How to Make Them CHASE YOU Without “Playing It Cool”

Summary

The video script addresses the dilemma of showing genuine interest in early dating without coming on too strong. It discusses societal conditioning and the fear of appearing desperate, especially for women. The speaker offers five points of advice, including giving small signs of interest, understanding attraction as evolving, maintaining independence, not fearing to lose interest, and using personal standards to retain power in relationships. The script encourages viewers to be authentic and vulnerable while trusting themselves to move on if the connection isn't reciprocated.

Takeaways

• 😌 In early dating, people often hold back on showing their true selves due to fear of scaring the other person away or appearing too eager.
• 🤔 The fear of appearing too available or too affectionate can lead to self-censorship and a reluctance to express authentic feelings and desires.
• 🧐 Societal conditioning plays a role in how men and women are expected to behave in early dating, with different stereotypes for 'love bombing' and showing interest.
• 📸 Viewing attraction as an evolving snapshot rather than a constant can help alleviate the fear of losing power by showing too much interest early on.
• 🤝 Small gestures of interest, like a light touch or a compliment, can encourage potential partners to reciprocate and show they are attracted as well.
• 💪 Maintaining personal power in dating involves showing independence and not relying on an emotional babysitter, which can be attractive to others.
• 🔍 It's important to distinguish between genuine needs in a relationship and neediness, which can come across as clingy or desperate.
• 🚫 Being overly cautious with affection can prevent you from finding out if the other person is compatible with your desire for a certain level of physical closeness.
• 💡 Standards, rather than indifference, are what allow you to hold on to your power in dating, by setting expectations and being willing to move on if they're not met.
• 💖 Trusting oneself to move on if the interest isn't reciprocated is crucial for maintaining confidence and self-assurance in the dating process.
• 🌟 Recognizing that you don't need someone to be happy allows for genuine enjoyment of their company and the potential relationship without fear or anxiety.

Q & A

Why do people tend to hold back during the early stages of dating?

People often hold back during the early stages of dating because they are worried about coming on too strong and scaring the other person away. They may reserve parts of themselves that they feel are authentically them, such as their level of affection or expressiveness, out of fear of being perceived as desperate or losing their power in the relationship.

What is the societal conditioning that affects how men and women show interest in dating?

There is a societal conditioning where if a woman tries too hard, it's seen as desperate, while if a man does the same, it's considered romantic. This stereotype often associates the 'love bomber' more with men, suggesting that women should hold back to be attractive.

What is the advice given to someone who is naturally affectionate and finds themselves holding back in fear of being too much?

The advice given is to show small signs of encouragement to the other person, such as light touches, compliments, or expressing that they had a great time. This helps to decrease anxiety and gives the other person a green light to reciprocate interest.

How can one maintain personal power while showing interest in early dating?

One can maintain personal power by understanding that attraction is an evolving thing and not a constant. By showing interest as a snapshot of how they feel at the moment, they reserve the right to change their level of interest based on the other person's response.

What is the difference between needs and neediness in the context of dating?

Needs refer to a valid requirement for a certain level of affection, interest, or stability in a relationship, while neediness implies an unhealthy dependence on the other person for one's happiness and security, making the other person responsible for one's emotional state.

Why is it important to be aware of whether our actions are coming from a place of need or neediness?

Being aware of whether actions stem from need or neediness is important because it helps maintain a healthy dynamic in the relationship. Neediness can push people away, while having needs that are met can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling connection.

What should one be more afraid of: scaring someone away with interest or ending up with someone who isn't a good match?

One should be more afraid of ending up with someone who isn't a good match, as it's important to gauge if the other person can reciprocate the level of affection and interest that one desires in a relationship.

How can standards help us maintain our power in early dating?

Standards help us maintain our power by setting a baseline for what we expect in a relationship. If our basic needs are not met, we can choose to direct our energy elsewhere, knowing that we deserve better and are not willing to settle for less.

What is the significance of being vulnerable in the dating process?

Being vulnerable is significant because it allows us to truly show our authentic selves and assess if the other person is a compatible match. Without vulnerability, we may never see how far a relationship could go due to a lack of genuine connection.

How does the speaker define 'playing it cool' and why is it not the best approach in early dating?

The speaker defines 'playing it cool' as a form of indifference, which is a way to hold on to power by not showing too much interest. However, it's not the best approach because it prevents us from being vulnerable and genuine, which are crucial for building a meaningful connection.

What is the role of self-trust in being able to show interest and affection in early dating?

Self-trust plays a crucial role as it allows individuals to be confident in their ability to move on if the other person does not reciprocate their interest or affection. This trust in oneself ensures that one does not become overly attached or desperate for the other person's approval.

Why is it important to feel secure and happy on our own before entering a relationship?

Feeling secure and happy on our own is important because it establishes a foundation of self-worth and independence. This prevents us from relying on others for our happiness and allows us to be our true selves in a relationship, without the fear of losing our sense of self.