The EASY Way To Win Back An AVOIDANT Ex
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Brad Browning, author of 'The Ex Factor 2.0' and a breakup coach, explains that winning back an avoidantly attached ex can be easier than others due to their need for distance. He outlines the importance of understanding attachment styles, particularly anxious and avoidant, which often form a push-pull dynamic in relationships. Browning advises taking a non-confrontational, patient approach post-breakup, allowing space for the avoidant ex to miss the relationship and gradually rebuild connection without triggering their avoidance. He also suggests reflecting on one's own behavior to avoid repeating past patterns.
Takeaways
- đ **Avoidant Attachment Style**: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to fear closeness and prioritize their independence, often pulling away in relationships.
- đ **Clinginess and Avoidance Cycle**: A common pattern in relationships is the cycle of one partner being clingy and the other avoidant, which can be damaging to both parties.
- đ **Breakup Reasons**: Often, breakups involving an avoidant partner aren't due to specific issues but are a result of their need for distance and fear of losing independence.
- đ€ **Understanding Avoidance**: To reconnect with an avoidant ex, it's crucial to understand their perspective and not take their avoidance personally.
- đ± **Growth and Change**: While attachment styles can be modified over time, they are deeply rooted and changes should not be expected overnight.
- đ« **No Contact Period**: After a breakup, an avoidant ex may require a no-contact period to process their feelings and to start missing their former partner.
- đ **Reconnecting Slowly**: When attempting to reconnect, it's important to take things slowly and not to rush the avoidant partner into commitment.
- đ€ **Building Trust**: By showing understanding and patience, the avoidant partner can be shown to be a safe person to get close to, building trust for a closer relationship.
- đ **Flirtatious Approach**: A bit of interest followed by backing off can create tension that may entice the avoidant partner to want more.
- đââïž **Resist the Urge to Chase**: When an avoidant partner pulls away, it's important not to chase after them but to maintain independence and a broader focus in life.
Q & A
What is the main challenge in dealing with an avoidant partner or ex?
-The main challenge is their tendency to stonewall and avoid confrontation or closeness, which can make it difficult to reconnect or maintain a relationship.
Why might getting back together with an avoidant ex be easier than with other types?
-It can be easier because the breakup often stems from a temporary emotional state rather than a fundamental issue with the relationship itself.
What are the four attachment styles mentioned in the script?
-The four attachment styles are secure, disorganized, anxious, and avoidant.
How do anxious and avoidant attachment styles typically interact in a relationship?
-Anxious individuals tend to seek closeness and connection, while avoidant individuals pull away, leading to a cycle of clinginess and avoidance.
What is the role of conflict in interactions between avoidant and anxious partners?
-Conflict often triggers the avoidant partner to withdraw further, while the anxious partner may escalate their attempts to connect, exacerbating the situation.
How can understanding an avoidant ex's perspective help in rebuilding the relationship?
-Understanding their need for independence and fear of closeness can guide one to approach the relationship with patience and without demanding too much too soon.
What is the significance of no-contact periods when dealing with an avoidant ex?
-No-contact periods give the avoidant ex space to miss the other person and process their feelings, which can be crucial for them to realize their need for the relationship.
How should one approach an avoidant ex after a breakup?
-One should approach slowly, without demanding too much, and allow the avoidant ex to set the pace of reconnection.
What is the paradox mentioned in the script regarding avoidant individuals and closeness?
-The paradox is that avoidant individuals leave relationships because of too much closeness, but once broken up, the lack of closeness removes their reason for staying away.
How can an anxious person best support an avoidant ex during the process of reconnection?
-By reflecting on their own behavior, not taking the avoidant ex's behavior personally, and giving them space to navigate their feelings at their own pace.
What is the advice for dealing with an avoidant ex who wants to keep the relationship casual?
-One should make their expectations clear, resist normalizing a casual relationship, and potentially use actions to communicate their needs if direct conversation is difficult.
Outlines
đ Navigating the Challenge of an Avoidant Ex
The paragraph introduces the challenge of dealing with an avoidant ex-partner. Brad Browning, a breakup coach and author, shares his expertise on how to reconnect with an avoidant ex. He explains that despite the difficulties, it can be easier to get an avoidant ex back due to their attachment style. The basis for this lies in understanding attachment styles, which dictate how individuals form connections. The paragraph highlights the differences between anxious and avoidant attachment styles, which often lead to a cycle of clinginess and avoidance. It emphasizes the need to break this cycle to rekindle a relationship.
đ The Vicious Cycle of Clinginess and Avoidance
This section delves into the dynamics of clingy and avoidant behaviors in relationships. It explains how these behaviors can escalate into a self-perpetuating cycle, causing both partners distress. The paragraph outlines how an avoidant partner may misinterpret signs of interest as threats, leading to withdrawal. It also addresses the misconception that avoidant individuals do not desire intimacy. Instead, they struggle with expressing their needs due to fear and discomfort. The key takeaway is that understanding and interrupting this cycle is crucial for rebuilding a relationship with an avoidant ex.
đ The Misconception About Avoidant Individuals
The paragraph clarifies a common misunderstanding about avoidant individuals, emphasizing that they do indeed crave closeness and intimacy, contrary to popular belief. It discusses the internal conflict avoidant people face when they desire connection but are scared by it. The speaker suggests that the avoidant ex's behavior stems from a fear of closeness rather than a lack of feelings. The section also hints at strategies for reconnecting with an avoidant ex, such as giving them space and time to miss the relationship, which can paradoxically make them more likely to seek reconciliation.
đ± Fostering a Healthy Reconnection
This section provides guidance on how to approach an avoidant ex after a breakup. It recommends a period of no contact to allow the avoidant partner to miss the relationship and to process their feelings independently. The paragraph underscores the importance of a gentle, slow approach to avoid triggering the avoidant behaviors. It also stresses the need for the pursuer to reflect on their own behavior and to be mindful of how their actions may have contributed to the relationship's issues. The goal is to create a new dynamic that avoids past mistakes and fosters a healthier relationship.
đ Modifying Behavior for a Better Relationship
The final paragraph focuses on the need for the anxious partner to modify their behavior to accommodate the avoidant ex's attachment style. It advises against obsessing over the relationship and suggests focusing on other sources of happiness. The speaker provides tips on how to interact with the avoidant ex, such as not taking their behavior personally and avoiding discussions about the past relationship or future expectations. The goal is to create a comfortable space for the avoidant ex to reconnect without feeling pressured or overwhelmed, ultimately leading to a stronger relationship.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄAvoidant Attachment Style
đĄAnxious Attachment Style
đĄStonewalling
đĄBreakup Coach
đĄThe X Factor 2.0
đĄStimulus
đĄClinginess
đĄNo Contact
đĄIndependence
đĄSecure Attachment Style
đĄAvoidant Personality Disorder
Highlights
An avoidant partner can make a relationship difficult, but getting back together with an avoidant ex might be easier than with other types.
Avoidant exes can be a huge advantage if you understand their attachment style.
Attachment styles determine how you create an attachment to another person.
Anxious and avoidant attachment styles are common in relationships.
Anxious individuals often respond differently to relationship stimuli compared to avoidant individuals.
Clinginess can be as destructive as avoidance in a relationship.
Both clinginess and avoidance can be driven by anxiety rather than a conscious decision.
Attachment styles are not fixed and can change based on how you're treated in relationships.
Avoidant individuals are more sensitive to clingy behavior and may perceive it as a threat.
The push and pull dynamic between anxious and avoidant partners can create a bond, but also lead to a shaky relationship.
Understanding the avoidant partner's fear of closeness is key to getting them back.
Avoidant individuals value their independence and may struggle with conflict.
Avoidant individuals want closeness and intimacy, but they respond differently to it.
The reason for the breakup with an avoidant partner is often a temporary heightened state of emotion.
To win back an avoidant ex, you need to interrupt the pattern of clinginess and avoidance.
Planting seeds and letting them bloom is a strategy to get what you want without scaring off an avoidant partner.
A period of no contact is recommended after a breakup with an avoidant ex.
When reconnecting with an avoidant ex, take it slowly and don't demand too much too soon.
It's important to let the avoidant ex set the pace during the process of reconnecting.
Avoidant exes may start things up again while trying to keep a distance.
If avoidant exes are not moving forward, make your expectations clear and resist their desire to keep things as they are.
To attract an avoidant ex, show that you're independent and secure in your life.
Resist the urge to talk about the past relationship or future expectations when reconnecting with an avoidant ex.
Don't take an avoidant ex's behavior personally; it's part of their attachment style.
Transcripts
having an avoidant partner can make a
relationship extremely difficult but
what about an avoidant ex you know how
are you supposed to get their attention
and their love when they're so good at
stonewalling you well I'm here to tell
you that it can actually be easier to
get an avoidant X back than really any
other type of X it might sound crazy but
this is actually backed up by all of my
experience as a breakup coach over the
last 15
[Music]
years I'm Brad Browning author of The X
Factor 2.0 and I've helped thousands of
clients get a second chance with their
X's so you can trust me when I say that
an ex with an avoidant attachment style
can be a huge Advantage for you if you
do want another chance with them and the
reason for this has to do with why the
relationship typically ends in the first
place but for this to make sense we have
to talk a little bit about attachment
Styles and how they work now I'm not
going to go too deep into it here I've
made a whole video on this topic that
I'll I'll link to the two in the
description below but what you need to
know is that a is one of the four
attachment
Styles everyone has an attachment style
and this determines the way that you you
create an attachment to another person
now this affects all relationships in
your life but it's felt most strongly in
romantic relationships now everyone's
attachment style is going to be a little
bit different but they boil down to four
groups secure disorganized anxious and
avoidant and for our purposes we're
really only talking about those last two
anxious and avoidant because if you're
watching this video it's pretty safe to
bet that you have an anxious attachment
style and your ex is avoidant now this
is a very common pattern in
relationships and what this means is
that you two respond in very different
ways to stimulus in a relationship and
by stimulus what I'm talking about is
anything that affects the relationship
either good or bad big or small you know
these are moments of connection or or
disconnection so for example you know
the first time you both said I love you
I'm sure it was a magical moment for
both of you you know you held each other
close and you know everything felt like
it was falling into place perfectly but
then you know you may have noticed a
change in the coming days you know you
excited by this deepening of of your
connection wanted to spend more time
together and connect in in new ways you
know it's like you wanted to crawl into
their skin and live in there and you
might have noticed your ex you know
pulling away you know becoming a little
distant or seeming distracted so same
stimulus different responses and now
let's talk a little bit about a moment
of disconnection so say the two of you
have a big fight you know you're
screaming and and yelling at one another
let's say you you work through it to an
extent you know you come to an agreement
or at least you know decide to drop the
subject and and keep the peace and now
at this point you're afraid to lose this
relationship you know you don't want
there to be any distance between the two
of you so you might reach out to your ex
more you know make more attempts to
connect with them both to shore up the
relationship and to to quiet your own
anxiety about possibly losing them and
again your ex will use this as an
opportunity to pull away you know to get
some space and to process what happened
you know they're also hurt and Afraid
about what it might mean for the future
but their way of coping is just
completely different from yours so while
your ex's response might be more harmful
you know these can both be negative
depending on the intensity of the
reaction you know clinginess can be just
as destructive as avoidance and the two
of feed off one another and they can be
damaging because both cleanness and
avoidance don't take into consideration
the other person you know they say to
the other person you know my feelings
and my needs are the priority here now I
often get a lot of push back when I say
this because people say you know well
I'm only clingy because I love them and
I want them they're avoidant because
they're selfish and my counter to that
is that you know to think back think
back all on all the times where you were
most clingy you know was it about how
connected did you fa to this person or
was it more about the fact that they
were so inconsistent that made you feel
crazy and I think you'll find that
cleaniness is more driven by anxiety
than it is a real bid for connection but
again you can both be forgiven because
this isn't a conscious process it's
driven by an intense burst of emotion so
it kind of hijacks your behavior and
makes you act in ways you wouldn't
otherwise and the other thing about
these attachment Styles is they're not
totally fixed you know you can be more
more secure with one partner and more
avoidant with another chances are you're
you're not going to totally change your
attachment style overnight but they will
shift and change based on how you're
treated and the patterns that you create
in relationships because you know
anxious Behavior can actually trigger
avoidance in the other person and
avoidance can also trigger anxiety in
the other person and it it makes sense
when you think about it right you know
if you've been on three dates and you
know the other person suddenly says
something like I love you I need you in
my life you know we're meant to be well
you're probably going to be put off you
know you'll you'll pull away from them
in a big way if you don't end the
relationship entirely basically when we
identify clingy Behavior it can it can
set off alarm Bells so you think you
know oh this other person is way more
invested than I am we're not on the same
page I'm in danger of of them getting
closer to me faster than I can handle
and for an avoidant you know their radar
for this kind of behavior is way too
sensitive you know they can take even a
minor sign of interest in receive it as
a threat and instead of talking about
this an avoidant person will do really
what they know how to do and they'll
pull away and they'll leave you
wondering what the hell happened and
this can trigger more clingy behavior in
you because you feel threatened by the
distance they're creating when someone
pulls away it feels like a rejection so
you're just trying to repair that hurt
by really you know Bridging the Gap it's
a it's a chicken or the egg situation
you know are you being clingy because
your partner is avoidant or is your
partner being avoidant because you're
being clingy and there's there's rarely
an easy answer to this question and
ultimately it really it doesn't matter
it's a cycle that you're you're
participating in together and this push
and pull can can actually draw you to
together in in early dating because it's
it's like a roller coaster that you're
you're riding together you know you're
both feeling a lot of intense feelings
and even if they're not always good
feelings it is going to create a bond
and of course if you don't find cing
rout eventually then you end up building
a a pretty shaky relationship you know
the anxious person feels like they're
being denied love and the avoidance
feels like they're they're being
smothered and eventually you're going to
want to get off the roller coaster so
let's talk a little bit about how this
can help you get your ex back because
that's what we're here for really so
basically if you and your ex broke up
even if it seemed to be happening for
another reason chances are this was
really the main factor of your ex feared
the closeness that you represented they
felt like they had to to fight for their
independence in the relationship like
they were losing themselves to the
relationship and they didn't know how to
express that to you and establish better
boundaries the good news is that you
know if you want them back you just have
to interrupt this pattern that's it you
know sure there there might be other
small issues to work out but if your ex
is avoidant then chances are this is the
bulk of the issue and to make this
happen we have to really understand the
other person's point of view so let's go
deeper into to what sets avoidance apart
so first off you know you need to know
that I'm I'm talking generally here you
know having an avoidant attachment style
being an avoidant looks different for
different people there's even an
avoidant personality disorder for people
who use avoidance as their only coping
strategy and completely shun the world
outside themselves so chances are you
know your ex isn't that extreme they're
not a lost cause you know I doubt
they're even the worst that I've seen
because I've seen some situations where
extremely avoidant exes can actually
still be one back now these are people
who ghost a long-term relationship just
to avoid even having a conversation and
actually just isn't aside here but if
your ex ghosted you uh please leave a
comment below and subscribe because I'm
working on a video on that topic right
now and on the other side of the
spectrum you know I also want to say
that just because your ex is avoiding
you doesn't mean that they Haven an
avoid an attachment style you know if
your ex never showed any of these signs
while you two were together and now
they're giving you the cold shoulder
that's really that's a different issue
and I've actually made a few videos on
what to do if your ex is ignoring you
that I'll link in the description below
for you to check out as well well but
just don't diagnose your ex as an
avoidant just because they've changed
since the breakout so as we go deeper
into what makes an avoidant you know try
to determine how bad your ex's avoidant
avoidance problem really is so here are
some of the the real signs of an
avoidant person first you know avoidant
value their own independence and so they
often has fewer social connections and
are less consistent with the people that
they do spend time with they sometimes
struggle to to make connections with
other people because of their tendency
to withdraw socially but that's not
always the case some avoidant are quite
good at friendship because it's less
intense than a romantic relationship you
know they don't feel as threatened
because they know their friends aren't
going to overwhelm them and ask for a
level of closeness that they really
don't want one thing that practically
all avoid and struggle with is conflict
so during fights they may Stonewall you
or give you the silent treatment and
this can obviously be extremely
difficult to deal with during during an
after a breakup as I'm sure you're
already aware and even if they don't
outright Stone you know they'll they'll
tend to avoid conflict by changing the
subject minimizing your feelings or even
just telling you what you want to hear
just to end the conversation and another
Hallmark of avoidance is that they'll
Run for the door at the first sign of
conflict or
commitment now hearing all this you may
think that avoidance don't want
closeness of intimacy with really any
other people you know they want to be
left alone and all you're doing is
providing them a momentary distraction
from the solitary life that they've
chosen they're just less lonely than
other people and they don't need as much
as you do but actually this is wrong you
know avoidance do want that closeness
and intimacy the same way that any other
person does or even more so and this is
what people get wrong about avoidance
you know they think that they're they're
all just loners who just don't need
others but they do want love and
affection but they just don't always
respond in the best way when they
actually experience it because it scares
them in in fact a lot of the time when
you feel like they don't care at all
because you know they're shutting you
out they're really sitting there furious
at themselves because they feel they
they can't connect with you they hate
that they run away and avoid things they
want to just hold you so badly but it's
like you know it's like there's a wall
that they just can't get over so don't
think that you're avoiding X is totally
over you chances are that they they do
miss you and they do still love you to
an extent they just don't know how to
show it the truth is that they feel
threatened by cless you know they lack
the emotional tools to deal with it and
so it feels overwhelming and and
destabilizing so just remember you know
they don't hate you they don't even
really want space the way that they seem
to it isn't their feelings that are
lacking it's their ability to follow
through and this is why I say that it's
actually easier to win back and avoid an
X than it is to win back somebody with a
secure or or anxious attachment style
most avoidance come back because you
know the reason that they left in the
first place is n about any real issue in
the relationship not not really now I'm
sure that they seem to have a good
reason at the time but what's really
happening is that they're making an
excuse just to get that distance from
you they think that they need that
distance to feel comfortable and safe
but when they get it you know they
realize that it's not what they wanted
at all and that's when they'll start to
miss you and eventually they'll come
sniffing around hoping for another
chance because their reason for the
breakup was a temporary heightened state
of emotion they were they were pushed
away by that closeness and now that
you're apart you know the reason that
you broke up is no longer relevant it's
kind of a paradox you know they left
because you got too close but now that
you're broken up you no longer have that
closeness so they don't have a reason to
stay away their major objection has has
really been removed from the equation
now they may think okay well I don't
want to get too close to them again but
I I do need intimacy and why would
things be any different with somebody
else now of course this is a huge Boon
for you if you want them back back you
know just a little distance will
convince them to give you another chance
a lot of the time anyways so does that
mean you just you know have to reach out
and talk to them and they'll be willing
to to pretend that none of this ever
happened well no unfortunately that's
almost never going to work remember they
are still avoidant and they're easily
overwhelmed so even though they want
that closeness you can't just you know
offer it up like that I know it it can
be totally frustrating but that's that's
just how it works if you come at them
too aggressively they'll run away again
because that's just the the pattern that
they're familiar with in
relationships so what should you do
instead to win them back well now that
you understand where this comes from
it's going to be much easier to cope
with and and forgive your ex for their
avoidant behavior and that is the first
step to to Breaking the pattern you know
you need to understand that it's not
personal and that it's not an attack on
you this is just how they deal with
difficult emotions now you do need to
think about your role in the pattern
here because really that's all you have
control over right now you know you
can't change your ex but by modifying
your own behavior and your expectations
you can create a relationship that
actually does work so think about all
the times that you you two dealt with
issues like this so let's take a a
specific example now maybe you wanted
them to meet your parents and they shut
that down immediately you felt hurt by
this rejection and they felt like they
were being you know pushed or
manipulated so how could you have
handled things differently well maybe
instead of asking them to meet your
parents Point Blank you could have
started by discussing the topic you know
more broadly so you could say something
like how do you feel about meeting one
another's families you know I'm not sure
if we're there yet but it's something
I'd like to do down the road and this
sort of you know puts the ball in their
Court you know this way they don't they
don't feel ambushed and you two are able
to discuss the idea in a more in a more
abstract way so if they say you know I'm
just not ready for that yet then it's
not going to feel like such a huge
rejection I think that you know planting
seeds like this can help you get the
relationship that you want without an
with an avoidant I should say without
actually scaring them off so instead of
waiting for them to to move things
forward and getting upset when they
don't plant some seeds and then let them
bloom now obviously this is the kind of
thing that's it's only going to be
relevant once you two are back together
and and moving in the right direction
but it's the kind of thing that you want
to be thinking about right now or you're
going to end up you know feeding into
the same problems now I know that this
is putting a lot of the onus on you for
your ex's behavior and that's that's not
to let them off the hook you know they
need to work work on themselves too but
you can't force them to make changes and
especially not while you're you're not
together so wait until you have
reconnected successfully to even have a
conversation about this and even if they
really you know push themselves to
develop better coping skills and better
communication skills chances are they're
not going to completely change their
attachment style so don't expect them to
be you know a brand new person once you
get back together you do need to ask
yourself if you can live with this and
still maintain your you know your your
peace and your happiness you need to
really ask yourself if if you'll be able
to stop yourself from continuing to the
cycle that's actually keeping you apart
right now and for right now you know one
of the best things that you can do is
reflect on your own behavior and how it
shaped the relationship and and the
breakup so how should you actually treat
your ex during this time well first as I
typically do I'm going to suggest that
you go you go for a period of no contact
for at least a period of time following
the breakup you this is pretty standard
practice but it's especially important
with an avoidant ex because remember you
know they need that space both to start
to miss you and to process the breakup
but also to get that that sense of
safety and Independence that they felt
was missing in the relationship now this
is going to go a long way to repairing
what's what's broken between you you
don't even need to do anything more than
that in many cases just getting some
space will make them realize that they
need you in their life and they'll
swallow their pride and come back to try
again but if they don't come running
back because you know they're stubborn
or afraid to open up or whatever it is
you know you're going to have to make
things make the first move to actually
get things started remember despite
their rough exterior they're actually
very sensitive people so you know act
accordingly and don't make don't make
any sudden movements basically just take
it very slowly and don't demand too much
of them right off the bat you know I
know that you're ready to jump back into
a relationship but they need to ease in
so that they can you know maintain their
independence and and not feel threatened
and this is really important at all
parts of the process from how you
approach them the first time after the
breakup all the way to to how you handle
your first few meetings and right up
until the point where you decide to get
back together and then again you know
onward into the early stages of the
actual new relationship now I know that
you may not used to be be used to
interacting with people in this way you
know if you're if you're an anxious
person you're used to connecting more
directly but if you can Master this you
know your X is going to warm up to you
and it'll make the whole process much
easier and remember you know this is
just the beginning with time this more
gentle approach will show your ex that
you're you're a safe person for them to
get close to and will ultimately help
you create an even closer relationship
than you thought possible so with that
in mind you know don't make demands of
them right off the bat if they're not
ready to see you don't push it just talk
have fun together and rebuild that
relationship rather than worrying about
the next steps and really you must give
them space during this process so don't
text too frequently and if they take a
little while to respond you know don't
worry remember that this doesn't mean
they're not interested it just means
that they're still feeling things out
and being cautious and the two of you
have different ways of handling
closeness it's really it's very
important to let them set the pace
during this process at least at first
you know you don't want to recreate the
conditions of your last relationship
sure you you may be able to get them to
agree to get back together but really
we're talking longterm here and if you
really want to maximize your chances of
getting your ex back I'd be happy to
help you I offer one-on-one coaching
through my coaching program
at
breakupbrad.com/coaching I'd love to
hear all about you know what you've been
through with your ex and then we can
work to put a plan together to rebuild
your specific relationship from the
ground up again that's
breakupbrad.com/coaching to see my
current availability and sign up today I
hope to hear from you
soon now as I've said this is all you
know this is a delicate process it's all
about showing a bit of interest and then
backing away you know it's kind of like
it's kind of like flirting you don't
want them to to know that you want them
100% you're trying to create that
tension that will keep them wanting more
and to do that you need to focus on
shifting your own perspective to better
connect with an avoidant you need to
address your own anxious Behavior and
the funny thing is that you know anxious
and avoidant couples are actually very
common for a simple reason avoidance
struggle to connect and anxious people
desperately want to connect so avoidance
will will put up walls and try to back
away and anxious people will blow right
through them and in the short term this
is flattering for the avoidants who
often feel like they're difficult to
love and it's flattering for the anxious
people because you know they've won over
somebody who's so independent but in the
long term it ends up really being
unsatisfying for both parties you know
the avoidant feels like they're being
rushed and overwhelmed you know it's
like they're being asked to do more than
they can handle and the anxious partner
feels as though they're they're not
being given enough love and always
having to ask for more which is
obviously not a very good feeling so we
want to break this cycle this time
around so you can have a more healthy
relationship and since you can't you
know change your ex you're going to have
to modify your behavior a bit and if
you've watched this far you're already
well on your way to making this happen
because you know you'll be able to see
this pattern at work when they pull away
you'll know not to chase after them of
course it is going to be hard sometimes
you know you'll need to do your best to
hold on to this perspective so look at
your life from a top down view remember
that this relationship isn't the only
thing that matters it's not your only
source of Happiness here and whenever
you you find yourself you know obsessing
over the relationship over what your ex
is thinking or feeling and you know you
get that clingy urge take a step back
and breathe you know this is the time to
turn to to other things that bring you
Joy in life your friends your family
your hobbies I know it it feels
counterintuitive but this will actually
bring you together in the long run one
thing that triggers an avoidant partner
is feeling like
they're the other person's soulle Focus
if you can show them that you're
independent and secure in your life
they're going to be more attracted to
you than ever because they won't feel
pressured and when you do see or talk to
your ex resist the urge to talk about
the relationship about or the breakup or
you know what they're looking for who
they're dating really anything like that
I know you know you want to know but
answering these questions is not worth
pushing them away your time is much
better spent just chatting laughing and
and reconnecting
and that's why I say to to live in the
moment when you're with the ex you know
you can't change the past and you don't
want to get caught up in what the future
holds and and and actually miss out on
the present now here's another important
thing to remember you know don't take
their behavior personally remember that
this is how they deal with everyone in a
relationship it doesn't mean that they
don't like you or don't love you or want
you it's just the fact that they
struggle to connect that's keeping them
away so don't go you know wow I haven't
talked to them in a few days or you know
they're being so quiet they must be over
me I should call them and see them
what's wrong see what's wrong try to
remember that this is it's just a quirk
of their attachment style and if you
give them a little space they're a lot
more likely to come back to you now
there is another common pattern here
that I want to warn you about when it
comes to avoid an ex's and it's that
they'll often start things up again
while also trying to keep you at a
distance in the long term so you know
say the two of you will start sleeping
together and hanging out every couple of
weeks but never get beyond that point or
maybe you'll be you know just friends or
you might even get stuck in the in the
talking stage and you'll think you know
well this is nice but why aren't we
moving forward you know I want a partner
not a pen pal so what's going on well
what's happening here is that your
avoidant ex is giving into their
avoidant behaviors and keeping you at a
distance to to maintain their own sense
of self they saw what happened last time
the two of you got together and it
scared the hell out of them so they're
refusing to put themselves in that
situation again but at the same time you
know they want you and they care about
you they really don't want to lose you
and really they don't want this this
weird half relationship either they just
they feel it's too risky so again don't
rush your ex you know if this has been
going on for a few weeks or even a month
or two this might you know just be a
slow start but if it's been any longer
than that then things have definitely
you know plateaued and you're going to
need to take action so if your ex is
treating you this way you need to make
your expectations clear and resist their
desire to make this normal so if they
say you know I just want to be friends
or I'm so happy with how things are
right now then don't share their
enthusiasm you know make it clear that
you need more from them or you're not
going to stick around I know that a lot
of people struggle with this you know
with being this direct and in that case
you know you may want to use actions
rather than words so you know make them
jealous through social media or you know
by going on a few dates and at the same
time you know don't lap up any crumbs of
attention that they throw your way so
don't respond to late night booty call
texts and don't be their backup plan
when it comes to you know making weekend
plans basically you know hold them to a
higher standard and if they're going to
reach it and they're going to have to
reach it if they really want you in
their life all right thanks for watching
all the way to the end um if you're
dealing with an avoidant X and you have
any questions or comments please leave
them in the comments below I love
hearing from all of you and while you're
at it of course please like this video
subscribe and turn on notifications for
brand new advice videos every single
week I'm breakup Brad and I'll see you
in my next video bye for now
Voir Plus de Vidéos Connexes
Why Your Dismissive Avoidant Ex Wants To Be Friends! | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Relationships
Does NO Contact work when Your EX is in a New Relationship
99% of EXs WILL Come Back and CHASE you IF you do this ONE THING | Scientific Studies Included
Why Avoidants show their true self ONLY after 1 year
THIS Is What Happens When You Stop Talking To A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
5 Tips on How to Get a Stubborn Ex Back
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)