How To Get What You Want Every Time: ex FBI agent Chris Voss

Summary

This video script explores the art of negotiation through the lens of Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, and author of 'Never Split the Difference'. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and empathy in negotiation, debunking the myth of a 50/50 win-win situation. The script outlines five key lessons, including the power of tactical empathy, the benefits of starting with 'no', and the significance of mirroring and labeling in uncovering the other party's needs. These strategies aim to find a 'third way' solution, fostering collaboration and mutual satisfaction.

Takeaways

• 👞 The importance of negotiation in everyday life and finding a 'Third Way' to satisfy both parties.
• 📚 Chris Voss's background as an FBI hostage negotiator and his belief in applying these principles to various situations.
• 👂 The crucial role of listening and showing empathy in negotiations to make the other party feel understood and respected.
• 😀 The three fundamental desires in negotiation: to be understood, respected, and to get what they want.
• 🔍 Viewing negotiation as a discovery process rather than a battle, with the goal of uncovering the other side's true wants and needs.
• 😊 The positive impact of smiling during negotiations, which can increase intelligence and create a more positive mindset.
• 🔗 The effectiveness of mirroring in eliciting more information from the other party and maintaining a smooth conversation.
• 🎯 Tactical empathy as a tool for understanding and addressing the emotional obstacles that may hinder agreement.
• 🏷️ The use of labels to summarize and reflect back the emotions of the opponent, creating a stronger bond and understanding.
• 🚫 The strategy of starting with 'no' to gain control and avoid feeling trapped or committed too early in the negotiation.
• 🗣️ The power of affirming the other party's statements with 'That's right' to validate their feelings and move closer to a deal.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the video script about?

The main theme of the video script is about negotiation strategies and principles, drawing insights from Chris Voss's experiences as a hostage negotiator and author of 'Never Split the Difference'.

What does Chris Voss believe about the concept of a win-win negotiation?

Chris Voss does not believe in win-win or 50/50 outcomes in negotiations. Instead, he advocates for finding a third way that satisfies both parties, rather than splitting the difference.

Why does the script mention that wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe is ridiculous?

The script uses the example of wearing mismatched shoes to illustrate the absurdity of a literal interpretation of a 50/50 compromise, emphasizing the need for more creative solutions in negotiations.

What is the first lesson from the book that the script discusses?

The first lesson is about understanding that every negotiation begins with the need for people to feel understood and accepted. Listening intently is a crucial part of this process.

What are the three things people generally want in a negotiation according to the script?

People generally want to be understood, respected, and to get what they want from the negotiation.

What is the significance of smiling during a negotiation as mentioned in the script?

Smiling during a negotiation can switch on the positivity light in the brain, making one 31 percent smarter and fostering a more conducive environment for reaching an agreement.

Can you explain the tactic of 'mirroring' as discussed in the script?

Mirroring involves repeating the last three or most critical words of what the opponent has said. It encourages the other party to reveal more information and can help to keep the conversation running smoothly.

What is 'tactical empathy' and why is it important in negotiations?

Tactical empathy is understanding and acknowledging the feelings and mindset of the other person. It's important because it helps to identify emotional obstacles and create a stronger bond, which can lead to more successful negotiations.

How can labeling emotions help in negotiations?

Labeling emotions helps to confirm that the correct emotion has been identified and signals to the opponent that they are truly understood, which can enhance the negotiation process.

What does the script suggest as an effective way to start a negotiation?

The script suggests starting with 'no' as it provides a sense of safety and control, allowing the person to focus better on the negotiation without feeling trapped or committed.

What is the significance of the phrase 'that's right' in negotiations?

The phrase 'that's right' is powerful in negotiations as it indicates that the other party feels completely heard and understood, which can bring the negotiation closer to a successful conclusion.

Why is it important to be aware of the difference between 'that's right' and 'you're right' in negotiations?

The difference between 'that's right' and 'you're right' is subtle but significant. 'That's right' indicates agreement and understanding, while 'you're right' might be used to dismiss or end the conversation, which could be counterproductive in negotiations.