Etiquette Expert Answers Etiquette Questions From Twitter | Tech Support | WIRED
Summary
TLDRIn 'Etiquette Support', William Hanson tackles common dining and social etiquette questions. He explains the historical 'no elbows on the table' rule, proper tea stirring, cheese cutting, pea eating, and glass clinking. Hanson addresses concerns about etiquette's relevance, clarifies misconceptions like cutlery positions signaling satisfaction, and advises on not interrupting conversations. He also covers airplane seat etiquette, engaging in conversations about uninteresting topics, signaling for the bill in a restaurant, and addressing royals. The video humorously provides guidance on various manners, emphasizing politeness and consideration.
Takeaways
- 🤔 The 'no elbows on the table' rule originated in medieval Europe to prevent trestle tables from tipping over.
- 🍵 When stirring tea, use a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion and gently flick the teaspoon at the top of the cup.
- 🧀 When cutting cheese, avoid taking the 'nose' (the creamiest part) for yourself and maintain the original shape.
- 🥗 In formal dining, eat peas using a fork and knife, spearing them onto the tines of the fork.
- 🥂 It's improper to clink glasses on the table as it can damage fine glassware.
- 🌍 Etiquette is essential for everyone on Earth, with a focus in the video on Western, British, and American manners.
- 🍽️ There is no secret message in how you place your cutlery; it only indicates if you are resting or finished.
- 🔥 Interrupting someone in a conversation is generally not acceptable unless it's an emergency.
- 🍷 You should only send back wine at a restaurant if it's corked, not because you don't like the taste.
- 🍔 To eat a large burger elegantly, deconstruct it with a knife and fork before eating.
- 🍝 When eating spaghetti, do not cut it; instead, twist it with your fork into a neat parcel and eat.
- 🙅♂️ The worst etiquette sin is not using 'please', 'thank you', and 'sorry'.
Q & A
Why is it considered bad etiquette to put your elbows on the table?
-The no elbows on the table rule dates back to medieval times in Europe where trestle tables were used. Placing elbows on the table could cause the table to tip and spill food, which was considered poor etiquette. Today, it is still followed because it is seen as unattractive.
What is the proper way to stir tea?
-Instead of stirring tea clockwise or anticlockwise, one should stir in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion, gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the cup, then setting it back in line with the handle.
How should you cut a round cheese for a charcuterie board?
-You should cut the cheese while maintaining its original shape, starting from the top and cutting down, rather than cutting like soap, which would take the creamiest part for yourself, which is considered poor manners.
What is the correct way to eat peas in formal dining?
-In formal dining, you should use both the fork and the knife. It's better to spear the peas onto the tines of your fork instead of scooping them, which might be acceptable in casual dining.
Is it proper etiquette to clink glasses on the table?
-No, it is not proper etiquette to clink glasses on the table. In formal dining, it can damage expensive glassware and is considered impolite.
Why is etiquette important according to the etiquette coach?
-Etiquette is important to everyone, especially if you are a user of Earth, as it helps in social interactions and shows respect to others.
What does the etiquette coach say about the myth of cutlery positions indicating satisfaction with the food?
-The coach clarifies that there is a myth circulating on social media about cutlery positions indicating whether you liked the food or not, which is false. The only positions for cutlery are to indicate resting or finishing with the meal.
Is it ever appropriate to interrupt someone in a conversation?
-The etiquette coach suggests that interrupting someone is generally not appropriate unless it is to prevent harm, like if someone's clothing is on fire.
What is the proper way to send back a bottle of wine at a restaurant?
-You should only send back a bottle of wine if there is a problem with it, such as it being corked. Sending it back just because you do not like it is not acceptable.
How should you eat a large burger without looking grotesque?
-You should deconstruct the burger first with a knife and fork, cutting a piece and then eating it, rather than trying to fit the whole burger in your mouth.
What are the differences between British and American fork etiquette?
-In Britain, both the knife and fork are held at the same time with the knife staying low, and the food is conveyed via the fork. In America, people often cut a piece of food, place the knife down, turn the fork over to eat, then repeat.
How does the etiquette coach suggest eating spaghetti?
-The coach advises against cutting pasta and instead eating it with the fork upturned, twisting the spaghetti at the edge to form a neat parcel before eating.
What is considered the worst etiquette sin by the etiquette coach?
-The worst etiquette sin is not saying 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'sorry,' which are fundamental to being a polite human being.
What is the etiquette for arriving at a host's house for dinner in France?
-Traditionally, it was etiquette to arrive 15 minutes late to give the host time to prepare. However, this is changing with newer generations, and it's suggested to arrive around 5 minutes late if the host says 7:30.
What should you do if you want to recline your airplane seat?
-You can recline your seat, but it's polite to check behind you first, signal your intention, and recline slowly rather than abruptly.
How can you politely get out of a conversation you're not interested in?
-You can try to pair the person off with someone else by introducing them to another person, which allows you to leave the conversation gracefully.
What is the proper way to signal a waiter for the bill?
-You should use body language, sit back from the table, and make eye contact with the waiter. When they come over, politely ask for the bill.
How should you address members of the British royal family?
-The king and queen are referred to as 'Your Majesty,' and you would address the king as 'sir' and Queen Camilla as 'ma'am' thereafter. Other members with an HRH title are addressed as 'Your Royal Highness,' followed by 'sir' or 'ma'am' according to their gender.
What should you do if you're unsure whether to offer your seat to someone who might need it more?
-If you wish to offer your seat, you can do so without fear of offending, as you're likely never to see the person again. It's a kind gesture.
What is the optimum distance to hold a door open for someone?
-There is no correct distance; it's about what feels right and checking behind to see if someone is approaching.
How can you politely get rid of house guests that overstay their welcome?
-You can use tactics like asking if they have a busy day tomorrow or offering them something else, which can subtly signal that it's time to leave.
Outlines
🍽️ Table Manners and Etiquette
William Hanson, an etiquette coach, answers internet etiquette questions in 'Etiquette Support'. Topics include the historical reason for not placing elbows on the table, proper tea stirring technique, how to cut cheese without taking the best part, using a fork and knife for peas in formal dining, and the etiquette of clinking glasses. He also addresses the importance of etiquette in general, dispels myths about cutlery placement indicating satisfaction with food, and discusses the appropriateness of interrupting conversations.
🍔 Eating Etiquette for Various Foods
William Hanson continues to provide etiquette advice, focusing on how to eat a large burger without appearing grotesque by deconstructing it with a knife and fork. He compares British and American knife and fork etiquette, explains the proper way to eat spaghetti according to Emily Post, identifies basic etiquette sins such as not saying 'please', 'thank you', and 'sorry', and discusses the changing norms around arriving to a dinner on time. He also comments on the etiquette of reclining airplane seats and provides tips for ending uninteresting conversations gracefully.
🤝 Social Etiquette and Interactions
In the final segment, Hanson advises on how to signal to a waiter for the bill without being intrusive, provides a crash course on addressing royalty, and gives tips on how to offer a seat to someone who might need it without causing offense. He also discusses the etiquette of holding doors, strategies for dealing with house guests who overstay their welcome, and ends with a reminder of the importance of etiquette in social interactions.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Etiquette
💡Table Manners
💡Medieval Times
💡Charcuterie
💡Formal Dining
💡Cheesing
💡Etiquette Expert
💡Spaghetti
💡Aerobic Exercise
💡Horoscopes
💡Royals
Highlights
The no elbows on the table rule originates from medieval Europe to prevent trestle tables from tipping.
Stirring tea should be done in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion, not clockwise or anticlockwise.
When cutting cheese, avoid taking the creamiest part for yourself; cut down while maintaining the original shape.
In formal dining, use both the fork and the knife to eat peas, spearing them onto the fork tines.
Clinking glasses on the table is not proper etiquette as it can damage fine glassware.
Etiquette is important for everyone, especially in Western, British, and American cultures.
Table etiquette does not involve signaling satisfaction with food through cutlery placement.
Interrupting someone in a conversation is generally not acceptable unless it's an emergency.
You can send back a bottle of wine at a restaurant only if it's corked, not based on personal preference.
To eat a large burger elegantly, deconstruct it with a knife and fork before eating.
In Britain, the knife is held low while eating, and the food is conveyed via the fork.
Eating spaghetti should be done without cutting it, using the fork to twist and create a neat parcel.
Not saying 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'sorry' is considered the worst etiquette sin.
In France, it was once etiquette to arrive 15 minutes late to a host's house, but this is changing.
You can recline your airplane seat, but not during meal service and do it slowly to signal others.
To get out of an uninteresting conversation, try to pair the speaker off with someone else.
To get a waiter's attention, use body language and eye contact, not clicking or clapping.
When addressing the British royal family, use 'Your Majesty' initially, then 'sir' or 'ma'am'.
If you're unsure if someone needs your seat, it's okay to offer it to them without fear of offense.
There's no specific distance to hold a door open; it's about what feels right and checking behind you.
To get rid of house guests that overstay their welcome, use subtle hints or direct approaches like flicking the lights.
Transcripts
- I'm William Hanson, an etiquette coach,
and I'm here to answer
the internet's burning etiquette questions.
This is Etiquette Support.
[upbeat music]
@dollymoroll asks, "I always do my best
to have good table etiquette,
but I still genuinely do not understand
the no elbows on the table rule.
Why is that important!!!"
The no elbows on the table rule
goes back to the medieval times in Europe,
where they were eating from trestle tables.
They would put these benches out with sheets of wood on top.
If you put your elbows on the table,
the table would tip and the food would go everywhere,
and obviously, that's not a very good etiquette,
and so it became the etiquette to not to put your elbows
on the table.
We do really still abide by the no elbows on the table rule
because I think it looks really ugly.
@Qualinx is saying, "What's the proper way
to stir the tea: clockwise or anticlockwise?"
Great question. And the answer is neither.
Instead, we stir in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion,
gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the cup,
not [spoon clangs] hanging around like that.
Thank you very much.
Set it back in line with the handle and enjoy.
RgMystur is asking, "Actually [beep] this site,
I'm learning how to cut cheese for charcuterie."
Well, you live life on the edge.
Here comes our cheese selection. Thank you.
You don't want to take the best bit of the cheese
for yourself.
And the best bit of the cheeses that are made in the round
is the nose of the cheese.
And on this blue cheese here, that would be this bit.
So we wouldn't cut like soap
because you'd be taking the creamiest bit for yourself
and that's not good manners.
Instead, we are going to cut down
keeping the original shape.
And then we would place that cheese on our individual plate.
We have a question now from jopehaley.
"How do you eat your peas?"
Excellent question. Cue the peas.
Thank you so much.
Just ordered this plate of peas
from the nearest available tin.
What we don't do is scoop like this.
In really casual dining, that might be permissible,
but in more formal dining we're going to use
both the fork and the knife.
Some people do this.
I think this is more difficult to keep those peas balanced.
You see, there we go. One's gone.
It's much better
to just spear them onto the tines of your fork
and eat like so.
@TheEtiquetteMan is asking,
"Is cheersing or clinking your glass on the table
proper etiquette?"
[groans] So many people do it.
[glass clinks]
But it's not actually correct.
In formal dining, you're drinking from fine glassware
that's expensively made,
and if you do start smashing your glasses together,
you're going to hear the clink of glass all over the floor,
and that'll somewhat ruin the meal.
We have a tweet from @ShellyLahey.
"No, but why should we care about etiquette?
Like who the [beep] cares about which fork goes where?
Why does it MATTER?"
They've put in block capitals.
Clearly have strong opinions on this.
Etiquette important to everybody.
If you are a user of Earth,
then you need etiquette and manners.
No one is exempt from that.
Predominantly what I'm focusing on today
is Western, British, American etiquette.
@dhruvimodi10 is saying,
"Who even decides table etiquette
like I'll keep the fork however I want
without giving some secret message
on whether I like the food or not."
Okay, so there is some etiquette fake news
that does the rounds on social media.
There is a graphic showing the different positions
to put your cutlery in
based on whether you liked the food or not,
whether you are ready for a second plate.
It's a load of rubbish.
The only positions you put your cutlery in
when they're not being held in your hand
is to indicate that you are resting or if you are finished.
When we're resting,
the cutlery goes like so.
When we're finished,
in Britain, we would put the cutlery together.
But in other parts of the world
that might be at a slight angle,
and in France, the fork might be turned over.
That is what the waiting staff are looking for.
@waseemhnyc is asking,
"Is it ever okay to interrupt someone in a conversation?"
Short answer, no.
"And if it is okay," which it isn't,
"when is it an appropriate time?"
I mean, look, if they're on fire,
then you might perhaps need to say,
"I'll just stop you there. Your trousers are alight."
But other than that, let them finish.
But note to everyone else,
a conversation is meant to be like a game of tennis.
You are not meant to hold the ball and not let it go.
@VirginRadioToronto are asking,
"Is it wrong to taste a bottle of wine at a restaurant
and then send it back because you don't like it?"
Well, the restaurant are going to love you
because you're going to be paying for the first bottle
and the second bottle.
The only reason, thank you,
that you can send something back
is because there is a problem with the wine
because it is corked
and that's where there's been a problem
in the storage process.
And by the time you get the wine about here,
you will know that it is corked,
it will stink.
This is from b1ackker, "How tf do you eat a big ass burger
in a non grotesque way?"
Well, that's an excellent question. Thank you.
Now this burger, this is huge.
Nobody's got a mouth that big.
So instead you are going to deconstruct it first
with your knife and fork.
Take the top of the bun off and then cut a little bit,
and then eat like so.
@RichardBicknase is asking,
"What fork etiquette do you use?
I'm sure I'd get roasted in Europe
for my very American knife and fork etiquette."
Well, yes, there are some differences.
In Britain, when we're using a knife and fork together,
they are both held at the same time.
The knife stays low.
We obviously don't put the knife anywhere near our mouth,
and the food is conveyed via the fork.
And in Britain, the tines of the fork, the prongs,
always face downwards.
Now in America, they will start like this,
cut a little bit of food,
place the knife down on the edge of the plate,
turn the fork over,
stab and eat,
pick up the knife,
cut another little bit of food.
This is an aerobic exercise.
This is not relaxing in any way.
So we don't suggest eating like that in Britain.
But of course, in America, it's perfectly correct
if that's how they wish to eat.
Mistererickson is saying that "According to etiquette expert
Emily Post,
there are three proper ways to eat spaghetti.
How do you do it?"
Thank you. Looks so appetizing.
Well, Emily Post wrote her book in America
at the turn of the 20th century.
Now, I don't know about the etiquette back then,
but I don't think there were three ways to eat spaghetti.
But today, there is only one way.
You are not going to cut your pasta. It's very bad form.
It is just eaten with the fork upturned
in the dominant hand.
And you go in from the edge of your spaghetti,
twist and make a neat little parcel,
and then eat like so.
@lolitslaurence says,
"What is the worst etiquette sin ever?"
If you do not say, "Please, thank you and sorry,"
as a human being walking on this Earth,
then you should be put into etiquette room 101
and the key should be thrown away.
Those are the absolute basic fundamental things
of being a human being.
This one is from @Sassy_Frenchie,
"Do they know the etiquette in France
is to arrive 15 minutes late at the host's house
so they can prepare on time?"
This is a really interesting one,
and I think one that is changing with different generations.
So in Britain and in France and several of the countries,
it did use to be the etiquette
that you never arrived on time to someone's house
for a dinner.
So if I said to you, "Come for 7:30."
You would turn up at 7:40 maybe 7:45.
However, I think millennials and Gen Z now
are slightly panicked if their guests are not there
at the time they have said.
So I would say really, if someone now says to you 7:30
probably go for 7:35.
As a host, it's really nice to have those 10, 15 minutes
just to have a breather,
do those final preparations,
have a gin and tonic,
and generally, the friends that don't get the 15 minutes,
10 to 15 minute late rule,
generally the ones that don't host.
@kayhaby is asking,
"I'm absolutely shocked that so many people think
it's shitty to recline your airplane seat.
That's why it's there so you can recline.
I've never not reclined my seat.
My seat stays reclined always."
Well, I think the cabin crew have got something to say
at takeoff and landing about that
because you're not meant to have it reclined then.
Oh yes, they're from Austin, Texas, which explains so much.
I would suggest that if you are going to recline your seat,
and you are right @kayhaby,
if you want to recline your seat, you can,
but don't do it during the meal service.
Do make sure you just sort of slightly check behind you.
It's a signal that you are going to do it,
and you do it slowly.
Don't do it violently.
@msrobotbutler says,
"Help, this girl is telling me about horoscopes
and I've literally no interest in it.
I don't know how to get out of this conversation."
Try and pair them off with someone else.
Say to them, "Oh, I've just seen someone over there.
I must go and chat to before they go, but have you met Anna?
No?"
I'm going to introduce this person with Anna.
And off you go.
It's much nicer than just going, "I've got to go, bye."
And then walking off.
@BraveArcanine is asking,
"It feels like unless I hunt down the waiter
that we want the check or bill,
we could be there for hours,
is this a thing?"
The way to get a waiter's attention is purely body language.
We don't want any clicking, any clapping,
or any flapping about.
Instead sort of sit back from the table,
make yourself a little bit taller
and try and catch their eye as they go past.
Keep the hand at the level of the eye,
and then when they come over,
please may I have the bill?
That's all you need to say.
@eduzmi is asking,
"I need a crash course on how to properly address royals."
Well, I'm gonna take the British royal family.
The king and queen are referred to as their majesty,
but direct conversation you would say your majesty,
and then you would call the king sir thereafter,
and Queen Camilla would be ma'am,
and that's ma'am as in ham, not ma'am as in farm.
And every other member of the royal family,
if they have an HRH title would be Your Royal Highness,
followed by sir or ma'am,
according to their gender.
@SALTCHEECK is asking,
"I'm having an internal debacle right now.
A lady is standing in front of me in the train.
She looks pregnant, but not really.
Do I ask? Do I offer my seat?"
There is always that slight jeopardy
that, of course, you might offend somebody,
but the good news is you're probably never seeing them
ever again.
If you wish to offer your seat to anybody
who looks like they need that seat more than you,
then yes, you can do that.
@shornKOOMINS is saying,
"I hold the door open for anyone, always,
but I would like some clarification on the optimum distance
at which it is acceptable to let the door close
instead of enduring that awkward long-ish wait
and forcing them to break
into that slightly embarrassed half jog."
At 2.4 meters.
No, that's a joke.
There's no correct distance for me to give you.
It's just what feels right.
But at least glance behind and check.
@bday1961 is asking,
"How do you get rid of house guests
that overstay their welcome?"
I have various different tactics.
First of all, I might say to them,
"Have you got a very busy day tomorrow?"
Or I might say to people, "Can I get anyone anything else?"
Which again is another passive-aggressive piece
of British etiquette to mean "Please leave."
If all of that fails, you can just flick the lights
and hope they get the message like a nightclub.
Well, those are all of the burning etiquette questions
we've got time for today.
Thank you very much indeed for watching Etiquette Support.
[ceremonious music]
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