The Importance Of Being Inauthentic: Mark Bowden at TEDxToronto
Summary
TLDRIn this engaging speech, the speaker explores the power of nonverbal communication and how our brains quickly categorize others as friends, enemies, or potential mates based on evolutionary instincts. He emphasizes the importance of being more 'inauthentic' by consciously choosing to engage with others, even those we are indifferent to, to uncover hidden opportunities and ideas that could change our lives. The speaker encourages the audience to step beyond their natural instincts to connect with others and to actively seek out the brilliance that may be lying dormant in those around them.
Takeaways
- đ§ The brain makes snap judgments about others based on nonverbal cues like body language and tone of voice.
- đ The 'reptilian brain' or primitive brain is responsible for these quick assessments of whether someone is a friend, enemy, or potential mate.
- đ€ There are four categories the primitive brain uses to classify people: friend, enemy, potential sexual partner, and indifferent.
- đ« To be perceived as a friend, one must display behaviors that trigger a positive response in others' primitive brains, such as a genuine smile and open body language.
- đ A full smile that builds and sustains over 3 seconds, along with eye contact, can signal friendliness and trustworthiness.
- đ The eyebrow flash is a universal signal of recognition and friendliness, indicating that the person is known and liked.
- đ Showing empty hands, or the 'truth plane,' is a nonverbal cue that signifies honesty and the absence of threat.
- đ Authenticity in the speaker's context means acting in a way that is beneficial for the audience, even if it doesn't align with their instinctual feelings.
- đ People are naturally indifferent to most others due to evolutionary programming, focusing primarily on their immediate group.
- đĄ The speaker encourages the audience to be 'inauthentic' by intentionally engaging with others they would otherwise ignore, to uncover potentially life-changing ideas.
Q & A
What is the primary function of the part of the brain mentioned at the beginning of the script?
-The part of the brain mentioned, often referred to as the brain stem, R complex, or the Reptilian Brain, is responsible for making snap judgments about everyone around us, determining whether we should approach or retreat based on perceived friendliness or threat.
According to the speaker, what are the four categories the primitive brain uses to classify others?
-The four categories the primitive brain uses to classify others are: friend, enemy (predator), potential sexual partner, and indifferent.
How does the speaker describe the process of 'cherry picking' in relation to the neocortex and the brain stem's judgment?
-The speaker explains that once the brain stem categorizes someone as a friend, the neocortex, which is more developed and responsible for higher cognitive functions, starts to 'cherry pick' information that supports this categorization, reinforcing the initial judgment.
What is the significance of the 'eyebrow flash' mentioned in the script?
-The 'eyebrow flash' is a nonverbal cue that signifies recognition and friendliness. It is a universal signal that can trigger a positive response, suggesting that the person is known and considered a friend or ally.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of showing empty hands?
-Showing empty hands is a universal signal that indicates the person is unarmed and not a threat. This behavior is linked to our evolutionary past as ground-dwelling mammals, where displaying the vulnerable belly area without weapons was a sign of non-aggression.
What does the speaker suggest is the default stance of humans towards new people they meet?
-The speaker suggests that the default stance of humans towards new people they meet is indifference, as we are pre-programmed to be indifferent to the billions of people on the planet we do not know.
Why does the speaker argue for being 'inauthentic' in certain social interactions?
-The speaker argues for being 'inauthentic' to overcome our natural instincts of indifference towards strangers. By consciously choosing behaviors that suggest friendliness, we can uncover opportunities and ideas that we might otherwise miss.
What is the main message the speaker wants the audience to take away from his talk?
-The main message is to challenge the audience to be more open and approach people they would naturally be indifferent to, as doing so can lead to life-changing opportunities and ideas that would otherwise be missed.
How does the speaker use the concept of 'fight or flight' in relation to nonverbal communication?
-The speaker uses the concept of 'fight or flight' to explain how insufficient or ambiguous nonverbal signals can trigger a negative response in the primitive brain, causing it to categorize someone as a potential threat or predator.
What does the speaker mean when he says 'build it and they will come' in the context of authenticity?
-The speaker uses the phrase 'build it and they will come' to illustrate that if he were to act in a completely authentic manner, driven by his instinctual feelings, he would not be willing to present in front of a large audience, as it goes against his natural instincts for self-preservation.
Outlines
đ§ First Impressions and the Brain's Instant Judgements
The speaker begins by highlighting how the audience has already made a snap judgement about him within seconds of his appearance, based on his behavior, body language, and tone of voice. He introduces the concept of evolutionary psychology and the role of the brain stem, also known as the reptilian brain, in making quick assessments about others. The audience's primitive brain categorizes him into one of four groups: friend, enemy, potential sexual partner, or indifferent. The speaker explains how the brain uses minimum specifications based on evolutionary data to decide whether to approach or retreat from a person. He also discusses how the neocortex supports these snap judgements by cherry-picking data that fits the initial categorization.
đââïž The Role of Physical Appearance in Initial Judgements
The speaker delves into how physical appearance, such as hair quality, can influence the brain's snap judgements. He explains that good hair can signal a healthy diet and genetic code, which might be attractive for potential mates. He also touches on the concept of 'peacocking', where individuals display bright colors or features to attract attention. The speaker emphasizes that if he does not trigger any of the three categories of friend, enemy, or potential sexual partner, the audience defaults to being indifferent towards him. He stresses the importance of breaking this indifference to deliver his message effectively, as evolutionary psychology suggests that the audience will not pay attention to him otherwise.
đ€ Nonverbal Cues to Establish Rapport
The speaker discusses various nonverbal cues and behaviors he uses to establish a sense of friendship with the audience. He explains the importance of a genuine smile that builds and sustains over a few seconds, as a quick or half-smile can be misinterpreted as a threat. He also introduces the eyebrow flash, a universal signal of recognition and friendliness. The speaker emphasizes showing empty hands as a sign of coming unarmed, which he refers to as the 'truth plane', indicating honesty and trustworthiness. He encourages the audience to be more 'inauthentic' by using these techniques to connect with others, as it can lead to missed opportunities if they only rely on their instincts.
đ The Power of Connection and Overcoming Indifference
The speaker challenges the audience to look around and recognize that they are designed to be indifferent to most people they meet. He points out that they are more likely to connect with those who are part of their 'tribe' or group. The speaker implores the audience to be more 'inauthentic' by actively seeking out and engaging with those they are indifferent to, as this can lead to life-changing opportunities. He argues that it's not just innate abilities or positions that define a person, but also the conscious choices they make to connect with others, which can lead to discovering more about themselves and their potential.
đ Authenticity vs. 'Inauthentic' Behavior for Greater Good
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the concept of authenticity, suggesting that being 'inauthentic' in the sense of using learned behaviors to connect with others can be more beneficial than strictly adhering to one's natural instincts. He argues that by choosing to act in ways that go beyond personal preferences, individuals can unlock greater potential and make a more significant impact. The speaker concludes with a call to action for the audience to consider the power of their choices and the potential for growth that lies in stepping outside of their comfort zones and connecting with a broader range of people.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄEvolutionary Psychology
đĄNeural Architecture
đĄNonverbal Behavior
đĄFight or Flight System
đĄCherry Picking
đĄAuthenticity
đĄIndifferent
đĄInauthentic Behavior
đĄEyebrow Flash
đĄPredator
đĄCherry Picking Data
Highlights
People make snap judgments about others based on first impressions.
Evolutionary psychology plays a crucial role in understanding human behavior and nonverbal communication.
The brain stem, or reptilian brain, is responsible for making quick judgments about others.
There are four categories the primitive brain uses to categorize others: friend, enemy, potential sexual partner, and indifferent.
The neocortex cherry-picks data that fits the brain stem's theory about a person.
Nonverbal cues can trigger the brain to categorize someone as a friend, enemy, or potential sexual partner.
The default category for new people we meet is indifference.
Speakers use specific behaviors to trigger the 'friend' category in the audience's brain.
A genuine smile is a universal signal of friendliness.
The duration and build-up of a smile are crucial for it to be perceived as non-threatening.
Eyebrow flash is a universal signal of recognition and friendliness.
Showing empty hands is a universal signal of coming in peace.
Authenticity in communication can be counterproductive if it leads to indifference or hostility.
We should be more 'inauthentic' with each other to uncover hidden opportunities and ideas.
Our innate ideas and abilities are less defining than the conscious choices we make.
Transcripts
[Applause]
so you've already decided whether you
like me or
not and you did that within a fraction
of a second of seeing me you made that
unconscious Choice the moment I walked
on you saw my behavior my body language
my nonverbal behavior my tone of voice
as well that you're hearing now and
there's a part of your brain which uh if
we take Evolution as a given and we're
going to have to take Evolution as a
given during the whole of my speech
because all of my work relies on
evolutionary psychology and behavioral
evolutionary psychology and uh neural
architecture based on Evolution so uh
it's rather like if you play catching
fairies with my daughter Stella uh you
have to believe in fairies or you have
to put on a really good performance that
you believe in Fair is because otherwise
it's just no fun so taking Evolution as
a given there's a part of your brain it
sits right on top of your spine goes up
inside of your head some people call it
the brain stem or the R complex or The
Reptilian Brain or the Primitive brain
and it makes snap judgments about
everybody around it and everybody around
you uses that part of their brain to
make snap judgments about you and based
on Behavior it decides should we
approach this person are they going to
be good for us or should we Retreat
because they're going to be a huge risk
in fact if if I open this idea out a
little bit more there are simply four
categories that your primitive brain has
for everybody else around it so as I
walked on there were four potential
categories for me I came on stage I
start behaving and your primitive brain
says is Mark giving us some minimum
specifications based on 500 million
years of evolutionary data that he's
possibly a friend for us yeah is he
going to supply to us do we see some
signals that give us that gut reaction
that this is going to be good he's a
good person and if if you put me into
that friend category you're now cherry
picking from all the that I've got using
your neocortex which is about 200,000
years old pretty new using that
neocortex cherry-picking all the data
that fits your brain stem's Theory and
assumption about me being a friend okay
now I could come on and you might pick
up some minimum specifications that Mark
is an enemy to me a predator now I'm not
trying to do those but if they
accidentally happened you'd then put me
into predator predator category you do
the retreat treat response instead of
the approach response that you do around
the friend category and then you send a
message all unconsciously all
unconscious choices to your neocortex
saying go and get me all the data that
proves Mark is the enemy to me of course
the neocortex might go hey I don't
really know this guy and he's not really
said very much uh that I can discern so
far so I'll just make up a load of stuff
about him I'll just make up some stories
and some Nar that makes him bad yeah
equally so if I come on and I trigger a
friend with your brain stem you equally
if you can't find any data that makes me
friend you just make up a whole bunch of
stories about me that make me really
good now the third category I come on I
behave and for some reason you think ah
Mark potential sexual partner for
me
so when I do this not usually that much
laughter
okay no look obviously I'm not trying to
get into that category with you my my
wife's over there Tracy's over there
hello Tracy so uh you know not not
trying to get in that category but these
things can happen by accident for
example your brain stem is looking for
things like uh does Mark look a little
bit like me is he like me does look to
be kind of like one of my tribe one of
my group one of my gang one of my
company almost my family but not quite
because you know genetics says that
wouldn't be very very useful for us it
wouldn't play out well so is he like me
is does does his hair look good uh does
it look like it has good mineral content
in it so it's got good color you you're
actually stroking your hair as you're as
I'm talking about this aren't you madam
I can I can read people right from here
yeah don't look coin now don't look Co
nothing happening here Tracy nothing
going on nothing going on nothing going
on so does it look like it has good
mineral content in it and does it have a
shine to it because that would mean
there's probably a good omega-3 fatty
acid diet and therefore I come from a
land where there's good resource and I
look a bit like you so if we were to
mate and there was Offspring well they'd
grow up with good genetic code and in a
land where there's opulence and food
okay that's why we have those
conditioner ads with the little flick of
the hair and all of that yeah um oh
there's also with the with things like
the the the the the the pickup guys
called peacocking which is you know
where you've got you know beautiful
colors that flash yeah again for me this
is just
style so if I come now here's the
important bit here's the important bit
because if I come on and I don't trigger
friend or enemy or potential sexual
partner with you which for those I've
triggered that you might want to start
an orderly queue just turn there
sometimes it goes around the whole block
but that's okay uh if I haven't
triggered those here's the important
thing for us here today you are now
indifferent to me and here's what you're
hearing and your mind is off Imagining
the potential enemies or friends or
sexual partners now there are 7 billion
people on the planet right now what do
you think is the default category for
anybody new that you meet on this
Earth indifferent absolutely you are
pre-programmed to be indifferent to the
7 billion people on this planet right
now and here's my problem I don't know I
don't many of you out here to I mean the
majority there's there's Tracy and
Jennifer over there that's always good
yeah but uh the rest of you that they're
my friends and family but the rest of
you I don't know you don't know me which
means you're designed to be indifferent
to me right now and I have a really
important message for you today but
evolutionary psychology says and
behavioral psychology says that you're
just not going to pay attention to me
unless I can get in the category a
friend with you so that's what I've been
doing all the time I've been on here so
far I've been giving you the signals to
your primitive brain that will trigger
you to cause me to go into friend
category with you and cherry pick from
all the language that I've given you
only the stuff that is good and if you
couldn't find anything good you've been
making it up in your head so I just want
to let you into the secret because I
want you to be able to do this you know
with your friends and family and at work
and wherever you want to do this kind of
thing I think should be free to all so
here's what I've been doing look you
know all this stuff this stuff's easy
the smile okay smile it's a universal
signal across the planet okay it's the
same whatever whatever place you come
from whoever you were born to whether
you're born at the top of a mountain or
down by a lake doesn't matter your
country doesn't matter who your parents
we everybody Smiles the same the muscles
here tighten to pull up the sides of the
lips but that's not
enough
friend enemy or potential sexual
partner for those of you at the back who
are a distance from me you're
indifferent to me right now but these
people down the front in close proximity
almost certainly in personal space or
social space here yeah you are getting
triggered with the minimum
specifications for a predator which is
not the full signal yeah half signal
insufficient data when insufficient data
your PR primitive brain defaults to
negatives I can't do a half smile yeah I
can't do a teethy smile either that's
get out of my territory yeah I bite so I
need to narrow the eyes here which will
cause wrinkles to happen here I can't
flash this signal to you either I can't
just go like
that we know that the smile must build
over 3 seconds and it must sustain for
about 3 seconds otherwise it's
insufficient data and your primitive
brain goes ah Predator it doesn't get
the full signal better be safe than
sorry the fight and flight system would
rather judge me as a predator when I'm
not and behave as if I'm a predator just
to be safe so if I can sustain this and
build this over about 3 seconds narrow
those eyes and get that smile and get
eye contact with some people they'll
smile back at
me yeah there we go good that's good now
what I add to this is called the eyebrow
FL flash okay the
eyebrows flash up in fact sometimes I
sustain it for a long time yeah and this
is a universal signal for I recognize
you I know you you're my friend you're a
friend of the family you can do this
walking down the street you walk down a
street like this and you go
hello and literally it triggers their
primitive brain and they're like oh hey
hey good to meet you when was it we last
yeah no it was last week wasn't it and
yeah how are the kids and and and after
about 5 minutes they're like so where do
I know you're from and you're like you
don't
bye-bye and off you go fantastic you can
try this here's the really important one
here's the really important one is I
show you no tools no weapons empty hands
it's a universal signal okay for I come
unarmed we if Darwin was right we're
descendant from ground dwelling mammals
as the forest of Africa receded during
climate change yeah the planes started
to open up the ground dwelling mammal
decided I will stand upright didn't do
it in a few hours obviously took th
hundreds and thousands of years stood
upright when it stood upright great it
had control of the hands now that's
really useful I can be tactile I can
manipulate the world around me but also
now my belly area with lots of soft
delicate organs in is not protected by
the ground that means under stress I
better protect that and if I'm not under
stress if I'm not a predator and you're
not a Predator then I display this area
to you with no tools no weapons I call
this area the truth plane because this
is where you'll get stimulated and
triggered at an unconscious level to
choose me as being honest and
truthful and good to be around and if I
smile with that as well and raise my
eyebrows you all go Mark could read the
telephone directory to us because you
cherry pick the numbers that you were
thought were great in it now at this
point what people usually start to think
is actually Mark I'm getting a little
bit disappointed
now
yeah
because you're kind of manipulating us
aren't you yeah
and yeah I absolutely
am and you say Mark why can't you be
honest yeah why can't you just be
truthful why can't you just be authentic
with us you know Mark you've got some
great ideas just deliver them how you
like build it and they will come well
I'm telling you they are not going to
show
up they're going to watch Breaking
Bad yeah it's the final episode on
Sunday it's a good
show it's a great show
yeah and here's the
thing if I was
really authentic with you right now and
didn't use the behaviors that I've
learned and become highly skilled in in
order to become a a good speaker around
you if I don't use my counter measures
to the fight andlight system as I'm I've
decided not to do now you'll see I'm not
a good speaker I'm just highly skilled
in
technique in fact if if I were to be
honest about this and authentic with you
and by authentic I
mean that for me authenticity is you
know what's good for you you know what's
bad for you and and you will do what's
good for you and right and feels right
for you at an
instinctual level regardless because you
want to be you you want to be you
regardless of of the prizes or
punishments out there okay if I was
being truly authentic with you I would
not show up for
this I'm not joking that's that's a
reality I wake up in I do this
professionally by the way so I've
already done one of these this morning
for an hour and a half over in Niagara
they put me on after Chris
Hadfield he's a Canadian Spaceman
national hero thank for your programming
I wake up in the morning and I go the
last thing I want to do at an
instinctual gut level is to stand in
front of a bunch of people who I don't
know who I have no data around because I
can't see
them and and put out there my life's
work in front of them for to to for them
to criticize if they want
to that's not what I want to do and when
I start to get that feeling if you you
really want to see the authentic me the
real me because build it and they will
come when I start to get the feeling
that you don't
respect the P has anybody
here has anybody here written three
books on body language and behavior I'll
just answer for you
no so that you should judge me at all is
stupid
on your
part this is the authentic me this is
what I really feel and here's the
reality you're safe here because you've
got this stuff in front of
you but if I came up close and showed
you the real signals of Predator which
are the real signals I want to display
in front of this kind of large
crowd I guarantee you don't like me so
much now do
you
[Applause]
so this stuff works so
well so I choose my behaviors around you
and I'm going to tell you again because
what's coming up for me is a really
important message for you and if I act
authentically honestly in front of you
you're not going to listen to me and I
hope you listen to this because it's
really
important I want you to have a look
around you right now that isn't a piece
of rhetoric I mean actually look around
you right now and turn and look at the
back cuz there's lots of people here
okay there's a lot of you there's about
a thousand of you here here
today understand
this you're designed to be indifferent
to each other you're designed today to
really just hang out with the people
that you came with you'll spot a few
others who are like you your tribal
members yeah oh brilliant yeah nice yeah
great isn't it yeah but you've seen some
people already today and they triggered
predator in you enemy and more important
you know who they are
yeah and you've
also met some people today the majority
here and you don't know who they are
you're indifferent to them and you're
never going to meet them and you've got
a brilliant lifechanging idea for you
your family your your town your city
your world your universe and beyond that
if you've got an intelligence Way Beyond
mine which undoubtedly together you
certainly all
have can't believe I said
that you've got some brilliant ideas and
they've got some brilliant ideas but
you're designed to be indifferent to
each other so I'm asking you today I'm
challenging you and in fact I'm just
going to beg
you okay just going to beg you I need
you to be more inauthentic with each
other
today not just today tomorrow the day
after and for the rest of your life
because if you
don't choose behaviors beyond your
Natural Instincts for what you like and
don't like you will miss brilliant
opportunities in your life and if you
don't go up to somebody today who you
know at a gut level you're indifferent
to they hold nothing for you you your
instinct you've smelled it you've tasted
it you've seen it you've heard it you
know they are nobody if you don't go up
to them
today and act and perform like their
friend and ask them about their big idea
and act and perform like you're
listening you will miss something that
is going to change your
life so I'm begging you you to act
anything else but indifferent to the
people around you
today if I believe we could all be a
little more
inauthentic with each other now and
again we might find that we are so much
more than what we think we
are we might find that we are so so much
more than we actually
are because I truly believe it isn't
your innate ideas or
abilities or behaviors or skills or
position that defines or has to Define
who you really
are it can be the conscious choices that
you make in Sp might of all of
[Applause]
that
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