Coming out of your closet | Ash Beckham | TEDxBoulder

Summary

In a heartfelt talk, Elisabeth Buffard explores the concept of 'coming out of the closet' beyond just sexuality, highlighting the universal nature of hard conversations we all face in life. She shares personal anecdotes, emphasizing that every difficult revelation, whether about love, illness, or identity, is significant. Buffard encourages authenticity, directness, and unapologetic self-expression, urging listeners to embrace their truths and break free from their own closets. Her message resonates: while these conversations may be daunting, they are essential for genuine living and connection.

Takeaways

• 😀 Coming out of the closet represents any difficult conversation in life, not just related to sexual orientation.
• 😀 The experience of fear and anxiety surrounding hard conversations is universal, regardless of the topic.
• 😀 Stress from avoiding hard conversations can have significant negative effects on mental and physical health.
• 😀 Everyone has their own 'closet' filled with difficult truths that need to be shared.
• 😀 There is no hierarchy of difficulty when it comes to hard conversations; what is hard for one person may be just as hard for another.
• 😀 Authenticity is crucial; being true to oneself fosters genuine connections with others.
• 😀 Directness in communication helps prevent misunderstandings and false hopes.
• 😀 Being unapologetic about one’s truth is vital; one should never apologize for who they are.
• 😀 It's important to empathize with others who are trying to support you, as they may be facing their own challenges.
• 😀 The act of coming out can inspire others who are struggling with their own truths, encouraging a culture of openness.

Q & A

What is the main theme of Elisabeth Buffard's talk?

The main theme is the importance of coming out of various 'closets' in life, addressing hard conversations that everyone faces, not just those related to sexual orientation.

How does Buffard define a 'closet'?

Buffard defines a 'closet' as a space where difficult conversations are avoided, emphasizing that everyone has their own version of a closet related to personal struggles.

What personal experience does Buffard share to illustrate her point?

She shares an experience from her time working at a diner, where a child's question about her gender prompted her to confront her own identity and engage in a difficult but enlightening conversation.

What are the 'Three Pancake Girl Principles'?

The principles are: 1) Be Authentic, 2) Be Direct, and 3) Be Unapologetic. These guide individuals on how to approach hard conversations.

Why does Buffard believe stress is a factor in avoiding hard conversations?

Buffard explains that stress is a natural response to perceived threats, and the fear of negative reactions from others can make it difficult to initiate important discussions.

What does Buffard mean by saying that 'hard is not relative'?

She means that while everyone's struggles may differ, the difficulty of facing those struggles is universal and should not be ranked against one another.

How does Buffard suggest we handle the fear of disappointing others?

She encourages embracing authenticity and directness, stating that it’s essential to communicate your truth rather than conform to others' expectations.

What does Buffard compare holding onto secrets to?

She compares holding onto secrets to clutching a grenade, suggesting that not addressing hard truths can have damaging effects on one's mental health.

What reaction does Buffard describe when she first shared her identity at her sister's wedding?

She describes the experience as a mix of humor and awkwardness, illustrating how those around her were trying to show support while struggling to find the right words.

What is the overall call to action in Buffard's talk?

Buffard calls on everyone to step out of their closets and engage in hard conversations, reinforcing that living openly is essential for personal growth and connection with others.