How to Spot a Narcissist Signs to Watch For

Summary

Ce script de vidéo présente 15 signes clés pour reconnaître un narcissique, dont 12 concernent le narcissique lui-même et 3 les personnes attirées par eux. Il met en lumière des comportements comme l'absence d'empathie, le besoin de traitement spécial, la grandeur fantasque, l'importance de l'apparence et la jalousie. Il encourage les spectateurs à prendre soin de soi, à chercher de l'aide thérapeutique et à se concentrer sur leur propre guérison plutôt que sur la modification du narcissique, soulignant que les chances de changement sont minces.

Takeaways

• 😶 Le narcissisme est difficile à identifier car il peut sembler être de la confiance ou de l'enthousiasme.
• 🔍 Il y a 15 signes clés pour reconnaître un narcissique, dont 12 concernent le narcissique et 3 les personnes attirées par eux.
• 🈚️ Le manque d'empathie est le premier signe, où le narcissique peut écouter sans vraiment écouter ou se soucier des autres.
• 🤴 Le traitement spécial et le sentiment d'entitlement sont des signes importants, où le narcissique cherche toujours à être privilégié.
• 🌟 Le narcissique a de grandes fantaisies sur sa carrière et sa vie, souvent déconnectées de la réalité.
• 👗 L'apparence est primordiale pour le narcissique, qui est superficiel et se soucie beaucoup de l'image qu'il projette.
• 🤝 Les associations sont importantes pour le narcissique, qui cherche à être entouré de personnes puissantes et populaires.
• 😠 L'émotionnalité du narcissique est instable, avec des colères soudaines et difficiles à prévoir.
• 🚫 Le narcissique est très sensible à la critique, bien qu'il soit souvent critique envers les autres.
• 🔄 Le narcissique ne pense pas avoir besoin de changer et est fermé à toute suggestion d'amélioration.
• 😡 Le narcissique est jaloux, non seulement de la vie sociale des autres mais aussi de leur statut.
• 💬 Le gaslighting est une technique destructrice utilisée par le narcissique pour faire douter de la réalité et de soi-même.
• 👥 Les personnes attirées par un narcissique pensent qu'elles peuvent l'aimer hors de son état narcissique et se sentent insuffisantes.
• 🔄 Si vous êtes attiré par un narcissique, il est important de se concentrer sur l'auto-soin et de réduire les attentes envers le narcissique.
• 🛑 Si vous ne pouvez pas vous éloigner d'un narcissique, il est essentiel de se tourner vers la thérapie et de se concentrer sur la guérison personnelle.

Q & A

Comment peut-on reconnaître un narcissique à partir de la transparence de ce script ?

On peut le reconnaître par 15 signes clés mentionnés dans le script, dont 12 concernant le narcissique lui-même et 3 concernant les personnes attirées par eux, tels que le manque d'empathie, le désir de traitement spécial, des fantasmes grandioses, l'importance de l'apparence et des associations, et la réaction aux critiques.

Quels sont les signes que le script identifie comme les plus évidents chez un narcissique ?

Les signes les plus évidents sont le manque d'empathie, le besoin de traitement spécial, des fantasmes grandioses, l'importance accordée à l'apparence et aux associations, la réaction négative aux critiques, et la difficulté à accepter le changement ou l'amélioration personnelle.

Pourquoi est-ce difficile de reconnaître un narcissique dès le début ?

C'est difficile car leur comportement peut être interprété comme de la confiance ou de l'enthousiasme, et il faut prêter attention à des facteurs clés pour distinguer ces signes.

Quel est le rôle de l'empathie dans la relation avec un narcissique selon le script ?

L'empathie est cruciale car un narcissique est incapable de l'empathie véritable, même s'il peut feindre de l'empathie, ce qui est différent de l'empathie authentique.

Quels sont les trois aspects à surveiller chez les personnes attirées par un narcissique, comme indiqué dans le script ?

Les trois aspects sont la croyance qu'on peut les aimer hors de leur narcissisme, la sensation d'insuffisance et la recherche de moyens pour les changer.

Qu'est-ce que le script appelle 'gaslighting' et comment cela affecte-t-il les relations ?

Le 'gaslighting' est une technique de manipulation où le narcissique fait douter la personne cible de sa propre perception de la réalité, ce qui peut conduire à un sentiment de folie ou de confusion.

Quelle est la meilleure façon de réagir si l'on est avec un narcissique, selon le script ?

Le script suggère soit de quitter la relation, soit de réduire ses attentes et de se concentrer sur une auto-soin profond, en se tournant vers la thérapie ou un coach pour guérir et apprendre à répondre aux propres besoins.

Comment le script explique-t-il la relation entre les personnes attirées par un narcissique et leur enfance ?

Le script suggère que les personnes attirées par un narcissique ont souvent été formées dans leur enfance à prendre soin d'autrui, ce qui les rend plus susceptibles de rechercher cette dynamique dans leurs relations adultes.

Quels sont les signes que le script associe à une personne qui est potentiellement attirée par un narcissique ?

Les signes incluent la croyance qu'on peut changer le narcissique par l'amour, se sentir insuffisant et chercher constamment à comprendre et à changer le comportement du narcissique plutôt que de se concentrer sur sa propre guérison et développement.

Le script met-il en évidence l'importance de l'auto-soin pour les personnes impliquées avec un narcissique ?

Oui, le script insiste sur l'importance de l'auto-soin, de la thérapie et de la prise en charge de soi pour guérir et se prémunir contre les effets négatifs des relations avec un narcissique.

Outlines

00:00

😐 Reconnaissance des signes du narcissisme

Le texte aborde la difficulté à identifier les narcissiques et présente 15 signes clés, dont 12 concernent le narcissique et 3 les personnes attirées par eux. L'auteur partage ses expériences personnelles pour illustrer certains de ces signes, tels que le manque d'empathie, manifesté par une incapacité à écouter et à se remettre en question, ou le comportement prédateur lors de la relation avec sa première épouse. Il insiste sur la différence entre l'empathie et le narcissisme, soulignant l'importance de la reconnaissance des signes pour comprendre les relations toxiques.

05:00

🤔 Caractéristiques et comportements narcissiques

Le paragraphe explore des traits spécifiques des narcissiques tels que le traitement spécial, la fascination pour l'apparence et les apparences sociales, l'instabilité émotionnelle, l'hypersensible à la critique et la tendance à critiquer, l'incapacité à accepter le changement ou l'amélioration personnelle, ainsi que la jalousie et la manipulation à travers la gaslighting. Ces caractéristiques sont illustrées par des exemples de la vie quotidienne et des conseils pour reconnaître et gérer ces relations toxiques.

10:01

😣 Les conséquences du narcissisme sur les relations

Ce paragraphe met en lumière les effets dévastateurs du narcissisme sur les relations intimes, notamment la disloyalty, la capacité à tirer du plaisir de la souffrance des autres, et l'influence négative sur la confiance en soi et l'estime de soi des personnes impliquées. Il met également en évidence la nécessité pour les personnes touchées de prendre conscience de leur situation et de leur rôle dans la dynamique relationnelle, en identifiant les signes de co-dépendance et en prenant des mesures pour s'en libérer.

15:02

🛑 Réponse face au narcissisme: options et conseils

L'auteur propose des options de réponse face au narcissisme, allant de la rupture immédiate des relations toxiques à l'adoption d'une attitude de plus grande auto-soin si la situation ne permet pas la séparation. Il insiste sur l'importance de la thérapie, de l'auto-analyse et de l'auto-prise en charge pour guérir des blessures d'enfance et surmonter les aspects co-dépendants de soi-même. Il encourage également à établir de nouvelles relations positives et à se concentrer sur la guérison personnelle plutôt que sur la modification du narcissique.

Keywords

💡Narcissisme

Le narcissisme est un trouble de la personnalité caractérisé par un sentiment excessif d'importance et d'auto-admiration. Dans la vidéo, il est questionné à travers les signes à reconnaître pour identifier un narcissique, et comment cela affecte les relations interpersonnelles.

💡Empathie

L'empathie est la capacité de comprendre et de ressentir les émotions des autres. Le script mentionne que les narcissiques manquent d'empathie, ce qui se traduit par une incapacité à écouter et à se préoccuper des sentiments des autres, comme illustré par l'anecdote du narrateur sur sa première femme.

💡Traitement spécial

Ce terme fait référence au désir des narcissiques d'être traités de manière privilégiée, par exemple en reçoivent un service de qualité supérieure ou en étant placés à la tête de la queue. Dans le script, cela est lié au sentiment d'entitlement des narcissiques.

💡Grandiosité

La grandiosité est une caractéristique des narcissiques qui se manifeste par des fantasmes excessifs sur leur importance, leurs capacités ou leurs réalisations futures. Le texte parle de cette tendance à exagérer leur compétence ou leur réussite potentielle.

💡Apparence

L'importance de l'apparence est soulignée comme un trait des narcissiques, qui accordent une grande valeur à leur propre esthétique et à celle des autres, souvent dans le but de projeter une image sociale idéale. Le script mentionne que les narcissiques peuvent être superficiels et préoccupés par les apparences.

💡Dysrégulation émotionnelle

La dysrégulation émotionnelle est décrite dans le script comme la capacité des narcissiques à basculer rapidement dans des états d'colère ou de frustration, montrant une instabilité émotionnelle. Cela est comparé à un ressort qui s'étire puis se relâche brusquement.

💡Critique

Le script aborde la réaction des narcissiques à la critique, qu'ils perçoivent comme une menace pour leur image grandiose. Les narcissiques sont décrits comme étant extrêmement sensibles à toute forme de critique, tout en étant critiques envers les autres.

💡Jalouse

La jalousie est un sentiment ressenti par les narcissiques non seulement envers les relations des autres, mais aussi envers ceux qui possèdent un statut plus élevé ou qui sont perçus comme plus talentueux. Dans le script, cela est lié à la consommation et au besoin constant de validation extérieure.

💡Gaslighting

Le gaslighting est une technique de manipulation psychologique utilisée par les narcissiques pour faire douter de la réalité des autres et contrôler leur perception. Le script décrit cela comme l'un des aspects les plus destructeurs du narcissisme, où les victimes finissent par douter de leur propre jugement.

💡Désengagement

Le désengagement est l'acte de se retirer d'une relation ou d'une situation. Le script suggère que les personnes attirées par des narcissiques doivent apprendre à se désengager et à se concentrer sur leur propre bien-être, plutôt que de perdre leur énergie dans des relations toxiques.

💡Auto-soin

L'auto-soin est l'acte de prendre soin de soi-même, tant sur le plan émotionnel que physique. Dans le script, l'auto-soin est présenté comme une solution pour les personnes qui se trouvent dans des relations avec des narcissiques, en encourageant à se recentrer sur leurs propres besoins et à se construire.

Highlights

Recognizing a narcissist can be challenging as they may initially appear confident or enthusiastic.

The speaker shares 15 signs to identify narcissists, 12 about the narcissist and 3 about people attracted to them.

Narcissists often lack empathy, which can manifest as not truly listening or understanding others' experiences.

Narcissists seek special treatment and may become angry if they do not receive preferential treatment.

They have grandiose fantasies about their achievements and capabilities, often detached from reality.

Appearance and superficiality are highly valued by narcissists, who may prioritize image over substance.

Narcissists prefer associating with powerful, attractive, and popular people for social climbing.

Emotional disregulation is common, with narcissists experiencing sudden and intense anger.

Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism but are often critical of others.

They resist the idea of needing to change or improve, dismissing any suggestion of personal flaws.

Jealousy is a key trait, with narcissists being envious of others' status or achievements.

Gaslighting is a destructive tactic used by narcissists to manipulate and control others' perceptions.

Narcissists can be disloyal, leaving others for perceived advantages or higher status.

They derive pleasure from others' misery, showing enjoyment in causing emotional pain.

People attracted to narcissists often believe they can change the narcissist through love or adjustment.

A sense of inadequacy is common, with individuals feeling they need to change to gain the narcissist's love.

Watching videos or reading about narcissism to understand and change them is a sign of being in such a relationship.

The advice given is to either leave the relationship, lower expectations, or focus on massive self-care.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-care, therapy, and understanding one's own role in the relationship.

The final advice is to focus on personal growth and recovery, making oneself a priority.

Transcripts

welcome back so what is the best way to

recognize and respond to a narcissist

you know it can be incredibly hard to

tell who is narcissistic at first glance

because often it just comes across as

confidence or

enthusiasm but once you learn to pay

attention to some key factors you'll

know the signs pretty obvious now today

I'm going to share with you really 15

signs 12 of them are about the

narcissist three about the people

attracted to them now in all fairness

there are probably 30 or more actual

signs you know whether you're talking

covert overt all the different types of

narcissism but at least in my experience

these first 12 are like they're evident

regardless of what type of narcissist

these are like the core symptoms again

they're many others but this is just my

opinion which doesn't make it right but

I want to share those with with you so

that you can you know you have a basic

framework to go all right this is what I

want to keep an eye out so the first one

is this they lack empathy um and what

this can look like is kind of listening

without listening I'm going to throw

myself under the bus

um this what this would look like is

when my first wife oh my God I'm having

what I call a shame burp to have to

admit this

but we our relationship was Rocky

throughout and

um the best I could do back then was I

couldn't stand up for myself and so I

learned to just shut up and be quiet and

not pay attention well that looks like

not no empathy and a perfect example of

that was the day she told me she was

pregnant with our first child and I was

sitting at The Breakfast Table reading

the paper and I heard her say something

and I didn't respond and then and she

yells did you hear me and I'm like yeah

you know of course I acted like a child

saying yeah I heard you dad um she goes

so what did I say and of course I didn't

know and she this was one of I think

this was the second time the abuse

started she came over and just

Wham just hit me across the head and

goes I told you I'm

pregnant now while in that moment I

wasn't empathetic I wasn't listening is

that who I am no I had a moment of it

but a true narcissist that is

consistent they they're never listening

and even if they are they may Fain

empathy but they're really not capable

of it they don't have remorse like you

can see I have remorse I have shame over

my perfect imperfection that I didn't

know how to handle myself early on in

the

relationship um I take ownership of it I

own that I'm not condoning her

abuse but I'm leading with my

imperfection that's

empathy um it's also having empathy for

her like think of her position she's

pregnant for the first time that would

be awful that your husband's

more wrapped up in the newspaper and

listening to you like can you imagine

her experience that'd be heartbreaking

okay and a narcissist isn't capable of

that um as number two of the narcissist

is special treatment so what you want to

keep an eye out for is restaurants

taking the car in to get fixed um

clothing stores wherever it may be are

they constantly looking to be at the

front of the line get special treatment

from the salespeople you know do they

feel entitled to it um if they water you

know they said light ice and it's filled

with ice does that you know do they

explode at that you know are they con L

looking to be elevated with a certain

type of treatment there's a difference

between advocating for yourself and

being

entitled advocating for yourself is

gathering information asking politely

entitlement is no you owe this to me and

I'm angry if I don't get it all right

number three they're very grandiose huge

fantasies fantasies about their career

fantasies about what they want to

achieve in life about um how capable

they are at different things there's a

difference between knowing that you have

a certain skill but not having the skill

and believing you do have it or telling

others that you're going to achieve it

that's grandiosity it's it's a level of

reality beyond what is real all right so

they're living here or their skill set

is here yet their ideas or the way they

speak about things or their dreams about

things are a complete fantasy reality

and fantasy are separate from each other

all right number five apparences matter

um or number four appearances matter

they're very superficial their

appearance um matters more than anything

and even um your appearance you know

they they want B hot person they want to

be associated with the powerful with the

um popular they're always about social

climbing about social connections it's

all about appearances matter more than

anything you know do what do they look

like what does the family look like how

is everything projected it's all about

other esteem and what they're getting

you know social media how many likes oh

my God they have more I need to get you

know I need to be friends with them I

need to be associated with them all of

that external validation matters

tremendously to a narcissist that goes

to

uh number five associations I kind of

mixed them together they only want to be

Associated around powerful attractive

popular people the the two kind of go

together that sense of appearances

matter and associations matter they

you'll you'll see that play out over and

over I don't want to sit with them I

don't want to go out with them what

they're white trash you know things like

that or I can't go to that place nobody

popular to would you see so and so at a

place like that there you go what are

you wearing that for do you do you see

what you're

wearing those are comments of a

narcissist all right number six

emotional disregulation um they will get

angry like that just blow up throat

Tantrums like you're like a child you

know now some of the narcissist covert

and others are so you know gifted at

manipulation that they can they can fool

you with periods of quiet in all of

these aspects all right this is part of

the emotional

disregulation they can put on the act of

holding it together but you know there's

Dr ramani she's brilliant if you want to

learn about narcissism look up Dr Romani

on YouTube She to me she's the best and

she uses the analogy of a rubber band

and you know if you you can stretch it

out and that's kind of like a narcissist

they can stretch it out stretch it out

but event

that rubber band snaps and it goes back

and that's the tempered tantrum that's

the anger they they can never sustain a

change they always bounce back to who

they are and that's a key thing that

you're looking for all right number

seven they're highly um sensitive to any

type of critique or criticism yet they

are highly critical of you and everybody

else all right that's pretty

self-explanatory number eight

uh they don't think they need to change

any suggestion that they need help they

need to learn more that the problem

might somehow reside with them or that

they could adjust in some way boom huge

wall like it is just still this is where

the empath lack of empathy that they

would just stop listening they just

can't even go there rage will come out

all of these all of their dysfunctions

will come up to protect that Grandy it

of what do you mean me change it's them

it's not I'm great all

right number nine very

jealous jealous not only of who you talk

to and who you spend time with but

jealous of people with higher status um

that are better than them now we all get

envious I get it too but there's a

difference between being driven by it

that then triggers think of that rubber

band that then triggers all of these

other dysfunctions

they are consumed and it'll trigger the

rage it'll trigger the emotional

instability all right number 10 gas

light and this is this is the most dist

for me at least in my experience when I

went through it the gaslighting is the

most destructive because you really

question everything about

yourself

and if you have the sense that you need

to record your conversations you're

being gaslit you you will have the sense

that you're crazy you be like

wow maybe I am bad like you're

constantly questioning

yourself um there's always the sense

that when you you'll come into maybe you

even started the conversation with a

healthy critique or suggestion or

request but by the end of it with a

narcissist you walk away apologizing

because you were so wrong and out of

place that's gaslighting okay and to me

that's the most brutal part

cuz while I'm always an advocate of you

know codependence we we do allow people

to infect us with their thoughts

feelings and actions it's really hard to

protect yourself against somebody who

gas lights you because that's the

problem with abusers they trample

boundaries boundaries codependence

recovery don't work with them they have

no respect for them and so it can be

very hard not to get sucked in and be

affected by by somebody who gaslights

you all right number 11 they are

disloyal they will always they will

leave you at any

opportunity for higher status anything

bigger and better than you if if it's to

their advantage they're gone like that

no feeling about it doesn't matter it's

just like well what

uh you think I'd stay with you like do

you see who I'm with do you see what

like I don't even understand why you're

upset see there's the gas light boom

yeah it's just creepy sorry it's too you

know I'm recalling conversations and it

just kind of hit me there of

experiencing that um number 12 and this

is really one of the in Insidious

aspects they get pleasure from Mother's

misery I remember you know one of the

narcissists I I married and the glint in

her eye the tilt of her head and the

little smirk she got so so much joy from

taking that knife and gutting me like it

was you know PE I mean it's like a child

opening their favorite Christmas present

a six-year-old you know a four to

six-year-old they're um cognizant enough

of how special Christmas is and they get

that Christmas present they wanted the

whole year and that's that's that

excitement that a narcissist get gets

and that so you see that little like

they do something hurtful and they see

it in you and you and you can see and

feel how much they enjoy

it get out now we get to the three

aspects that I brought up of to let you

know if you are with a narcissist and

they have to do with us we always have

to take ownership of who we allow into

our life and that's why at least in my

videos I always include aspects of the

part we play because we are not innocent

bystanders we each individual is

responsible for their life and must take

ownership of their life um to not do so

is narcissistic in nature it's hey no

you have to be everything I want but

it's from a passive aggressive position

of well it's not my fault I didn't know

well then go

learn that's our responsibility that

came out harsh I didn't mean it harsh I

mean it emphatically really with empathy

of God please people stop this victim

mentality if it's not my fault

that kills all of

us I'm really trying to empower you go

learn CU we don't have to end up with

these people in our life all right and

the key sign for you to recognize in

yourself is you think you can love them

out of it you're you're sitting there go

God well they were so hurt if I do this

if I dress this way if I if I act this

way if I just if I just if I just if I

just you're constantly thinking all the

different ways you could adjust who you

are to get them to love you and get them

through this that's a key sign you are

with a narcissist and that's the part

you're playing the second thing is uh

you think you're not enough in other

words you would say things like man if I

was better looking or if I was thinner

if I made more money if I cooked the

better meals if I did this or did that

if I didn't have if I wasn't so needy if

my parents weren't this way remember

that's part of the gaslighting that's

why we are pray for their gaslighting is

because underneath that is low selfworth

and shame and so we will constantly

bring it back on us and think we could

if we could be different we could get

them to love us well where did we learn

that childhood we were made to take care

of somebody in childhood and that's why

this comes up and that leads to the

final thing we look for ways that we can

change them the key indicator that

you're with a narcissist is you are

online watching video like this reading

resourcing everything you can not to

learn how to save

yourself or to heal yourself but you're

trying to figure out the narcissist and

what you need to do to get them to like

you to get them to be different all of

your questions and I get almost every

single person that reaches out to me

privately or even in my public comments

on the narcissism posts they will almost

invariably be questions about the

narcissist not about themselves and how

they need to heal themselves and the

part they're playing or or any of that

it's always can you help me understand

the narcissist that is a major red flag

that you are with a narcissist now not

always we're all we're all codependent

so that can happen in a so-called normal

relationship I'm just in this example

that is key so basically

a person attracted to a narcissist is

putting 90% of their efforts into the

relationship and not into themselves so

how do you respond what do you do if now

you've listened to this and you're like

oh my God that's me that's us three

options get out just get out the chances

of a narcissist ever doing work and ever

healing are slim to none and just like

that rubber band effect they might do

some of it but they don't see an

advantage to being empathetic they don't

see an advantage to this they will

always bounce back and that's why you

you you have to let go of the grandiose

fantasy yourself that you can somehow

change this now maybe you're in a

situation married kids

religion Financial there's something

where you're like I can't get out Kenny

I have to stay well okay then the second

option is this you have to lower your

expectations you just you have to

realize that 90% of the time you'll get

nothing that it is all about them and so

my suggestion to you is this massive

self-care because remember the three

things that make it possible that you

are with a narcissist within yourself

it's 90% of your life is about them and

10% about you you need to flip that

Dynamic 90% needs to be about you you

need to get into

self-care um you need to get into

therapy whether it's a coach or someone

like myself um or a therapist um you

need to see how your childhood trained

you to and created an attraction where

you most likely took care of your

parents just like this you looked all up

and down left and right sideways trying

to find a way to get your parents happy

they may not have been narcissists

themselves some could have been but you

were trained to seek this out you need

to learn to heal from that um and you're

just because you're just replaying it

that's why you end it up we all all

relationships are our repl of our

childhood wounds that's it and so any

problems we're having in a relationship

they're a mirror to what we didn't heal

in our childhood and so that's the

biggest thing we have to do and as I

said the most important part is flip

that 90% gather friendships join groups

learn to meet your needs stop asking

them for to meet your needs stop

fighting with them it's useless you've

been with this for years you already

know it's not going to change the only

person you have control of is yourself

and so we have to take control of

ourselves and learn to meet the needs

ourselves okay so there you go there are

the 15 signs to look for I hope that

helps you um if you think it did please

like it if you know somebody in a

situation like this or just think this

might help somebody please share it

leave me your comments um please don't

leave me comments about the narcissist

leave me comments about you at least to

me you

matter your health and Recovery matters

more to me I can't help the narcissist

they don't want

help but please start the 90% today

leave a comment about how you're going

to turn your life around about how

you're going to make yourself a priority

that I would love to read okay and I

know this is all very difficult to deal

with narcissism my recovery from both of

them one almost the recovery on one

almost killed me it's not easy but I

will say this please enjoy the journey

along the way it does get better so

don't forget that enjoy the journey