The Road To Healing: My Journey Through Divorce

Summary

Kim shares her 'divorce journey' in her first video, discussing the end of her 32-year marriage marked by her husband's alcoholism and subsequent behavioral changes after quitting. She recounts the pivotal moment when her husband's unfounded conspiracy theories led to family strife, his alarming threats, and her eventual decision to leave for safety. Kim's story aims to support others facing similar challenges, offering insights on navigating life changes, maintaining personal integrity, and finding strength in adversity.

Takeaways

• 👋 Introduction to Kim's divorce journey, starting with gratitude to followers.
• 🏡 Background: Married for 32 years, had two boys, lived on 5 acres, and had many good years.
• 🍷 Major challenge: Husband was an alcoholic, quit drinking after retirement but possibly replaced it with another issue.
• 👨‍👩‍👦 Family dynamics: Lack of counseling post-alcoholism, led to misunderstandings and changed behaviors.
• 💔 Conflict trigger: Dispute over son renting in-laws' house, causing a major rift in the family.
• 📜 Husband's reaction: Extreme measures like writing a letter to son, severing communication, and escalating conflicts.
• ⚖️ Turning point: Husband's verbal threat, leading Kim to leave home and seek safety.
• 😢 Emotional turmoil: Kim's struggle with the decision to leave and the fear of starting over.
• 🙌 Support system: Confiding in her sons and colleagues for emotional support.
• 🌟 Purpose: Kim's videos aim to share her story, provide support to others in similar situations, and offer practical advice for those facing divorce or major life changes.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Kim's first video?

The main theme of Kim's first video is her journey through divorce, reflecting on her past life and the challenges she faced in her marriage.

How long was Kim married before her divorce?

Kim was married for 32 years before her divorce.

What was one of the significant challenges Kim faced during her marriage?

One of the significant challenges Kim faced during her marriage was her husband's alcoholism.

How did Kim's husband attempt to address his alcoholism?

Kim's husband attempted to address his alcoholism by going to a center that used aversive therapy, and as far as Kim knows, he never took another drink after that.

What event triggered the series of difficulties that led to Kim's divorce?

The event that triggered the series of difficulties leading to Kim's divorce was her son's decision to rent his in-laws' house while they moved, which her husband perceived as a conspiracy against their son.

How did Kim's husband react to the situation involving their son and the in-laws' house?

Kim's husband reacted with anger and paranoia, believing there was a conspiracy to take advantage of their son, which led to a deep rift in the family and the eventual breakdown of their marriage.

What was the turning point for Kim in deciding to leave her husband?

The turning point for Kim was when her husband threatened to harm her, which led her to seek safety at her son's home and consider divorce.

How did Kim's husband react when she left the house for the first time?

Kim's husband reacted with anger and confusion, not understanding why she left and threatening to call the police because he felt she was being unfair.

What was the role of counseling in Kim's situation?

Counseling played a role in Kim's situation as both she and her husband attended a session, where the counselor advised that the issue with their son's housing situation was not worth losing the family over.

How did Kim's husband's past as an alcoholic affect his behavior post-recovery?

Kim's husband's past as an alcoholic seemed to affect his behavior post-recovery, as he became fixated on the issue with their son and in-laws, potentially trying to exert control to compensate for past absences.

What is Kim's hope for the videos she is creating about her journey?

Kim's hope for the videos is to share her story, provide insight and support for others going through similar situations, and to demonstrate that it's possible to come out of a difficult situation without becoming bitter or angry.

Outlines

00:00

🔑 Introduction to a Divorce Journey

The speaker, Kim, introduces her video series about her personal journey through divorce. She was married for 32 years, with many good years, but faced significant challenges due to her husband's alcoholism. Despite his recovery, their relationship deteriorated, and Kim shares her experience of becoming independent and the difficulties that arose post his recovery. She also mentions the feedback she received about creating a separate playlist for these videos on her channel.

05:01

😔 The Downward Spiral of Family Dynamics

Kim recounts the events that led to the breakdown of her marriage and family relationships. The situation escalated when her son decided to rent his in-laws' house, which her husband perceived as a betrayal. This misunderstanding led to her husband's irrational behavior, culminating in him threatening to sever ties with their son. Kim's attempts to mediate failed, and the family became increasingly divided.

10:02

😡 Escalating Conflict and the Final Straw

The conflict within the family continued to escalate, with Kim's husband becoming increasingly fixated on the issue of their son renting a house. Despite counseling and attempts to reconcile, her husband remained adamant, leading to a complete breakdown in communication. Kim's husband's refusal to accept the situation and his obsession with perceived conspiracies against their son led to the end of their marriage.

15:04

😢 The Harrowing Threat and Decision to Leave

Kim describes a harrowing incident where her husband threatened her safety, which prompted her to leave their home and seek refuge with her sons. The incident occurred after she questioned him about his intentions and safety, to which he responded with a shocking threat. This marked the end of their marriage, as Kim could no longer feel safe in her own home.

20:09

🌱 Starting Over and Sharing the Journey

In the final paragraph, Kim reflects on her decision to leave and start over. She discusses the fear and uncertainty she faced but also her determination to move forward positively. She hopes that by sharing her story through her videos, she can provide support and insight to others who may be going through similar experiences. Kim emphasizes her intention to remain optimistic and not let the experience make her bitter.

Keywords

💡Divorce Journey

The term 'Divorce Journey' refers to the personal narrative and experiences of someone going through the process of ending a marriage. In the video, it is the central theme as the speaker, Kim, describes her emotional and practical journey from being married for 32 years to facing the reality of divorce. It encapsulates the transformation and challenges she encountered, starting with her husband's alcoholism and culminating in the decision to separate.

💡Alcoholism

Alcoholism is a condition characterized by an uncontrollable and compulsive need to consume alcohol, often leading to adverse effects on one's health, relationships, and social life. In the script, Kim's husband's alcoholism is a significant factor in their marriage and eventually contributes to its breakdown. His struggle with alcohol and the family's attempts to cope with it are a recurring theme.

💡Independence

Independence, in this context, denotes the state of being self-reliant and not depending on others for support or guidance. Kim mentions becoming an independent woman as a result of her husband's alcoholism, which forced her to take on more responsibilities and make decisions on her own. This independence later becomes crucial as she navigates her divorce and the rebuilding of her life.

💡Counseling

Counseling refers to a professional guidance or therapy provided to help individuals cope with emotional or psychological issues. In the video, Kim's husband attends counseling, which suggests an attempt to address the marital issues and his behavior. However, the counseling does not prevent the escalation of problems, indicating the complexity of their situation.

💡Conspiracy

A conspiracy is a secret plan or agreement to commit an illegal or harmful act. In the script, Kim's husband believes there is a conspiracy against their son, which is a misunderstanding that leads to significant conflict within the family. This perceived conspiracy is a turning point, causing a rift between him and his children.

💡In-laws

In-laws are relatives by marriage, typically the parents of one's spouse. In the video, the in-laws are implicated in the perceived conspiracy, which leads to a strained relationship between Kim's husband and their son. The mention of in-laws signifies the extended family dynamics that contribute to the marital breakdown.

💡Rant and Rave

To 'rant and rave' means to speak or complain in an angry, excited, or impassioned way. Kim describes her husband's behavior during their marital issues, where he would rant and rave for hours about perceived wrongs. This behavior is indicative of the emotional turmoil and communication breakdown in their relationship.

💡Threat

A threat is a declaration of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action on someone in retribution for something done or not done. In the script, the husband's statement about shooting Kim before she could escape is a clear threat, marking a dangerous escalation in their conflict and a pivotal moment leading to her decision to leave.

💡Separation

Separation, in the context of a marriage, is the act of夫妻分居 or living apart while remaining legally married. Kim's decision to leave her husband and stay with her son represents a physical separation, which is a precursor to the eventual divorce and a protective measure for her safety.

💡Inner Strength

Inner strength refers to the resilience and determination that comes from within an individual, enabling them to overcome adversity. Kim emphasizes her desire to maintain her identity and not become bitter despite the challenges of her divorce journey. This inner strength is what she hopes to convey and inspire in others through her video series.

💡Aftermath

Aftermath refers to the consequences or the situation following a significant event. In the video, the aftermath of the husband quitting drinking leads to changes in his behavior and the dynamics of the family, contributing to the marital issues. The term is used to describe the ripple effects of a major life change.

Highlights

Introduction to the speaker's personal journey of divorce and how it will be documented in a video series.

The speaker was married for 32 years with many good years, but faced challenges due to her spouse's alcoholism.

The spouse's retirement and quitting drinking led to a significant change in their relationship dynamics.

The speaker's independence grew due to the circumstances of her marriage, which later became beneficial post-divorce.

A dispute over a family member's housing decision triggered the collapse of the marriage.

The speaker's ex-husband's reaction to the housing decision was extreme, leading to a family divide.

The ex-husband's belief in a conspiracy against the family escalated the situation.

The speaker's ex-husband wrote a letter to their son, cutting off communication, marking the beginning of the family's end.

The speaker's attempt to mediate and resolve the conflict was unsuccessful, leading to further isolation.

The speaker's ex-husband's refusal to seek counseling or accept help worsened the marital issues.

The speaker's fear for her safety due to her ex-husband's threatening remarks led her to leave the home.

The ex-husband's anger was redirected towards the speaker, blaming her for the family's reaction to his threats.

The speaker's decision to leave the marriage was solidified by her ex-husband's unwillingness to change.

The speaker's journey post-divorce includes finding strength and independence, and not letting the experience make her bitter.

The speaker aims to share her story to help others going through similar struggles, offering hope and insight.

The video series will document the speaker's past life, the divorce process, and her current situation.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of maintaining inner strength and not letting adversity define one's life.

Transcripts

hey guys it's Kim and this is going to

be my first video about kind of an

introduction to what I call my journey

which is my divorce Journey um some of

you actually many of you have followed

me when I was in when I call my past

life before my divorce and my home then

um and have followed me for this long so

I really appreciate it I did get a lot

of feedback about putting it just on my

regular channel it'll just be in a

playlist these videos um called I don't

know my journey or something like that

so um so that you can just follow those

if you want so just as a

background I was married for 32

years and many of them were very good

years um if you watch some of my videos

he was even part of some of the videos

and he gave me things to craft with and

provided me organization things and we

had two beautiful boys that I am blessed

to continue to have a great relationship

with um you know lived out in the count

country 5

Acres just you know life was pretty

good um one of the things that was

really difficult throughout our marriage

was he was an

alcoholic and um I had never been around

drinking I grew up with two parents that

didn't drink I think I saw my mom with a

glass some wine in her hand one time in

my entire life with her and I was just

like oh my gosh

so you know I didn't know the signs I I

kind of got some signs from him prior to

our getting married and um but you know

I thought H you know people get over

things I didn't really understand

alcoholism so that was our biggest

challenge I think in our

marriage uh

he did finally deal with it and he did

quit and that was when he retired and I

had hoped and prayed our whole marriage

that he would just quit drinking and

life would be

better and it just wasn't um it just

really wasn't he did quit and I was

amazed the kids and I were were All

Amazed because we'd ask him many many

times to quit and he never did so for

him to just quit

um he went to a center that did it

behaviorally

not wasn't it Elan on or Alcoholics

Anonymous type thing it was more

aversive

therapy

so you he was gone for like a

week and um yeah so he came back and as

far as I know he never took another

drink but I do believe I have no way of

proving this that he' turned to

something else um um so I'm not going to

say whether or not for sure but signs

looking back I kind of see signs that

kind of tell me okay something else was

happening then um and the first year was

great I will say if you're living with

an alcoholic or a recovering

alcoholic um having him recover okay

great different person you know that was

their we became that was part of our

marriage that was part of our life I did

my thing he did his we did a lot

together but a lot separate too because

of um the drinking so and the aftermath

the next day he wasn't always wanting to

go play so I became very independent

woman which I guess is good because now

I'm really independent um but the

journey started six years ago and I do

think the two years that he quit

prior to everything falling apart that

was tough because it was a different

person we got no counseling whatsoever

he didn't get any counseling uh the

family didn't get how to deal with this

new person right suddenly he wanted to

be you know i' put in a piece of

furniture move something he'd say I

don't remember you asking me about that

I'm like excuse me um it was always

inside is mine outside is you deal with

that kind of thing and suddenly

the tables turned um he did retire at

the same time it just was a lot of stuff

came it too fast right um so first year

was pretty good second year not good so

what triggered or started

our difficulties um was this weird

little thing where he my one of my kids

ended

up um renting deciding to rent their

in-laws house while they moved and he

was going to sell his own home my son

was now in saying that I do believe

something else would have happened we've

all discussed this I asked the boys if

they were okay with me doing this videos

and they said yes so but we have

discussed that if it hadn't been that

thing that happened something else would

have caused our difficulties so anyway

so they approached my ex-husband and

said this is what we're

doing and um they weren't asking they're

my son owned a home I mean he was

working they weren't depending on us at

all um so and you know I we I had my

reservations about it as we've I've

discussed with my son and it all ended

up working out okay but they left and it

was thank

Thanksgiving and I'm down in my craft

room a few I took all my old videos off

um but anyway deleted them but and he

came down and he said I know what

happened and I

know and it's all the in-law's fault and

he just was like the look on his face

and from that moment on he had decided

there was like

a a conspiracy going on and they were

trying to take advantage of our son and

all of this stuff and I was just like oh

my gosh okay and I could

tell you know that something was just

not right the way he reacted to all of

this my kids

left um the house after telling it was

Thanksgiving the other my oldest son and

his wife had taken the baby home which

is now em you know well she was Emma

then too but anyway took her home it was

getting late and then they brought it up

about their plan and uh he told them he

didn't agree with it and no they're

adults now they don't want to hear that

they I've learned you know when you're

raising you have adult kids you got to

kind of go along with and maybe advise a

little bit but you know

anyway they left upset and um he came

down just and I didn't think it had gone

that bad but anyway way he came down and

it was just like a switch it was the his

the in-laws versus my our

son and um I was just like okay but I

had no idea how bad it was going to get

so he ended up my kids came back my son

came back and talked to him again it did

not go well um he ended up writing a

letter to my

son that he did not no longer wanted to

he didn't think he wanted to be with him

at

Christmas he did not want to have any

conversations with him that they needed

to not communicate anymore I was like

okay so one evening and it's going to be

hard for me to keep all this streight

because this was six years ago so much

happened in this Saga I'm telling you

and I'm not making any of these this up

I hoped wish it most of this hadn't

happened but it did um anyway one

evening we're watching TV and he just

started in and I watched the clock and I

was working at the time and I had to get

up early and it was like for 2 hours he

ranted and raved about how this was

wrong that this and that and going on

and on and on and all I said to him

finally is I finally stopped him and I

said I'm going to tell you something

right now if you try to come between me

and my

boys you're going to lose it won't you

know if this if this causes us to no

longer if you think you're no longer

going to communicate with our kids then

there won't this our marriage won't work

I can't be married to you then or

something to that I don't got those

exact words but you know don't come

between my boys have been the primary my

life and still

are and uh in his head that was another

snap and I finally said you know you've

been yelling literally yelling for two

hours he's laying on the couch I'm

sitting in my used to have a lazy boy

and we would watch TV and he just went

on and on and on and I I said we've got

to

stop and I said I got to get up for in

the morning for work and I went to

bed well he got so that he did not my ex

I'm not going to try not to use his name

um

anyway he would stay up all night and

write about things

and it just he was so upset with the

kids and going on and on and on and

things got worse and worse and worse and

he was I I was just upset that he

wouldn't talk to his son my oldest

called and came over and talked to him

my ex about you know he had gave Brian

this letter that he had written and

hadn't sent yet to our youngest Eric and

he said 'what do you think and Brian

said this is not good D nothing good is

going to come from this why would you do

this at this point I mean to miss you

know say you're not going to see him at

Christmas and you can't talk to him

anymore he goes little smaller things

than this have divided families well

little did we know that our family would

become so divided over this and he goes

well I don't care I'm still sending it

I'm sending it I'm sending him a letter

i has to know how I feel I am the dad

and so he sent it and that was the

beginning of the end of our family as we

knew it

um of course Eric my youngest was

couldn't believe that his dad over him

renting a

house would ride him off that's it we're

done and um I really think that as an ex

ex

alcoholic he had missed out on a lot of

things right so he was there present but

he wasn't always mentally there um and I

think he felt like he was suddenly in

charge and trying to make up for the

time he wasn't and it didn't doesn't

work that way I mean they're now

adults um so my son I talked to him Eric

and he was just it was in tears I mean

this was his dad that was going to write

him him off over that um I was worried

about the decision to rent and sell his

home I did you know I said you get out

of the market blah blah well what

happened was eventually Brian and I poor

Brian he and I really worked on trying

to kind of talk to and my

daughter-in-law talked to them about it

and they called and my son called and

said guess what we've decided to rent my

then this was my suggest just saying um

why don't you rent your home out to

someone while you rent this other house

and that way you can see if you this is

really what you want to do and so he

called he said I'm going to take your

ADV that's a great idea and we're going

to rent our home out and not sell it so

I thought oh here we go problem solved I

mean it' been like 3 weeks of pure

torture um we're working up to Christmas

time right

and I hang up the phone and I tell my

ex-husband good news they're not selling

the house they're going to rent it to

someone

else nope that still wasn't okay because

in his mind this was all a conspiracy to

take advantage of her

son so that is how this whole thing

started is over our son renting his

in-law's home and Carl even went oh

there went he's his name um he even went

to counseling about it and even his

counselor I went one time and he said

this isn't

worth losing your family over he said

it's not like he's living under a bridge

and doing drugs you know you should

think about this this is this really

what you want to lose your child over

him renting I mean what you know why

what you need to just go over were there

say you're sorry and then stop talking I

could tell he was tired of him too and

um it really agitated my ex-husband that

I would not agree with him I would not

agree that this was worth what he was

doing I never I would not agree and it

drove him nuts literally um that I was

just not going to take his side on this

one I said nope I do not agree with what

you're doing here this is not okay so

but you know you've been married for how

many years you have a home

together I just wanted to fix this I

just needed this to be fixed when he

would drink he would you know have his

little fits or whatever get angry but

then we could he'd move on and I kept

waiting for him to move on like he used

to and he just wasn't I mean it just he

had dug his heels in and he was not

going to agree with what they were doing

so even after the counseling

session I could tell this was not going

well at all

so we went home and um it just I started

losing weight because I saw my my whole

life unraveling and um was scared to

death of what was

coming still wasn't thinking divorce um

but I knew that some something bad was

coming he and I were not getting along

we barely talked I would go home after

work and just dread going home because

then I would have to sit with him and

listen to him rant and Rave about

whatever um on this situ it just was

never ending um and I just I would say

things like I got to go take my you know

I like to take my naps I would say G to

go take a nap I'd go to bed early I

would do anything I could to avoid

this

confrontation um so that kind of started

this was

November by Christmas okay so he says I

don't want to spend Christmas with you

well prior to

Christmas like the week before Christmas

I said to him my

ex because people at work were saying

are you safe are you okay you're not you

know I was still working I'm still doing

my job most people didn't know but

Margaret different people did know I

mean I would confide I had to talk to

somebody and um talked a lot to my

oldest son he's he's my rock a lot of

times

and I just said I just I got to work

this out it's got to I'm okay and people

were saying but are you safe so that

kept being asked of me and I thought

well so I sat down with him and

said Do you ever think of hurting me is

there anything you know do you think you

might hurt me because if I've got my I

had packed my bags I said I've got my

I've got some bags packed and I'm

getting nervous I'm getting scared and I

want to know are you do you think you're

going to hurt

me hoping that what his answer would be

is of course I would never hurt you you

know I mean that's what normal you know

you think that someone would say

he looks at me and says oh you would

never get to your car I would shoot you

first and I'm like oh my

gosh he thinks he's going to kill me and

I stood up and started crying we in the

kitchen and I'm just like oh my God I

can't believe you would say that and

just

hysterical and he says to me I'm going

to the movies I'm like excuse me I'm

going to the movies I'll be back later

and I said you're leaving and he

saides and I was just like oh my gosh so

I called my son and I told him what his

dad had said to me and he said you got

to get out of there that's that's not

okay so I went and stayed at their

home and um my youngest came

over and I told them and the wives what

my ex had said to me and I was crying

but I made sure I even then I was saying

but I still want you to he's your dad I

don't want this to ruin your

relationship with your dad well you

don't tell your their mother that and

then expect it to go well but that was

anyway

so I spent the night my my ex did not

and went to work the next

day he came home from the movies did not

notice that my car was gone

and so he thought I

had he got angry that I hadn't come home

from work the next day and called my son

and said I can't your mom hasn't

answered me she and he left me

voicemails where are you this isn't fair

no in our marriage he had left angry at

me maybe three times no word from him

for a weekend right and here I leave for

one night

and he just came I'm going to call the

cops I can't believe you're doing this

Brian says you're the you know and he

and he just kept calling and calling

saying you better not have told the boys

what I said and and that is when his

anger toward the in-laws became his

anger toward me because in his mind I

had told made this I made him say it

can't make anybody say anything I just

asked and that I coerced him into saying

that yes and that he and um he just said

it you know out out of anger but and um

and that is the beginning of the end of

our marriage and I have much more to

tell but I'm going to break this up so

you'll have to come back for part two

anyway um so if you were going through a

marriage that you know you just don't

know I was so afraid i' lived to leave I

mean I thought where am I going to go

what am I going to do I've invested my

life in this home we' lived there for 30

years um this marriage my family I I

just thought how am I going to start

over and it just it's a very frightening

thing but I did it and I'm in a much

better place now and my hope is through

doing these videos that not only am I

being able to tell my story and get it

out there and kind of get it off my

chest um I've told it many times to

different people but to give you if

you're struggling in any situation even

you know I mean if you've lost a spouse

or it's so scary to start over right and

I just hope that these videos will help

you um um get through it I have some

things that we did prior

to bank accounts and different things

that just happened to fall into place

that worked out later in this journey of

mine but I hope that my by my telling

this it helps some people out there so I

know I've said I was going to do these

videos and I'm finally

starting and I'm also going to tell

stories about just what it's like to be

divorced and alone a lot of it other

love but a lot of it's kind of hard too

so I'm just hoping to do kind of a

journey then and now and just um reach

out to people and share my story and I

know I'm not the only one that's

struggled in life there's been some

people that have because of what I've

gone through have told me their

situations and it's just unbelievable

what we as especially women I feel like

get go through we give our lives lives

and dedicate ourselves to raising our

family and being good one wives and

taking care of the home and then to have

things just snap like that so that's

really the biggest purpose of all of

these videos so I hope you um can take

something from

this you know

or relate to it or it helps you in some

way that inner strength man I I from the

beginning of this I said to myself

because when I tell you what actually

happened and I never did return home

because I went home more than once after

all this

started but that this would not change

me I would stay me I was not going to

let this be make me a bitter angry

person and I think I've succeeded in

that and I'm pretty proud of myself for

that and that's what's kept me going I

just thought nope I have a family I am

blessed life will happen I'm not a I'm

religious but not hugely religious but

yeah this was determined that this was

not going to define the rest of my life

so I hope that this video has given you

some little bit of in insight into what

happened but stay tuned because there's

a lot more coming all right guys take

care bye-bye