Dr Joe Dispenza Reveals Why People HURT Others!
Summary
TLDRThe script explores the connection between self-perception and relationships, emphasizing that negative emotions like anger, resentment, and impatience stem from inner dissatisfaction. By focusing on love and gratitude towards oneself, people can improve their relationships and overall well-being. It highlights how emotional healing requires letting go of past trauma and negative emotions, which separate us from love. Through meditation and self-awareness, individuals can reclaim their power, foster self-love, and create a more compassionate, fulfilling life, ultimately influencing their relationships with others.
Takeaways
- đ People who harbor negative emotions toward themselves, like hate and anger, will often project those feelings onto others.
- đ When individuals genuinely feel gratitude and love for themselves, they are more likely to love and appreciate others.
- đ§ââïž To truly experience love, parts of ourselves that are not aligned with love must 'die,' representing a transformation toward love.
- đ Love makes people feel whole, selfless, and more inclined to give, care, and be present.
- đ Emotions like fear, anger, and resentment are not the opposites of love but are separations from it.
- đ Living in survival mode, characterized by stress, prevents people from being creative, open-hearted, and capable of loving fully.
- đĄ People tend to view others through the lens of their past experiences, which can either foster love and connection or trigger negative emotions like resentment.
- đ§ By regulating emotions and letting go of resentment, individuals can take their power back and foster healing and personal growth.
- đȘ Forgiveness is the act of taking attention and energy away from a past hurt, allowing personal liberation and transformation.
- đ High levels of oxytocin, the 'love hormone,' make it impossible to hold grudges and foster a state of unconditional love and well-being.
Q & A
What is the main reason people project negative emotions like anger or impatience onto others?
-People project negative emotions onto others because they are experiencing those emotions within themselves. For example, those who are angry with themselves tend to be angry with others. It reflects a lack of self-love and internal peace.
How does self-love influence the way people treat others?
-When people love and accept themselves, they are more likely to love and accept others. Self-love creates a sense of wholeness, reducing the need for external validation and making individuals more kind, present, and compassionate toward others.
Why is it important for people to 'let a part of themselves die' to find love?
-To truly find love, individuals must let go of anything within themselves that is not love, such as resentment, fear, or anger. This process is necessary because those negative emotions separate them from love.
What is the relationship between living in survival mode and the ability to love or create?
-Living in survival mode, which is dominated by stress and fear, prevents individuals from being open to love or creation. In survival, people focus on self-preservation and become self-centered, which compromises their ability to engage in loving relationships or creative endeavors.
What role does practicing emotions like love or resentment play in shaping behavior?
-People become good at what they practice. If they frequently experience and practice emotions like resentment or anger, those emotions will shape their behavior and thoughts in predictable ways. Conversely, practicing love can lead to more compassionate and selfless behaviors.
How does past trauma or negative experiences affect the way individuals perceive others?
-Past trauma or negative experiences create a lens through which individuals perceive others, often triggering negative emotions like resentment or anger. These emotions can prevent individuals from seeing others clearly, as they project their past experiences onto current relationships.
What does it mean to take back your power in relationships?
-Taking back your power means stopping the emotional and energetic investment in people or situations that trigger negative emotions. By doing this, individuals regain control over their emotions and attention, allowing them to heal and create new, healthier experiences.
Why do people hold onto resentment in relationships, and how can they overcome it?
-People hold onto resentment because they fear the same hurt will happen again. They remain on high alert for any signs of danger. To overcome resentment, individuals must process their emotions, stay in the present, and condition their body to release the past trauma through consistent practice, such as meditation.
How is forgiveness linked to taking your attention off negative emotions?
-Forgiveness happens when individuals stop feeling the negative emotions associated with a person or event. By taking their attention off the resentment and redirecting it towards healing, they reclaim their energy, allowing forgiveness and personal transformation to occur.
What physiological changes occur when individuals experience love, according to the speaker?
-When individuals experience love, their oxytocin levels rise significantly. This hormone, known as the love chemical, triggers nitric oxide production, which relaxes the arteries and allows more blood to flow to the heart. This creates an expanded, energized state that promotes feelings of connection and well-being.
Outlines
đ The Connection Between Self-Love and Love for Others
This paragraph explores the idea that individuals who struggle with self-love often project negative emotions, such as anger, impatience, and unhappiness, onto others. In contrast, those who truly love and are grateful for themselves naturally extend these positive feelings toward others. The core argument is that understanding and managing one's own energy and emotions is essential to experiencing love. Love fosters wholeness and selflessness, which lead to kindness, gratitude, and creativity. The paragraph emphasizes that negative emotions like resentment and hatred are not the opposite of love but are separations from it. Living in survival mode, driven by stress, pulls individuals away from love, resulting in self-centered behavior.
đ„ The Impact of Memories on Relationships
This section discusses how past experiences and memories shape one's relationships with others. It explains that the brain perceives people based on past interactions, creating emotional connections or aversions. Positive relationships foster a sense of union and connection, while negative experiences, like betrayal, lead to resentment and emotional separation. The paragraph highlights how holding onto negative emotions can trap individuals in the past, keeping them in a cycle of unchanged reality. The key to changing this is recognizing these emotions, letting go of resentment, and shifting attention away from the past to regain personal power and create new, positive realities.
đ§ Letting Go of Resentment and Finding Forgiveness
In this paragraph, the focus is on overcoming resentment and self-inflicted unhappiness by releasing attachment to past events and negative emotions. It explains that holding onto resentment only harms oneself, as it keeps the person locked in the past and defined by painful experiences. Through meditation and self-awareness, individuals can work on regulating their emotions, detaching from past hurts, and ultimately forgiving those who caused the pain. This process of emotional regulation and forgiveness leads to a sense of empowerment, self-love, and liberation from the negative cycle.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄSelf-love
đĄResentment
đĄSurvival mode
đĄForgiveness
đĄEmotional regulation
đĄOxytocin
đĄMindfulness
đĄTrauma
đĄSeparation from love
đĄEnergy management
Highlights
People who hate themselves will hate others, and people who are unhappy with themselves will project unhappiness onto others.
When people are truly grateful for themselves, they are naturally grateful for others, leading to more loving relationships.
In order to find love, the parts of us that are not love must 'die,' allowing us to align with love more fully.
Being in a state of love makes a person more selfless, caring, present, and grateful, as opposed to living in survival mode.
Fear, pain, suffering, anger, and hatred are not the opposites of love; they represent a separation from love.
Living in survival is stressful and produces chemicals that push people away from love, making them self-centered and self-indulgent.
In relationships, the key question to ask is, 'What would love do?' to guide behavior and foster connection.
Our perception of others is shaped by memories and neurological patterns, often causing us to react to them based on past experiences rather than the present moment.
Holding onto resentment and anger towards someone from the past gives that person power over you and keeps your energy stuck in that event.
Forgiveness occurs when you stop feeling the negative emotion tied to a person, allowing you to reclaim your energy and power.
Many people hold onto resentment because they fear the event might happen again, keeping them in a constant state of alertness and stress.
Training yourself to let go of past emotions in meditation helps you create new mental and emotional states, leading to greater self-love and personal growth.
Increased oxytocin levels, the 'love chemical,' are linked to feelings of connection, bonding, and the inability to hold a grudge.
People who feel deep love for themselves do not want to compromise their state by indulging in lower, negative emotions.
People who are okay with themselves tend to love others unconditionally, creating natural bonds and attraction in their relationships.
Happiness and contentment come from within, and when people realize they are responsible for their own joy, they radiate positive energy, which attracts others.
Transcripts
people who hate themselves will hate
others and people who are angry with
themselves will be angry at others
people who are impatient with others
will be impatient uh with themselves
will be impatient with others people um
who are unhappy with themselves will
punish other people until they feel
unhappy uh it's just our nature as human
beings but when people are truly
grateful uh for themselves or for their
life they're they're they're grateful
for others so people who love themselves
naturally love others people who are
okay finally with themselves are are
okay with others you know it's just kind
of how it is so one of the things that
people have as a limitation uh to the
understanding of Love is that they're
feeling something other than it and in
order for us to find love a part of us
Must Die o or wait wa wait why why do
why do we need to die to find love or
part of us because anything that's not
love in US Must Die oh
and that's the difference between
knowing the path and walking the path
right so um so one of the things that we
want to teach people in the work that we
do is understand how to manage their
energy right and and how to manage their
attention um when you feel love uh which
is just a word by the way and people
have their own experience of what that
is you tend to feel more whole uh and
when you feel more whole you tend to
want less when you truly feel love uh um
is very different than being selfish
you're kind of more selfless and when
you're in your heart you're more prone
to give more prone to care you're more
prone to be present uh you're more prone
to um be
grateful uh you're more prone to be kind
that's the consciousness of that Center
it is the the creative center it's the
union of opposites it's the union of
polarities is where Oneness where our
Divinity starts right there can't be
enough enough set about that Center
so if you just did an inventory of the
amount of time you feel love during the
day and the amount of time you feel
other emotions like resentment or
impatience or frustration or
judgment or jealousy any other one of
those emotions
that is the opposite of Love fear is
fear is not the opposite of love it is
the separation from love pain and
suffering they're not the opposite of
Love they're the separation from it that
anger and hatred and hostility and
violence they're not the opposite of
Love they're the separation from love
right so so then if you're living in
survival and living in survival is
living in stress and living in stress
produces a cocktail of chemicals and
hormones that make you feel something
other than love turns out majority of
time people are feeling something other
than love and they're feeling some of
those other emotions so you only get
good at what you practice right and
those emotions will drive certain human
behaviors that primarily Universal and
will cause us to think in very
predictable ways right
so the separation from love because of
an event or a trauma or whatever it is
causes people to view their life through
a different lens than love right okay so
teach a person how to stop feeling those
emotions of survival right because in
survival it's not a time to create no
when it's in when you're in survival
it's not a time to communicate it's not
a time to learn it's not a time to
cooperate it's not a time to get along
it's time to run fight or hide and when
you're in survival you're very selfish
you're self-indulgent you're self
important you're self-aggrandizing
you're full of self-pity it's all about
the self or self self- involved in so
many
ways um and that means that once I'm
okay and I'm happy then uh everybody
else could be happy and so in survival
and we're feeling those emotions we're
doing everything we can to make that
feeling go away right so it turns out
that if you're in that state where
you're in survival and it's it's not a
time to create or Not A Time To Love or
not a time to open your heart not a time
to learn um you're compromised in a lot
of ways so bring that into a
relationship a relationship with peers
with with co-workers with relatives with
family with a partner um then the
fundamental question is uh what would
love do in a relationship that's I think
that's a really important question now
we have different relationships with
different people and um because
we've had experiences with different
people because we've had experiences
with them we have neurological circuitry
that there's a memory that that we can
relate to that person in fact I see you
uh based on the memory I have of you I'm
filling in my idea of Lewis based on my
memory of him I'm not really seeing you
I see things how they are I see things
how I am right so your brain only can
see equal to how it's m So based on my
experience I super like you you're a
great guy we get along we have a lot of
things in common and and so I see you
that way and the feeling that I have for
my interactions with you causes me to be
attracted to you like you're a cool guy
we hang out we have great conversations
and so when I see you there is a sense
of love there's an energy there's a
connection there's comaraderie there's
some kind type of Union right those are
healthy relationships and as long as
we're we're honoring one another that
relationship will continue and Foster
really great outcomes you have a
relationship with someone like an ex or
someone's betrayed you um you have a
different memory of that person based on
your experience which triggers a
different a feeling right which triggers
a different feeling that's based on
experience and so then it makes sense
then that the stronger the emotion you
feel towards that person the more you
pay attention to them and where you
place your atten is where you place your
energy so you're giving your power away
to change to that person or that
circumstance and it's entirely possible
that your reality is staying the same
because your energy is the same that you
in fact are contributing to that reality
staying exactly unchangeable right so
then you take a person and may've had a
moderately difficult past everybody's
got a story but when does the story end
you know right and now it's the new
right I mean it's it really is now is
the new later yeah like if you want to
change that now okay so the person
understands fundamentally they haven't
changed since those that event they're
feeling the same emotion they felt from
20 years ago and somehow their their
personality is in the past
right okay so the person then has to
overcome that emotional state and so
they're sitting in the meditation and
that's part of their identity and
meditation is getting be on yourself and
as you're sitting there all of a sudden
you start getting frustrated and angry
and resentful towards your ex you one of
two choices just just go fully down that
rabbit hole for the next hour and see
how that feels at the end or ask
yourself is this loving to me Justified
or not the only person it's going to
affect is me okay is this loving to me
or for me yeah was that either one right
it's not either okay so if I could in my
meditation really say okay I this isn't
loving to me I know this isn't right
even though I want to make them wrong
I'm just going to work I'm going to work
on settling my body down from that
emotional
state if I'm successful at regulating
that emotion and no longer allowing the
body to feel that emotion I'm inhibiting
that thought and feeling that image and
emotion I'm breaking that conditioning
response if I if I'm successful at doing
that if I lower the volume to that
emotion I'm going to take my attention
off that person or problem which means
I'm going to be taking my power back
right because I'm going to drop my
energy I'm going to build my own field
right I'm I'm no longer giving them my
power to change energetically I'm no
longer giving them my attention my
energy if I overcome the emotion I'll
take my attention off that person and
I'll begin to build my own
electromagnetic field now there's energy
to create now there's energy to heal now
there's energy for a whole new future
and and lo and behold when you lower the
volume to that emotion you take your
attention off that person that's
forgiveness wow cuz if you don't feel
the emotion any longer then you no
longer have your attention on that
person and your life truly
changes you'll never hold on to that
emotion again but why is it why are so
many people holding on to resentment of
what someone did in a relationship in
their past versus allowing them to find
forgiveness and peace about it maybe it
not agreeing that it was okay what they
did but why do people hold on to
resentment for so long or anger about a
past I I think it's because people are
afraid it's going to happen to them
again oh and um when we have a traumatic
event big or small in fact you're always
on the lookout for the the any signal in
the environment and any person or
circumstance that's going to be the
smallest que that's going to say oh I've
done this before I better get ready for
it so we're in a constant state of bad
news waiting for the worst case scenario
so let me just finish this okay the
question really was about self- Lov
uhhuh the person who lives in resentment
is making themselves
unhappy a person who's judging everybody
else and because they're judging the
themselves is making themselves unhappy
person who's complaining blaming making
excuses feel sorry for themselves
they're making themselves unhappy
there's nobody doing that to them you
say it's your ex okay let's take your ex
let's put him in a straight jacket and's
shoot him to the moon now what you're
hold you're still thinking that way and
feeling that way and and that person is
no longer in your life you're defined by
that that that that story by that past
event
okay the person's truly sincere and
thinks there's something other than that
emotion of resentment what's on the
other side of it am I willing to sit
through it long enough and and no matter
how much the pain is or what my body
does I'm going to sit this one out I'm
going to work with my body and keep
bringing it back into the present moment
it's like training an animal you keep
doing it over and over and you stay you
stay you stay I'm not getting up I'm not
eating I'm not moving we're going to
keep lowering the volume you keep
reconditioning the body to a new mind
sooner or later it surrenders it
surrenders to a new mind when that
occurs there's that liberation of energy
and energy moves into the heart and you
feel love for yourself you feel a
respect for yourself you feel an honor
for yourself something you took your
power back you know you built your field
something feels right when we look
at the data of people who do this and we
see their their scans their brain scans
or we see their HRV measurements and
they they get good at this we measure
their oxytocin levels now oxytocin is
the love chemical right it's it's made
in the pituitary
gland um it it is the is love chemical
causes us to bond to connect to to
unify and and when I showed the values
of oxytocin levels with these people to
scientists are sometimes 200 times above
normal now that's not a little love
that's a lot of love it's an explosion
of love it's a lot of love and there so
oxit toin signals nitric oxide and
nitric oxide signals another chemical
called endothelial derived relaxing
factor and that chemical causes the
arteries in your heart and your lungs to
literally open up and blood flows into
your heart and your heart is filled with
energy just like when it engorges the
the the the sexual organs there's an
engorgement of blood in there and it
activates it with energy and there's a
mind that's created it's a Consciousness
now this one opens up it's a whole
different Consciousness in fact the
research on oxytocin shows that the
slightest elevation in oxytocin it's
impossible to hold the grudge it's
impossible you say dude I feel so good
I'm good like no no no I'm good I'm
really good
now that kind of state means I I I don't
want to feel anything else but this so I
am not going to compromise myself or my
energy to a lower Dominator just because
of you in fact I'm really good around
you I'm really okay I feel so good I
don't want to judge you because I don't
want to lose this feeling so then
imagine being around a cat like that
being around a person like that that's
really easy to be around because they're
okay with themselves and when they're
okay with themselves they relate with
people differently in fact they relate
with them
unconditionally they just love them
unconditionally and that causes an
attraction it causes a bond right so one
of the things I learned last year and
watching people you know in this work
and week Wong events I do my best to pay
really close attention looked at at an
audience one day and I looked out in the
room just we just finished a walking
meditation everybody sat down and I kind
of glanced around the room and everybody
had this radiant smile and I said to
them
hey who's making you happy by the way
who who's making you happy there's
nobody doing that to you you're doing
that to you you're making yourself I
mean you're not relying on your anybody
in your life to do that now that is an
attractive energy that's the person who
relates well with money there's a
relationship with money they relate well
with people um they're very giving
they're very caring they want nothing in
return they're more present because
that's who they're practicing being and
so there's a natural Affinity a natural
attraction because the person is really
present and they're really okay and
something is different about them
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