Being Human. | Nerida Mills | TEDxMandurah

Summary

In this deeply reflective narrative, the speaker explores the journey of self-discovery and personal transformation. After grappling with questions like 'Who am I?' and 'What are we here for?', the speaker shares experiences of being an extrovert and constantly adapting to others, which eventually led to a sense of lost identity. A serious health scare forces introspection, and through vulnerability and the support of community, the speaker uncovers the power of embracing one's true self. Ultimately, the message is about shedding masks, accepting imperfection, and finding strength in being seen for who we truly are.

Takeaways

• 😀 The human experience is shaped by both physical reality and consciousness, and understanding both is essential to comprehending who we are and our purpose.
• 😀 The question 'Who am I?' is fundamental, and understanding it requires introspection and an exploration of personal identity.
• 😀 Being an extrovert can be both a gift and a challenge, especially when it leads to losing one's sense of self in trying to fit into different situations.
• 😀 People often wear masks and barriers as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from trauma, but these can weigh them down and hinder self-discovery.
• 😀 The quest to understand oneself is a continual process, often marked by contradictions, pain, and personal transformation.
• 😀 A breakthrough realization came when the narrator heard the phrase, 'In order to be fully seen, you must be willing to be completely invisible.' This was the answer to their lifelong question of self-identity.
• 😀 Integration of new insights about oneself is often messy, painful, and not a smooth process.
• 😀 Physical health struggles can trigger deep emotional responses, such as loneliness, self-criticism, and feelings of failure, especially when dealing with uncertainty in the face of illness.
• 😀 Even when surrounded by a supportive community, feelings of isolation and loneliness can still persist, especially when one feels they are failing others or themselves.
• 😀 The narrative touches on the deeper societal issue of mental health, highlighting how loneliness and feelings of inadequacy are pervasive and often fueled by external pressures and marketing.
• 😀 In personal crises, the removal of external masks and barriers can lead to a deeper connection with oneself and others, allowing for authentic visibility and acceptance.

Q & A

What motivated the speaker to research the human experience?

The speaker is fascinated by the human experience, particularly what creates reality, consciousness, and how these elements blend to form our experience of life. This curiosity has driven the speaker to explore these concepts over the last 20 years.

How does the speaker describe their personality in terms of social interactions?

The speaker identifies as an extrovert, finding it easy to make friendships and adapt to various social situations. They used to pride themselves on being a 'chameleon,' someone who could fit into any scenario and make everyone feel at ease.

What is the downside of the speaker’s ability to adapt to social situations?

The downside is that in constantly adapting to others, the speaker lost touch with their true self. They struggled to answer the question, 'Who am I?' because of the masks and roles they had put on to fit into different situations.

What does the speaker mean by 'In order to be fully seen, you must be willing to be completely invisible'?

This statement is a realization the speaker had during a run. It suggests that in order to truly be known and understood by others, one must let go of the need to be constantly visible or accepted. True self-expression requires vulnerability and the willingness to be unseen or unnoticed by others' expectations.

How did the speaker's health challenge impact their identity and emotional state?

The speaker experienced severe physical symptoms, including dizziness and loss of mobility, which made them question their identity and their role in life. Feelings of loneliness, failure, and self-doubt surfaced, despite receiving substantial support from their community.

What role did the speaker’s community play during their health crisis?

The community rallied around the speaker, providing emotional and practical support. They organized meal rotations, cleaned the house, did laundry, and offered financial support, among other acts of kindness, showing strong solidarity and care.

Why did the speaker feel lonely despite having support from their community?

Despite receiving practical support and love from their community, the speaker felt deeply alone. This sense of isolation reflected a deeper emotional struggle, perhaps tied to their identity and internal sense of self-worth.

How does the speaker compare their journey of physical and emotional hardship to others?

The speaker draws parallels between their own experiences of hardship and the feelings of isolation and loneliness that others, including their children’s father, may have felt. They believe this sense of loneliness is a significant factor in mental health struggles.

What insight does the speaker offer regarding the societal pressure to conform?

The speaker critiques societal pressures that tell individuals they are not enough as they are, suggesting that consumerism thrives on making people feel inadequate. This belief that we need to change to be worthy of love and acceptance is a major societal lie.

What does the speaker mean when they say 'life inherently is messy'?

The speaker acknowledges that life is full of imperfections and challenges, from birth to death. Embracing the messiness of life and accepting one's flaws is part of the human experience, and perfection is neither achievable nor expected.