I've been abused for 17 years

Summary

This video reflects a personal journey through trauma, family conflict, and the struggles of navigating adulthood. The speaker recounts experiences of a difficult family breakdown, feeling like an asset rather than a valued person, and the emotional toll of these events. They discuss challenges with identity, self-worth, and the impact of trying to balance personal aspirations with family obligations. Despite seeking help and attempting to move forward, the speaker expresses a deep sense of stagnation and loss, highlighting their internal conflict and desire for authenticity in a world dominated by social expectations.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker experienced emotional turmoil due to their father leaving, leading to a strained family situation.
• 😀 The speaker's father attempted to reenter their life, seeking affection and validation, but the speaker refused to give that emotional response.
• 😀 The family faced severe financial hardship, with the mother's bank account drained, leaving them in a difficult position without a home.
• 😀 The speaker's family had to rely on friends and acquaintances for temporary housing while struggling to recover.
• 😀 The speaker's mother had to adjust to being a single parent, facing the emotional challenge of providing for her family while managing the trauma of her own relationship.
• 😀 The speaker was forced to become more independent, with the pressure of helping pay bills and balancing the decision to work or attend college.
• 😀 The father sent inappropriate messages, including an image of him with a new partner, which deeply disturbed the speaker.
• 😀 The speaker struggled with feelings of not being loved for who they are, but rather seen as an 'asset' for their contributions.
• 😀 The speaker also faced gender identity issues, recalling the trauma of coming out to their family at a young age, with their father expressing disappointment.
• 😀 Despite seeking therapy and attempting to improve their mental health, the speaker feels stagnant and trapped in their emotions, unable to recover from past trauma.
• 😀 The speaker desires to create more content and make videos but feels paralyzed by their mental state, struggling with consistency due to past emotional wounds.

Q & A

What emotional challenges did the speaker face after their father returned home?

The speaker felt conflicted and resistant to accepting their father back. They did not want to express affection or reassurance to him, which led to a tense confrontation where their father attempted to elicit affection by showing a souvenir, but the speaker remained distant and confused about the situation.

What happened when the family found themselves without money?

After the speaker's family was forced to leave their home, their mother's bank account was drained, leaving them without financial resources. This led to a period of uncertainty, but the family members began to apply for jobs to support themselves. The speaker's mother eventually found employment, and the family managed to survive despite the difficulties.

How did the speaker describe their relationship with their father after the traumatic experiences?

The speaker felt disillusioned by their father, especially after receiving inappropriate messages from him, including an image of him with another woman. This led to the speaker cutting off contact, as they felt the love from their father was conditional and tied to the attention they gave him, rather than genuine affection.

What personal identity struggle did the speaker face, and how was it received by their family?

At the age of 14, the speaker came out to their family regarding their gender identity. Their father’s response was to say that they 'failed' as a parent, which caused significant emotional distress. This experience added to the complex family dynamic and contributed to the speaker's feelings of rejection and confusion.

What impact did the speaker’s past experiences have on their ability to move forward with life?

The speaker struggled to process their trauma while simultaneously dealing with new adult responsibilities, such as balancing college with financial pressures. The emotional weight of the past affected their ability to focus, resulting in feelings of being stuck and overwhelmed by the demands of life.

How did the speaker’s role in the family change after their father left?

With their father leaving, the speaker had to step up and contribute to the family financially, which created an overwhelming sense of responsibility. They also had to deal with the emotional absence of their mother, who was working late to support the family. This forced the speaker to quickly learn life skills they weren’t prepared for.

What is the speaker's view on social media and its portrayal of perfection?

The speaker expressed frustration with the culture of perfection on social media, feeling the need to share their true struggles and not present a perfect image. They emphasized that they didn’t want to be seen as flawless or always happy, as this would not accurately represent their lived reality.

How did the speaker feel about their father’s attempts to reach out after they left home?

The speaker felt disturbed by their father's attempts to reconnect, especially when he sent images of himself with other women. They felt that their father's love was insincere and based on their ability to provide attention or affection, rather than a genuine connection.

What role did financial instability play in the speaker’s family’s struggles?

Financial instability played a major role in the family's challenges, particularly after the speaker’s father drained the family bank account. The speaker had to balance their education with the need to support their family, which created immense pressure. The speaker also felt that their worth was tied to their ability to contribute financially.

What does the speaker express about their current emotional state and future outlook?

The speaker feels emotionally stagnant, as though they haven’t fully recovered from their past trauma. They acknowledge trying various methods of healing, such as therapy, but still struggle with consistency in their personal projects. They express a desire to regain control over their life and focus on what makes them happy, instead of constantly satisfying the needs of others.