The Power of Influence | Shawn King | TEDxDalhousieU

Summary

The speaker reflects on the power of influence, starting from childhood memories of parental advice that unexpectedly shaped his life. As an adult, he recognizes the impact of his behavior in both personal and professional settings, sharing anecdotes that highlight how attitudes and actions can significantly affect outcomes. He emphasizes the potential for positive influence, urging the audience to harness this power for good.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker fondly recalls childhood memories of cliché phrases parents used, reflecting on their lasting impact.
• 🕰 The importance of punctuality and following through on commitments were key life lessons the speaker's parents instilled in him.
• 🤝 He emphasizes the power of being easy and pleasant to work with, which contributed to his successful career in an agency.
• 💡 The speaker discovered the significant influence one can have on others, especially in a leadership position.
• 🌧️ A bad mood can negatively affect team morale and work dynamics, as experienced by the speaker during a leadership role.
• 🤔 The concept of considering multiple perspectives in a situation can lead to better outcomes and understanding.
• 🔄 The speaker highlights the need for self-awareness in recognizing one's role in group dynamics and how it can change interactions.
• 👂 Listening and responding empathetically to a client's concerns can transform a negative situation into a positive one.
• 👨‍👦 The speaker's advice to a young man had a profound impact, showing the long-term influence one can have on others.
• 🚶‍♂️ The power of influence can be both positive and negative, as demonstrated by the speaker's personal experiences.
• 🏆 The speaker's participation in 'The Amazing Race' and the subsequent events taught him about the impact of others on his own emotions and outlook on life.

Q & A

What was the speaker's age when he was standing in line at the grocery store with friends?

The speaker was probably about 15 years old at that time.

Why were the speaker and his friends laughing at the grocery store?

They were laughing at the cliché things their parents used to say to them as they were growing up.

What was one of the cliché phrases the speaker's parents used to say?

One of the cliché phrases was 'Do as I say, not as I do.'

What is the speaker's profession now?

The speaker is now the owner of an agency.

What was the speaker's first job at the agency?

The speaker's first job at the agency was as a production artist.

How did the speaker decide to differentiate himself from the other production artists?

The speaker decided to be fast and pleasant to work with, aiming to make people enjoy the process of working with him.

What was the impact of the speaker's approach to work on his career?

His approach led to him becoming the owner of the agency 25 years later.

What was the speaker's realization about his influence on others?

The speaker realized that his mood and behavior could significantly impact others, either positively or negatively.

What is the 'three perspectives' theory mentioned by the speaker?

The 'three perspectives' theory refers to the idea that in any dynamic, there are typically three perspectives involved: your own, the other person's, and the outside perspective.

How did the speaker's interaction with a client's son influence the young man's life?

The speaker's advice during a meeting had a significant impact on the young man, as evidenced by a card and gift he sent the speaker years later.

What was the speaker's experience on 'The Amazing Race'?

The speaker dislocated his shoulder during a challenge, which led to his elimination from the race. However, his participation had a positive impact on some viewers.

What advice does the speaker have for parents regarding the influence they have on their children?

The speaker advises parents to keep expressing their beliefs and values, as something will eventually stick with their children, even if they don't seem to be listening.

Outlines

00:00

😄 Reflecting on Parental Wisdom and Influence

The speaker recalls being around 15 years old, discussing cliché parental phrases with friends in a grocery store line. They laugh about the phrases like 'Do as I say, not as I do,' but also ponder on the serious advice that has stuck with them, such as being on time and following through on commitments. The speaker is now a father of an 18-year-old and contemplates the impact of their words and actions on their son. They share their experience of being a production artist, aiming to be easy to work with, which eventually led to owning an agency. The narrative highlights the power of influence in personal and professional life.

05:03

🤔 The Power of Perspective and Influence in Dynamics

The speaker delves into the concept of perspectives, emphasizing that every interaction has three viewpoints: one's own, the other person's, and the outside perspective. They argue that the outside perspective can offer clarity in situations due to its emotional detachment. The speaker recounts a story from their agency where a disgruntled employee's viewpoint shifted after realizing their role in the team dynamic, leading to improved interactions. They also share an experience with a difficult client, illustrating how changing one's approach can transform a negative situation into a positive one.

10:04

🏆 The Impact of Influence Beyond Personal Control

The speaker discusses the realization that one's influence can extend beyond their awareness. They recount a story of being on 'The Amazing Race' and the subsequent disappointment of dislocating their shoulder early in the competition. Despite their initial concern about the public's reaction, they find solace in a supportive tweet from an old friend and the warm reception they receive at a charity event. These experiences underscore the unpredictable nature of influence and its potential to uplift or disappoint.

15:05

👨‍👩‍👦 The Enduring Influence of Parents and the Choice to Use Influence for Good

In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the enduring impact of parental influence, drawing a parallel to the broader concept of influence in all relationships. They mention a book about raising teenagers, which advises parents to continue expressing their beliefs even if they feel unheard. The speaker extends this advice to all interactions, emphasizing the 'Superhuman power' of shaping lives through words, actions, and choices. They conclude with a hopeful message to use this power for good.

Keywords

💡Influence

Influence refers to the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something. In the video's theme, it is central to understanding how the speaker's parents, colleagues, and clients have shaped his life and career. For example, the speaker reflects on how his parents' words influenced him, and how he, in turn, influences his son and his team at work.

💡Parental Advice

Parental advice encompasses the guidance and life lessons imparted by parents to their children. In the script, the speaker recalls specific phrases like 'do as I say, not as I do' and 'because I said so,' which are clichéd yet impactful pieces of advice that stayed with him into adulthood, illustrating the long-term influence of parental teachings.

💡Punctuality

Punctuality is the quality of arriving at the agreed time for an appointment without being late. The speaker mentions it as an important lesson from his parents, emphasizing the value of respecting one's own and others' time. It's an example of how simple life principles can have a profound impact on a person's professional and personal life.

💡Reliability

Reliability is the ability to be trusted to perform consistently and accurately. The speaker recounts his commitment to do what he says he will do, which is a cornerstone of building trust in relationships. This concept is highlighted when discussing how he became the preferred production artist at his first job due to his pleasant and efficient work manner.

💡Leadership

Leadership involves the action of leading a group of people or an organization. The speaker's experience in a leadership position at an agency taught him about the impact his mood could have on team morale, underscoring the responsibility leaders have in influencing the dynamics within their team.

💡Perspective

Perspective refers to a particular attitude, way of thinking, or point of view. The video discusses the importance of understanding different perspectives in resolving conflicts or improving group dynamics. The speaker introduces the concept of considering the 'outside perspective' to gain clarity on a situation, as it is less emotionally involved.

💡Control

Control in this context is the desire to manage or dictate the actions and thoughts of others. The speaker points out the common tendency to want to control others without recognizing the impact of one's own behavior on the situation. This is evident in the story about the agency employee who struggled with others until realizing their role in the dynamic.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The speaker demonstrates empathy when he asks a complaining client how they are doing, which shifts the conversation from complaints to understanding the client's stress and finding ways to help.

💡Climbing the Corporate Ladder

Climbing the corporate ladder is a metaphor for advancing one's career within a hierarchical organization. The speaker advises against rushing this process, suggesting that it can be dangerous and that one should be more concerned with learning and applying knowledge rather than just seeking higher positions.

💡Curiosity

Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something. The speaker encourages staying curious, implying that continuous learning and the pursuit of knowledge are vital for personal and professional growth. It is suggested as a key trait for students and professionals alike.

💡Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. The speaker's story about his injury on 'The Amazing Race' and the subsequent events shows his ability to bounce back from setbacks and disappointments, highlighting the importance of resilience in overcoming challenges.

Highlights

The speaker recalls childhood memories of cliché phrases parents used, reflecting on their lasting impact.

The importance of being punctual and respecting time as a valuable lesson from the speaker's parents.

The speaker's realization that actions speak louder than words, as seen through his parents' influence.

The speaker's transition from being a production artist to an agency owner, attributing success to being easy to work with.

A leadership experience that taught the speaker about the unintended negative impact of a bad mood on team morale.

The introduction of the 'three perspectives' theory for understanding dynamics within groups or between individuals.

A story about a disgruntled employee whose perspective shifted after realizing their role in team dynamics.

The power of influence in both positive and negative ways, illustrated through client interactions.

A client's complaint of 17 issues with the agency, highlighting the importance of understanding the root cause.

The transformative effect of a simple question on a client's perspective, shifting from problem to solution.

The speaker's experience on 'The Amazing Race' and the influence of external support on personal resilience.

The impact of strangers' positive feedback on the speaker's perception of a disappointing event.

The lasting influence of parents on their children, as the speaker reflects on his own parenting experiences.

A book's insight on the importance of persistence in communication with teens, applicable to all relationships.

The universal 'Superhuman power' of influence that everyone possesses and the responsibility to use it for good.

Transcripts

so if my memory serves me correctly and

I'll be the first to admit that it often

doesn't I was probably about 15 or so

years old and I was standing in line at

a grocery store with some friends and we

were having uh some fun at uh the

expense of my parents and we were

reviewing all of the the cliche things

or at least they were then I don't know

if they are anymore the cliche things

that parents would say to all of us uh

as we were growing up you know um I'm

not worried about everyone else's kids

I'm worried about you um do as I say not

as I do was another one that I really

loved and my favorite was because I said

so so we were all laughing about those

things and and and and then I started

thinking about other things that they

said to me that really weren't funny

they were things that that I I continue

to think about today um and I have no

idea if if they even know that those

things stuck with me and these things

were don't be late you know like respect

your time enough and other people's time

enough to be on

time um oh there's no notes on the

screen that's

awesome what was the other one do what

you said you were going to do if you're

talking to people and you say you're

going to do something for them you do it

so these things stuck with me my whole

life I still I'm standing here now

talking about them but I have no idea

why they stuck I don't remember any real

concerted effort from my mother and my

father to sort of you know pinpoint that

all the time they just stuck and now I'm

the father of an 18-year-old son who's

here you're

welcome for for that

sorry and and I I think about it myself

I think you know what could I be saying

to him that might stick and the problem

is I think I I think I think about it

too much like I I'm trying to be

conscious of it what could I be saying

that he'll talk about maybe someday at a

TED talk or is it better to not know is

it better to just kind of go through it

and and think what you say and believe

what you think and all of that and hope

hope that uh something sticks I don't

know if that's true or not but what I do

know is that when it comes to an adult

life and and being in business I think

it does help to know and be aware of the

influence that you can have and

particularly because that influence and

the way that you choose to control

Dynamics can actually affect the outcome

of any scenario that you might be in so

the first time that I noticed this I was

very young I I I think it was 18 or 19 I

was working my first job at an agency

and I was a production artist so a

production artist is basically the it's

the bottom of the totem pole from a

creative perspective uh in in an agency

job and there were three of us working

there at the time and one of those

production artists was the go-to uh

person the one that everybody wanted to

work with well I wanted that to me to be

me I wanted everybody to want to work

with me the problem was I hadn't had

enough experience or skills to sort of

uh be that person yet so I decided to

try something different and that was I

happen to notice that everybody that was

working with that person seemed to hate

it it was uh filled with um tension and

and people were just angry all the time

and I thought well hey that's not fun

and maybe I could try something

different so I just decided to be fast

and pleasant to work with and and um

make people enjoy the process of working

with me and it worked um without getting

into all the details I mean 21 22 how

many years 25 years later I'm the owner

of an agency and I believe that that

happened because I sort of made a

decision to to be easy to work with but

I wasn't as conscious of the impact I

was having having I didn't know that I

was actually influencing what was

happening I just knew that I wanted to

enjoy the experience more the first time

I realized the impact that you could

have on people I was in a leadership

position at an agency and I was having a

particularly bad day the kind of day

where you get up and you just like want

to fight somebody it's not just me

right bad day got up was driving into

work and uh wasn't feeling it you know

and I had meetings that morning with

people who were presenting work and they

had to show me what they were doing and

I don't remember the first meeting but

apparently it went bad because the team

stood outside my office door probably

closer than they remembered being and I

heard somebody say do not go in there if

you want him to approve your work and I

I swear to you I I never considered

first of all I didn't think anybody

noticed I didn't think anybody knew that

I was in a crap mood that day and I

certainly hadn't considered the impact

it would have on the way they felt about

what to do next I mean to hear something

somebody say don't go in his office he's

pissed

surprising so there's a this is when I

first began to notice it and understand

that you could actually use that impact

either for good or for bad there's a

theory that we use at the agency and

it's this notion of perspectives and

this three sides to every story I guess

is the whole the whole thing around it

and if you think about any Dynamic that

you might be in with a group of people

or another person there's typically

three perspectives there's yours which

I'm sure you feel strongly about there's

somebody else's the other person that

you're um engaged with and then there is

the outside perspective and the funny

thing about the outside perspective is

that often it's the easiest perspective

to know what needs to happen in a

situation because you're not emotionally

attached to any of the other two

perspectives and so what we often will

ask people to do in a situation is to

think about the other perspective it's

pretty simple you know yours try to

imagine what the perspective is on the

other side of that triangle and maybe

you can use that to to help the

outcome quick story I I I um we had a

person at the

agency um a couple years ago who seemed

to have trouble working with just about

everybody else and um I'm sure this

isn't new in in our business but uh it's

the same for every

business that person eventually had to

get engaged to find out what was going

on and and um of course I sat and

listened and and that person said to me

that you know they're not they're not

getting it nobody else is getting it and

the funny thing about that I don't know

if you've ever noticed this but have you

noticed that we we often are sort of

like our first default position is to

try to control what everyone else is

doing we want to control what they think

and what they do without really thinking

about our in our influence on that you

know you have a dynamic and everybody

plays a role in that Dynamic so that was

the conversation we had and this person

was quite surprised to think that they

had never actually considered their role

in that

Dynamic and once they did they started

to to change the way they acted within

that group it worked for a while some

people are just unhappy they have to

go another story um again I you talk

about making a choice you have to you

make a positive influence or you make a

negative influence quick story about a I

had a client who was particularly upset

with the agency was calling me all the

time I was getting one two calls a day

about things that were wrong and I

couldn't I couldn't get my head wrapped

around it because it just seems

so unlikely that this much stuff was

wrong with the thing that we do every

day so I finally got called to a meeting

and I was handed a sheet of paper and

the sheet of paper had

17 not even joking I actually counted

them 17 things that were wrong with what

we were doing now try to imagine you

know this is my agency I've got somebody

telling me that there are 17 things

wrong with the way we work and I know

it's not true so I boiled instantly I'm

not even joking like it was Charlie

Brown's teacher talking to me I I didn't

hear the rest of it CU all I kept

thinking was what do I need to do here

to diffuse the situation I hated it it

was very uncomfortable and I really

didn't know how I was going to address

17 issues even if that weren't actually

the case so I asked a simple

question I just said how are you doing

how are you

doing changed

everything the issue left the issues

that the agency was gone it became about

oh I'm stressed my team is is spread too

thin it's too busy we don't it's too

competitive in the marketplace we don't

know what's happen happening and to

which I said well how can we help and

all of a sudden the issue wasn't about

17 things it was about two or three that

were probably impacting what was going

on I've talked a little bit about those

are sort of negative situations that you

can impact uh uh you can choose your

impact to make him

positive I had a great experience a few

years ago um a client of mine asked if

her son could come in and talked to me

at the office and uh he was between high

school and college and he he came into

the meeting

I said sure I'll sit with him for an

hour we'll have a

chat I don't remember exactly what I

said to him but likely there's a few

things I typically tell students don't

don't be in too much of a rush to climb

the corporate ladder it's very dangerous

and be careful what you wish for uh stay

curious a lot of people nowadays you

know there's a sense of empowerment

don't have that it doesn't help anybody

and it's not what you learn it's what

you do with what you learned that

actually dictates what happens next so I

had this meeting he left I never really

thought much it after and a few years

later I got a card in the mail attached

with the card was attached to a basket

of beer which is

awesome the card is from 2008 and I

still have it in my office and I won't

read the whole thing to you but I will

read the last line of that card that

says more importantly I want you to know

that you influen the life of a wonderful

young man it's pretty heavy like I was

like I don't even remember what I said

to that guy

I I feel like I should have right I

should have remembered but whatever I

said worked that's kind of scary right

if you can be conscious of it if you can

be aware of I'm having I want to have

this impact I want to have that impact

it can be a great thing it works the

other way too when you choose to be

angry it works my son and I uh he's

going to love this one we're driving

downtown the other day and and uh I

guess it was a couple weeks ago I don't

know there was snow CU there's lots of

it and we watched somebody walking down

the street and like a very serious

Walker and uh there was somebody at an

intersection uh waiting to pull out and

of course you can't see anything so they

were kind of out in the road and

blocking the sidewalk and the very

serious walker uh gave the guy the

finger as she was walking he was in the

way and the guy in the car sort of

laughed waved as if to say like you know

what am I supposed to do and we had a

little debate in the

car I'm sorry man he said to me oh man I

would have lost it yeah he probably

would have what would that have done now

there'd be a road rage scene I'd be

getting my phone out we'd be posting it

on YouTube it'd be

awesome but the guy just waved he's like

what am I supposed to do I'm not that

angry I'm going to get on with my day

completely diffused that situation you

can use it for good or you can use it

for bad

my wife and I had the opportunity last

year to go on The Amazing Race it was a

pretty uh intense thing to do as you

might imagine incredible stressful fun

exciting pretty insane um that that

experience was reduced to a couple of

episodes unfortunately because I

dislocated my shoulder on a surfing

challenge in

teino um I carried that injury with me

the bag AG of that injury with me for

quite a while um you know it was

fascinating to be on there and it was

fascinating to have done the challenges

and to even to be kicked off was

fascinating but as the days passed I I I

carried that with me for a while I I

remember I felt really disappointed in

myself to have gotten all the way there

and then to have that happen um I was

disappointed that my wife would be upset

with me in fact I think at one point arm

still dislocated I actually told her to

keep going you can go find a

partner that's what she

did and then I thought you know we were

so excited when we first got announced

as a team on the race because we were

the only team that was from Atlantic

Canada and that was so exciting oh my

God everyone's going to be rooting for

us it's going to be great and then I

dislocated my arm and got out and I

thought oh my God we're the only team in

Atlantic Canada everyone's going to be

so

disappointed well the truth is nobody

cared as much about this as we did they

design it that way I think um but then

two things

happened uh and this isn't about our

influence on these people this is about

their influence on us the first was

every week that the race was somebody

was eliminated they were they were

giving gifts to people who had tweeted

about it and in this case I can't even

see it here but somebody had tweeted

about the

influence uh that we had on them and

referred to us as a bit of a class act

it turns out that this person was

actually a friend of my wives who we

hadn't seen in years who now lived in

Alberta about West which was crazy but

we saw that tweet and the first thing I

thought

was wow here I was worried about people

being upset and thinking what they were

going to think and this tweet actually

started to make me feel better I started

to think less about who to a disappoint

I wish we could have gone further all

that stuff and thought wow like that

actually impacted me it's the first time

I started to feel better then we got

asked to um we got asked to take part in

this Parkinson superwalk just to help

bring some attention to it and to to see

if we could um help them so we went down

to do that walk and I remember feeling

quite awkward when we got there because

again who nobody knows us we're going to

do this thing it's not stuff that we

typically do but we'll go do it and we

went and we we were starting the walk we

were walking around the block and a

pretty neat thing started to happen all

these people all ages uh kept coming up

to us and saying oh it was so great to

see you guys on the race and how's your

shoulder and all of a sudden again it it

was starting to lift and feel much

better and just the seconds you know

that people took to say amazing job and

it was so great you know it was just

seconds we finished that we went we did

a speech at the end and there were a few

people who came up to take pictures with

us and there was a I think a a little

girl um who came up and she just seemed

really really excited to to be taking a

picture with us and again this wasn't

about our impact on her this was about

she she has no idea what that did for me

to know that she was that excited to see

us and here I was sulking about the

whole thing it changed the way I felt

about that

experience I talked earlier about you

know my our parents and the influence

that they have I don't think you can

have a talk about the power of influence

and not talk about your parents that's

where it all

begins again I don't know if they know

what they said to me the impact that

they had but they will

now my wife and I were were were looking

around or talking to someone I can't

remember what it was it might have been

in a book but we were reading about the

frustrations of raising a

teen and uh I remember again one thing

that stuck out in that book and it was

this this thought that no matter what

you think no matter what how much you

think they're not listening no matter

how much you think they don't care keep

saying what you think keep believing in

what you say and and something will

stick something will

stick I actually don't think this

applies just to kids I actually think it

applies to all of

us that's the Superhuman power that we

all have we have the ability to

influence and shape the lives of people

with the things we say how we Act and

the choices we make with it so you have

it I hope you find it most importantly I

hope you use it for good

thank

[Applause]

you