Finding Your Why - The First Step to Dealing With Anxiety - Anxiety Course Day 1/30
Summary
TLDRThis video script emphasizes the importance of taking radical responsibility for one's anxiety, rather than seeking to merely eliminate it. It illustrates how avoiding anxiety can shrink one's world and suggests that the real goal should be to enrich life with meaningful experiences, despite anxiety. The course aims to teach skills for better managing anxiety, fostering a healthier relationship with it, and ultimately leading a life filled with joy and purpose.
Takeaways
- đ The course encourages participants to take radical responsibility for their anxiety, aiming to change controllable aspects rather than avoiding anxiety altogether.
- âïž It's important to write down goals for the course to have a clear vision of what one wants to achieve, which can be done in a workbook or in the comments section.
- đ« The instructor emphasizes that the course will not teach avoidance of anxiety but instead focus on managing it effectively.
- đ A story about 8th graders facing anxiety during auditions and tryouts illustrates the difference between facing anxiety and avoiding it to protect oneself.
- đ Avoiding anxiety can lead to a shrinking world, causing more misery and potentially increasing anxiety levels.
- đ€ The course aims to improve one's relationship with anxiety by developing skills like clear communication and setting healthy boundaries.
- đïžââïž The instructor will teach various skills to decrease anxiety and change one's perspective towards it, promoting tolerance and acceptance.
- đŻ The primary goal is not just to reduce anxiety but to enrich life with meaningful experiences, relationships, and accomplishments.
- đ€ The script highlights that anxiety itself is not the problem; it's the attempts to escape it that can diminish the quality of life.
- đ The course will challenge participants to do hard things, emphasizing the need for a strong 'why' to motivate oneself to face and manage anxiety.
Q & A
What is the main goal of the course mentioned in the script?
-The main goal of the course is not just to make anxiety go away, but to help participants improve their relationship with anxiety, decrease it, and fill their lives with things they care about, thus making life more awesome again.
Why does the script suggest that setting the goal of feeling less anxious can be problematic?
-Setting the goal of feeling less anxious can be problematic because it leads to cutting out parts of life that cause anxiety, which in turn shrinks one's world and can make life more miserable, potentially increasing anxiety.
What example is given in the script to illustrate the impact of anxiety on people's decisions?
-The script provides the example of 8th graders auditioning for plays and trying out for sports teams. Some, despite high anxiety, faced it to achieve their goals, while others avoided it to make their anxiety go away, leading to a different impact on their lives.
How does the script differentiate between two groups of kids with high anxiety regarding their approach to auditions?
-The script differentiates the two groups by their actions: one group faced their anxiety and auditioned, while the other avoided auditioning to eliminate their anxiety.
What is the paradox of anxiety mentioned in the script?
-The paradox of anxiety is that the more we try to make it go away, the more we signal to our brain that anxiety is important, which can make the brain amplify it, leading to increased anxiety.
What common behaviors are described in the script that people engage in to avoid anxiety?
-Common behaviors include avoiding social situations due to social anxiety, engaging in compulsive behaviors in response to OCD, seeking constant reassurance, and worrying to prevent disappointment.
How does the script suggest that worry can fuel anxiety?
-The script suggests that worry can fuel anxiety by causing individuals to focus on avoiding anxiety, which paradoxically increases the focus on anxiety and can lead to more worry and anxiety.
What is the script's stance on the idea of 'dead people goals' in relation to anxiety?
-The script argues against 'dead people goals,' which is the idea of trying to not feel anything, including anxiety. It states that only dead people don't feel any anxiety, implying that it's unrealistic and unhealthy to aim for a life without any anxiety.
What exercise is recommended in the script to help participants envision a life without anxiety controlling their choices?
-The script recommends a visualization exercise where participants imagine doing the things they love, being around the people they love, and chasing their dreams without anxiety controlling their choices.
What is the script's advice on dealing with difficult relationships in the context of anxiety?
-The script advises that instead of avoiding difficult relationships, one should learn new skills such as clear communication, setting healthy boundaries, and assertive problem-solving to improve the relationship and reduce the impact of the difficult person on their life.
How does the script define 'radical responsibility' in relation to anxiety?
-The script defines 'radical responsibility' as taking charge of one's anxiety, which involves changing the things that can be changed and learning the skills to do so, rather than just trying to cope with anxiety.
Outlines
đ Embracing Anxiety for Personal Growth
The video script begins by challenging viewers to define their goals for the course, emphasizing the importance of taking responsibility for their anxiety. The speaker rejects the idea of merely coping with anxiety and instead encourages viewers to change what they can. The narrative uses the metaphor of a story to illustrate the counterproductive nature of trying to eliminate anxiety. It highlights the misconception that avoiding anxiety leads to a better life, but in reality, it only shrinks one's world and increases anxiety. The script shares a study involving 8th graders to demonstrate how facing anxiety can lead to personal growth, whereas avoiding it can result in a diminished life experience. The key message is to understand the relationship with anxiety and to focus on enriching life rather than merely trying to feel less anxious.
đ« The Consequences of Avoidance in Coping with Anxiety
This paragraph delves into the negative outcomes of avoiding anxiety, using social anxiety and OCD as examples to show how avoidance behaviors can escalate and lead to a reduced quality of life. The speaker points out that common attempts to mitigate anxiety, such as seeking reassurance or engaging in worry, can paradoxically increase it. The script invites viewers to reflect on how anxiety has impacted their lives, encouraging them to identify areas where they have retreated due to fear. The core argument is that the way one interacts with anxiety, rather than the anxiety itself, is what robs them of joy. The speaker promises to teach skills to better understand and tolerate anxiety, with the ultimate goal of enhancing life rather than just reducing anxiety.
đ Redefining Goals Beyond Anxiety Reduction
The final paragraph of the script shifts the focus from merely reducing anxiety to living a fulfilling life. It emphasizes the importance of having a 'why' that is more significant than the desire to feel less anxious. The speaker warns against the trap of setting goals that lead to a life of avoidance and shrinking opportunities. Instead, the course aims to equip viewers with skills to decrease anxiety while fostering a life filled with passion, relationships, and experiences. The script concludes with an invitation to visualize a life uncontrolled by anxiety, encouraging viewers to imagine the joy and excitement of living boldly and pursuing their dreams, even if it involves a bit of discomfort and worry.
Mindmap
Keywords
đĄAnxiety
đĄRadical Responsibility
đĄAvoidance
đĄGoals
đĄWorry
đĄQuality of Life
đĄRelationship with Anxiety
đĄTolerance
đĄSkills
đĄMotivation
đĄVisualization Exercise
Highlights
The course encourages participants to take radical responsibility for their anxiety.
The instructor emphasizes that the goal is not to teach coping mechanisms but to instill a change in behavior.
A story is used to illustrate why attempts to reduce anxiety can backfire.
The importance of not shrinking one's world to avoid anxiety is discussed.
An example of 8th graders facing anxiety during auditions and tryouts is provided.
The contrasting outcomes for kids who faced their anxiety versus those who avoided it are highlighted.
The course's focus on changing the relationship with anxiety rather than just reducing it is explained.
The instructor clarifies that the course aims to make life 'awesome' again, not just anxiety-free.
The concept of 'dead people goals' is introduced, emphasizing that only the deceased don't feel anxiety.
The paradox that trying to avoid anxiety can increase it is discussed.
Common examples of how people attempt to avoid anxiety and the negative consequences are provided.
The instructor explains that the course will teach skills to decrease anxiety and change perceptions.
The necessity of having a 'why' that is more significant than just reducing anxiety is emphasized.
The course will challenge participants to do hard things for the sake of a better life, not just less anxiety.
The instructor discusses the paradox that avoiding anxiety can lead to a smaller, more depressed life.
A visualization exercise is suggested to help participants imagine a life without anxiety controlling their choices.
The course's ultimate goal is to help participants live a life filled with joy, excitement, and a bit of discomfort.
Transcripts
but why are you here why did you click on this video or sign up for this course now if you're Â
in the paid course take a minute in your workbook and write down your goals for the course if you're Â
on YouTube write down your goals in the comments section now I'm not going to waste your time I'm Â
not going to teach you how to cope with anxiety I'm gonna ask you to take radical responsibility Â
for your anxiety so that means I'm gonna ask you to change the things that you can change Â
but I'll teach you the skills to do that so let's start with a story in this video you'll Â
learn why many attempts to reduce anxiety or manage stress backfire and what to do instead
[Music] now many people just want their anxiety to go away they just don't want to feel it they they Â
imagine that if they didn't feel anxious their lives would be so much better and so they set that Â
as their goal they their goal is my goal is to not feel so anxious but when your goal is to feel less Â
of something you essentially have to cut something out of your life and the problem with that is that Â
your world shrinks and then as it becomes more miserable then your anxiety actually grows now Â
let me give you an example researchers wanted to explore how anxiety impacted people so they Â
decided to interview a group of 8th graders who were in the process of auditioning for plays and Â
trying out for sports teams and of running for school counselor and the researchers asked the Â
kids to rate their anxiety on a scale from zero to ten and about half of the kids said oh I am really Â
nervous and they rated their anxiety at a seven and eight or a nine and of these nervous kids some Â
of the kids auditioned and some of them didn't now in the follow-up researchers asked the kids who Â
tried out anyway they said you were really nervous why did you try out and the general response was Â
auditioning was the only way to get into the play I had to face my anxiety in order to accomplish Â
my goals and then they asked the group of kids that had high anxiety and didn't try out they Â
asked them the same question and they answered I didn't try out because that was the only way Â
I could make my anxiety go away the only way to make your anxiety go away completely is to avoid Â
the things you care about in life now just like those kids who decided not to audition if your Â
only goal is to feel less to feel less sad to feel less stress then you'll end up shrinking your life Â
away now I told you that this course is about your relationship with anxiety now sometimes when we Â
have to interact with a difficult person like a family member or a co-worker all we want is for Â
that person to go away we don't want to have to deal with the discomfort of interacting with them Â
so we avoid them or we fantasize about quitting our job or divorcing a spouse right and with some Â
people we can cut them out of our lives but if our only tool in relationships is to separate from Â
difficult people we're going to end up very lonely because all close relationships have difficulties Â
instead in real close relationships we learn new skills we learn how to communicate clearly how Â
to set healthy boundaries how to ask for what you need how to problem solve assertively right Â
when you learn how to do this the difficult person won't bother you so much and you can get all the Â
joy that healthy relationships bring so instead in this course I'm going to teach you how to get Â
better at feeling I mean yes your anxiety probably will decrease but way more importantly the goal of Â
this course is to make your life awesome again to fill your life with the things you care about the Â
people and the experiences that you've cut out the dreams and the accomplishments that Â
you're afraid to try and to bring richness and joy back to your day instead of worry and fear Â
so what was the difference between those two groups of kids they both had high anxiety but Â
one of them decided that their goal was worth it to face anxiety and the other set decided that Â
the thing they wanted most was for their anxiety to go away the difference was not the level of Â
anxiety but how the kids related to their anxiety now with those kids when the next audition came Â
around which group do you think was more anxious which one felt better about themselves which set Â
felt more confident which set of kids decided to audition again most likely the group that tried it Â
the group that faced their anxiety but motivation matters when facing anxiety so here's the thing Â
that most people don't understand about anxiety when your main goal is to make your anxiety go Â
away you believe it's the anxiety that's ruining your life and you imagine that if your anxiety Â
went away then you'd be happy and while anxiety can be really uncomfortable it's not actually the Â
anxiety that's ruined in your life it's your attempts to escape anxiety that are actually Â
decreasing your quality of life don't believe me let's look at some common examples social anxiety Â
you stop going to parties because you don't want to feel anxious there you constantly worry about Â
what you said in an attempt to figure out the perfect thing to say so that you don't have to Â
feel anxious when you say the wrong thing so then you begin to worry and feel lonely all the time Â
okay someone with OCD they fear that they've touched something with germs and this thought Â
makes them anxious so they engage in a behavior like hand washing to make that feeling go away but Â
the feeling comes back so they wash their hands a hundred times to try to make that feeling go Â
away but even though their skin is raw the feeling comes back then they just avoid going outside to Â
avoid feeling anxious about touching something and before long the quality of life has gone way down Â
now sometimes the way we attempt to avoid anxiety aren't nearly as obvious we may seek constant Â
reassurance from our spouse to avoid feeling anxious about whether they love us or we may Â
constantly worry to try to prevent ourselves from feeling disappointed if something bad does happen Â
yes you'll learn a lot more about worry later but you do it you worry to avoid anxiety and worry Â
also fuels anxiety another way is we may convince ourselves that we're worthless and broken so that Â
we don't have to risk uncertainty and the anxiety of trying and failing so how has anxiety impacted Â
your life take the time to fill out your workbook what have you cut out of your life due to anxiety Â
um what situations people experiences opportunities have you lost due to trying Â
to not feel anxiety for many people anxiety has robbed them of Joy or more accurately how they Â
interact with their anxiety has robbed them of Joy they feel sick and worried when they should be Â
relaxing or it's made it hard for them to do their job or succeed in school or they withdraw from Â
friends or stop going places in this course I'm going to teach you a bunch of skills to decrease Â
your anxiety to better understand your anxiety to change how you think and feel about anxiety Â
and how to make space for and tolerate anxiety but the goal of this course isn't just to make Â
your anxiety go away trying to not feel something is what's called dead people goals the only people Â
who don't feel any anxiety are people who are dead so to do that work to get better at feeling which Â
will sometimes be uncomfortable you're going to need something you care about more more than just Â
making anxiety go away so in this course I'm going to be asking you to do hard things so that's why I Â
need you to get really clear on what is your why what kind of Life do you want to be living now Â
I'm not going to ask you to just suck it up to just deal with anxiety I'm going to teach you a Â
bunch of skills to lower your anxiety but if your only goal is to just feel less anxiety I can tell Â
you where that will lead you to a life that is constantly getting smaller the only way to feel Â
less is to cut the things you care about out of your life you avoid performing and then you avoid Â
going places and then you avoid acquaintances and you procrastinate schoolwork or you break up Â
with your partner and your life gets smaller and smaller and smaller and you know what you're left Â
with depression and anxiety now when I painted that picture did you feel like that sense of Â
hopelessness of like that dread and that like cold shutdown like is your goal in life really about Â
not feeling the Paradox of anxiety is that the more we try to make it go away the more messages Â
we send to our brain that this anxiety thing is really important and your brain actually makes it Â
louder it increases the neurons around anxiety and it makes you more anxious so if we want to change Â
our relationship with anxiety we need to focus on what we do want not what we're trying to avoid Â
so what happens if you imagine being able to do the things you love like write about that what Â
if you imagine being around the people you love boldly chasing your dreams traveling the world Â
loving intensely dancing wildly speaking your truth and living your life what does it feel Â
like if you imagine that does it feel a little light do you feel a little bit of excitement Â
and it's not unlikely that you feel a little twinge of worry or anxiety so what is it what is Â
the life you dream of this life is gonna include joy and excitement and a little bit of discomfort Â
so I want you to do a visualization exercise what makes you feel alive you can write about this or Â
you can sit and imagine it for five minutes what lights you up how does this feel in your heart Â
in your legs and your stomach in your chest and your head right in detail about what you would Â
do on a day where anxiety no longer controls you where your choices had nothing to do with Â
your feelings of anxiety what kind of person do you want to be what do you want your life to be Â
about what character traits do you admire in others spend a lot of time on this we're gonna Â
come back to it and if you're in the full course there's a space in your workbook to explore this Â
further okay [Music] it's day one from my 30-day anxiety skills course you can check out the whole Â
thing on my website links in the description below thanks for watching and take care foreign
[Music]
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