If you want to achieve your goals, don't focus on them: Reggie Rivers at TEDxCrestmoorParkED

Summary

In this engaging talk, the speaker challenges traditional goal-setting strategies, suggesting that focusing on behaviors rather than goals is key to success. He shares a personal story about his first crush to illustrate how focusing on actions within his control helped him achieve his objective. The speaker emphasizes that goals are often dependent on external factors, while behaviors are entirely within one's power. By setting short-term behavior-focused tasks and maintaining consistency, one can achieve long-term goals without becoming discouraged by external setbacks.

Takeaways

• 🎯 Focusing on goals can be counterproductive. Instead, focus on behaviors that are within your control.
• 👟 Goals often rely on external factors, such as other people, which you cannot control. Behaviors, however, are actions you alone can take.
• 💡 A significant lesson was learned in 6th grade when the speaker shifted focus from the goal (getting a girlfriend) to actions he could control (changing classes).
• 📏 Achieving a goal, like getting an A in class or being a top salesman, depends on behaviors, not the goal itself.
• ⚖️ When dieting, focusing on the scale (the goal) often leads to frustration. Instead, focus on behaviors like healthy eating and exercise.
• 🔄 Setting behavior-based plans (what can be done today, tomorrow, and this week) helps maintain focus and achieve long-term goals.
• 🧠 Emphasizing behaviors allows you to stay motivated and in control, as opposed to obsessing over unpredictable outcomes.
• 👨‍👩‍👧 Parents often focus on the goals they want for their kids. However, controlling their own behaviors (reactions, consistency) is more effective.
• 🎯 Goals should be used to set direction, but behaviors should be the daily focus to build the path toward them.
• 📝 The speaker suggests a practical approach: breaking down behaviors into short-term actions (daily, weekly) to make progress toward larger goals.

Q & A

What does the speaker suggest is a common misconception about achieving goals?

The speaker suggests that a common misconception is that achieving goals requires constant focus on the goals themselves. Instead, they argue that focusing on behaviors, which are within one's control, is the key to achieving goals.

Why does the speaker believe focusing on goals can be counterproductive?

The speaker believes focusing on goals can be counterproductive because goals often involve external factors outside of one's control, such as the participation of others. This can lead to frustration and failure if one becomes fixated on the outcome rather than the actions they can control.

How does the speaker differentiate between goals and behaviors?

The speaker explains that goals are outcomes that often require the involvement of others and are outside of personal control. In contrast, behaviors are actions that are entirely within an individual's control and are the steps necessary to reach those goals.

What is the significance of the speaker's story about Lasandra Johnson?

The story about Lasandra Johnson illustrates the speaker's point that success comes from focusing on behaviors rather than goals. When the speaker shifted their focus from the goal of having Lasandra as a girlfriend to behaviors like joining her class and talking to her, they eventually achieved their goal.

What lesson did the speaker learn from their attempt to change classes to be near Lasandra?

The speaker learned that focusing on behaviors—such as figuring out the rules for changing classes and taking action—was more effective than simply thinking about their goal. This behavioral focus helped them move closer to achieving their goal.

How does the speaker apply the concept of focusing on behaviors to weight loss?

The speaker applies this concept by explaining that focusing on the goal of losing weight often leads to frustration when the desired results don't appear on the scale. Instead, focusing on behaviors like eating healthy and exercising consistently will eventually lead to achieving the goal of weight loss.

What analogy does the speaker use to describe people's reliance on the scale when dieting?

The speaker humorously compares the scale to an oracle, suggesting that people treat it as if it has divine power to define their success or failure. They argue that focusing on the scale (the goal) is less effective than focusing on behaviors like healthy eating and exercise.

How does the speaker suggest parents should approach their goals for their children?

The speaker suggests that instead of focusing on their goals for their children—such as wanting them to be responsible or hardworking—parents should focus on their own behaviors, such as consistency, rewards, and consequences, which are within their control.

What is the speaker's method for setting and achieving personal goals?

The speaker's method involves setting a goal, then focusing on behaviors they can control in the short term, such as what they can do today, tomorrow, and this week to move closer to the goal. This approach shifts focus away from the goal itself to manageable, daily actions.

What is the overall message of the speaker regarding goal achievement?

The overall message is that achieving goals requires focusing on behaviors rather than the goals themselves. By concentrating on actions within one’s control and consistently working on them, individuals are more likely to achieve their long-term objectives.