Reggie Rivers| Focus on your behavior, not your goal (Key Points Talk)

QuickTalks

5 Apr 201603:00

Summary

TLDRThe speaker challenges the traditional approach to goal setting by advocating for a focus on controllable behaviors rather than unattainable goals. Using personal anecdotes, such as his pursuit of a high school crush, Lasandra Johnson, he illustrates how shifting attention from the end goal to daily actions led to success. He extends this principle to other life scenarios, like dieting, emphasizing that consistent behavior, not constant goal fixation, is the key to achieving long-term objectives.

Takeaways

🎯 Focus on behaviors, not just goals: The speaker emphasizes the importance of concentrating on controllable actions rather than solely on the end results.
💭 Reevaluate traditional goal-setting: The script challenges the common belief that constant focus on goals is the best way to achieve them.
👦 Personal story as a lesson: The speaker uses a personal anecdote about his first girlfriend to illustrate the principle of focusing on behaviors.
🏫 Change in environment to align with behavior: The speaker shares an example of changing classes to be closer to his desired outcome, showcasing a behavior-focused approach.
🚫 Fear as a barrier to goal achievement: When focused on the goal, fear can paralyze action, but focusing on behaviors can overcome this.
🔄 Shift from goal to behavior: The speaker suggests a shift in mindset from the end goal to the daily behaviors that lead to it.
🧘‍♂️ Behaviors are within your control: Unlike goals, behaviors are entirely under one's control and can be acted upon immediately.
🔄 Consistent behavior leads to goal achievement: By focusing on daily behaviors, one can steadily progress towards their goals.
📉 The danger of goal obsession: Becoming too fixated on the goal can lead to disappointment and giving up when immediate results aren't seen.
💧 Focus on the process, not the outcome: The speaker advises to concentrate on the process of daily actions rather than the final outcome.
🏋️‍♀️ Motivation through behavior: By focusing on behaviors, one can stay motivated and feel good about the consistent efforts made towards the goal.

Q & A

What is the main argument presented in the script against the traditional approach to achieving goals?
-The main argument is that focusing solely on goals, which are often outside of our control, is not the most effective way to achieve them. Instead, one should focus on behaviors that are within their control and are the building blocks to reaching those goals.
Who is Lasandra Johnson and how is she relevant to the lesson being taught?
-Lasandra Johnson is the speaker's first girlfriend. She is relevant because the speaker's experience with her was the first time he learned the lesson of focusing on controllable behaviors rather than the unattainable goal.
Why did the speaker change his class from Wood Shop to Home Economics?
-The speaker changed his class to Home Economics to be in the same class as Lasandra Johnson, demonstrating his initial focus on the goal of having her as his girlfriend.
What was the turning point for the speaker in terms of his approach to achieving his goal with Lasandra?
-The turning point was when the speaker stopped focusing on the goal of having Lasandra as his girlfriend and started focusing on his behaviors, such as finding out her class schedule and sitting next to her.
How does the speaker relate the concept of focusing on behaviors to the example of dieting?
-The speaker uses dieting as a metaphor to illustrate that focusing on the goal (like losing weight) can be demotivating if the immediate results aren't visible. Instead, focusing on daily behaviors (eating well, exercising) is more effective and keeps one motivated.
What is the speaker's advice on maintaining motivation when working towards a goal?
-The speaker advises to focus on daily behaviors that contribute to the goal, celebrating small victories, and not worrying about the end goal or the immediate outcome.
Why does the speaker suggest that focusing on goals can lead to failure?
-Focusing on goals can lead to failure because goals are often outside of our control and can lead to disappointment if immediate results aren't seen, causing one to quit.
What is the significance of the speaker's mention of the girl named Tara Virgamini?
-Tara Virgamini's significance is that she allowed the speaker to sit next to Lasandra, showing that by focusing on behaviors, the speaker was able to create opportunities that were within his control.
How does the speaker define 'behaviors' in the context of achieving goals?
-In the context of the script, 'behaviors' are defined as the actions one can take independently to move towards a goal, as opposed to the goal itself which often involves factors outside of one's control.
What is the core message the speaker wants the audience to take away from his experiences?
-The core message is that to effectively achieve goals, one should concentrate on the controllable behaviors that will lead to those goals, rather than fixating on the goals themselves.
How does the speaker suggest one should approach goal setting and behavior modification?
-The speaker suggests setting a goal but then immediately breaking it down into daily behaviors that can be controlled and focused on to gradually achieve the goal.

Outlines

00:00

🎯 Focusing on Behaviors Over Goals

The speaker challenges the conventional wisdom of goal-setting by suggesting that instead of focusing on the goals themselves, which are often outside of our control, we should concentrate on the behaviors that we can control. Using the example of his first girlfriend, Lasandra Johnson, he illustrates how by focusing on his actions, such as changing classes to be closer to her, he was able to create opportunities that aligned with his goal. The speaker emphasizes that goals are outcomes that may involve external factors, whereas behaviors are actions we can execute independently, and it is through these actions that we can effectively work towards our goals.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Goals

Goals are the objectives or aims that an individual sets for themselves to achieve. In the video, the speaker challenges the traditional approach to achieving goals, suggesting that instead of focusing solely on the end result, one should concentrate on the behaviors that lead to the goal. The example of wanting Lasandra Johnson to be his girlfriend illustrates the shift from goal-focused to behavior-focused action.

💡Behaviors

Behaviors refer to the actions or patterns of conduct that one can control and execute. The speaker emphasizes that focusing on behaviors is more effective for achieving goals than merely focusing on the goals themselves. The narrative of changing classes to be closer to Lasandra exemplifies how altering one's behavior can create opportunities to achieve a goal.

💡Control

Control, in this context, denotes the influence one has over their actions and the outcomes of those actions. The video suggests that focusing on what is within one's control, such as personal behaviors, is more productive than worrying about external factors beyond control. The speaker contrasts this with goals, which often depend on factors outside of one's control.

💡Focus

Focus is the act of concentrating one's attention on a particular point or task. The main theme of the video revolves around the idea of shifting focus from goals to behaviors. The speaker uses the metaphor of being afraid to speak to Lasandra when focused on the goal, versus taking action by focusing on behaviors like changing classes.

💡Metaphor

A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes an object or action in a way that isn't literally true but helps explain an idea or make a comparison. The speaker uses the personal story of pursuing Lasandra as a metaphor to illustrate the broader concept of focusing on behaviors over goals.

💡Diet

A diet is a specific selection of food and drink, often to achieve a specific health goal such as weight loss. In the video, the speaker uses dieting as an example of how focusing on the goal (losing weight) can lead to disappointment and quitting if the immediate results aren't visible, whereas focusing on behaviors (eating well, exercising) can lead to success.

💡Motivation

Motivation is the drive or desire to do something. The video suggests that focusing on behaviors can keep one motivated day after day because it allows for a sense of accomplishment through daily actions, as opposed to the potential frustration of not seeing immediate results with goal-focused approaches.

💡Salesman

A salesman is a person who sells goods or services. The speaker uses the hypothetical goal of becoming the world's best salesman to illustrate that one cannot control all aspects of achieving a goal, such as making all sales, but can control their recruiting efforts and customer interactions.

💡Transaction

A transaction is the process of buying or selling goods or services. In the context of the salesman example, the speaker points out that one cannot control both sides of a transaction, highlighting the importance of focusing on controllable behaviors to influence the outcome.

💡Recruit

To recruit means to persuade someone to join a company, organization, or cause. In the video, the speaker mentions recruiting customers as a behavior within one's control that can contribute to the goal of becoming a successful salesman.

💡Scale

In the context of dieting, a scale is a device used to measure weight. The speaker uses the scale as a symbol of the goal (weight loss) and contrasts the disappointment of not seeing immediate results with the importance of focusing on daily behaviors that contribute to the goal.

Highlights

Contrary to common belief, focusing on goals may not be the best way to achieve them.

The speaker shares a personal story about his first girlfriend, Lasandra Johnson, to illustrate the importance of focusing on controllable behaviors rather than unattainable goals.

Changing classes to be closer to Lasandra was a behavior within the speaker's control, leading to a successful outcome.

Goals are often outside our control, while behaviors are actions we can take individually.

Focusing on goals can lead to fear and inaction, as seen in the speaker's initial inability to speak to Lasandra.

By shifting focus to behaviors, the speaker was able to take concrete steps towards his goal.

The analogy of dieting is used to demonstrate how focusing on the goal, such as losing weight, can lead to disappointment and quitting when results are not immediate.

Instead of focusing on the scale, the speaker suggests focusing on daily behaviors that contribute to the goal.

Daily behaviors, such as eating well and exercising, are within our control and should be the focus for achieving long-term goals.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of motivation and feeling good about the actions taken each day, rather than obsessing over the end goal.

Focusing on behaviors leads to a sense of accomplishment and progress, which is more sustainable than goal-focused mindsets.

The speaker provides a model for achieving goals by breaking them down into daily behaviors that are within one's control.

Behaviors are the building blocks to achieving goals, and focusing on them leads to a more proactive approach.

The transcript challenges the traditional approach to goal-setting and achievement, offering a new perspective on personal development.

The speaker's message is a call to action, encouraging listeners to reassess their approach to goal achievement by focusing on controllable behaviors.

The transcript concludes with a powerful message on the effectiveness of behavior-focused strategies over goal-focused mindsets for long-term success.