The New Relationship Energy: Embracing Change in Open Relationships

Summary

In this episode of OpenL 101, John and Jackie discuss 'New Relationship Energy' (NRE), a phenomenon where excitement and connection are felt when meeting someone new. They explore how this can affect both partners in an open relationship, with one experiencing NRE and the other potentially feeling insecure or jealous. The hosts offer insights on recognizing NRE, managing insecurities, and fostering communication to navigate through these emotions, emphasizing the importance of understanding and embracing the temporary nature of NRE for a healthy and growing relationship.

Takeaways

• 😀 The video discusses 'New Relationship Energy' (NRE), a term used to describe the excitement and emotional connection that can occur when meeting someone new.
• 👫 NRE can affect both individuals in a relationship, including the one experiencing the new connection and their partner.
• 🤔 The video emphasizes that it's normal to feel a range of emotions, including insecurity or jealousy, when a partner experiences NRE with someone else.
• 🌟 The hosts, John and Jackie, highlight the importance of recognizing and embracing 'compersion', the joy one feels for their partner's happiness.
• 💡 They provide insights on how to handle NRE, suggesting that it's a temporary phase and not indicative of the long-term state of a relationship.
• 🗣️ Communication is key when dealing with NRE; discussing feelings openly can help navigate through the emotions that arise.
• 🔁 The video suggests that NRE is a natural part of any new connection and should not be feared but understood and managed.
• 💞 John shares his personal experience of feeling excited for Jackie when she experiences NRE, showcasing a healthy approach to such situations.
• 🚫 The video discourages negative behaviors like trying to control the situation or expressing jealousy, which can harm the relationship.
• 🌱 It's suggested that dealing with NRE can lead to personal growth and a stronger relationship, as it forces individuals to confront and overcome insecurities.

Q & A

What is the term used to describe the excitement in a new relationship?

The term used to describe the excitement in a new relationship is 'New Relationship Energy' or NRE.

How can new relationship energy make someone or their partner feel?

New relationship energy can make someone feel excited and connected, while it might make their partner feel uncomfortable or insecure.

What is the significance of the term 'compersion' mentioned in the script?

Compersion is the feeling of joy one experiences when one's partner finds happiness with someone else, which is often contrasted with jealousy in open relationships.

Why is it important for a partner to have good self-esteem in an open relationship?

Good self-esteem is important for a partner in an open relationship to feel secure and be happy for their partner's happiness with others, which can help prevent feelings of jealousy or insecurity.

What is the 'honeymoon phase' in the context of new relationships?

The 'honeymoon phase' refers to the initial period in a new relationship where everything seems fun and exciting because the couple is not yet dealing with the day-to-day challenges of a long-term relationship.

How does new relationship energy differ from the dynamics of a long-term relationship?

New relationship energy is characterized by the excitement of getting to know someone new and the novelty of shared experiences, whereas long-term relationships involve dealing with routine and daily life challenges.

What can a partner do if they feel uncomfortable with their partner's new relationship energy?

A partner can communicate their feelings openly with their partner, seek to understand the nature of new relationship energy, and work together to navigate through any insecurities or discomfort.

Why is it beneficial to have a name for the feelings that arise from new relationship energy?

Having a name for the feelings that arise from new relationship energy, such as 'compersion' or 'jealousy,' can help individuals understand and articulate their emotions, making it easier to address and resolve them.

What is the role of communication in dealing with new relationship energy in an open relationship?

Communication is crucial in dealing with new relationship energy as it allows partners to express their feelings, discuss their concerns, and work collaboratively to maintain a healthy and secure relationship.

How can a person experiencing new relationship energy support their partner who might be feeling insecure?

A person experiencing new relationship energy can support their partner by being open about their feelings, reassuring their partner of the strength of their bond, and actively working to address any insecurities or fears their partner may have.

Outlines

00:00

🔗 Navigating New Relationship Energy (NRE) in Open Relationships

John and Jackie from openl101.com introduce the concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE), a phenomenon where excitement and emotional connection occur when meeting someone new. They discuss how this can sometimes cause discomfort for partners and emphasize the importance of understanding and managing these feelings. They encourage viewers to sign up for their email list and follow their social media channels for more content. The conversation also touches on the idea of compersion, the joy one feels for a partner's happiness, and acknowledges that NRE can be both exciting and challenging in the context of open relationships.

05:01

🌟 Understanding the Dynamics of New Relationship Energy

The hosts delve deeper into the definition and dynamics of NRE, explaining that it involves the excitement of getting to know someone new without the baggage of existing relationship issues. They contrast this with the 'honeymoon phase' in new relationships, where the focus is on fun and exploration rather than everyday responsibilities. The discussion highlights the temporary nature of NRE and the importance of recognizing it as a fleeting phase that doesn't necessarily threaten the stability of long-term relationships. They also address the insecurities that can arise from NRE and the value of focusing on the positive aspects of one's primary relationship.

10:03

🤔 Addressing Insecurities and Emotions Stemming from NRE

John and Jackie discuss the emotional responses that can accompany NRE, such as jealousy, fear, and competition. They emphasize that these feelings are a reaction to the new relationship energy experienced by one's partner and are not the same as NRE itself. They suggest that recognizing and naming these emotions can be helpful in managing them. The conversation also touches on the idea that these feelings can be a byproduct of monogamous upbringing and societal norms, and that open relationships can provide an opportunity to confront and retrain these thought patterns towards a more positive outlook.

15:04

💬 The Power of Communication in Navigating NRE

The hosts stress the importance of communication in dealing with the emotions and challenges that arise from NRE. They share personal experiences and suggest that discussing these feelings openly with one's partner can lead to a better understanding and a stronger relationship. They also highlight the need for honesty and vulnerability in these conversations, encouraging couples to support each other through the process. The conversation serves as a reminder that open relationships require a higher level of communication and self-awareness to navigate the complexities of NRE and associated emotions effectively.

20:05

🌈 Embracing Growth Opportunities in Open Relationships

In the final paragraph, John and Jackie wrap up the discussion by emphasizing the potential for growth and positive change in open relationships. They encourage viewers to subscribe to their email list and social media channels for more insights and resources. The hosts reiterate that while NRE can bring up challenging emotions, it also presents an opportunity for individuals and couples to learn, grow, and strengthen their relationships through open communication and mutual support.

Keywords

💡New Relationship Energy (NRE)

New Relationship Energy, often abbreviated as NRE, refers to the intense feelings of excitement and novelty that occur at the beginning of a relationship. In the context of the video, NRE is discussed as a common experience that can be both exhilarating for the individuals involved and potentially unsettling for their partners. The script mentions that NRE is characterized by a wide array of new topics to explore and share, akin to the early stages of dating, and it's described as a 'honeymoon phase' where everyday concerns are set aside.

💡Compersion

Compersion is the feeling of joy one experiences when their partner finds happiness outside of the relationship, often in the context of open relationships. The video script uses compersion as a positive example of how a partner might react to their significant other's NRE, indicating a level of emotional maturity and security within the relationship. It contrasts with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, suggesting that compersion is a goal to strive for in managing one's reactions to NRE.

💡Insecurity

Insecurity, as discussed in the video, refers to the feelings of doubt and fear that can arise when a partner sees their significant other experiencing NRE with someone new. It's depicted as a potential reaction that can lead to negative behaviors, such as trying to control the situation or feeling threatened by the new connection. The script emphasizes the importance of addressing and overcoming insecurities to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

💡Jealousy

Jealousy is a complex emotion that can surface when a partner feels threatened by the new relationship energy their significant other has with someone else. In the video, jealousy is presented as a natural but potentially harmful response to NRE. It's mentioned as one of the emotions that can be managed and overcome through open communication and self-reflection, highlighting the importance of understanding and navigating these feelings within the context of an open relationship.

💡Communication

Communication is highlighted in the video as a vital tool for navigating the complexities of relationships, particularly when dealing with NRE. It's described as the process of openly discussing feelings, concerns, and experiences with one's partner. The script emphasizes the importance of honest and non-confrontational dialogue to foster understanding and support within the relationship, especially when one partner is experiencing NRE or the other is feeling insecure or jealous.

💡Open Relationship

An open relationship is a type of relationship agreement where both partners consent to the possibility of emotional and/or sexual connections outside the primary partnership. The video script discusses open relationships as a context where NRE is more likely to occur and where managing emotions like jealousy and insecurity becomes a critical skill. It suggests that open relationships can offer opportunities for personal growth and a deeper exploration of one's own emotions and those of one's partner.

💡Self-esteem

Self-esteem, as touched upon in the video, refers to an individual's overall sense of self-worth and confidence. It's mentioned as a foundational element for handling NRE in a healthy manner. When a person has high self-esteem, they are more likely to feel secure and experience compersion when their partner experiences NRE. The script implies that working on one's self-esteem can be beneficial for navigating the emotional landscape of open relationships.

💡Fear of Loss

Fear of loss is the anxiety that arises from the concern that one might lose their partner to a new romantic interest. In the video, this fear is discussed as a common reaction to NRE, especially if the individual has not yet developed a strong sense of security in the relationship. It's portrayed as a feeling that can be mitigated through open communication and by reinforcing the emotional bonds within the primary relationship.

💡Emotional Security

Emotional security in a relationship refers to the feeling of safety and stability that comes from mutual trust, respect, and confidence in each other's commitment. The video script discusses emotional security as a key factor in how individuals react to their partner's NRE. It suggests that a strong sense of emotional security can lead to positive feelings like compersion, while a lack of it can result in jealousy and fear.

💡Honeymoon Phase

The honeymoon phase is a term used to describe the initial period in a relationship where everything seems perfect and new, often characterized by intense excitement and a focus on fun and enjoyable activities. In the video, the honeymoon phase is mentioned as a component of NRE, where the newness of the relationship creates a sense of thrill and exploration without the burden of everyday life concerns.

Highlights

Discussing the emotional reactions when meeting a new person in an open relationship context.

Introducing the concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE) and its impact on individuals and their partners.

Explaining that NRE can affect anyone regardless of their experience level in the open relationship lifestyle.

Emphasizing that it's normal to feel caught off guard by NRE and that it's a topic worth discussing.

Describing the excitement and connection that can occur in the early stages of a new relationship.

Highlighting the importance of communication and understanding when a partner is experiencing NRE.

Exploring the concept of compersion, the joy one feels for their partner's happiness.

Discussing the potential for insecurity and jealousy when a partner forms a new connection.

Addressing the need for self-esteem and security in handling a partner's new connections healthily.

Sharing personal experiences and how they've navigated the emotions associated with NRE.

Providing advice on how to handle one's own insecurities when a partner is experiencing NRE.

Exploring the 'honeymoon phase' of new relationships and how it contrasts with established partnerships.

Discussing the temporary nature of NRE and its eventual transition to a more routine dynamic.

Encouraging focus on the positive aspects of the long-term relationship despite the presence of NRE.

Providing tips for partners to manage their feelings of discomfort when NRE is present.

Stressing the importance of recognizing and naming emotions to better understand and navigate them.

Encouraging open dialogue and honesty between partners to work through the challenges posed by NRE.

Concluding with the idea that NRE can be an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding within a relationship.

Transcripts

you know that feeling you get when you

meet someone new and you have these

really like great emotions you're kind

of connecting and then your partner

might feel a little bit uncomfortable

about that we're going to talk about

that and how to get through those

feelings hey guys it's John and Jackie

of openl 101.com Welcome to our show in

this episode we're going to talk a

little bit about that new energy that

happens when you meet someone and you're

kind of excited about getting together

and how it can make you or your partner

feel in that in in that moment and uh

but first I want to make sure you go to

open Lev 101.com sign up to our email

list so we can notify you of this video

and other videos like it when they're

coming out and also check out our social

media channels at uh Instagram and

Facebook open L

101 all right yes what do you think

Jackie oh boy you know kind of the uh

the the shortened version of new

relationship energy is called NRE in our

Circle and it doesn't make any

difference if you're new to the

lifestyle you've been in the lifestyle

or you consider yourself a pro you can

still get caught off guard by this by

this thing and it's absolutely normal

and that's what we want to kind of talk

about today is when you come up against

this and uh how you can handle it with

your partner how you can handle it

yourself what it means means um you know

how we can kind of look at it and and

get through it through it sometimes and

and how exciting it can be for the

person that's experiencing it and then

some tips and tidbits for the for the

partner that's watching this happen well

in my case it's exciting and for many

men and women both it's exciting for me

to see you experiencing that with

someone else so it doesn't always have

to

be there isn't always a negative feeling

attached to it from the partner so if if

Jackie were to meet someone she's

experiencing this new relationship

energy and she's excited about talking

to this guy from my point of view that's

exciting for me to see her excited and

we've talked about it in in past uh

episodes compersion that's the feeling

that you get when you have joy for your

you know happiness for your partner's

happiness and most times that's how I

end up feeling it's I wouldn't say

that's the most common way though for

people to feel and that comes after

years and years of being in the

lifestyle yeah I was going to say that

wasn't that's

not that's the way that you feel about

me and my outside

relationships is years and years of

honing in on that yes you know it's

possible for everybody to achieve

that and it's possible it could happen

initially I mean and Could Happen

initially but you know I think for a lot

of us it's kind of an EB and flow and a

two steps forward one step back kind

of process to get to where we are

because a lot of times it has to do with

the security that we feel about

ourselves and in order for us to be

happy for our partner when they're

talking to somebody else

you definitely have to have a good

self-esteem I think in order to feel

that way when your partner is

experiencing Joy with someone else

there's no doubt about it I think for

people that maybe don't have maybe they

have a little bit of you know low

self-esteem or um they maybe have some

qualities about themselves they question

sometimes am I good enough and and that

may be a situation where they're seeing

their partner connecting with someone

else and then those faults that they

feel within themselves rear their ugly

heads and they start thinking oh my God

you know they're going to end up falling

for this person what do I do and you get

panicked and then I don't know you know

in a situ I can see it in a situation

where like you're at dinner with with

with a with a group of you know maybe

multiple other couples

and I would start talking to someone

else and you could see the connection

happening and I'm not saying this never

happened with Jack and I

but and then you start feeling your

insecurities

start coming alive and and and so what

do you do as a partner you know you

touch me you try and jump in reject in

the conversation give me this stink eye

you know all of those things I've seen

happen before with other couples in

their relationship when someone's

uncomfortable you want to get control of

the situation again and that I think can

be it can put people in an uncomfortable

position it can make people at the table

feel uncomfortable the partners can feel

uncomfortable uh it's kind of a hard

thing to back out of at that point you

know and we see it happen with our

friends of ours that are in monogamous

relationships as well we do you know one

of the things that I want to point out

with new relationship

energy

is the definition of it really you know

before we get too much farther into what

talking about is you think about anytime

that you've met somebody new and they

know nothing about you right you know

nothing about them so there is this vast

array of topics that you can exchange

you get to tell them all the stuff about

you they get to tell you all the stuff

about them if you're in a relationship

the difference

in stepping not stepping outside of the

relationship that you're in and like you

know for John and I if John meets

somebody different and he gets to talk

to them you know there's all of these

new things that he gets to tell them

about himself and then he gets to hear

all of those things from that person the

other thing to remember is because this

is just kind of a detached relationship

from his daytoday

things there gets to be this kind of um

honey moon phase right so nobody's

talking about bills nobody's talking

about the kids nobody's talking about

the house payment nobody's talking about

the car that broke down nobody's having

to deal with a laundry nobody you know

there's not those day in day out things

that you have that you're going to have

in your primary

relationship so there gets to be just

this

pocket where it's it's fun right you

think about when you very first started

dating somebody everything was just fun

because you weren't ever dealing with

anything hard it was just easy fun stuff

you're going to dinner you're you're

intrigued by each other and then that

builds into you know a more sexual

relationship and so then that becomes

kind of fun and you're trying new things

with that person and they move different

and and maybe you are getting to try

your things out uh that's different but

just like with

anything you know that new relationship

energy at some point is not going to be

new it's it's going to become more

routine and some of that facade maybe

that you have in that new relationship

starts to fade away and now maybe you're

not getting all dressed up when you get

together with each other and maybe you

are starting to share some of the day in

to day out stuff

and what's important to understand about

new relationship energy is it is a

it's a shortlived episode in that

relationship so while it may be

disconcerning the first time you

experience it as the partner

watching the other partner in the midst

of that is the first thing is to

understand that it's it's not a forever

kind of thing you know at some point

some of that energy is going to taper

off and it's going to be a more

day-to-day

Pace but the other thing is is to really

try to focus a lot

on the positive energy that you and your

partner have of all of the things that

you do together that you're able to do

together and maintain even after years

and years and years together and the

benefit and security of that you know

sometimes we can get threatened by by

something new because we think you know

it's new or improved or better or it's

it's pulling our partner's attention

away and we short sell the fact that we

have this sense of security with our

partner that can be

invaluable if we if we get too caught up

in what that is the the new relationship

energy being something more than what it

is do you Jackie do you experience new

relationship

energy

still you when John gets a Rel like if

John was to find somebody to play with

yeah you know I think it's one of those

things it's

experience you know maybe the first time

I came up against it I was like what is

you know I didn't even know that that's

what it was and that's I guess that's

why we're kind of having this

conversation because if you don't even

know that that's something that's going

to happen or that's something that could

be experienced it's going to throw for a

loop and you know and I guarantee you if

you are in a relationship where you're

going to be more open and you are going

to invite others in there is the

possibility that that can you know that

that can happen is you can find somebody

that you find really intriguing or your

partner may find somebody that's really

intriguing and experiencing that new

relationship energy if you don't know

what it is or you don't have a name for

it or you don't know how to articulate

it you may think it's something

different is going on like what I don't

know what you mean well I think for most

of us that are raised in kind of this

monogamous platform there's a an

undertone of competition yeah like

there's always the threat that

somebody's going to take your partner

away so I think even though if you want

an open relationship you're still

battling some of those teachings of

monogamy and so it's not going to be

surprising to have some of those thought

patterns kick again you start to talk to

somebody and you get real buddy buddy

and you start talking a lot and you

start texting and you start doing the

things and while you may be happy for

your partner in that there still may be

an undertone of oh he's going to like

this person more or now it's a threat or

maybe I'm going to lose my partner so I

think it's important to keep the the two

separate the the new relationship energy

I thought your question to Jackie was

about if she feels the excitement of new

relationship energy if she's talking to

somebody no I'm asking so the the energy

that comes from feelings of fear

insecurity I wouldn't call that new

relationship energy I would call that

fear and jealousy so as a as a a

byproduct of the partner having new

relationship energy the new relationship

energy to me seems like a positive thing

that's between two people that are

learning how to experience you know they

just met and they're just sharing things

with each other maybe there's a

chemistry there okay if the partner is

feeling uncomfortable they're not

experiencing new relationship energy

they're experiencing fear or jealousy or

insecurities or things like that exactly

that's a different thing I think yeah

but they they go together if you're

experiencing new relationship energy

with somebody yes I probably am not

going to be experiencing that if it's

the first time that I'm being introduced

to

that of course right and that's and so

that's we're talking about is is I don't

think the partner experiencing

experiences new relationship energy she

is but he or she is but in a negative

way so they're because they y'all are

together you're you are experiencing

this new person from the outside point

of view but it's a negative yeah they're

not saying that I'm exper what we're

saying is what it's called is new

relationship energy what you're

experiencing with a new person I

understand that part what the partner

feels something different yes but it's a

but the the emotion that we're feeling

is a result of the new relationship

energy that is being Express I get that

100% yes so that's what we're talking

about and but being able to put a name

to it can help because otherwise we can

feel like maybe we're floundering around

in unchartered Waters and we don't have

any Shoreline at all because we don't

even know what we're looking for we

don't even know how to help ourselves

cuz we don't even know what is happening

so the name I would call it would be

either compersion if you're if if I were

happy for you I would call it jealousy

if I didn't really like you talking to

the guy I would call it fear if I was

feeling really insecure because the guy

has is more successful than I am is

better looking than I am and those kind

of things so I would begin to have some

fear if you kissed him and I saw you

were enjoying it I would

feel uh maybe

this fear of loss because he kisses

better than me or something like that so

those are the the labels I would put on

what I'm

feeling yes based on what you're going

through and that's that's where

I I I guess where I'm getting confused

and I'm listening to you is because I

feel like the the definition because

those feelings that we're having you

know the things like jealousy or fear or

competition or all of those things

become

surfaced as a

result of what we're watching yeah

happen and and so what we're trying to

do is help those people that have those

feelings surface MH to maybe know like

why that's happening and that it's a

temporary thing and how uh maybe some

ways that we can combat that and if we

understand it it may help us get a

better hold on what we're experiencing

ing M yeah and uh be able to work our

our way through

it and sometimes you know like in the

times that I've dealt with it it's it's

a matter of experience you know the

first time it happened I didn't know

what was happening you know I didn't I

didn't even know

um what new relationship energy was even

though I've experienced it in dating it

I never even labeled it as that you know

I'm just dating somebody but I never

dated I never

dated while I was married yeah you know

so until you met me until I met you so

dating when you're married is you know

is a different Dynamic and it can be

really beautiful but it's you have to

it's a different relationship model than

how I was raised in monogamy so some of

the stuff that I'm coming up

against while it may not be different

like I I may still deal with jealousy or

competition or all of those in my

monogamous relationship in the open

relationship those

things are

confronted you know we put those out in

the open and we're basically asking

ourselves to deal with those issues to

deal with those insecurities to deal

with those jealousies we're challenging

ourselves to actually heal and retrain

ourselves to have a much more positive

outlook in ourselves and a much more

positive outlook in the relationship

that we're in with our partner and maybe

how a change in

definition can um be of benefit to us so

that's one of the reasons

why we are discussing this yeah and

showing people that there is a there's a

way in and out of this so what's the way

in and

out well one is to one is to know what

it is that you're up against you know to

understand the probability of this

happening if you meet somebody new there

is going to be a level of excitement

while you get to know them while your

partner gets to know them it doesn't

automatically mean all of these things

that sometimes we can think that it

means that you know

in you know that uh it's going to be a

problem with the relationship or our

partner is going to run off with this

person you know it's it's more about

being able to have those discussions if

we think it's happening and that's where

I say like putting it out on the table

and that can be a hard thing to do

because we're kind of train not to talk

about that stuff we just have those

feelings in silence and this is a way to

talk about them not in an accusatory

manner but to talk about them in a way

that I'm having these feelings can you

help me walk through these feelings

because I do want to have compersion for

you and I do want to be happy about this

yet I'm still coming up against old

thought patterns or I'm I'm still in

fear or I'm realizing that there's some

things that maybe I'm not as confident

about as I thought I was and how can we

work together as a team to make sure

that um we're both walking out of this

and through it in a way that's positive

because I would know you know it's kind

of like if you put the shoe on the other

foot and if I found somebody that I

clicked with and was talking to I would

want you to be confident enough in our

relationship to be happy for me so it's

like if you are coming up against that

and you're not happy then you know help

me walk through this or what did you do

to help you or how do you know what are

some things that are needed in the

relation ship to make sure everybody can

walk through that it's important though

to

know that when you open up your

relationship there is the possibility

that this is going to happen and it

doesn't have to be the end of the world

it can be the beginning of a new chapter

you can learn how to have these

discussions with your partner you can

learn what it is you can articulate what

it is you it can be a safe Zone and um

can really be an opportunity for growth

for both you and your partner and the

relationship as a whole it's it's

interesting to me how so many times when

we're talking about these things that

cause whether they're positive things or

things that can be construed as negative

the answer the beginning of the answer

is always communication you have to be

able to talk to your partner about

whatever it is you're feeling and going

through and your partner needs to be

there and be able to receive it in a

loving way and listen and not you know

immediately become defensive and

confrontational about it and then you

know listen in a loving way and be uh

really

nurturing and you guys are going to be

able to get through it together yeah and

you got to be honest that communication

is about honesty as well yeah well great

topic thanks for sharing that with us

today we're glad you guys joined us uh

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