How To Say No To Unimportant Things In Life | Buddhism In English
Summary
TLDRThe video script emphasizes the importance of learning to say 'no' to unimportant things in life to focus on what truly matters. It discusses the struggle with saying 'no' due to societal pressures and fear, and offers practical tips for developing self-awareness and discipline to make conscious decisions. The speaker encourages viewers to value their time, ask the 'magic question' of necessity before committing, and identify their life's larger purpose to better prioritize their actions.
Takeaways
- 📢 Saying 'no' can be challenging because we are accustomed to agreeing to trivial matters, which can prevent us from focusing on what truly matters in life.
- 🔍 To be more productive, it's essential to master the art of saying 'no' to unimportant things and 'yes' to the important ones.
- 🧘 The Buddhist principle of 'do less' suggests focusing on fewer activities to achieve more meaningful outcomes.
- 🤔 The struggle to say 'no' often stems from fear, such as the fear of missing out, disappointing others, or making wrong decisions.
- 🤳 Distractions, like checking a phone notification, can pull us away from what is truly important, like studying or meditating.
- 💡 Building self-awareness is the first step towards saying 'no' effectively; it involves understanding what truly matters to you.
- 🛡️ Self-discipline is crucial for saying 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities that may hinder your progress.
- 🗣️ Saying 'no' politely and explaining your reasons can help others understand and respect your decisions and values.
- ⏰ Recognizing the value of time is key; it's a limited resource that should be spent wisely on important activities.
- 💎 Asking the 'magic question'—'Is it really necessary?'—before committing to an action can help filter out unimportant tasks.
- 🎯 Identifying what is truly important in life allows you to focus on your larger purpose and say 'no' to distractions that don't align with it.
Q & A
Why is it difficult for people to say 'no'?
-People find it difficult to say 'no' because they are accustomed to saying 'yes' to many unimportant things in life, which leads to missing the opportunity to focus on what truly matters.
What happens when we say 'yes' to unimportant things?
-When we say 'yes' to unimportant things, we miss the chance and time to say 'yes' to the important things that really matter to us.
What does the Buddha suggest in terms of doing less rather than more?
-The Buddha suggests that to be more productive and focused, one should do less and not do more, as doing more does not necessarily lead to increased productivity or fulfillment.
Why do we often say 'yes' to unimportant things?
-We often say 'yes' to unimportant things due to fear, such as the fear of missing out, letting someone down, or making the wrong decision.
What is the first step to saying 'no' to unimportant things?
-The first step is to build good self-awareness, understanding what really matters to you and why you say 'yes' or 'no' to certain things.
What is the importance of self-discipline in learning to say 'no'?
-Self-discipline is crucial because it takes courage and determination to say 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities that distract from what truly matters.
How should we approach saying 'no' to people?
-We should learn to say 'no' politely and explain why we are saying 'no', so that others can understand and respect our time and values.
Why is it important to view our time as a valuable asset?
-Our time is limited and irreplaceable, so treating it like money and being serious about how we spend it helps us focus on what truly matters and avoid wasting it.
What is the 'magic question' that can help us decide whether to say 'yes' or 'no'?
-The 'magic question' is 'Is it really necessary?' which helps us evaluate if what we are about to agree to is truly needed or beneficial.
What should we do to understand what really matters in our lives?
-We should take quiet time to reflect on what has larger purpose and value in our lives, allowing us to focus on those things and say 'no' to distractions.
Why is it essential to say 'no' to achieve a happier and more disciplined life?
-Saying 'no' is essential because it allows us to eliminate distractions and focus on what truly contributes to our happiness, calmness, and discipline.
Outlines
🚫 Overcoming the Difficulty of Saying 'No'
The speaker emphasizes the challenge of saying 'no' in a society that often encourages constant affirmation. They discuss the importance of discerning between important and unimportant matters, suggesting that habitually saying 'yes' to trivial things can detract from focusing on what truly matters in life. The speaker introduces the concept of 'doing less' as a principle from Buddhist teachings, which advises prioritizing quality over quantity in life's pursuits. They propose sharing tips to help viewers learn when to say 'no' and to focus on significant life aspects.
🤔 Cultivating Self-Awareness and Discipline
This paragraph delves into the reasons why individuals often say 'yes' to unimportant things, attributing it to various fears such as fear of missing out or disappointing others. The speaker outlines steps for learning to say 'no' effectively, starting with building self-awareness to understand personal values and priorities. They stress the importance of self-discipline, even when it involves saying 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities. The speaker also advises explaining one's reasons for saying 'no' to gain respect and understanding from others.
⏰ Valuing Time and Prioritizing Life's Essentials
The speaker underscores time as a precious and finite resource, advocating for its careful and mindful allocation. They suggest treating time with the same seriousness as money, avoiding wastefulness. The paragraph introduces the 'magic question'—'Is it really necessary?'—as a tool for evaluating whether an activity is worth the investment of time. The speaker encourages viewers to identify their life's larger purpose and to focus on activities that align with it, thereby enabling them to say 'no' to distractions and 'yes' to meaningful engagements.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-awareness
💡Self-discipline
💡Fear
💡Productivity
💡Focus
💡Time
💡Values
💡Decision-making
💡Distractions
💡Purpose
💡Buddhism
Highlights
The struggle of saying 'no' is a common challenge due to habitually saying 'yes' to unimportant things.
Saying 'yes' to unimportant things can lead to missing opportunities for important ones.
Learning to say 'no' helps focus on what truly matters in life.
The concept of 'doing less' in Buddhism emphasizes quality over quantity in life's pursuits.
Society often encourages doing more, which can be counterproductive to achieving true productivity.
Fear is a common reason for saying 'yes' to unimportant things, such as fear of missing out or disappointing others.
Distractions, like mobile phone notifications, can lead to saying 'yes' without considering the importance.
Self-awareness is crucial for understanding what truly matters and why we make certain decisions.
Asking oneself 'why am I saying yes to this?' can increase self-awareness and decision-making clarity.
Self-discipline is key to saying 'no' and requires courage to prioritize important life goals.
Saying 'no' to enjoyable but unproductive activities can lead to achieving more significant life achievements.
It's important to explain why you're saying 'no' to gain understanding and respect from others.
Time is a limited and valuable resource that should be treated with the same seriousness as money.
Asking 'is it really necessary?' before committing to an activity can prevent wasting time on unimportant matters.
Understanding and identifying what is truly important in life helps in focusing on goals and saying 'no' to distractions.
Practicing these tips can lead to a happier, calmer, and more disciplined life by focusing on what truly matters.
Transcripts
Nam
budhaya if there is one simple word that
we all struggle to say and that is
no n o no two simple letters one simple
word but saying no can be the most
hardest thing in life to do why we
struggle to say no the reason why we
struggle to say no is because we have
gotten used to say yes to many
unimportant things in life okay when we
say yes to unimportant things in life
what happens to us we miss the chance
and we miss the time to say yes to the
important things in life and to the
things that really matters to us okay
and that is why we need to learn how to
say no to unimportant things and how to
say yes and how to be more focused on
say saying yes to the important things
in life okay so the reason why I'm doing
this video is because couple of days ago
I came across this word when I was
chanting I came across this word in
Karas the Buddha
sayso do
less if you practice the Buddhist
teachings if you practice the spiritual
path or in any area of your life you
have to do less to know not do
more now the society says the quite
opposite thing to us the society says
that do more the more you do the more
you achieve do many things as much as
you can then the then you will achieve
but turns out doing more will not will
will not help us to be more
productive okay to be more productive in
what we are doing to be more productive
what really matters to in life so that
is why we have to master to say no to
certain things in
life and really be focused on what
really matters to us so from this video
I'm going to be sharing with you fa tips
that will help you to say no to
unimportant things in life and to say
yes and to be more focused on what
really matters to you before learning
how to say no to unimportant things in
life we have to understand why we say
yes to unimportant things in life the
reason why we say yes to unimportant
things is because of fear most of the
time sometimes it is because of the fear
of missing out sometimes it is the fear
of letting someone down sometimes it is
the fear of the only one to say no okay
sometimes it is the fear of making the
wrong decision so that is why we say
yes to unimportant things in life and
sometimes we say yes not only to the
people but also for the things in life
okay for an example let's say you're
studying while you're studying you have
the mobile phone beside you okay all of
a sudden you see a notification pops up
in on your
phone now you know that you're studying
and you know that you have to be really
focused on that okay but you pick up the
phone and you check what it is sometimes
it is not necessary for you but you
check it and you say yes to that that
distraction let's say sometimes you plan
to learn or to meditate in an evening
all of a sudden you get a call from your
friend and say that they ask for for you
to come with them to go shopping maybe
go to a party or to go to a walk because
of fear of putting that person down or
letting that someone down or to say no
we say yes to
them okay so when you say yes to them
sometimes we miss the chance and we miss
that valuable time to be focused to be
more focused on what really matters to
us okay what really helps us to achieve
our larger purpose in life and that is
why we have to learn how to say no
correctly so here are the few steps that
you can help you to achieve that the
first step to saying no to un important
things in life is to build a good
self-awareness okay you have to have a
good understanding what really matters
to you and why you say yes to certain
things and why you say no to certain
things when you aware of that then you
can easily say yes to important things
in life and no to unimportant things in
life so before saying yes to something
just ask from yourself this question why
why am I saying yes to this okay before
saying yes to something or to a person
just figure out why you say yes to that
person or why you say yes to that that
thing okay before you say no to certain
things you have to you have to figure
out why you saying no to certain things
in life for an example let's say you
need to check your mobile phone okay
your mind says to check your mobile
phone before doing that you have to ask
from yourself why why am I doing this
why should I do this when you ask from
from yourself that question you become
more aware of
yourself you become more aware of what
you are doing the buha says before you
do something or before you say something
something just ask from yourself that is
it helpful for
me is this thing that I'm going to do is
helpful for me or helpful for others is
it good for me is it good for others
when you ask from yourself that question
and if you come to the answer that yes
this is really worthy of saying yes this
is really worthy of saying uh this is
really important to me then do it but if
you come across the answer that no this
doesn't really matters to me okay it is
not important to my life then by all
means do not do it because it steals
your time the valuable time in your life
so the first step of saying no learning
how to say no to unimportant things in
life is to build a good self-awareness
the second step of learning to say no to
unimportant things in life is to build a
good self self discipline and now this
is the most hardest part because it
takes a lot of courage and grit to say
no and you need to be more disciplined
to say no to unimportant things in life
because sometimes the things that we say
no we have to say no to unimportant
things in life maybe the most enjoyable
things in life okay let's say like we we
we all like to enjoy in life but
sometimes those things that makes us
enjoyable will not be help will not help
us to be more productive okay for an
example let's say you are going to study
and you're planning to study you're
planning to meditate but well sometimes
your friends ask ask you to come and
join to a party okay now you like to go
to a party but you know that the most
important thing in your life is the
learning process that is what help helps
you to achieve more success the most
important thing in life is to build a
good spiritual uh Str strong spiritual
base in your life so then it is very
difficult to say no to those things
because we fancy of in doing all those
things okay so that is where we need the
self discipline to be disciplined and to
say no this is what really matters to me
and I have to do it then you have to say
no to those people politely you can
explain why you are saying no okay I
heard this one quote saying that learn
to say no to people without explaining
yourself I would say learn to say no to
people and explain why you're saying no
to them then they can understand why you
saying no okay so then they will respect
your time and your values in your life
so that is why we have to learn to say
no politely and correctly the third step
is to understand that your time is
valuable time is the most valuable asset
that we have in our hand okay and our
time on this Earth is really limited you
don't have an infinite time on this
Earth we have a finite time and we have
to use that limited time very well so I
would suggest
look at your time like you look at your
money okay so when you get money you
don't spend that money lavishly or to
whichever the thing that you want you
don't put that money wherever you are no
we become more serious and you become
more serious about your money same like
that think about your time as you think
about your money okay
because money can be earned again but
the time cannot be earned again you
cannot take back the time it is limited
and that is why in this limited time you
have to do the best thing that you can
do okay be more serious when you when it
comes to time don't waste it okay it is
the most valuable asset that we have if
you value time if you respect your time
then you can say no to un important
things and to say then you can learn to
say yes to what really matters in your
life okay so respect your time and also
respect other people's time as well and
the next step is to ask this magic
question the magic question is is it
really
necessary before you say something
before you do something before you say
yes to someone or something ask if is it
really necessary do I really have to do
it okay sometimes because we say yes to
un important things in life is because
we don't know that it we don't really
need it for an example let's say you
came back home after tired day okay and
you say yes to social media and you
scroll through and it steals maybe one
or 2 hours of your valuable time in that
time there is someone that is valuable
that you can do maybe to talk with your
kids maybe talk with your parents maybe
talk with your children then you can be
more engaging with them and do something
valuable with them instead of hanging
out in social media and wasting that
valuable time just we can do something
valuable before doing that we have to
ask is it really necessary do I really
have to do it then you can decide what
to say no and what to say yes okay so
keep that in your mind and the final
step is to figure out what is really
important to you what really matters to
you now the most of the time the reason
why we say yes to unimportant things in
life is because we haven't figured out
what really matters in life in life okay
what really matters to us so that is why
if you have a good understanding what is
the larger purpose of your life what
really matters to you what is really
valuable in your life you can be more
focused on that and say no to other
things in life that really never helps
you to achieve the larger purpose in
your life so I would Suess take a quiet
time in your day to figure out what
really matters to me today what should I
do and what is the most important thing
that I should do today to achieve the
larger purpose of my my life in that way
you will have a good understanding what
really matters in your life and the
things that don't really matters in your
life and be more focused in doing those
things sometimes it is more enjoyable
doing unimportant things in life but
although it is enjoyable although it is
hard to say no to all those
distractions we we have to say no to
them because those are the things that
prevents us engaging and and achieving
the larger purpose in our life so
finally these are the tips that you can
practice to say no to unimportant things
and to say no to distractions in your
life and to be more focused on what
really matters so
finally saying no can be really hard I
know it is really hard but in order to
achieve a happy life and a calmer life
and a more more disciplined life we have
to say no and we have to learn to say no
to un important things in life so
practice these little tips and then
you'll be happy in your life Nam budhaya
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