Brene Brown Leaves the Audience SPEECHLESS | One Of the Best Speech EVER
Summary
TLDRIn this inspiring TED Talk, the speaker, a researcher, shares her journey of vulnerability after a viral TED Talk led to harsh online criticism. She found solace and strength in a Theodore Roosevelt quote, realizing that to show up and be seen in life and work means facing challenges bravely. She advocates for embracing vulnerability, not numbing emotions, and raising children to understand their worth despite imperfections. The talk encourages authenticity, courage, and the belief in one's own enoughness to foster kindness and connection.
Takeaways
- 🎤 The speaker, a researcher, unexpectedly became very public after a TED Talk went viral, leading to widespread exposure and personal attacks online.
- 🚫 Following advice from her therapist and husband, she initially avoided reading online comments to prevent negative impacts on her mental health.
- 😔 Despite the advice, she read comments that were devastatingly personal, causing her to question her work and even consider cosmetic procedures like Botox.
- 🛋️ After a particularly distressing morning, she spent the day watching 'Downton Abbey' as an escape from the harsh reality and criticism.
- 🔍 During her escape, she researched the U.S. president during the 'Downton Abbey' era and discovered a Theodore Roosevelt quote that deeply resonated with her.
- 🗣️ The Roosevelt quote emphasized the importance of being in the 'arena', taking action and risks, and not just being a critic or pointing out others' failures.
- 💪 This quote shifted her perspective on vulnerability, inspiring her to embrace showing up and being seen, despite the potential for failure and criticism.
- 🎨 She resolved to create and contribute, accepting that to do so means facing challenges and possibly getting 'kicked' in the process.
- 🚫 She developed a philosophy of disregarding criticism from those not actively participating in their own arenas of life.
- 🌐 The speaker highlights the interconnectedness of emotions, stating that numbing vulnerability also numbs joy, gratitude, and happiness.
- 🧩 She criticizes the societal tendency to numb vulnerability through addiction, certainty in beliefs, and the pursuit of physical perfection.
- 👶 The importance of raising children to embrace their imperfections and struggles while knowing they are worthy of love and belonging is emphasized.
- 💡 The speaker calls for authenticity and accountability from corporations and leaders, rather than pretending their actions don't affect others.
- 🌟 She concludes with the belief that allowing ourselves to be deeply seen, practicing gratitude, and believing in our own worth are essential for a meaningful life.
Q & A
What was the turning point for the speaker after her TED Talk went viral?
-The turning point was when she read devastating personal attacks in the comments online, which led her to a moment of introspection and eventually to a transformative realization after reading a quote by Theodore Roosevelt.
What advice did the speaker's therapist and husband give her regarding online comments?
-They advised her not to read the comments online to avoid the negative impact they could have on her mental well-being.
What TV show did the speaker binge-watch after being affected by the online comments?
-The speaker binge-watched 'Downton Abbey' as a form of escapism from the negativity she encountered online.
Who was the U.S. President during the era of 'Downton Abbey', according to the speaker's research?
-The U.S. President during the 'Downton Abbey' era was Theodore Roosevelt.
What quote from Theodore Roosevelt had a profound impact on the speaker's life?
-The quote that impacted her life was from his 'Man in the Arena' speech, emphasizing that credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, facing challenges and daring greatly.
How does the speaker define vulnerability and its relation to showing up and being seen?
-The speaker defines vulnerability as not about winning or losing, but about showing up and being seen, embracing the reality that it involves facing challenges and potential criticism.
What personal philosophy about criticism did the speaker develop after her experience?
-The speaker developed a philosophy that if someone is not also in the arena, facing their own challenges and criticisms, their feedback is not of interest to her.
How does the speaker view the relationship between vulnerability and emotions such as joy and happiness?
-The speaker believes that you cannot selectively numb emotions like vulnerability, grief, or fear without also numbing positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and happiness.
What is the speaker's perspective on how we numb vulnerability in our society?
-The speaker suggests that we numb vulnerability through addiction, seeking certainty in religion and politics, and by striving for physical perfection, which can lead to a dangerous cycle.
What message does the speaker have for leaders and corporations regarding authenticity and accountability?
-The speaker encourages leaders and corporations to be authentic, real, and accountable, admitting when they are wrong, apologizing, and committing to fix their mistakes.
What values does the speaker believe are essential for individuals to embrace in order to live a fulfilling life?
-The speaker believes that embracing values such as courage, authenticity, gratitude, and the belief that one is enough can lead to a more fulfilling and connected life.
Outlines
🎤 The Impact of Public Scrutiny and Embracing Vulnerability
The speaker, a researcher, shares her unexpected journey to public prominence following a viral TED Talk. Initially unprepared for the intense personal criticism she faced online, she found solace in avoiding the harsh comments. However, after an emotionally devastating encounter with negative feedback, she experienced a transformative moment inspired by a quote from Theodore Roosevelt. The quote, emphasizing the courage of those who dare greatly despite the risk of failure, resonated deeply with her studies on vulnerability. It led her to redefine her approach to life and work, embracing the inevitability of challenges and the importance of showing up authentically. She also developed a philosophy towards criticism, valuing feedback only from those who are actively engaged in their own struggles.
🛡️ Numbing Vulnerability and Its Consequences
The speaker delves into the concept of vulnerability, explaining how attempts to numb negative emotions inadvertently numb positive ones as well, leading to a cycle of misery and a search for meaning. She critiques modern tendencies to seek certainty in religion and politics, which has resulted in a lack of discourse and an increase in blame. The speaker also addresses the issue of numbing emotions through addiction and the impact of societal pressures on children, advocating for a generation raised with the understanding that struggle is inherent and that imperfection does not preclude love and belonging. She concludes with a call for authenticity, gratitude, and the belief in one's own worth, emphasizing the importance of these values in fostering kinder and gentler interactions with oneself and others.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Vulnerability
💡Criticism
💡Arena
💡Authenticity
💡Courage
💡Personal Attacks
💡Numbing
💡Perfection
💡Struggle
💡Values
💡Gratitude
💡Self-worth
Highlights
The speaker, a researcher, unexpectedly became very public after a viral TED Talk, leading to widespread media exposure.
Despite advice to avoid online comments, the speaker was deeply affected by personal attacks that made them question their public presence.
A realization that the fear of criticism had kept the speaker from pursuing their ambitions in life and career.
An encounter with Theodore Roosevelt's 'Man in the Arena' quote that profoundly influenced the speaker's perspective on vulnerability and criticism.
The understanding that vulnerability is not about winning or losing but about showing up and being seen.
The speaker's commitment to creating and showing up in their work and life, acknowledging the inevitability of facing challenges.
A new philosophy on criticism: disregarding feedback from those not also actively participating and facing challenges.
The speaker's exploration of how people numb vulnerability and the negative consequences of this approach.
The impossibility of selectively numbing emotions, leading to a cycle of numbing both negative and positive feelings.
The societal trends of incurring debt, obesity, addiction, and medication use as potential responses to emotional numbing.
The transformation of religion and politics into realms of certainty and blame, rather than faith and discourse.
The importance of raising children with the understanding that struggle is natural and they are worthy of love and belonging.
The speaker's call for authenticity and real accountability from corporations in the face of their actions' impacts.
The idea of practicing gratitude and joy in the face of vulnerability and the fear of loving wholeheartedly.
The belief that embracing vulnerability and believing in one's own worth can lead to kinder and gentler interactions with oneself and others.
The speaker's personal values of faith and courage and their refusal to compromise these values in professional settings.
A closing thought on the importance of being deeply and vulnerably seen, and the necessity of believing in one's own sufficiency.
Transcripts
[Music]
so my story is that I am a researcher
and I never thought I would have a big
public career and so I did a TED Talk
that went very viral
and in the wake of that
I was kind of everywhere for a couple of
months on every CNN.com NPR it was
everywhere and something I wasn't used
to
marching orders from my therapist and my
husband were do not read the comments
online
so I read all the comments online
and so one morning I woke up and there
were two or three new articles out and I
started reading the comments and they
were devastating they weren't about my
work they were about me they were super
personal and they were the things
that created people play in their mind
and then give up doing what they really
want to do like if I asked every single
one of you what would you try if you
knew people would never say this about
you what would that what would this be
it would those were the comments that
morning last research more Botox
just mean personal attacks the things
that really up until that moment had
inspired me to stay very small in my
life and my career just so I could avoid
those things
so that morning Steve and the kids leave
I stay home
I get on the couch and I watch eight
hours of Downton Abbey
and when it's over I don't want to turn
off Downton Abbey because I've been
because the minute you turn off Downton
Abbey then it's like soccer practice and
dinner and back to the mean people and
maybe should I get BOTOX and maybe you
know maybe if I stand still when I talk
so I get my laptop and I do a search for
who was president in the United States
during the Downton Abbey era
so I put it in and Theodore Roosevelt
comes up and a quote comes up
and I read it and this is what it says
it's a quote from a speech that he gave
in the early 1900s that this were born
and a lot of people called and they in
the arena speech
and this is the passage that changes my
life
it's not the critic who counts it's not
the man who points out how the strong
man stumbles or where the doer of Deeds
could have done it better the credit
belongs to the person who's actually in
the arena
whose face is marred with blood and
sweat and dust who at the best in the
end knows the Triumph of high
achievement and who at worst
if he fails he fails daring greatly
so the moment that I read that I closed
my laptop and this is what shifted in me
three huge things first
I spent the last 12 years studying
vulnerability
and that quote with everything I know
about vulnerability it is not about
winning it's not about losing it's about
showing up and being seen the second
thing
this is who I want to be
I want to create I want to make things
that didn't exist before I touch them
I want to show up and be seen in my work
and in my life
and if you're going to show up and be
seen there is only one guarantee and
that is you will get your ass kicked
that's the only certainty you have if
you're going to go in the arena and
spend any time in there whatsoever
especially if you've committed to
creating in your life you will get your
ass kept so you have to decide at that
moment I think for all of us if courage
is a value that we hold this is a
consequence you can't avoid it the third
thing which really Set Me Free and I
think Steve my husband would argue has
made me somewhat dangerous
is kind of a new
philosophy about criticism which is this
if you're not in the arena also getting
your ass kicked I'm not interested in
your feedback
we numb vulnerability when we're waiting
for the call when we're trying to think
about if we're going you know it was
funny I guess Wednesday I sent something
out on Twitter on Twitter and on
Facebook that says what how would you
define vulnerability what makes you feel
vulnerable and within an hour and a half
I had 150 responses because I wanted to
know you know what's out there having to
ask my husband for help because I'm sick
and we're newly married initiating sex
with my husband initiating sex with my
wife being turned down asking someone
out waiting for the doctor to call back
getting laid off laying off people this
is the world we live in we live in a
vulnerable world and one of the ways we
deal with it is we numb vulnerability
and I think there's evidence and it's
not the only reason this evidence exists
but I think that there it's a huge cause
we are the most in debt obese addicted
and medicated adult cohort in U.S
history the problem is and I learned
this from the research that you cannot
selectively numb emotion you can't say
here's the bad stuff
here's vulnerability here's grief here's
shame here's fear here's disappointment
I don't want to feel these I'm going to
have a couple of beers and a banana nut
muffin I don't want to feel these
you can't numb those hard feelings
without numbing the other affects or
emotions you cannot selectively numb so
when we numb those we numb Joy we numb
gratitude we numb happiness and then we
are miserable and we are looking for
purpose and meaning and then we feel
vulnerable so then we have a couple of
beers and a banana nut muffin and it
becomes this dangerous cycle one of the
things that I think that we need to
think about is why and how we numb and
it doesn't just have to be addiction
the other thing we do is we make
everything that's uncertain religion has
gone from a belief in faith and mystery
to certainty I'm right you're wrong shut
up that's it just certain the more
afraid we are the more vulnerable we are
the more afraid we are this is what
politics looks like today there's no
discourse anymore there's no
conversation there's just blame you know
how blame is described in the research a
way to discharge pain and discomfort we
perfect now let me tell if there's
anyone who wants their life to look like
this it would be me but it doesn't work
because what we do is we take fat from
our butts and put it in our cheeks which
Jess I hope in 100 years people will
look back and go wow and we perfect most
dangerously our children let me tell you
what we think about let me think very
quickly about children they're hardwired
for struggle when they get here when you
hold those perfect little babies in your
hand our job is not to say look at them
look at her she's perfect my job is just
to keep her perfect make sure she makes
the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale
by seventh grade our job that's not our
job our job is to look and say you know
what you're imperfect and you're wired
for struggle but you are worthy of love
and belonging that's our job show me a
generation of kids raised like that and
we'll end the problems I think that we
see today we pretend that what we do
doesn't have an effect on people we do
that in our personal lives we do that
corporate whether it's a bailout an oil
spill
a recall we pretend like what we're
doing doesn't have a huge impact on
other people I would say to companies
this is not our first rodeo people we
just need you to be authentic and real
and say we're sorry we'll fix it but
there's another way and I'll leave you
with this this is what I have found to
let ourselves be seen deeply seen
vulnerably seen to love with our whole
hearts even though there's no guarantee
and that's really hard and I can tell
you as a parent that's excruciatingly
difficult
to practice gratitude and joy and those
moments of kind of Terror when we're
wondering can I love you this much can I
believe in this as passionately can I be
this Fierce about this just to be able
to stop and instead of catastrophizing
what might happen to say I'm just so
grateful because to feel this vulnerable
means I'm alive and the last which I
think is probably the most important
is to believe that we're enough because
when we work from a place I believe that
says I'm enough then we stop screaming
and start listening we're Kinder and
gentler to the people around us and
we're Kinder and gentler to ourselves
that's all I have talk when I do a lot
of leadership work I talk about
understanding your personal values and
my two personal values or faith and
courage and so they say don't talk about
faith it's inappropriate it's this is a
you know an organ Corporation and then a
lot I do a lot of work in churches and
they'll say don't cuss and so I just got
to the point where I'm like I've set
across from thousands and thousands of
people over the last two decades of my
life listening to the hardest things you
could imagine and the two things that
everyone has in common when they're
talking about those things are cussing
and praying if you don't want me to cuss
and you don't want me to pray
awesome ask somebody else because what
I'm not going to do is get up and
you and there are a million
people in this space who are better than
I am who know different things than I do
invite them if you need me to wear a
suit I totally get it I'm not gonna do
that I'm gonna wear jeans and boots and
probably I'll wear a nice shirt but I'm
not going to do that because I don't get
up there when I speak in public I don't
get up there you know to talk from my
Brooks Brothers self to your Brooks
brother self I get up there and when I
walk on the stage I'm going to talk
about things that 90 of the people in
the audience have never thought about
talked about and are scared to listen to
and they need to see me as a person and
I'm just that person I think the clear I
want if you invite me I want your event
or your leadership team I want it to be
successful
foreign
[Music]
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