Advice for Perfectionist
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the speaker delves into the concept of perfectionism, revealing it as a guise for fear and a barrier to action. They discuss how perfectionism stems from fears of inadequacy, failure, and judgment, often leading to procrastination and missed opportunities. The speaker advocates for a shift towards valuing progress over perfection, embracing imperfection, and confronting underlying fears. They encourage self-compassion and taking action despite fear as strategies to overcome perfectionism and live a more fulfilling life.
Takeaways
- 🔍 Perfectionism is often a facade for underlying fears such as the fear of failure, judgment, and rejection.
- 🏅 The concept of 'perfection' is unattainable, and striving for it can lead to procrastination and missed opportunities.
- 🎨 Art and creativity are often stifled by perfectionism, as the fear of not creating a 'perfect' piece can prevent artists from sharing their work.
- 🛠️ To overcome perfectionism, shift your mindset to prioritize progress over perfection and embrace the idea that 'done is better than perfect'.
- 🤔 Identify and confront the fears that fuel your perfectionism, as understanding their root can help in diminishing their control over you.
- 💪 Taking action despite fear is a powerful way to combat perfectionism, as it builds confidence and reduces the grip of perfectionistic tendencies.
- 🤝 Cultivate self-compassion and treat yourself with kindness, as harsh self-criticism can exacerbate perfectionistic behaviors.
- 🚀 Embrace imperfections and view them as opportunities for growth rather than as shortcomings.
- 🌱 Growth occurs when you step out of your comfort zone, so challenge yourself to take on tasks and projects without waiting for the 'perfect' moment.
- ⏰ Procrastination is often a symptom of deeper fears; addressing the root causes can help in overcoming both procrastination and perfectionism.
Q & A
What is the main message of the video regarding perfectionism?
-The main message is that perfectionism is often a mask for fear and that embracing imperfection and taking action is more beneficial than striving for an unattainable standard of perfection.
Why does the speaker believe that perfectionism is not something to be proud of?
-The speaker believes perfectionism is not to be proud of because it is a coping mechanism rooted in fear, such as fear of failure, judgment, and rejection, rather than a virtue or a sign of high standards.
What is one example the speaker gives to illustrate the concept of perfectionism?
-The speaker uses the example of a friend who has many paintings in his garage but refuses to show them publicly because they are not 'perfect' yet, illustrating how perfectionism can lead to inaction and missed opportunities.
What does the speaker suggest is the core issue with perfectionism?
-The speaker suggests that the core issue with perfectionism is that it's built on fear and limiting beliefs, which can lead to procrastination, missed opportunities, and emotional exhaustion.
How does the speaker define 'progress over perfection'?
-The speaker defines 'progress over perfection' as a mindset shift from aiming for an unattainable perfection to focusing on continuous improvement and completing tasks despite them not being perfect.
What advice does the speaker give to overcome the fear of failure associated with perfectionism?
-The speaker advises acknowledging fears instead of avoiding them, understanding that done is better than perfect, and embracing the opportunity for growth that comes from facing and learning from failures.
How does the speaker relate perfectionism to procrastination?
-The speaker relates perfectionism to procrastination by explaining that the fear of not meeting high standards often leads to delaying tasks or projects, resulting in inaction and missed opportunities.
What is the role of self-compassion in overcoming perfectionism according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, self-compassion plays a crucial role in overcoming perfectionism by reducing self-criticism and allowing individuals to treat themselves with kindness and understanding, which in turn lessens the grip of perfectionism.
Why is taking action despite fear important in overcoming perfectionism?
-Taking action despite fear is important because it builds confidence and allows individuals to embrace their imperfections, which weakens the hold of perfectionism and promotes personal growth.
What is the speaker's final call to action for listeners who identify as perfectionists?
-The speaker's final call to action is for listeners to let go of the perfectionist mindset, embrace their imperfections, confront their fears, and take manageable risks to live a more fulfilling and action-oriented life.
Outlines
🔍 Understanding Perfectionism
The speaker begins by addressing the topic of perfectionism, suggesting that it is often mistaken for a badge of honor when it is actually a facade for fear. They share their personal journey and realization that perfectionism is not about achieving perfection but is a coping mechanism to avoid vulnerability and fear, such as fear of failure, judgment, and rejection. The speaker emphasizes that perfection is unattainable and that perfectionism often leads to procrastination and inaction, preventing individuals from living their dreams.
🛠 Overcoming Perfectionism
In this paragraph, the speaker delves into the core fears that underlie perfectionism, such as the fear of failure, judgment, and vulnerability. They provide insights into how these fears manifest, for instance, the fear of failure leading to an obsession with getting things right every time. The speaker also introduces the concept of 'done is better than perfect' and suggests that art, including famous pieces, is often more compelling with its imperfections. They encourage the audience to recognize the fear behind their perfectionism and to challenge the need for constant approval from others.
🚀 Tackling Procrastination and Perfectionism
The speaker discusses how perfectionism often results in procrastination, as individuals delay starting or completing tasks due to the fear of not meeting their own high standards. They explain that this fear can lead to a state of paralysis where tasks are never completed, and opportunities are missed. The speaker also touches on the emotional toll of perfectionism, including burnout and the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, often stemming from parental influences. They advocate for a shift in mindset from striving for perfection to embracing progress and completion.
💪 Strategies for Embracing Imperfection
In the final paragraph, the speaker offers strategies for overcoming perfectionism. They suggest shifting the focus from perfection to progress, acknowledging and confronting fears, practicing self-compassion, and taking action despite fear. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing that perfection is unattainable and that embracing imperfection can lead to personal growth and the realization of one's dreams. They conclude with a call to action, encouraging listeners to let go of the perfectionist mindset and to take steps towards living a more fulfilling life.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Perfectionism
💡Fear
💡Procrastination
💡Burnout
💡Vulnerability
💡Mindset
💡Self-Compassion
💡Action
💡Growth
💡Limiting Beliefs
Highlights
Perfectionism is often seen as a badge of honor but is actually fear in disguise.
Being a perfectionist is not about being perfect; it's about the fear of not being good enough.
Perfectionism is a mask for fears such as failure, judgment, and rejection.
The idea that perfection is an impossible goal is central to understanding perfectionism.
Every creation can be improved upon, which is why perfectionism can lead to procrastination.
Perfectionism can be a coping mechanism to control outcomes and protect from vulnerability.
Three main fears behind perfectionism include fear of failure, fear of judgment, and fear of being vulnerable.
Perfectionists often see mistakes as personal failures and feel the need to be flawless.
The fear of judgment can lead to a constant need for approval and avoidance of putting work out into the world.
Avoiding vulnerability is a core aspect of perfectionism, which can lead to missed opportunities for growth.
Procrastination is often a symptom of deeper fears and should be explored to understand the root cause.
Perfectionism can lead to burnout due to the constant pressure to meet impossibly high standards.
Perfectionism can be inherited from parents who have impossibly high standards.
To overcome perfectionism, shift your mindset to focus on progress over perfection.
Acknowledge your fears instead of avoiding them to reduce their control over you.
Be more compassionate with yourself to counteract the self-criticism that drives perfectionism.
Take action despite fear to build confidence and overcome perfectionism.
Embrace your imperfections and let go of the perfectionist badge to live more freely.
Transcripts
hey are you a perfectionist if you are
today's video we're going to be talking
about how to overcome your perfectionism
so that you can take action stop
procrastinating and create the life of
your dreams let's dive into it I used to
categorize myself as a perfectionist
when I was younger uh because it was
almost like this this badge of honor
like people go out and they proudly
claim well I'm a perfectionist as if
it's this sign of like having
exceptionally high standards oh yeah
something to be proud of being a
perfectionist but the truth is
really when you look at it being a
perfectionist and perfectionism itself
is fear in Disguise it is just a mask
that you wear for your fears so instead
of saying oh I'm afraid of this you say
I'm a perfectionists and once we really
understand it we can start to overcome
it we can live a little bit more freely
from this thing you know so many fears
and so many limiting beliefs hide behind
this thing of perfectionism and it's one
of the reasons why that quote exists
that says you know the the richest
places the graveyard is because so many
people are just filled with so much fear
and hey I'm a perfectionist it's not
perfect yet so I'm not going to put it
out in the world perfectionism at its
core is not about being perfect because
we all know we all know listen this
podcast consciously in this moment that
Perfection is an impossible goal it is
something that you will never strive or
you will never hit I will never hit
there's no such thing as perfect so no
matter how hard you try there's always
going to be something that could have
been different they could have been done
better I was on a call the other day and
one lady said what happens when you
record a podcast episode and you get
done with it and you realize that you
could have done better and I was like
that's every single episode every one of
them I get done with the episode I leave
and I go to my kitchen I'm making coffee
or whatever this might be and I'm like
oh my God I should have said this thing
I'm not going to go and re-record an
episode and add that in CU then as soon
as I get done with that one I'm going to
go oh my God I should have said this
thing so what is perfectionism really
about at its core it is the fear of not
being good enough it's the fear of
failure it's the fear of judgment from
other people it's the fear of rejection
and those fears paralyze us and so what
we do is we think oh if I just work a
little bit harder or just wait until
everything is perfect then I won't get
this pain and rejection or
disappointment and we're not consciously
thinking it we're consciously thinking I
just want to make it better because I
want to make the best product I possibly
can I don't want to I don't want to put
my song out to the world yet because it
could be a little bit better it's like
the example I love to give which is like
imagine that you go over to your
friend's house and you you go into their
their house and you're hanging out with
them you've known them for years and you
go into their garage and in their garage
is all of these paintings and you look
at these paintings you're like oh my
gosh Tom this is amazing like these
paintings are incredible I didn't even
know that you painted why don't you like
put it on Instagram or why don't you
sell them or why don't you have like a
show or something and he's like oh no no
I can't do that yet that you know like
if you look at this one it's not perfect
yet it's still got a little bit extra
things I could add some colors to this
one and also this one right here like I
could change this one a little bit more
so they're just not perfect yet in
reality he is saying to himself that
they're not perfect yet but behind it is
some sort of fear some sort of limiting
belief maybe it's the fear of like you
know what I love this art so much and
it's the reason why I feel like I'm
alive and it is my heart and my soul and
I'm worried that if I went and I did a
show and I put all of my paintings up
and sold them that I would be walking by
and someone would be like that's ugly
and they wouldn't even know they
wouldn't be saying it to me they be I
would overhear someone saying it to
another person that painting is ugly I
don't understand this oh my gosh this
guy's charging $1,000 for this I
wouldn't pay $10 for it and so there's
this fear of like rejection of not being
accepted of failure of putting your
heart and soul into this thing that you
want to do and then failing at it that's
what perfectionism is it's not this this
virtue that we all have It's A coping
mechanism is what it really is it's a
way of trying to control our outcomes to
protect oursel from this vulnerability
of putting oursel out there and so when
you look closely you'll find that
Perfection is perfectionism 100% is just
built on some sort of fear limiting
belief and there's there's a few
different ones I'll give you examples
the three main core fears that pop up
and the reason why people say oh like no
I'm a perfectionist the first one is the
fear of failure perfectionists often
look at mistakes as a personal failure
like if they go out and do something and
they make a mistake at it that's a
personal failure if something goes wrong
they see that as a reflection of who
they are as a person so it's not
something that happened externally
outside of them it to them feels like a
reflection of who they are as a person
that is so much pressure to put on to
somebody to do things right every single
time and so what happens is because of
fact that they're afraid of failure
they're just thinking to themselves well
I'll just keep working at it I'll just
keep working at it and I'll give you a
tip that my one of my um my first
mentors used to always say to me she
used to always say done is better than
perfect just getting something done is
better than than it being perfect if you
look at every piece of art like famous
piece of art that exists I guarantee you
every single artist a couple years later
could have come that did it you know if
you look at like I think it was Michael
Angelo that did the Mona Lisa right if
you had Michelangelo or whoever it was
uh go and look at the Mona Lisa now he'd
probably be like well I could have
changed this around I could have done
this a little bit different right so
nothing will ever be perfect done is
better than perfect and in fact you know
art is usually better with the flaws if
we're being honest so that's the first
thing is the fear of failure another
really big fear that pops up here is the
fear of judgment many people who are
perfectionists are really just worried
about being judged by other people by
being rejected by other people and
really what they worry about is if I
don't show myself as being Flawless then
people will think that I'm less than
them what if I you know I really want to
start putting out whatever it might be
inspirational content on Instagram but
I'm worried that I'm going to get a
hater
and so what I'll do is I'll record a
video and I'll be like no it's not
perfect yet I'll record a video no it's
not perfect yet I'll record a video it's
not perfect yet but in reality what it's
what what's behind all of it and you
should always ask yourself like what's
behind this what's behind this like get
really curious about yourself if you're
a perfectionist ask yourself this
question right now what's behind it
because it's not perfectionism there's
something behind that and it's this for
the fear of judgment this this constant
need for approval of other people ends
to tweak
or refining or changing or wanting
something to be just a little bit better
and it often just prevents them from
finishing whatever it is that they need
to do and so the other thing that really
holds people back in and is this
perfectionism shows up as this fear of
judgment what if other people judge me
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that's down in the description and then
another really big one that pops up the
third one is this fear of being
vulnerable basically being seen at its
core perfectionism is really about
avoiding
vulnerability so what we do is by
striving for this unattainable
Perfection which we know we'll never get
to and because of the fact that we know
we'll never get to it we know then we're
going to protect oursel by not putting
it out there whatever this thing is
perfectionists think that they can
protect themselves not consciously this
is all unconscious most of the time we
think that we could Pro protect
ourselves from criticism of other people
from rejection from shame and so when
you have something especially something
that you like really love like I'm just
saying like art or music or something
that you want to create and bring it out
to the world that's like like let's say
that you you do poetry and you want to
give your poetry out but you know how
damn vulnerable you have to be in order
to put your your your poetry out it's
like standing naked in front of a group
of people it's like that's so vulnerable
it's hard to do it but vulnerability is
part of being human and by trying to
avoid it leads to more stress leads to
frustration and we all know that
perfectionism is is not something that
we can achieve perfectionism is all
fear-based it's all unrealistic and so
our idea that we have of this thing of
being perect perfect is constantly like
how can I figure out a way to to change
it to make it different really what it
comes down to is is asking yourself the
question what's behind it what's behind
it you know when you see something like
even when you think of perfect like what
you think might be perfect and Flawless
may not be what other people think of
when they think about it and so what do
we tend to do and this is what most
people end up doing when we call our
self perfectionists is we start
procrastinating we delay starting a task
or finishing a task because we're afraid
that we're going to not meet the highest
standards that we have for oursel and so
what do we do is we we oh yeah well I
need to start on that painting or I need
to start on even if it's just like a
project like let's say you have a
project for work that you need to work
on you have this project you need to
present it to everybody and because
you're quote unquote perfectionist you
work at it and work at it and work at it
and you work at it for hours of the day
or you could be on the opposite side of
that because you're so afraid of this
Judgment of putting yourself out there
you delay it and you delay it and you
delay it and that leads this
procrastination and so it's like this
idea of like paralysis where nothing
ever gets completed and so one of the
biggest things that comes from
procrastin or that comes from uh
perfectionism is procrastination and so
if you're procrastinating a lot ask
yourself the question what's behind this
is there something I might be afraid of
back here like okay yeah look I'm
looking at this and I see in front of me
I have this task I have this task if I
need to finish my presentation for work
that's coming next week but I'm
procrastinating and I com I'm
procrastinating what's behind this what
am I afraid of I remember one time one
of my salespeople was telling me that uh
a lady didn't buy because she was uh her
like she didn't buy and I said well what
was her problem what was her pain and he
said procrastination was her pain and I
said procrastination is never a problem
procrastination is not the real thing
procrastination is the downstream effect
of something that somebody is thinking
and something that somebody is afraid of
so what was she afraid of and he's like
I don't know and I was like well then
you didn't find the pain and so you have
to understand if you feel like you're a
procrastinator you feel like you're a
perfectionist you have to ask yourself
what fear is behind all of this what am
I afraid of I'm procrastinating I'm
procrastinating procrastinating what am
I afraid of I'm afraid of you know
trying to build this business and
wasting my time and wasting my energy
and being further behind than I am right
now so I'd rather do nothing than do
something and be further behind than I
am right now in two years oh that's why
I'm procrastinating you will learn more
about yourself as you start getting more
curious about yourself you think you
know yourself when you start asking
yourself these questions and journaling
through them you really start to find
yourself another thing that I find with
a lot of people that procrastination
leads to is burnout by constantly trying
to to force yourself to do something or
by even just like constantly trying to
hit this impossible standard of
something you can drain your energy and
leave you exhausted emotionally depleted
all of that I know a lot of people and
I've heard this over years and years and
years depending on how their parents
were they have this feeling of having to
be perfect all of the time and because
of and I've heard it in many different
ways I've heard it from people who um
whose parents were in the military I've
heard it from people whose parents are
immigrants and they push them to want to
have to be perfect they come home and
they got an A and they asked them why
they didn't get an A+ I hear from people
who's uh just uh their their mother had
these uh impossible beauty standards for
them or these these impossible body
standards for them and so a lot of times
people become
perfectionists from this specifically
because they're still trying to prove
themsel to one of their parents in some
sort of way because their parents had
this this incredibly impossible standard
that they could not get to whether
that's with grades whether that's with
sports whether that's with body image
whatever it might be and so if you're
out there and you feel that way and you
did inherit this from your parents
because the way that they treated you or
because maybe the way that they are
withs man that can lead to so much
burnout that is a that is mentally
exhausting and so what do you do is you
have to start realizing that there is no
such thing as Perfection and I'll talk
about how to how to work through it in
just a second and then last thing that
comes for perfectionism before we go any
further is you're going to have a lot of
missed opportunities when you're so
focus on on trying to make everything
perfect you're going to miss out on a
lot of different things you're going to
miss out on growth you're going to miss
out on progress you're going to miss out
on failing at things which when you do
fail turn into lessons so that you can
get better and life will pass you by
when you're just sitting around waiting
for the perfect moment so let's talk
about how to overcome this perfectionism
like if perfectionism is rooted in fear
how do we overcome it the key is to
understanding to embrace imperfection to
take manageable risks and to address
these fears that are in the background
all the time I
remember the biggest thing that I could
think of that really helped me was my my
mentor that I was telling you about just
a second ago was talking about progress
over Perfection and so the first thing
that is really going to help you is to
shift your mindset and start thinking
about progress over Perfection one of
the biggest shifts that you can have is
just understanding done is better than
perfect I'm just trying to per I'm just
trying to get a little bit better I'm
not trying to be perfect I'm just trying
to get a little bit better I'm not
trying to be perfect rather than aiming
for Perfection focus on getting a little
bit better ask yourself what can I do to
get better how can I improve how can I
embrace this mindset that encourages
action and stops focusing on the fear of
failure so you know instead of waiting
for instance let's say for instance that
you're an example would be instead of
waiting for um you know a project to be
perfect before you share it recognize
that the feedback can actually help you
improve it and so instead of saying oh
this project that I'm giving to the to
my boss and all that stuff instead of
going how can I make it absolutely
perfect well how can I make it the best
that I can be understanding it won't be
perfect and if I do get some
constructive criticism it's a way for us
to brainstorm to make this project
better well that would be really good
wouldn't it the second thing I really
want you to focus on and to work through
it is to acknowledge your fears instead
of trying to run from them instead of
trying to act like they're not there
actually them because perfectionism
thrives on trying to avoid them and so
if we can actually come to face to face
with them and realize yeah you know what
I'm scared shitless of rejection I'm
scared shitless of being judged but that
gives me an opportunity where if I do
get rejected it's an opportunity to grow
if I do get judged it's an opportunity
for me to grow so instead of trying to
avoid all of these things that I'm that
I'm afraid of I'm going to actually try
to nicely come in contact with them and
work through what's going on in my in my
brain in my body as those things come up
and so the more you try to avoid them
the more control they have over you and
so when you start to work with your
fears and as you start to do this you
realize that even if you just fast if
you do this for the next 10 years next
20 years and you fast forward 20 years
none of your fears will have gone away
you just learn how to work with your
fears all of my exact same fears that I
had when I was younger are still present
inside of my brain inside of my body I
know that they're there I see them when
they pop up but now I just have ways to
work through them because I've been
dealing with them for so long same thing
for you instead of trying to avoid them
try to come in contact with them so that
you can get better at working with them
and ask yourself like what am I really
afraid of identify your fears when you
identify them when you work through them
they lose their power and then you have
these tools in your tool but of how to
actually work through them they're less
intimidating when they're in front of
you you can confront them
directly growth only happens when you
step out of your comfort zone so you've
got to do this another thing I really
recommend for overcoming perfectionism
is
just just be more compassionate with
yourself right perfectionism is driven
by self-criticism a lot of times
perfectionists can be incredibly hard on
themselves and so if you can be a little
bit nicer to yourself your perfectionism
has a little bit less control over
yourself and so don't be so toxic
practice a little bit of self-compassion
treat yourself with some kindness with
some understanding instead of guilting
and shaming yourself try to replace it
with some love you're going to make
mistakes you're going to it up but
just figure it out after you do you know
you're not going to hold your friends to
impossibly high standards so why would
you do it for yourself forgive yourself
celebrate when you fail celebrate your
efforts that you showed up and you
understand hey I'm not perfect but
that's okay the next thing I want you to
do number four is to take action despite
fear the best way to to to just really
start to get good at beating
perfectionism is just to take action
especially when you're afraid
right so maybe it's like the email that
you had it's not perfect but you're just
like screw it hit send boom okay oh God
I just sent it right send that draft of
work over to your work partner your boss
whatever it might be you know if you're
applying for a job and you're not 100%
qualified just do it anyways just apply
see what happens just take action that
taking action builds confidence and the
more confidence that you have the more
that you can actually overcome your
perfectionism because your confidence
Embraces your imperfections
which is a great part about it and so
really what it comes down to is if
you're the type of person who has been
wearing this badge of honor of
perfectionism I want you to understand
that it is holding you back you need to
let go of it you need to understand
there's some sort of fear behind it
there's some sort of limiting belief
what I recommend that you do is you come
in contact with it you embrace your
imperfections you become a little bit
nicer to yourself because ultimately
like I said a little while ago the
richest places in the graveyard I don't
want you to die with your dreams I don't
want you to die with whatever is inside
of you that needs to come out simply
because you're a quote unquote
perfectionist so that's what I got for
you for today's episode if you love this
episode please share it on your
Instagram stories tag me at Rob dial Jr
r o d i a l Jr also if you love this
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greatly appreciate it and with that I'm
going to leave you the same way leave
you every single episode make it your
mission to make somebody else's day
better I appreciate you and I hope that
you have an amazing day
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