Why NICE GUYS finish LAST, or: why women love jerks

Summary

In this video, Dr. Orion Taraban explores why 'nice guys' often finish last in the dating world. Building on previous discussions, he argues that women tend to prioritize factors like looks, income, and lifestyle over kindness, intelligence, or loyalty when choosing a partner. Using a thought experiment about job offers, he compares the dating process to choosing a position based on benefits and salary rather than company culture. The video explains that while qualities like loyalty and kindness are valuable, they are not the primary factors women seek in a partner, thus shedding light on the reality of modern dating preferences.

Takeaways

• 😀 Women often prioritize material benefits, such as wealth, physical attraction, and lifestyle, over emotional qualities like kindness, loyalty, and intelligence in romantic partners.
• 😀 The idea that 'nice guys finish last' is a reflection of women choosing partners based on more practical traits, not a moral judgment of the men who are overlooked.
• 😀 Women are more likely to choose a partner who provides a high-paying, exciting, and interesting lifestyle, even if that partner lacks emotional intelligence or kindness.
• 😀 The analogy of choosing between two job offers highlights that people often value tangible rewards (salary and benefits) over intangible qualities (personal connection or mission alignment).
• 😀 Men who focus on traits like kindness, intelligence, and loyalty are often competing in areas where women aren't placing their primary value, leading to disappointment.
• 😀 Nice guys often turn to moral superiority as a way to compensate for their lack of success in the areas women care about most, such as wealth and physical attraction.
• 😀 Women are not actively rejecting kind, loyal, and intelligent men but are simply choosing partners who offer more attractive material benefits, even if those partners lack emotional qualities.
• 😀 The research suggests that being 'nice' is not enough to succeed in romantic selection; instead, women tend to prioritize factors like looks, income, and lifestyle opportunities.
• 😀 Fighting against the reality of what women actually value in a partner can lead to frustration and a disconnection from reality, making it less likely for 'nice guys' to find success in relationships.
• 😀 Understanding and accepting what women prioritize in partners—rather than blaming or moralizing—is key to having realistic expectations in dating and improving relationship outcomes.

Q & A

What is the main premise of Dr. Orion Taraban's talk in this video?

The main premise of Dr. Taraban's talk is that the commonly held belief that 'nice guys finish last' is not accurate. He argues that women do not prioritize traits like kindness, loyalty, and intelligence as much as other factors like looks, income, and lifestyle when choosing a partner.

How does Dr. Taraban explain the relationship between job selection and partner selection?

Dr. Taraban uses a job analogy to explain partner selection. He suggests that just as people may prioritize salary, benefits, and job perks over a good relationship with their boss, women tend to prioritize physical attraction, income, and lifestyle factors over qualities like kindness or loyalty in a partner.

Why does Dr. Taraban claim women do not prioritize kindness and loyalty in a partner?

Dr. Taraban suggests that, according to research, women tend to choose partners based on what he calls an 'attractive compensation package,' which includes looks, income, and lifestyle, rather than traits like kindness, loyalty, and intelligence. While these traits may be appreciated, they are not the primary factors in partner selection.

What does Dr. Taraban mean by 'attractive compensation package'?

The 'attractive compensation package' refers to the combination of qualities that women typically look for in a partner, such as physical attractiveness, high income, and a desirable lifestyle. These qualities are seen as more important to women than traits like kindness or loyalty, which are secondary in the selection process.

According to Dr. Taraban, what role does ego play in the preferences of 'nice guys'?

Dr. Taraban argues that 'nice guys' often focus on qualities like kindness, loyalty, and intelligence because they believe these traits set them apart from other men. However, he suggests this is a result of their ego, as they cannot compete in the areas that women actually prioritize, such as looks, income, and lifestyle.

What does Dr. Taraban suggest is the problem with moralizing women's partner choices?

Dr. Taraban suggests that moralizing or judging women's partner choices, such as accusing them of choosing 'bad boys,' prevents people from understanding the reality of what women actually value. He argues that women are simply selecting partners based on what they find most attractive, and there's no need to judge these choices morally.

How does Dr. Taraban contrast the choices between two potential bosses in his analogy?

Dr. Taraban contrasts two potential bosses: one who is supportive, understanding, and caring, but offers less salary and benefits, and another who is indifferent but offers a much higher salary and better benefits. He argues that most people, like women selecting partners, would choose the second boss because the compensation package outweighs the boss's personal qualities.

What does Dr. Taraban imply about 'nice guys' in the dating world?

Dr. Taraban implies that 'nice guys' often fail to recognize that their focus on kindness, loyalty, and intelligence does not align with what women typically prioritize. As a result, they may struggle to attract partners who value those traits more highly than other qualities like looks and income.

Why does Dr. Taraban refer to 'nice guys' as focusing on the wrong traits?

Dr. Taraban refers to 'nice guys' as focusing on the wrong traits because they tend to emphasize kindness, intelligence, and loyalty, which are not the primary factors women look for in a partner. Instead, women are more likely to prioritize attributes such as physical appearance, financial success, and lifestyle.

What is the key takeaway from Dr. Taraban's video regarding partner selection?

The key takeaway from Dr. Taraban's video is that women prioritize factors like physical attraction, income, and lifestyle when selecting a partner, and while traits like kindness and loyalty are appreciated, they are not the main deciding factors. Understanding this reality without moralizing is important for both men and women.