Why "I Love You" Can Be Meaningless For Neurodivergents

Summary

In this deeply personal reflection, the speaker explores the profound difference between simply being loved and truly being seen, particularly as a neurodivergent person. Inspired by a moment while watching *Avatar: The Way of Water* on psychedelics, they emphasize the importance of someone believing in you—your values, actions, and identity—without needing explanations. The video highlights how genuine connection stems from witnessing, understanding, and honoring others rather than transactional gestures. Small acts of noticing and appreciating subtle details often matter more than grand expressions of love, offering a powerful perspective on authentic human relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Being truly 'seen' is more meaningful than simply being 'loved,' especially for neurodivergent individuals.
• 😀 The phrase 'I see you' resonates deeply because it conveys understanding and recognition, not just affection.
• 😀 Unconditional love without understanding can feel insincere or dismissive for someone who is neurodivergent.
• 😀 Being believed in involves support and validation of one’s values, actions, and identity, not just surface-level love.
• 😀 Authentic connection requires active witnessing, listening, and engaging with the person’s experiences and motivations.
• 😀 Transactional approaches to relationships (expecting reciprocation) fall short compared to genuine curiosity and understanding.
• 😀 Small, observant actions often communicate care more effectively than grand gestures or material displays of affection.
• 😀 Neurodivergent people often experience a lack of being understood, making belief and witnessing in relationships particularly vital.
• 😀 Effective support involves honoring and respecting the other person’s individuality without imposing personal biases.
• 😀 Self-care and regulation, such as hydration, eating, and movement, are important alongside emotional reflection and relational engagement.
• 😀 Asking 'why' someone is loved and articulating reasons strengthens connection by demonstrating deep observation and understanding.

Q & A

What realization did the speaker have while on shrooms?

The speaker realized that for a neurodivergent person, feeling truly seen and understood is more meaningful than simply feeling loved.

Why did the phrase 'I see you' resonate with the speaker?

It resonated because it reflects deep recognition and understanding of a person, which is particularly important for neurodivergent individuals who often feel unseen.

How does the speaker differentiate unconditional love from being truly seen?

Unconditional love is described as loving someone regardless of their actions, which can feel dismissive, while being truly seen involves understanding a person’s values, choices, and motivations.

What did the speaker discover through journaling about relationships?

They discovered that they deeply value having someone who believes in them—someone who consistently affirms their life, choices, and values.

Why does the speaker feel 'being believed in' is crucial for neurodivergent people?

Because it provides validation without needing explanation or justification, offering a sense of support and understanding that unconditional love alone may not provide.

What does the speaker say about the nature of typical relationships?

They suggest that many relationships are transactional, focusing on reciprocity rather than curiosity and understanding of the other person.

How can someone make a neurodivergent person feel truly loved and valued?

By noticing and acknowledging their actions, values, and qualities, engaging with them in meaningful ways, and demonstrating consistent belief in who they are.

What role does observing small details play in relationships according to the speaker?

Observing small, often overlooked details can communicate deeper understanding and validation than grand gestures, strengthening the connection.

What does the speaker mean by 'honoring each other' in relationships?

It means respecting, understanding, and acknowledging each other’s individuality without letting personal biases interfere, creating a space where people feel genuinely seen.

Why might saying 'I love you regardless' feel insufficient for neurodivergent individuals?

Because it can feel dismissive if it does not also reflect understanding of their values, motivations, and experiences, making the love feel less authentic or informed.

How does the speaker suggest society can improve interpersonal relationships with neurodivergent people?

By prioritizing curiosity, witnessing, and understanding over transactional exchanges, and by consistently seeing and believing in people as unique individuals.