3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce | George Blair-West

Summary

In this talk, the speaker discusses the importance of preventing divorce and proposes three life hacks: marrying later in life, sharing power in relationships, and ensuring reliability in partners. The speaker emphasizes that marrying later correlates with lower divorce rates due to factors like tertiary education, higher income, and personality stability. They also highlight the significance of shared decision-making and the ability to rely on one's partner in maintaining a successful marriage.

Takeaways

• 📊 The top three most distressing life events are the death of a spouse, divorce, and marital separation.
• 💍 Marriage, which is listed seventh, is often a precursor to the top three distressing events.
• 🌐 Modern relationships include de facto relationships, common-law marriages, and same-sex relationships.
• 🚑 The current divorce rate affects 45 percent of the population, yet there is no prevention campaign.
• 👥 Policymakers often view attraction and relationship dynamics as uncontrollable, unlike the millennial generation that seeks to understand and improve them.
• 📱 Millennials' screen time and hookup culture have changed the landscape of dating and relationships.
• 🎓 Delaying marriage until later in life is beneficial as it correlates with lower divorce rates and allows for personal growth and stability.
• 🧠 Neuroplasticity research shows the human brain continues to develop until at least the age of 25, affecting decision-making.
• 🤝 Shared power and influenceability in relationships are key to long-term stability and happiness.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Men who are influenceable in relationships tend to be better fathers, indicating the importance of equality in decision-making.
• 👵👴 Long-term couples often face separation due to unreliability in old age, highlighting the importance of support and trust.

Q & A

What is the significance of the life stress inventory mentioned in the script?

The life stress inventory is a list developed by psychiatrists Richard Rahe and Thomas Holmes that ranks the most distressing human experiences. It highlights the impact of life events like death of a spouse, divorce, and marital separation, which are significant stressors.

Why is marriage listed as number seven on the life stress inventory list?

Marriage is listed as number seven because it is often a precursor to the more distressing events of divorce, separation, and possibly imprisonment, which are higher on the list.

How has the concept of a long-term relationship evolved since the life stress inventory was created?

The concept of a long-term relationship has evolved to include not just marriages but also de facto relationships, common-law marriages, and same-sex relationships, reflecting a more inclusive view of partnerships.

What is the current divorce rate mentioned in the script, and why is there no prevention campaign?

The current divorce rate mentioned is 45 percent. There is no prevention campaign because policymakers may not believe that aspects like attraction and relationship building are changeable or educable.

How does the speaker suggest millennials approach relationships differently from previous generations?

Millennials are described as being more information-connected, analytical, and skeptical, making more informed decisions about relationships, including a willingness to learn about how to maintain lasting relationships.

What are the three life hacks the speaker suggests for preventing divorce?

The three life hacks suggested are: 1) getting older before getting married to allow for personal growth and stability, 2) ensuring shared power and influenceability in decision-making, and 3) evaluating the reliability and supportiveness of a partner.

Why does the speaker argue that it's beneficial to have sex outside of marriage?

The speaker argues that having sex outside of marriage is beneficial because it allows individuals to experience relationships later in life, which correlates with lower divorce rates.

What is the average age of marriage in Australia according to the script?

The average age of marriage in Australia is now 30 for women and 32 for men.

Why does the speaker say that getting married later in life is helpful?

Getting married later in life is helpful because it allows for tertiary education and higher income, which are associated with lower divorce rates. Additionally, the brain is still developing until at least age 25, and personalities are more stable after age 30.

What does John Gottman's research indicate about shared power in relationships?

John Gottman's research indicates that 81 percent of marriages fail if there is an imbalance of power, suggesting that shared power and influenceability are key to a stable and happy long-term relationship.

How does the speaker define reliability in the context of long-term relationships?

Reliability in long-term relationships is defined by the speaker as a partner's ability to follow through on commitments and provide support and protection when it matters most.