I Am Not A Layer | Paula Salvosa | TEDxYouth@SJCS

Summary

In this TED Talk, Paula Salvosa reflects on her experience of being labeled 'I'm a liar girl' after a viral incident where she was publicly shamed. She shares her personal journey of overcoming online bullying, battling self-doubt, and the toll it took on her identity. Paula speaks about healing, self-acceptance, and reclaiming her life, emphasizing the importance of not letting a single mistake define one's future. She encourages others to show compassion and reminds us that everyone's bad moments don’t determine who they truly are.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker, Paula Salvosa, became infamously known as 'I'm a liar girl' after a video of her went viral.
• 😔 The label 'I'm a liar' haunted her, causing her to feel ostracized and leading to a loss of her own identity.
• 😥 She considered changing her name and moving away to escape the negative label associated with her.
• 😣 The constant judgment and criticism led to Paula feeling hostile, aggressive, impatient, and selfish.
• 🙏 She initially sought solace in her work and faith, becoming a youth pastor, hoping it would heal her from the trauma.
• 📉 Despite her efforts, Paula's mental health and academic performance declined, indicating that she was not truly healed.
• 👩‍⚕️ Seeking professional help was a turning point, where she learned that healing is a process, not an instant fix.
• 🔄 Healing involves accepting the dark days, highs, and lows, and understanding that it's not linear.
• 💪 Paula learned the importance of self-regulation, self-talk, self-confidence, and self-appreciation in her healing journey.
• 🤝 She reconciled with her past by accepting that the 'I'm a liar girl' phase was part of her, but not all of her.
• 🌱 Paula emphasizes that one's past does not define their future and that everyone deserves compassion and understanding.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Paula Salvosa's TED Talk?

The main theme of Paula Salvosa's TED Talk is overcoming the negative impacts of being labeled and ostracized due to a viral video, and her journey towards self-healing and acceptance.

What incident led to Paula Salvosa being labeled as 'I'm a liar girl'?

Paula Salvosa was labeled as 'I'm a liar girl' after a video of her shouting or berating a lady guard at the LRT station went viral on the internet.

How did the label 'I'm a liar girl' affect Paula Salvosa's life?

The label 'I'm a liar girl' led to Paula experiencing ostracization, confusion about her identity, and a significant decline in her mental health, to the point where she considered changing her name and moving away.

What was Paula Salvosa's initial reaction to the viral video and the public's response?

Initially, Paula Salvosa felt scared for her own life, lost her sense of identity, and was deeply affected by the constant bashing and negative attention.

How did Paula Salvosa attempt to cope with the aftermath of the viral video?

Paula Salvosa initially tried to cope by burying herself in work, becoming a youth pastor, and seeking guidance from God, but she later realized that she needed professional help to heal properly.

What steps did Paula Salvosa take towards healing herself?

Paula Salvosa took steps towards healing by practicing self-regulation, self-talk, building self-confidence, and self-appreciation. She learned to accept her flaws and failures as part of her whole self.

What role did faith play in Paula Salvosa's healing process?

Faith played a significant role initially as Paula turned to God for guidance and became devoted to the church, but she later understood that healing required a more intentional and personal process.

How did Paula Salvosa redefine her identity beyond the 'I'm a liar girl' label?

Paula Salvosa redefined her identity by accepting her past, forgiving herself, and understanding that one bad moment does not define her entire personhood. She learned to appreciate herself and her journey.

What message does Paula Salvosa have for those who are going through similar experiences?

Paula Salvosa encourages others to understand that their past does not define their future, to have compassion for themselves and others, and to not judge someone based on one bad moment.

How does Paula Salvosa view her past now, after going through the healing process?

Now, Paula Salvosa views her past, including being labeled as 'I'm a liar girl', as a part of her journey that has made her stronger and happier. She has reconciled with her past and accepts it as a part of who she is.

What advice does Paula Salvosa give for dealing with cancel culture and public shaming?

Paula Salvosa advises that healing is a journey and not instantaneous. She encourages intentional steps towards self-improvement, self-awareness, and self-acceptance, and to not let others' opinions define one's reality.

Outlines

00:00

🌎 Public Shaming and Identity Crisis

The speaker, Paula Salvosa, humorously introduces her age and playfully engages the audience before diving into the serious topic of her public shaming. After a video of her berating a lady guard went viral, she was labeled 'I'm a liar girl' worldwide. This label became her identifier, leading to a loss of identity and fear for her life. Paula discusses the intense emotional toll, including her desire to change her name and escape to a place where no one knew her. She highlights the long-lasting effects of this public shaming, which persisted for months, and how it led to her feeling 'canceled' long before cancel culture was a mainstream concept.

05:00

🔍 The Struggle with Self-Identity

Paula Salvosa describes the internal conflict she faced, where she began to doubt her own identity and whether she was indeed 'a liar girl'. The constant negative labeling and public scrutiny led her to become more hostile and aggressive. Despite trying to find solace in her work as a youth pastor and seeking guidance from God, she realized that she was not truly healed. Her mental health and academic performance suffered, leading a professor to suggest professional help. It was through therapy that she understood healing is not instant but a gradual and intentional process.

10:00

🌱 The Journey of Healing and Self-Acceptance

Paula shares the four steps she took towards healing: self-regulation, self-talk, self-confidence, and self-appreciation. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and celebrating small victories. Paula admits the challenge of accepting her flaws and the 'I'm a liar girl' part of her past but concludes that it doesn't define her. She learned to appreciate herself despite the negativity from cyberbullies, realizing their opinions do not define her reality. Paula's story is one of resilience, where she acknowledges her past but does not let it dictate her future.

15:02

🤝 Conclusion: The Power of Compassion and Self-Forgiveness

In her conclusion, Paula Salvosa shares her transformation from the 'I'm a liar girl' to Paula Salvosa, highlighting the importance of self-compassion and understanding. She encourages the audience to not judge others based on a single moment and to practice empathy. Paula reflects on her journey, stating that her past does not define her future and that everyone makes mistakes. She leaves the audience with a message of hope, urging them to accept their highs and lows as part of their identity and to view healing as a lifelong journey.

Keywords

💡Cancel culture

Cancel culture refers to the phenomenon of ostracizing individuals or organizations after they have been deemed to have committed socially or morally unacceptable acts. In the video, Paula describes how she was a victim of cancel culture before it was a recognized term, with people calling her names and reducing her to the 'I'm a liar' girl, thereby affecting her identity and life.

💡Identity

Identity refers to the qualities, beliefs, and characteristics that make a person unique. In the video, Paula struggles with her sense of identity after being labeled as 'I'm a liar' by the public. The video revolves around her journey to reclaim her true self, Paula Salvosa, and separate her identity from the infamous viral moment.

💡Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is the act of recognizing and embracing all aspects of oneself, including flaws and past mistakes. Paula emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance as part of her healing journey, acknowledging that while 'I'm a liar' was a part of her past, it does not define her entire self. This concept plays a key role in her reconciliation with her identity.

💡Healing

Healing is the process of recovering from emotional or psychological wounds. In the video, Paula speaks about her long and deliberate journey of healing from the trauma caused by her viral shaming incident. She realizes that healing is not instantaneous but requires ongoing self-awareness and compassion.

💡Labels

Labels are words or phrases used to define or categorize people. Paula explains how the label 'I'm a liar' became attached to her, not just online but in real life, overshadowing her true self. The video illustrates the damaging effects that societal labels can have on a person’s sense of identity and self-worth.

💡Resilience

Resilience refers to the ability to recover from adversity and bounce back stronger. Paula reflects on her resilience as she faced public scrutiny and ridicule but eventually found strength in accepting her flaws and the experience that shaped her. She views herself as someone who grew tougher through the difficulties she faced.

💡Social media

Social media is a key platform where Paula's viral video spread and where much of the public shaming occurred. It played a significant role in amplifying the ridicule she faced. In the video, Paula discusses how being targeted online made it hard for her to escape her 'I'm a liar' label, highlighting the power of social media in shaping public perceptions.

💡Mental health

Mental health refers to a person's psychological and emotional well-being. Paula discusses the negative impact that the public humiliation and loss of identity had on her mental health, leading her to seek professional help. Her story reflects the importance of mental health care when dealing with trauma.

💡Self-compassion

Self-compassion involves being kind to oneself in moments of failure or pain. Paula talks about learning self-compassion as part of her healing process, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that those errors should not define one’s entire being. It became a key element in her journey of personal growth.

💡Reconciliation

Reconciliation in this context refers to Paula's process of making peace with her past, particularly the 'I'm a liar' incident. By forgiving herself and accepting that the viral moment is part of her history, Paula finds inner peace. This concept underscores the theme of self-acceptance and healing from past trauma.

Highlights

Paula Salvosa introduces herself as 'I'm a liar girl', a label given to her by the media after a video of her went viral.

The video showed her shouting at a lady guard at an LRT station, leading to widespread online shaming.

Paula discusses the profound impact of being labeled and how it affected her mental health.

She reveals her initial reaction was to escape the label by changing her name or moving away.

Paula shares her struggle with identity, feeling lost between being Paula or 'I'm a liar girl'.

She describes the process of being 'canceled' and the confusion it caused between her real self and the public's perception.

Paula talks about her journey towards healing, which included burying herself in work and becoming a youth pastor.

Despite her efforts, Paula admits that she was not truly healed and her mental health declined.

A professor advised her to seek professional help, which led to the realization that healing is a process, not an event.

Paula outlines four steps to healing: self-regulation, self-talk, self-confidence, and self-appreciation.

She emphasizes the importance of accepting one's flaws and failures as part of the healing process.

Paula reconciles with her past by accepting that 'I'm a liar girl' is a part of her, but not all of her.

She shares a powerful message about not letting others' opinions define you.

Paula reflects on how her experience made her stronger and happier, embracing both her strengths and weaknesses.

She concludes with a call for compassion, urging people not to judge others based on a single moment.

Paula's story serves as a reminder that one's past does not define their future and that everyone deserves a chance at healing.

Transcripts

foreign

would you believe me if I told you that

I was 34.

anybody

yeah no so you're telling me I'm a liar

yes

answer me you're telling me I'm a liar

I'm just kidding Let's watch this video

[Music]

liar

s

that's how you say sorry if I say sorry

[Music]

Ash returning a favor

[Music]

she's a liar oh my God you're a freaking

liar man

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

I don't know if you know the girl in

this video but from what I can tell I

assume that you are you're all thinking

she's a pretty bad person and who does

she think she is right well if you don't

know already if that girl was me

hi I am Paula salvosa a doting dog mom a

coffee person a K-pop fan an army to be

specific Army right then Korean food

lover but most people know me as the I'm

a liar girl does it ring a bell yet

okay let me introduce you to Amelia a

girl created by the media after a video

of her shouting or berating a lady guard

at the LRT station went viral on the

internet not just in the Philippines but

apparently worldwide I'm a liar this I'm

a liar me whichever direction I turn do

or I turned I could never really Escape

That Hideous word my identifier I was a

meme basically people again reduced me

to nothing but that name that horrible

name that made me scared for my own life

so you know imagine imagine

experiencing this every day and having

the world single you out for a single

mistake that you have done but choose to

be told I lost myself at that time it

felt as though that the world won

against me and I forgot my own identity

and in fact I hated it at that time I

remember telling my father that I wanted

to change my name and go to a Far Far

Away place where nobody knew me and I

felt nice favorite Paula or I'm a liar I

lost or I was lost somewhere in between

those two personas and the grief that I

experienced that time was never really a

sole response to the bashing that I

experienced not just for weeks or days

but for months yes the ostracizing or

the world ostracized me but what I truly

lost during that time was not my

reputation what I lost that time was the

fact that I could never be Paula

silvassa again I'm a liar became me

and for a long time it was me

again I was canceled I was canceled long

before even cancel culture was a thing

now cancel culture in our time is

described as ostracizing a person

through various platforms whether it be

social media or in person but I was a

victim of both I was constantly confused

between the line

where Paula and Amelia ended was I

really am a liar girl

am I a liar maybe at one point I did

become I'm a liar and everyone was

calling me that at all the time to a

point where I started to wonder whether

or if Paula ever even existed I started

also to doubt myself you know slaving

away and giving into thoughts and it

made me doubt myself maybe I was really

a liar or maybe I really am I'm a liar

so as a result I became more hostile

more aggressive

impatient and selfish to my own selfish

desires or

labels you know they have

the power

to do that

compelling you compelling someone to

doubt themselves to doubt their own

identities and at that point the

infamous label Amelia girl became mine

and mine alone everyone knew who I was

the I'm a liar girl who am a liar was

in that moment we were one and the same

and I remember thinking

I'm I'm a liar girl and I'm a liar girl

is me and it was so hard to accept that

identity and to this day I'm still

critiqued

I'm still judged

and I'm still talked about

because once many people have their eyes

on you

you have haters

you have critiques and people have all

these preconceived notions about you

we have expectations and they have

Brands and labels

who they expected and the liar to be

you know it's one thing to dislike the

person beside you

whether it be your family or friend

but it's another thing entirely to this

like yourself so much more to the point

that you'd like to leave yourself behind

and that's exactly how I felt

I remember desperately that I wanted to

go to a Farber place to a Faraway place

where no one knows my name and never

come back

because at least

at least no one knew me

and they wouldn't have any expectations

or preconceived notions about me and

for a long time I felt robbed of that

a life of normalcy a life of Peace where

people just like me or dislike me for me

a life of Brothers blending into the

crowd without Amelia smeared all over

it's so idealistic to say the least

and so I knew it would be impossible

to erase people's memories of of that

incident so I made an active decision to

heal myself

at first I buried myself in work and so

I became a youth pastor

treating to God for guidance in my

hardships

and my struggles and I preached became

devoted to the church and believed

myself to be healed from the trauma

because all of because of all of that

I thought the Ministries and the

preachers meant I was healed and that I

was

compete again or hold again I thought

the void at Malaya left could be could

be filled by God's grace by all this

work

for moments time I thought I was okay

soon after I spiraled down again

and I realized I wasn't healed as I

thought I was

I thought I could just

I could just pray this trauma away or

scripture memorize this trauma away and

I'm just bury it under me but that

wasn't the case

my grades and my mental health

drastically but they both declined and

my professor at that time advised me to

seek professional help

and so I did

and you know that's when they realized

that

healing is not instantaneous

it does not happen overnight just

because you bury it deep inside you

rather healing is unintentional and

deliberate process that you have to take

it one step at a time and you have to

mean it

you have to take every step of this way

waking up every day and deciding for

yourself that you want to heal

it was a discovery for me learning that

healing is actually a journey learning

that the process of healings means going

through the dark days

highs and the lows and it doesn't make

you less of a good person

realizing that healing isn't linear

and sometimes the only one that can help

you

is yourself

so gradually I became more and more

intentional about healing

I learned how to be kinder

not just to myself but to other people

as well I learned the importance of

self-awareness and celebrating my small

victories and breakthroughs and the four

big steps that I took were these

self-regulation self-talk

self-confidence and finally

self-appreciation

I learned to accept my flaws and my

failures along with my whole self with

the way I am because of course all of us

have parts of ourselves

that are ugly

that aren't exactly perfect and I think

one of the most important parts of

healing is being able to accept this or

these

ugly parts

I will admit it was a challenge

being able to accept

I'm a liar girl but at the same time how

can I deny that she's a part of me

a bad moment is

only a moment it doesn't Define who you

are and it certainly doesn't dictate the

rest of your life

you know my psychiatrist once told me

that

in this difficult world you need to Pat

yourself on the back and appreciate

yourself because you don't need all this

negativity

I was able to finally reconcile

reconcile with Myself by accepting that

those people who Cyber Bullied me you

know whatever they said doesn't really

matter

they don't know me what really matters

is what my loved ones think about me

what those in my inner circle think

about me those people who Cyber Bullied

me if they don't even have weight on my

life their hate definitely doesn't

Define me

and that their opinion of me that's

their opinion of me

but it's not my reality

I'm a liar girl yes it was a phase it

was a part of me

but she is not me

I apologize

not a liar but I am

is resilient I see purpose in all my

pain and like the common saying mentions

toughest diamonds are formed under

pressure

no one wants to be I'm a liar I bet you

won't you don't want that right but

after everything that I face I have

found that even if I Could Turn Back

Time

I wouldn't change the thing because I'm

a liar girl along with all my traits and

flaws made me the person that I am today

these all make me stand before you

proudly as Paula silvassa

Cheryl I don't know if any of you guys

know

but that girl in the picture

is me

that's also me

I know that I've come a long way

from the one so-called Amalia girl to

the current Paula salvasa learning to

overcome your fear giving yourself some

compassion isn't a one time task

but a practice

just as healing is

it's actually a lifelong journey full of

bumpy roads and ups and downs but a path

that you have to take to fully accept

your highs and your lows

who you are as a person and during this

journey I was able to reconnect with

Paula salvosa and reconcile with the

fact that I'm a liar girl will always be

a part of me not entirely though

and that's through forgiving

and accepting Amelia girl I was able to

disconnect

from hate

from the pressure

from the anger

from all the regrets that I had before

my relationship with myself has improved

and now I believe I'm stronger and

happier than ever

so to all of you out there please

remember this your past does not define

your future

we all make mistakes

and we all have our bad days

and just because you had one bad day it

doesn't make you a bad person

the way people Define you doesn't

actually matter unless that is how you

see yourself so will your bad day may

not be caught on camera the way mine was

or like mine was I hope that you can

have a little bit more of compassion

with others with yourself of course

don't judge someone based on one bad

moment and be more understanding

because one bad moment doesn't Define

Who You Are and neither should it Define

anyone else

and that concludes my TED Talk

[Applause]