Being Social Is a Skill
Summary
TLDRThe video script emphasizes the importance of social skills, which are often overlooked as a skill that requires practice. It argues that our increasing engagement with virtual worlds is degrading these skills. The key to improvement is a strong desire to learn and develop them. The speaker suggests that instead of being self-absorbed, one should find pleasure in understanding others' experiences and stories. By focusing on others, we can enhance our social interactions, leading to better relationships and personal growth. The speaker encourages viewers to actively engage with people around them, to listen more attentively, and to be genuinely interested in others' lives as a path to social success.
Takeaways
- 😌 Social skills are crucial for interactions that affect our emotions, well-being, and health.
- 🤔 Social skills are often overlooked as a skill that needs development, unlike playing an instrument or a sport.
- 📱 The virtual world we live in is degrading our social skills since they require real-life interactions.
- 🏀 To improve, actively engage in social activities rather than passively consuming content about them.
- 💡 Recognize social skills as a skill set that can significantly enhance your personal and professional life.
- 🔄 Shift your focus from self-absorption to being genuinely interested in others' lives and experiences.
- 🧠 Understand that being absorbed in one's own thoughts can be repetitive and less pleasurable compared to engaging with others.
- 🌟 When interacting, aim to be fully present and attentive, rather than being distracted by your phone or personal issues.
- 🗣️ Practice active listening and show genuine curiosity about the people you meet to enhance your social interactions.
- 💖 People are drawn to those who show interest in them, which can lead to more enriching and successful social experiences.
Q & A
Why are social skills considered important according to the transcript?
-Social skills are considered important because they significantly impact one's emotions, well-being, and health, which are all crucial aspects of life that involve interactions with people.
How does the speaker suggest that people generally perceive social skills?
-The speaker suggests that people often do not view social skills as something that needs to be developed or practiced, similar to learning an instrument or a sport, but rather as an innate quality.
What impact does the virtual realm have on social skills according to the transcript?
-The transcript implies that spending too much time in the virtual realm can degrade social skills, as these skills depend on real-life interactions with people.
What is the one step the speaker recommends to immediately improve one's social skills?
-The speaker recommends increasing one's level of desire to improve social skills, which involves being genuinely interested in others and their experiences.
Why does the speaker say that being self-absorbed is detrimental to social skills?
-Being self-absorbed is detrimental because it leads to not paying full attention to others during interactions, which is a key component of effective social skills.
What does the speaker mean by 'pain is being self-absorbed, pleasure is other people'?
-The speaker means that focusing on oneself and one's own thoughts can be repetitive and boring, while engaging with others and their stories can be pleasurable and enriching.
How does the speaker suggest one should approach interactions in a cafe or bar to improve social skills?
-The speaker suggests that one should be fully present and interested in the person they are interacting with, rather than being distracted by their phone or personal thoughts.
What is the key to unlocking a higher level of social skills according to the transcript?
-The key to unlocking a higher level of social skills is finding other people more interesting than oneself, which can be achieved by focusing on their stories and experiences.
Why does the speaker compare people to a movie?
-The speaker compares people to a movie to emphasize that each person has unique fantasies, dreams, and experiences that can be fascinating and different from one's own.
What is the outcome of being genuinely interested in others, as suggested by the speaker?
-By being genuinely interested in others, one can expect to be charmed by them, have a powerful seductive impact, learn incredible things about people, and develop strong social skills.
How does the speaker view the relationship between self-absorption and social success?
-The speaker views self-absorption as a great impediment to social success, suggesting that reducing self-focus and increasing interest in others can lead to better social interactions and success.
Outlines
🤝 The Importance of Developing Social Skills
This paragraph emphasizes the significance of social skills and how they impact various aspects of life, including emotions, well-being, and health. It challenges the common misconception that social interaction is not a skill that needs development. The speaker suggests that spending time in virtual realms has led to a degradation of these skills, which are essential for personal and professional life. The key to improving social skills is to increase one's level of desire to engage with others, which involves being more present and attentive during interactions. The speaker advises against being self-absorbed and instead encourages focusing on the experiences and stories of others, which can lead to more meaningful connections and personal growth.
🌟 Overcoming Self-Absorption for Social Success
The second paragraph delves into the concept of self-absorption and how it hinders the development of social skills. It suggests that people are naturally drawn to their own thoughts and experiences, which can be repetitive and limiting. The speaker encourages shifting focus from oneself to others, as engaging with different perspectives and stories can be more rewarding and enriching. By taking an interest in others, one can enhance their social interactions, leading to a more fulfilling social life. The speaker also highlights the transformative effect of this approach, where individuals become more charming and capable of building strong connections with others. The ultimate goal is to find other people's lives more interesting than one's own, which is key to unlocking higher levels of social skills.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Social Skills
💡Desire
💡Interactions
💡Virtual Realm
💡Self-Absorption
💡Pleasure and Pain
💡Listening
💡Charm
💡Seductive Impact
💡Enriching Relationships
💡Drama and Antagonism
Highlights
The importance of recognizing social skills as a learnable skill rather than a natural trait.
95% of life involves interactions with people, impacting emotions, well-being, and health.
Social skills are often overlooked as something that needs practice and development.
The degradation of social skills due to increased time spent in virtual realms.
The analogy of improving basketball skills by practicing, not just watching videos.
The necessity to physically interact with others to develop social skills.
How being self-absorbed can hinder the development of social skills.
The idea that focusing on oneself is repetitive and focusing on others is enriching.
The concept of reversing the focus from self to others to improve social interactions.
The advice to actively listen and engage with people in everyday situations.
The transformative effect of genuinely being interested in others' lives and stories.
How social skills can lead to more enriching personal and professional relationships.
The suggestion to see people as unique stories, like movies, to enhance interest in them.
The impact of being interested in others on the charm and appeal in social settings.
The practical advice of imagining others' experiences to deepen social connections.
The key to unlocking higher social skills is finding others more interesting than oneself.
The final call to action for individuals to prioritize the development of social skills.
Transcripts
the main thing about developing this
skill though is very very
simple there's one step that you can do
that will immediately improve your
ability and that is your level of
Desire how do I improve my social skills
but first of all you have to realize the
importance of social skills 95% of your
life in involves interactions with
people that have a
tremendous impact on your emotions on
your well-being on your health right and
the thing is we don't think of being in
the world and being social and
interacting with people as a skill
unfortunately we think of it even if you
bring up this question you're probably
not taking it very seriously you think
of I'm just naturally it's something I
don't have to practice this I don't have
to learn anything about it I just go out
in the world and I interact and I do the
best that I can it's not like a skill
like learning a piano or playing chess
or shooting free throws or something
like that it's just being a human being
well no it is a skill it is something
you need to develop and where we spend
so much of our Lives now in a virtual
realm it's a skill that is being
degraded because it is a skill that
depends on spending time interacting
with people so if you wanted to be a
really good basketball player you
wouldn't sit there on your phone
watching YouTube videos of the late Kobe
Bryant doing all the stuff because it
wouldn't lead to anything get out of
your goddamn house and shoot hoops day
and night spending all your time on the
stupid phone isn't going to develop
social skills you have to go out to bars
if you want to meet a man or a woman you
have to go mingled you have to go out
and interact with people more and more
and more get out of the virtuality so
the most important thing is to realize
it is a skill and is a skill that will
make your life so much easier because in
your personal life you'll be able to
have a relationship that will be
enriching that won't be full of all this
arguing Etc you'll know how to choose
the right partner and you will know how
to interact with them on a meaningful
level B in your work world you will be
having all these clashes and antagonisms
taking it home with you and going God
why that person say that Etc ET C you be
able to let go of all the drama and
release it it'll free your mind up so
you want that skill the main thing about
developing this skill though is very
very
simple there's one step that you can do
that will immediately improve your
ability and that is your level of
desire and what I mean by that is the
following when you're interacting with
someone in a cafe a bar or at work or in
in your home you're normally half
listening a third listening even a
quarter l or less you're looking at your
phone you're thinking about your own
problems you're thinking about things in
the past or something they say triggers
the thought and you're thinking about
something that happened to you you you
you you you why the reason is you're
more interested in yourself than you are
in other people people you're more
interested in your own problems in your
own ideas in your own experiences than
those of others it's an important axume
to understand with humans is that we're
drawn to things that are pleasurable and
we get away from things that are painful
so if we think of ourselves and our our
own ego and our own experiences as fun
as pleasurable because we're a
narcissist and we all are narcissist
then you're never ever going to be
paying attention to other people what I
want you to think of is to reverse that
into go being absorbed in your own
thoughts your own experiences and your
own ideas is actually very boring and
very repetitive and very painful it's
the same thing day after day after day
the same problems the same compulsions
the same worries the same anxieties I
say to people would you like to travel
to a foreign country in which everything
looks like the neighborhood that you
live in no you want to get get out of
yourself so pain is being self-absorbed
pleasure is other people their stories
their experiences their lives so if
tomorrow you go to the supermarket and
you're you're at the meat counter you
know something i' I've thought about and
I've done instead of thinking about my
own life and absorb my I'm going to
focus on the person serving me and I'm
going to try and think of what their
life is like and what their story might
be
what their family might be where they
might have come from and I might even
talk to them a little bit about this
because I'm interested in it people are
weird they're like a movie they have
fantasies they have dreams they have
experiences that are not like yours if
you are interested in them the whole
game will change you will find yourself
wanting more of these
interactions when you meet somebody at a
cafe you won't be in your phone won't be
wasting your time like that you won't be
thinking about your own problems you be
going I want to know what this person
their story is like I want to know what
their childhood was like I want to know
what it is to be them I want to know
what it feels like to be them if you
become that person that is interested in
others that talks to them in that way
that
goes with the thought what is it like to
be you people will be Charmed by you
they will love it they'll have a very
powerful seductive impact B it will
teach you incredible things things about
people and see it will develop this
muscle and this skill in you which
you'll be able to practice it all of the
time and you will have tremendous social
success so it's your self-absorption
that is the great impediment to your
level of social skills I could talk
until my my face turns blue about the
importance of not being so self-absorbed
the key is to find other people more
interesting than yourself however you
can do that that will unlock the secret
to having higher level of social skill
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