10 Signs of CPTSD specific for the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style| HealingFa.com
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Bina discusses 10 signs of complex PTSD specific to the fearful avoidant attachment style. She explains emotional flashbacks, vulnerability triggers, high-stress breathing, hypervigilance, difficulty relaxing, fear of the 'other shoe dropping,' relationship OCD, suppression of emotions, and social performance anxiety. Bina emphasizes the importance of recognizing these signs as a step towards healing, and she introduces EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) as a powerful tool for overcoming these challenges and achieving a more peaceful, loving core.
Takeaways
- đŁ Emotional flashbacks are intense emotional responses triggered by seemingly unrelated current events, often linked to past traumas.
- đ Vulnerability triggers can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and anger, stemming from negative past associations with being vulnerable.
- đ° High chest breathing and constant stress are signs of a body in a constant state of tension and hypervigilance.
- đ Hypervigilance involves scanning the environment for potential threats, leading to a lack of relaxation and a heightened sense of anxiety.
- đ The inability to truly relax is a common issue, with the fear of relaxing often tied to a fear of losing control or experiencing negative emotions.
- đ Waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' is a state of constant anxiety, where good moments are tainted by the expectation of impending negative events.
- đ Relationship OCD is characterized by obsessive thoughts about the relationship's stability and one's own feelings, indicating a need for control in relationships.
- đ« Suppressing emotions is a coping mechanism that can lead to a buildup of unprocessed feelings, potentially leading to emotional outbursts or mental health issues.
- đ Social performance is driven by a need to be perfect in the eyes of others, often due to past experiences of harsh criticism or judgment.
- đ Healing is possible with the right tools and techniques, such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), which can help release trapped emotions and lead to a more peaceful state of being.
Q & A
What are the 10 signs of complex PTSD specific to the fearful avoidant attachment style?
-The 10 signs include emotional flashbacks, vulnerability triggers, high breathing and constant stress, hypervigilance, not allowing oneself to relax, always being on edge for the 'other shoe to drop', relationship OCD, suppressing emotions, and feeling the need to perform socially.
What are emotional flashbacks and how do they relate to complex PTSD?
-Emotional flashbacks are intense emotional reactions that occur without any apparent trigger in the present. They can transport a person emotionally back to a specific time in their childhood, causing confusion and distress. They are related to complex PTSD as they can be a result of unresolved trauma from the past.
How does vulnerability trigger shame and guilt in fearful avoidant individuals?
-For fearful avoidant individuals, feeling vulnerable can trigger shame and guilt because vulnerability was not accepted in their childhood. It's associated with negative connotations such as weakness, loss of control, and potential betrayal, leading to a panicked response.
What is the significance of high breathing and constant stress in the context of complex PTSD?
-High breathing and constant stress are signs that the body is in a state of tension and hypervigilance, which can be a result of a chaotic and stressful childhood. This pattern of breathing reinforces the body's stress response, making it difficult to relax and feel safe.
How does hypervigilance manifest in individuals with complex PTSD?
-Hypervigilance is the constant scanning of one's surroundings for potential threats. In individuals with complex PTSD, this can lead to an inability to relax and enjoy the present moment, as they are always on the lookout for things that could go wrong.
What does it mean to not allow oneself to relax in the context of complex PTSD?
-Not allowing oneself to relax means that even during activities that are typically relaxing, such as watching a movie, the individual remains in a state of tension or distraction. This is because true relaxation feels unsafe to them, as it is associated with a loss of control and potential for negative emotions to surface.
Why do fearful avoidant individuals often feel the need to control their relationships?
-Fearful avoidant individuals may feel the need to control their relationships due to a deep-seated fear of rejection and abandonment. This need for control, often referred to as relationship OCD, stems from a desire to prevent potential pain and ensure that they are doing everything 'right' to maintain the relationship.
How does suppressing emotions contribute to complex PTSD in fearful avoidant individuals?
-Suppressing emotions can contribute to complex PTSD as it prevents the individual from processing and healing past traumas. Over time, this can lead to a buildup of unresolved emotions, which can manifest as emotional outbursts or emotional numbness.
What is the impact of feeling the need to perform socially on individuals with complex PTSD?
-Feeling the need to perform socially can lead to increased self-consciousness and anxiety in social situations. This can be particularly challenging for individuals with complex PTSD, as it may be rooted in past experiences of criticism and judgment, leading to a constant need for validation and approval from others.
How can EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) help in healing from complex PTSD?
-EFT is a healing modality that involves tapping on specific body points while focusing on the issue at hand. It can help release emotional blocks and traumas, allowing individuals to process their emotions and move towards a state of peace and love. This technique can be particularly effective for those with complex PTSD, as it provides a tangible method for addressing and releasing emotional pain.
What is the 'Healed and Happy' program and how does it relate to the fearful avoidant attachment style?
-The 'Healed and Happy' program is an online program designed to guide individuals through the process of healing the roots of the fearful avoidant attachment style. It uses techniques such as EFT to release and heal emotional traumas, with the goal of helping individuals lead a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life.
Outlines
đŁ Emotional Flashbacks in Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
The paragraph discusses the concept of emotional flashbacks, which are intense emotional responses triggered by seemingly unrelated current events. These flashbacks can be confusing as they may not have an immediate cause, making individuals feel overwhelmed without understanding why. The speaker relates this to complex PTSD, particularly for those with a fearful avoidant attachment style. They explain that these flashbacks can feel like being transported back to a specific, often distressing, moment in one's childhood. The advice given is to allow oneself to feel these emotions without judgment, breathe through them, and consider the possibility of their origin in past experiences. Techniques like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping are suggested to help process and release these emotional triggers.
đ Vulnerability Triggers and High-Breathing Stress
This section delves into how vulnerability can act as a trigger for individuals with complex PTSD and a fearful avoidant attachment style. It explains that feeling vulnerable can lead to shame, guilt, and a desire to retreat or lash out, which are signs of unresolved trauma. The speaker suggests that this reaction stems from negative associations with vulnerability in one's upbringing. Additionally, the paragraph addresses the issue of high-breathing and constant stress, which can be a result of a chaotic and stressful childhood. The advice is to practice lower breathing to counteract the tension and stress, and to use EFT to release the associated fears and traumas.
đ Hypervigilance and Difficulty Relaxing
The speaker continues by discussing hypervigilance, a state of constant scanning for potential threats, which is common among those with complex PTSD. This behavior can prevent individuals from fully relaxing and enjoying the present moment. They also touch on the difficulty of truly relaxing, as the fear of letting go can be deeply ingrained from childhood experiences where expressing emotions was not safe. The paragraph suggests that recognizing these patterns and working through them with techniques like EFT can help individuals learn to relax and be present.
đ€ Relationship OCD and Suppressed Emotions
The final paragraph addresses relationship OCD, which is characterized by obsessive thoughts about one's relationship and feelings, often stemming from a need for control over emotions. This can be a sign of complex PTSD for those with a fearful avoidant attachment style. The speaker also talks about the suppression of emotions, which can lead to an internal buildup of pressure and the fear of losing control if these emotions are released. They share their personal journey of discovering EFT as a way to release these emotions and connect with one's core self, which is inherently loving and peaceful. The paragraph concludes with a message of hope, emphasizing that healing is possible with the right tools and support.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄComplex PTSD
đĄFearful Avoidant Attachment Style
đĄEmotional Flashbacks
đĄVulnerability Trigger
đĄHypervigilance
đĄBreathing Patterns
đĄRelationship OCD
đĄSuppressing Emotions
đĄEmotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
đĄSocial Performance
Highlights
Discussing 10 signs of complex PTSD specific to fearful avoidant attachment style.
Emotional flashbacks are intense feelings triggered by seemingly unrelated current events.
Vulnerability can trigger shame, guilt, and a retreat from emotional openness.
High chest breathing and constant stress are signs of unresolved childhood tension.
Hypervigilance is a common trait, scanning for potential future threats.
Difficulty relaxing is a sign of a constant state of alertness.
Fear of the 'other shoe dropping' leads to anxiety and potential self-sabotage.
Relationship OCD is an obsessive need for control over one's feelings in relationships.
Suppressing emotions can lead to a buildup of unresolved feelings from the past.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can help release suppressed emotions.
Social performance anxiety can stem from a history of criticism and judgment.
Healing is possible with the right modalities, such as EFT.
Healed and Happy program offers guidance for healing fearful avoidant attachment style.
Understanding these signs is the first step towards recognizing and healing from complex PTSD.
Breathing exercises can help break the cycle of stress and high chest breathing.
The importance of allowing oneself to feel and process negative emotions.
The role of early childhood experiences in shaping the fearful avoidant attachment style.
Transcripts
in this video we are going to talk about
10 signs of complex PTSD specific to the
fearful avoidant attachment style I am
Bina I am so happy you are here because
understanding the fearful avoidant
attachment style is what this channel is
all about it will help you heal so much
and complex PTSD is something that a lot
of fearful avoidance struggle with and
you might not be aware of it so now we
are going to talk about 10 signs that
actually are specific to the fearful
avoid and attachment sty and they are if
you've if you've read more about the
about complex PTSD they are pretty
general for complex PTSD but uh I will
explain how these are specific for the
fearful avoidant attachment style so the
first is emotional flashbacks this was
something that when I learned about this
H it it just made so much sense and it
helped me to put a context to a lot of
the feelings that I was having so you
may have heard of visual flashbacks like
when when soldiers come back from the
war they can have visual flashbacks
where they see certain images and then
they feel all the feelings that um um
are attached to that there is also a
thing called emotional flashbacks where
you don't see any images but just the
feelings rush back in and this is so
confusing because it might be that you
are with your partner and nothing really
is going on but they say something or
they do something or they look a certain
way you don't even really consciously
notice it but all of a sudden you are
just overwhelmed with all of these
emotions and
feelings and because you have no context
for them because you may not be aware of
the fact that there are things called
emotional flashbacks you think oh this
is the relationship this is this is
because of my partner so I have to break
up with them this isn't right if I'm
feeling all these things this feels very
threatening and very scary so I have to
break up but it could be that something
was triggered and that brought back all
these feelings so you are almost being
transported back emotionally back to
your childhood to probably a very
specific point or time in your childhood
where you felt all these feelings in a
specific
situation but you don't have any other
context just those feelings and you feel
them in the present moment which makes
it very confusing and very hard not to
attribute them to something happening
right now but when you are overwhelmed
with a lot of feelings while there's not
really something happening that would
warrant that in the moment that is a
very clear sign that you are dealing
with an emotional
flashback if it's just very intense if
it's very
overwhelming that's that's a sign that
it's an emotional flashback and what you
do is first of all you breathe you
breathe because this is intense it's
almost like you know getting hit by a
tsunami in a way so this is not the
moment to to work really hard and fix it
immediately and try to get rid of it
this is just a wave that is happening
right now and you can just let it engulf
you it's okay your body is made to feel
this feelings it can handle it so all
you have to do is just breathe and allow
those feelings that wave to kind
of wash over you and when you start
doing that you will notice that these
emotional flashbacks become way less
scary because in conjunction to having
emotional flashbacks a lot of fearful
avoidance have learned that they are not
allowed to have negative emotions so now
you have this wave of emotions that
don't feel really good and the Panic
that comes with feeling negative
emotions that you are not allowed to
have them and all the negative
associations around that so breathing
through them that's the first and then
just allowing yourself to to ask
yourself okay what am I feeling exactly
and from when is this and sometimes just
an age pops up I was seven or I was
three or I was Zero it that happens um
or I was 10 and you don't have to really
search for it the more you kind of
search for it because you want it to get
rid of it the harder it becomes for your
uh the wisdom of your body to really
help you process this so allow those
feelings to be there for just for now
and just openly ask that question like
oh what age could this be where could
this come from and then have a healing
modality like um EFT which I use a lot
the emotional Freedom technique or
tapping to work through this especially
when you have a specific
memory tap on that memory and that that
will help you uh release this trigger
and and lessen these emotional
flashbacks to the point where at some
point they won't come back
anymore um so that is a first sign
emotional flashbacks the second is the
vulnerability trigger which means that
when you feel vulnerable that is a
trigger for you to feel shame and guilt
and Retreat and feel really bad and
because of that sometimes even lash out
and become angry at your partner so
knowing that vulnerability for you is
actually quite a hard thing and can be a
trigger as a fearful avoidant it really
helps and it is a sign of cptsd because
um vulnerability usually in fearful
avoidant parents or parent child
Dynamics was just not accepted and uh
there is a lot of negative associations
around vulnerability that you are weak
When You're vulnerable that it's dumb to
be vulnerable that uh you are losing
control when you are V vulnerable that
you will be betrayed or it will be used
against you so there's a lot of a lot of
emotional charge and weight around that
um which makes it so logical that when
you feel vulnerable you just you're like
a a panicked cat you kind of lash out
then you run away you try to hide and
then it's just it's Panic all
over then a third sign of cptsd is high
Brea brething and constant stress
so
when
you when your childhood was surrounded
by a lot of stress and a lot of chaos it
makes sense that your body was tense a
lot of the time and when your body is
tense you tend to breathe higher in your
chest but also when you have experienc a
lot of pain physical pain emotional pain
your body is not really a safe place
place for you to
be and for the ones that that is true
for they tend to also breathe higher in
their
chest so breathing low almost feels
scary because it relaxes you and you
have learned in your fearful avoidant
days or childhood that you should always
pay attention you should always be on
you should always be on the lookout for
when the other shoe is going to drop
what is going to happen who is going to
get angry and so you won't allow
yourself to relax but also you won't
allow yourself to be in your body
because your body is where all the
negative feelings happen and you are not
allowed to have negative feelings but
because you are already constantly
stressed probably being so hypervigilant
you breathe higher and when you breathe
higher you kind of reinforce to your
body and your fear brain oh something's
wrong something's not right I'm
breathing high and then you become more
tense and then you breathe higher so the
way to kind of break that cycle is to
breathe lower but be aware that that
might be hard for you and it might be
hard to actually feel that relaxation
and your fear brain is like no no no no
what are you doing come on you have to
pay attention you have to pay attention
um so knowing that and then working
through it and saying no I'm safe now
I'm I'm a grownup I'm not in that
situation anymore that can really help
and otherwise there's eft the emotional
Freedom technique to uh really help you
release all of this then the fifth sign
of cptc is a very common one in Sp
hypervigilance I already mentioned it
and that means that you are scanning
your surroundings all the time for
things that are wrong that could go
wrong that could potentially in the
future go wrong um and it feels like
those are death threats all of them so
whenever something bad happens or
something out of your control happens
that would mean that your World falls
apart everything just goes a right um
and therefore you are just paying
attention all the time and it's very
hard for you to really relax and be in
the moment and be present and enjoy
there will always be this ping this
little voice or or alarm system that
will say oh yeah okay that was that was
fun uh now we have to pay attention
again and so you start worrying that is
a very clear sign or you start um
thinking oh what what is wrong here I'm
not feeling right so so there must be
something wrong in my environment with
my relationship with my partner even
though there might be nothing
wrong um then the sixth sign is not
allowing yourself to
relax at all so you may feel like
sometimes you're relaxing when you're
watching a movie or netflixing away but
there is a difference between truly
relaxing your body and distracting your
body distracting your fear brain and
what a lot of fearful avoidance notice
people with cptc is that they have a
really hard time truly relaxing their
body so I used to really dislike yoga
meditation all of those things because
it was just too relaxing if meditation
music would come on I would kind of get
ansy already I would just I would not be
able to do it and that's a sign that you
have a really hard time relaxing you
rather not relax because that feels
safer
then waiting for the other shoe to drop
is another sign of complex ptsc you are
always on on edge that if things are
going right there is going to go there
is going to be something that's going to
go wrong the other shoe is going to drop
but when is it going to happen and what
happens is that when things are good you
actually get more anxious because you're
like oh this is going this is going good
this is feeling good this is going well
when when is it happening when is it
happening and that not being in control
of when the other shoe is going to drop
can cause you to sabotage things so that
you are back in control so you make the
other shoe drop because control feels
better than the insecurity and not
knowing of when the other shoe is going
to drop does this make sense I remember
when I was young and my my father was
very could get very angry um
inconsistently and I I never knew when
now I know he had a burnout and for most
of my childhood and it was just it was
really hard for him to regulate his
emotions and uh it could be that he'd
had a hard day at work but I didn't know
that when I was younger so I always
thought it was my fault it was my fault
if he would get angry and lash out and I
remember um when I was about eight 9 10
that when things were going right like
he he he he is a wonderful father still
um and he could have had these moments
where he was just happy and um the life
of the party or just very present and I
would just get anxious like now I have
to now I have to do everything perfectly
so that he won't turn he won't get angry
and and you know the other shoe
and I remember some situations where I
would actually sabotage so I would make
him angry just to have that control back
just so that I knew what I did wrong and
it wouldn't happen while I was
blissfully unaware and actually enjoying
the time we had together that is how
powerful that inconsistent anger is
which a lot of fearful avoidant parents
have and therefore if you have the
fearful avoidant attachment style you
probably have experienced that maybe it
wasn't your parent it could be your
brother or sister um but it was somebody
that was probably older than you with uh
therefore a power Dynamic that they were
above you in
power uh which made it very scary that
they could get angry out of nowhere or
very judgmental or critical out of
nowhere um and so you sabotage it and
you create that anger just to have that
sense of control
back then another sign of complex C
cptsd complex PTSD specifically for
fearful avoidance is relationship
OCD and this means that you have a need
for control over um your relationship
but in the way that you want to control
your feelings so you are obsessively
thinking about do I feel enough am I in
Love Enough do I love them enough what
if we break up o in in say years and we
have children and then I find out they
aren't the one and then I have to hurt
them and my children and it's just
that's too much so there's a lot of
doubts and a lot of obsessive thoughts
around um around your relationship and
around your feelings and you just want
to make sure that you are doing
everything absolutely right and that
your relationship is perfect so that
never and anything can go wrong or you
can mess up or you hurt other people
um and this this is very typical for the
fearful avoid and attachment style
because um relationships are just hard
for you and you want to do everything so
perfectly so when your relationship is
actually healthy and you you can't
project the doubts and the insecurities
on oh are they going to leave me are
they really into me or not you know that
they are there and they are into you and
that they're healthy that's when it
starts to project on your feelings do I
love them enough shouldn't I love them
more how do I know this is the one so
relationship OCD can definitely be a
sign of complex PTSD when you have the
fearful avoid and attachment style and
then suppressing all your feelings and
emotions for a lot of fearful avoidance
growing up emotions and feelings were
not safe not at all because they weren't
safe for your fearful avoidant parent to
feel so when you would feel all those
emotions they would know how to handle
it they would feel like they were losing
control and therefore they were trying
to control your
feelings so you have been suppressing
your feelings and emotions for so long
which makes it so hard to actually
process everything that has happened
when you were younger but also
everything that has happened new now and
it's kind of like that's boiling up and
up and up like um one of those fast
cooker pens with just so much pressure
inside and you feel like you're going to
burst but you have no idea how to how to
handle that because you never learned
how to and I remember being at that
point and feeling like I was going mad I
was going crazy like if I let all of
this out I'm I'm I have to be
institutionalized I literally thought
that that was a a big fear I had
actually at some point and then I came
across eft the emotional Freedom
technique and I learned that you can
actually release emotions you can let
them go and that was just such just
figuring finding that out was just such
a a huge sigh of relief in and of itself
and then I learned that your core your
true self is actually love and peace so
the more you let go the more you get to
that core of love and peace and that was
just that was Bliss um so and that
turned out to be true actually uh so the
more you release the the closer you come
to that core of
of love and
peace um and then the last one is
feeling like you have to perform
socially so that is also a form of
complex ptsc if I see somebody that is
really trying their hardest to to do the
right thing say the right thing and uh
second guessing what they are saying and
um just being very
self-conscious I
I
always just want to give them a hug and
say it's all right it's okay you don't
have to perform we want you here anyway
um anywh you are but
also it can be a sign of complex BTSD
where you were just criticized and
judged so much when you were a child
that it that's just you think that's
normal you think everybody does that and
this can definitely be made worse by
being bullied but usually the foundation
usually not always but usually the
foundation is laid uh even in younger
years in attachment Styles
um so yeah that can definitely also be a
sign of complex
PTSD so these are 10 signs of complex
PTSD specific for the fearful avoidant
attachment style as always when you when
you recognize any of these signs in
yourself
all I want for you is to be like oh so
that's why I work the way I do right now
it doesn't mean that you will have this
for the rest of your life it really
doesn't mean that because
you can heal all of these you can heal
any of these if you have the right
healing modalities anything is possible
anything is possible EFT is a super
powerful tool which I use a lot and I
have videos on that on my channel if you
are interested in that in my online
program healed and happy we go to the
roots of the fearful avoid and
attachment style we actually release
those just let them go and heal them
with the emotional Freedom technique and
that my friend will just give you such a
different life and that's what I want
for you because that's what you deserve
and that's what you've always deserved
as always I am so happy you are here and
I will see you in the next
one healed and happy is a tailor made
online program where me and my team
personally guide you through healing the
roots of the fearful avoidant attachment
Style
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