Why Brené Brown Says Perfectionism Is a 20-Ton Shield | Oprah's Lifeclass | Oprah Winfrey Network

Summary

The transcript discusses the concept of 'armor' we use to protect ourselves, focusing on perfectionism as a defense mechanism against shame and fear. It differentiates between healthy striving for excellence and perfectionism driven by external judgment. The speaker shares personal anecdotes to illustrate the impact of 'what will people think' on behavior, emphasizing the importance of overcoming this fear to engage in brave actions.

Takeaways

• 🛡️ Perfectionism as Armor: The speaker describes perfectionism as a '20-ton shield' we use to protect ourselves from criticism, blame, and ridicule.
• 🤔 The Link Between Perfectionism and Shame: Perfectionism is often driven by the fear of shame, with shame 'riding shotgun' and fear as the 'backseat driver'.
• 🔍 Vulnerability and Perfectionism: People tend to be perfectionistic in areas where they feel most vulnerable to shame.
• 💭 The Mask of Perfectionism: While many are comfortable admitting to being perfectionistic, they may not be as open about the underlying shame.
• 🚫 The Cost of Perfectionism: Carrying the shield of perfectionism can prevent us from being truly seen and authentic.
• 🌟 The Difference Between Striving and Perfectionism: Healthy striving is internally focused and about personal best, while perfectionism is about external judgment.
• 🤷‍♂️ The 'What Will People Think' Syndrome: Perfectionism is often fueled by the concern over others' opinions.
• 👦🏻 Parenting and Perfectionism: The speaker shares a personal anecdote about preparing her son for his first day at school, highlighting the struggle with 'what will people think'.
• 🏆 Excellence vs. Perfectionism: The speaker differentiates between striving for excellence, which is healthy, and perfectionism, which is not.
• 💡 The Importance of Bravery: The script suggests that one cannot be brave while being constrained by the fear of others' judgments.
• 🔑 Unlocking Authenticity: Letting go of perfectionism can be a key to living more authentically and being open to personal growth.

Q & A

What are the three common types of 'armor' mentioned in the transcript?

The three common types of 'armor' mentioned are perfectionism, numbing, and foreboding joy.

What is the relationship between perfectionism and shame according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that when perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun, indicating that perfectionism and shame are closely linked.

What does the speaker refer to as the '20-ton shield'?

The '20-ton shield' is a metaphor for perfectionism, which people use to protect themselves from criticism, blame, and ridicule.

How does the speaker differentiate between healthy striving and perfectionism?

Healthy striving is internally focused and about personal growth, while perfectionism is about external validation and what other people think.

What is the main issue with using perfectionism as a shield against vulnerability?

The main issue is that while perfectionism is intended to protect, it actually prevents people from being truly seen and understood.

Why does the speaker mention the example of her son's first day at school?

The speaker uses the example to illustrate how the fear of what others might think can drive perfectionism and affect behavior.

What does the speaker suggest is a barrier to doing brave things?

The speaker suggests that the fear of what others will think, or perfectionism, acts as a straight jacket that prevents bravery.

What is the difference between 'what will people think' and striving for excellence, according to the transcript?

Striving for excellence is about personal growth and doing the best one can, while 'what will people think' is about seeking external validation and approval.

How does the speaker describe the impact of perfectionism on a person's ability to connect with others?

The speaker implies that perfectionism can act as a barrier to genuine connection, as it prevents people from showing their true selves.

What is the speaker's view on the importance of understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism?

The speaker believes it's crucial to understand the difference because it helps individuals to pursue personal growth without being hindered by the need for external validation.

How does the speaker relate the concept of perfectionism to the idea of being seen?

The speaker suggests that while people use perfectionism as a shield to avoid being hurt, it paradoxically keeps them from being truly seen by others.