How Praise Can Damage Your Child's Confidence

Summary

This video highlights the importance of how we praise our children, emphasizing that praising intelligence can lead to fear of failure, while praising effort encourages resilience and a love for challenges. Based on Carol Dweck's research, it explains that children praised for effort tend to tackle harder tasks and persevere, while those praised for intelligence may shy away from challenges. The video offers practical tips on praising children for their strategies, creativity, and persistence, fostering growth and confidence. It also touches on managing toddler emotions and building resilience through evidence-based parenting advice.

Takeaways

• 👶 Praising children for being smart can set an unrealistic expectation and pressure them to maintain a perfect image.
• 🤔 Children praised for their intelligence may avoid challenging tasks to prevent failure and maintain their 'smart' label.
• 🎓 Praising effort encourages children to take on harder challenges, as seen in studies by Carol Dweck and her colleagues.
• 📊 Kids praised for effort tend to enjoy challenges more, persist longer, and perform better in later tasks compared to those praised for intelligence.
• 📉 Children who were praised for their intelligence showed a 20% drop in scores after facing a difficult task, while effort-praised kids improved by 30%.
• 🚫 Praising intelligence can lead children to fear mistakes, avoid challenges, and hide their errors to protect their 'smart' image.
• 🧠 Focus praise on effort, persistence, creativity, and specific achievements to foster a growth mindset.
• 🌱 Encouraging effort helps children develop resilience, face challenges, and understand that mistakes are part of learning.
• 🧒 Use simple, clear language when praising young children to ensure they understand and connect with the message.
• 📚 A communication milestone chart can help parents know what language skills to expect from their children at different ages, aiding effective praise.

Q & A

Why can praising a child for their intelligence be detrimental?

Praising a child for their intelligence can create pressure for them to maintain a 'smart' label, leading them to avoid challenging tasks to prevent failure and potential disappointment.

How does praising effort differ from praising intelligence?

Praising effort encourages children to embrace challenges and persist through difficulties, while praising intelligence often leads them to avoid challenges to protect their 'smart' image.

What was the outcome of Carol Dweck's study on fifth graders and praise?

Dweck's study found that children praised for intelligence were more likely to choose easier tasks, while those praised for effort were more willing to take on challenging tasks and persisted longer during difficult tests.

How did the children’s performance change after being praised for intelligence or effort?

Children praised for intelligence saw their test scores drop by 20% after a challenging test, while those praised for effort had their scores improve by 30%.

Why do children praised for intelligence avoid challenging tasks?

Children praised for intelligence fear that failing a challenging task could lead to losing their 'smart' label, making them more likely to avoid difficult situations to protect their image.

What type of praise helps children develop resilience?

Praising effort, persistence, and specific actions helps children develop resilience by encouraging them to embrace challenges and learn from mistakes.

What should parents focus on when praising their child?

Parents should focus on praising specific actions, efforts, and achievements, such as problem-solving approaches or persistence, rather than intelligence or talent.

How does avoiding tougher tasks limit a child's development?

Avoiding tougher tasks prevents children from stretching their abilities, learning new skills, and developing resilience, which are essential for growth and development.

What is a better alternative to saying 'You're smart'?

A better alternative is to praise specific actions or efforts, such as 'You worked really hard to solve that problem' or 'I noticed you found a creative way to reach your toy.'

What is the significance of using age-appropriate language when praising toddlers?

Using age-appropriate language ensures that toddlers can understand the praise, making it more meaningful and helping them recognize their efforts or achievements.