Why I stopped watching porn | Ran Gavrieli | TEDxJaffa

Summary

The speaker shares a personal journey of quitting porn due to its violent influence on fantasies and its role in perpetuating the demand for filmed prostitution. They argue that porn objectifies women and distorts sexual desires, often leading to harmful behaviors and unrealistic expectations. The talk also addresses the impact of porn on society, including addiction, sexual abuse, and the normalization of sexual exploitation. The speaker advocates for emotionally safe sex, free from gender hierarchy and focused on mutual respect and laughter, urging for more open conversations about these issues.

Takeaways

• 😡 The speaker stopped watching porn due to the anger and violence it introduced into their fantasies, which were not originally present.
• 🌎 Realizing porn's demand contributes to the filmed prostitution industry was a turning point for the speaker.
• 👤 The speaker's volunteer work with individuals in prostitution, including human trafficking victims, deepened their understanding of the industry's impact.
• 🚫 Pornography is criticized for promoting male domination and the subordination of women, rather than healthy sexual communication.
• 🎬 The mainstream porn industry is accused of focusing on male arousal, often at the expense of women's dignity and pleasure.
• 🤲 Porn often depicts sex without sensual activities like caressing or kissing, reducing intimacy to mere penetration.
• 🧠 The speaker's personal experience shows that porn can alter one's sexual desires and fantasies, leading to a loss of authentic erotic imagination.
• 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The impact of porn extends beyond individual viewers, influencing societal norms and expectations about sex and relationships.
• 🚫 The script highlights the negative effects of porn on young people, including addiction, distorted views on sex, and potential for aggressive behavior.
• 🌐 The ubiquity of porn, especially with easy internet access, poses a significant risk to adolescents' mental and sexual health.
• 💔 The script emphasizes the severe consequences for those involved in the porn industry, including exploitation, health risks, and social stigma.

Q & A

What were the two main reasons the speaker stopped watching porn?

The first reason was that porn introduced anger and violence into the speaker's private fantasies, which were not originally present. The second reason was the realization that watching porn contributes to the demand for filmed prostitution, which the speaker equates to exploitation.

What is the etymological breakdown of the word 'porn' as given in the script?

The word 'porn' is broken down into 'pornē', which stands for prostitute, and 'graphia', which stands for documentation, indicating that porn is essentially documented prostitution.

How does the speaker describe the impact of pornography on the concept of sexuality?

The speaker argues that pornography defines sexuality based on what men find arousing, often involving aggression, humiliation, and lack of genuine intimacy, which is a distortion of authentic sexual desires.

What is the common theme in mainstream porn according to the speaker?

The common theme is male domination and subordination of women, often involving acts of violence and degradation, which are presented as sexual despite their lack of mutuality or sensuality.

Why does the speaker criticize the portrayal of sex in porn?

The speaker criticizes it because it typically involves sex with no hands involved, focusing solely on penetration, which does not reflect authentic human desires or sensual activities like petting, caressing, or kissing.

How does the speaker's personal experience with porn affect their ability to fantasize?

The speaker finds that after habitually watching porn, they lost the ability to imagine sensual and mutual scenarios, as their mind was bombarded with images of violation and subordination.

What is the speaker's view on the impact of porn on young people?

The speaker views porn as having an addictive and paralyzing effect on young people, leading to distorted views of sexuality and potentially aggressive behavior, as well as feelings of inadequacy and paralysis.

What example does the speaker provide to illustrate how media consumption can influence thoughts and desires?

The speaker watched a karaoke show for 20 minutes and found themselves contemplating what song they would choose for an audition, despite having no interest or talent in music, demonstrating how quickly and easily media can influence the mind.

What are the serious consequences the speaker associates with the porn industry?

The speaker associates the porn industry with sex exploitation, human trafficking, rape, pimping, and solicitation, leading to social death, addiction, health issues, and even death for many participants.

What is the speaker's proposed alternative to pornographic consumption?

The speaker proposes the notion of 'emotionally-safe sex', which involves sexual freedom without gender hierarchy or subordination, and emphasizes mutuality, laughter, and genuine intimacy.

Why does the speaker encourage more open discussions about the impact of porn?

The speaker believes that discussing these issues can lead to greater awareness, change, and emotional safety, as silence only perpetuates more silence and does not address the underlying problems.