is
there and so trying to do anything that
would violate their independence or
potentially compromise the independence
can actually feel like a threat to their
survival strategy at a deeper level and
it's why they value it so much in
relationships and also I've had many
conversations with people who have said
things like yeah I also really value my
partner's Independence I want to protect
their independence as well which of
course can be confusing for for somebody
if they're anxious preoccupied and
they're not really seeking that
Independence but I think something
that's important to remember is that
what we're seeking for is
interdependence we're seeking for the
ability to rely on other people feel
safe and comfortable doing so but also
feel like we can meet our own needs and
we can be very self-reliant they're not
supposed to be mutually exclusive things
they're literally supposed to be things
that you are a master at both sides of
that and that's going to be what creates
that interdependency and that Health in
in relationships number six I think that
it's very common for dismissable Wen
women um to feel unseen or unheard or
misunderstood I mean there's a very
healthy um argument to make essentially
that dismiss ofid women may feel like
this because often they are not seeing
and hearing and understanding themselves
because if we're disconnected from our
emotions and we're not really wanting to
feel too much of our emotions and we're
trying to repress them or soothe by kind
of avoiding ourselves in different forms
doesn't mean they're not feeling them
but if somebody's constantly going to
their Creature Comforts as a means of
soothing then they may not fully
understand or hear or or see what they
are experiencing and it can make it more
difficult to to then con convey or
communicate to a partner or to a loved
one and obviously we'll start to see
that shift and change as dismissive
voidance start becoming more secure but
usually like a traditional dismissive
avoidant who's sort of starting off
their Journey um that can be a point
that they really struggle with and they
often as a result feel misunderstood in
their relationships and part of this can
be of course that they communicate more
indirectly but it's also really valuable
to ask your partner or loved one for
understanding hey I want to understand
you I feel like how you're communicating
is a little bit vague can you clarify
for me like if you can ask those
questions even if you're not able to
fully understand everything it is that
is being shared or communicated if it is
in more indirect ways your loved one
will then know that you are trying that
you care that you're making the effort
to do that work and to try to understand
them which in and of itself will make
them feel more seen and heard and
understood and the very last thing that
I'll say for today's video is when a
dismissible boid does share how they
feel give them the space to express it
and then it's always beneficial to
positively acknowledge or reinforce
things I think that another thing that's
often underestimated is how well
dismissible wooden attachment cells
respond to positive reinforcement not
negative reinforcement so if somebody
does something in a relationship and you
love and appreciate that they did that
or you see that they care it's also
really valuable to um give that positive
reinforcement and if instead they're
just sharing how they feel giving them
the space to share how they feel and
then validating their feelings
acknowledging how you can understand
what they're experiencing or going
through often will help them feel a lot
more comfortable doing that in the
future and it will again positively
reinforce that that momentum that you
want to see so I have some really
exciting news and it's that integrated
attachment Theory training is back in
other words you can be trained to become
a relationship coach certified and
integrated attachment theory in
literally 60 days so who is this for
well of course this is for any
individual who wants to make an impact
and really be of service to others while
also obtaining freedom and flexibility
and abundance in their lives and this is
also for anybody who's already a
counselor a therapist a coach and just
really wants to expand their toolkit
we've had so many people enter into the
integrated attachment Theory program
because they're just looking to obtain a
certain degree of Mastery in terms of
understanding their own attachment
patterns and also the attachment
patterns of maybe their children or
partner or other loved ones in their Liv
so they can really support those people
and understand them more deeply now
please keep in mind that the last two
times we ran this program we filled up
very fast in fact we oversold the
programs and sold up completely so if
you're interested click the link below
to learn more and dive in with me and
I'd love to see you the on the other
side before seats R out so that's it for
today if you have more questions about
this topic please share them down below
um and if you want to see more content
about the dismissible voiding female in
particular please hit the thumbs up
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that
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