How to Love Someone that is Hard to Love

Father Mike Schmitz

18 May 202208:22

Summary

TLDRIn this video, Father Mike Schmitz addresses how to love difficult people, emphasizing that while it's easy to love those who recharge us, true love is tested with those who drain us. He explains three key points: first, acknowledge some people are harder to love; second, we can only give love if we first receive love from God; and third, love is a one-way street, where we will the good of others without expecting anything in return. He also highlights the importance of setting boundaries while showing love, as we're not called to be doormats.

Takeaways

😀 Father Mike Schmitz acknowledges that some people think he speaks too quickly, and he tries to slow down for this video.
🙂 There are people who are easy to love and people who are difficult to love, and loving the easy ones doesn't make us virtuous.
🙃 Jesus teaches us to love not just those who love us but also those who are difficult, including enemies.
😌 Loving difficult people doesn’t necessarily mean they are our enemies, but they could just annoy us or get under our skin.
🙄 To love others, we must first receive love from God—'We love because God first loved us.'
😊 St. Bakhita experienced God's love in a transformative way, which enabled her to love even those who hurt her.
💡 Love is a one-way street, meaning we love others without expecting anything in return. Relationships are two-way streets, but love itself is not.
🤔 Loving difficult people might not result in a reciprocal relationship, but it involves willing the good for the other person.
😇 Setting boundaries is important, as loving others doesn't mean becoming a doormat; wisdom and boundaries are necessary.
🙏 The love we give flows from God's love for us, and we are called to extend this love to others, regardless of how they treat us.

Q & A

What does Father Mike Schmitz mean by 'love is a one-way street'?
-Father Mike explains that love is a one-way street because it involves willing the good of the other person, regardless of whether they love you back. He contrasts this with relationships, which are two-way streets requiring mutual give-and-take.
Why does Father Mike say it’s important to distinguish between people who are easy to love and those who are difficult?
-Father Mike emphasizes the importance of recognizing that loving people who are easy to love doesn't make us more virtuous. The real challenge and test of love, as taught by Jesus, is loving those who are difficult to love, including enemies and those who frustrate us.
How does Father Mike suggest we handle people who drain our 'love battery'?
-He suggests that it’s helpful to recognize when someone drains our energy or love but also reminds us that this is where true love is tested. We should strive to love these people despite the difficulty and maintain healthy boundaries.
What role does God’s love play in our ability to love others, according to Father Mike?
-Father Mike stresses that we can only love others because God first loved us. To truly love difficult people, we must first receive and understand the unconditional love of God through Jesus.
What lesson can we learn from Saint Bakhita’s life regarding love?
-Saint Bakhita experienced extreme hardship but was able to love her enemies because she understood she was 'definitively loved' by Jesus. Her deep understanding of God's love allowed her to forgive and love those who had hurt her.
Why does Father Mike caution against being a 'doormat' when loving difficult people?
-Father Mike explains that while we are called to love others, we are also called to be wise and set boundaries. Loving someone doesn’t mean letting them walk all over us; it’s about willing their good without allowing them to harm us.
How does Father Mike define love in this context?
-Father Mike uses Saint Thomas Aquinas's definition of love, which is 'willing the good of the other.' This kind of love does not require reciprocity or good feelings; it’s about choosing to act for the benefit of another.
What practical advice does Father Mike give for loving difficult people?
-Father Mike advises us to first acknowledge who is difficult to love, recognize that we cannot give what we don't have (we must first receive love from God), and establish clear boundaries while choosing to will the good of the other person.
How does Father Mike relate Jesus’s teachings to loving difficult people?
-Father Mike refers to Jesus’s teachings, which emphasize that loving only those who love you is not a true test of discipleship. To be a follower of Jesus, one must love even their enemies and those who are hard to love.
How does Father Mike suggest balancing love and boundaries?
-Father Mike suggests that while we are called to love others as Jesus loves us, it’s important to be wise and set boundaries. These boundaries allow us to love difficult people without being mistreated or drained in an unhealthy way.

Outlines

00:00

🎤 Slowing Down and Speaking Clearly

Father Mike Schmitz humorously addresses feedback that he speaks too quickly, making an effort to slow down in this video. He jokes about starting over, introducing himself again, and highlighting that some people find his speech pace too fast.

05:02

❤️ Loving Those Who Are Hard to Love

Father Mike dives into the main topic: how to love difficult people. He explains that everyone has people in their lives who are easy to love, as they energize and 'recharge' us. On the other hand, there are people who drain us emotionally. Recognizing this dynamic helps us understand the real challenge of love—loving those who are hard to love. He emphasizes that being a disciple of Jesus means loving even those who irritate or frustrate us, not just those who love us back.

🔋 The Love Battery: Knowing Who Drains or Fills You

Father Mike continues discussing the concept of a 'love battery,' explaining that some people fill us up with love while others drain our emotional energy. It’s important to identify these people, but not to label them. He reflects on how loving people who are easy to love doesn’t make someone virtuous, and the real test of love lies in loving those who are difficult, just as Jesus calls His followers to do.

📖 Biblical Love: Being Loved First

Referencing Scripture, Father Mike emphasizes that we cannot give what we do not have, meaning we must first receive love to give love. He cites Saint John’s teaching that we love because God first loved us. He also introduces Saint Bakhita’s story, explaining how she was able to love those who hurt and tortured her because she recognized that she was 'definitively loved' by God. This profound understanding empowered her to love even her enemies.

🛤️ Love is a One-Way Street

Father Mike shares a lesson from his friend Nick, who argues that 'love is a one-way street.' He clarifies that while relationships are two-way streets, love itself is about willing the good of the other without expecting anything in return. Love doesn’t require reciprocity to be true; it’s about choosing the good of the other person. Healthy relationships involve mutual love, but when loving difficult people, we might not receive love back, and that’s okay.

🛡️ Boundaries in Loving Difficult People

Father Mike stresses the importance of boundaries when loving difficult people. While love is a one-way street, Christians are not called to be doormats. We can love someone while maintaining boundaries, ensuring we protect ourselves from unhealthy relationships. Boundaries allow us to love without being taken advantage of, ensuring that our love remains genuine but wise. He highlights the balance between loving as Christ loves and setting boundaries that preserve our well-being.

🌟 The Call to Love Like Christ

Father Mike concludes by reiterating that Christians are called to love as Jesus loved. This means loving both easy and difficult people, but with wisdom and clear boundaries. Love is not about waiting for others to reciprocate; it's about acting from the love we’ve received from God. Father Mike encourages everyone to embrace this challenging but rewarding call to be love in the world, reminding them that they can do it because they are deeply and definitively loved by God.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Love

Love is central to the video's message, focusing on the challenge of loving difficult people. Father Mike emphasizes that love is not merely an emotional response but a choice to will the good of others, regardless of their behavior or how they treat us. He distinguishes between loving those who are easy to love, which doesn’t necessarily make us virtuous, and the real test of loving those who are difficult.

💡Difficult People

Difficult people are those who are challenging to love, often draining our emotional and 'love battery.' Father Mike explains that everyone has such people in their lives, and loving them is the true measure of discipleship. These individuals may be annoying, abrasive, or behave in ways that test our patience and kindness, making it crucial to choose to love them deliberately.

💡Love Battery

The 'love battery' is a metaphor used to describe our emotional and relational energy when interacting with others. Some people recharge this battery by being easy and pleasant to love, while others drain it by being difficult or demanding. Father Mike uses this concept to illustrate the varying impacts people have on our ability to give love and the importance of recognizing these dynamics.

💡Boundaries

Boundaries are limits we set in relationships to protect our well-being while still choosing to love others. Father Mike stresses that loving difficult people does not mean being a doormat; it involves establishing clear boundaries to avoid unhealthy or harmful interactions. Setting boundaries ensures that we can love others without compromising our own emotional health.

💡One-Way Street

Father Mike describes love as a 'one-way street,' meaning that true love involves giving without expecting anything in return. This concept contrasts with relationships, which are two-way streets involving mutual exchange. He explains that loving difficult people often means that our love may not be reciprocated, but we are still called to will their good regardless.

💡Receiving Love

Father Mike emphasizes that we cannot give what we do not have, meaning we must first be loved in order to love others. This concept is rooted in the Christian belief that we love because God first loved us. Recognizing that we are definitively loved, especially by God, empowers us to extend love to others, including those who are difficult to love.

💡Virtuous Love

Virtuous love refers to loving in a way that reflects moral excellence, particularly when it involves loving those who are challenging. Father Mike points out that loving easy-to-love people doesn’t necessarily make us virtuous. Instead, virtuous love is tested and proven when we extend kindness, patience, and goodwill toward those who are difficult, annoying, or even our enemies.

💡Willing the Good of the Other

This phrase, inspired by Saint Thomas Aquinas, defines love as an active choice to seek the best for another person. Father Mike explains that true love involves desiring and acting for the good of others, regardless of their actions or feelings towards us. This selfless aspect of love is especially important when dealing with difficult people, as it focuses on their well-being, not on mutual benefits.

💡St. Bakhita

Saint Bakhita serves as a powerful example of loving those who hurt us. Despite being kidnapped, enslaved, and abused, she found freedom and embraced Christianity, learning that she was 'definitively loved' by God. Her story illustrates the transformative power of recognizing God’s love, which enabled her to love even her enemies and those who had wronged her deeply.

💡Christian Discipleship

Christian discipleship is the commitment to follow Jesus and live according to His teachings, particularly the call to love those who are difficult to love. Father Mike highlights that being a disciple of Jesus means going beyond loving those who love us back; it involves loving enemies, forgiving those who hurt us, and striving to embody Christ’s love in all interactions, especially the challenging ones.

Highlights

Father Mike Schmitz humorously acknowledges that people think he talks too fast and attempts to slow down his speech.

Father Mike points out that everyone has people in their lives who are easy to love and those who drain their 'love battery.'

He emphasizes that loving easy people doesn't make someone a more virtuous person; the true test is loving those who are difficult to love.

Jesus teaches that loving enemies and those who are hard to love is the true mark of discipleship.

People who are difficult to love don’t have to be enemies; they can just be annoying or abrasive individuals.

Acknowledging that some people are easy to love and others are difficult is the first step to understanding how to love them.

Father Mike stresses that one cannot give love without first receiving it, citing the Scripture 'we love because God first loved us.'

He shares the story of Saint Bakhita, who was able to love even those who tortured her because she understood she was 'definitively loved' by God.

Saint Bakhita’s experience of being 'definitively loved' gave her the strength to love her enemies despite her circumstances.

Father Mike explains that love is a 'one-way street,' meaning it’s about willing the good of another without expecting anything in return.

Relationships, unlike love, are two-way streets, but love itself is a selfless act of giving, even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate.

When dealing with difficult people, it’s important to maintain boundaries; loving someone doesn’t mean being a doormat.

He highlights that loving difficult people may involve making personal sacrifices, but it doesn’t require eliminating boundaries.

Boundaries are essential, even when loving others, as Christians are called to be 'wise as serpents,' not foolish.

Loving others is about channeling God’s love through us, making intentional choices to seek their good without expecting something in return.