The revolutionary truth about kids and gender identity | Angela Kade Goepferd | TEDxMinneapolis

TEDx Talks

26 Oct 202016:48

Summary

TLDRThe speaker, a pediatrician and non-binary parent, reflects on how children understand gender identity. Sharing personal experiences and professional insights, they explain that while young children categorize people by gender, they are also capable of grasping more complex concepts. The talk highlights the importance of supporting transgender and gender-diverse kids, offering them language, understanding, and freedom to express themselves. The speaker emphasizes that embracing diverse gender identities expands the possibilities for everyone and advocates for a world where kids are given the tools to explore and express their true selves.

Takeaways

👶 Kids naturally categorize gender early, often asking questions like 'Are you a boy or a girl?' out of pure curiosity.
🤔 Many adults struggle to unlearn binary views on gender, but children often accept non-binary identities without judgment.
👩‍⚕️ The speaker, a pediatrician, identifies as gender diverse and explains the importance of understanding diverse gender identities in children.
🧠 Kids as young as two can understand gender differences and start sorting people into categories based on physical traits.
👧 Children begin discovering where they fit in gender categories around age three or four, often aligning with societal norms.
🎭 By age four or five, kids learn gender roles, figuring out what behaviors are expected based on their perceived gender.
👗 The speaker shared a personal story about their child feeling discouraged from wearing a dress, showing the impact of gender conformity pressures on children.
🎨 Children express themselves more fully when given the tools and language to explore beyond binary gender categories, like having a 'box of 64 crayons' instead of just two.
🏳️‍🌈 Many children today identify as gender non-conforming or transgender, reflecting a broader societal recognition of diverse gender identities.
❤️ Kids need support, understanding, and love to explore their true identities freely, and supporting them benefits not only them but society as a whole.

Q & A

What was the context of the little boy asking if the speaker was a mommy or daddy?
-The little boy asked this question out of curiosity when the speaker, who identifies as non-binary, came to pick up their son from daycare. The boy was trying to categorize the speaker into one of the two gender categories known to him: mommy or daddy.
How did the speaker respond to the little boy's question about being a mommy or daddy?
-The speaker responded by explaining that they were neither a mommy nor a daddy, but a 'mapa,' which is a combination of both mommy and daddy. The boy accepted this explanation quickly and moved on to ask about the speaker's favorite dinosaur.
What is the significance of children asking about gender identity according to the speaker?
-The speaker highlights that children often ask about gender identity out of curiosity and without judgment. Their questions reflect their early efforts to categorize people based on gender, a process that is binary and concrete in their thinking at a young age.
At what age do children typically begin to understand gender differences, according to the speaker?
-Children begin to understand gender differences around the age of two. This understanding is primarily based on physical characteristics and anatomy, and they start sorting people into categories like boys and girls, mommies and daddies.
How do children’s understanding of gender roles evolve as they grow older?
-By age three or four, children start figuring out where they fit into the gender categories. They explore gender roles by understanding societal expectations, such as the association of boys with certain toys and girls with others. By ages six and seven, most children conform to traditional gender roles based on societal norms.
How do transgender and gender diverse children express their identities at a young age?
-Some transgender and gender diverse children claim their identities as young as three or four years old. They are aware of gender categories but realize that their inner sense of identity doesn't align with societal expectations, and they communicate this to their parents early on.
What challenges do gender diverse children face when their gender expression doesn't align with societal expectations?
-Gender diverse children are often punished or ridiculed for violating societal expectations. This can lead to harassment at school, rejection by family, and serious consequences such as depression or even suicide attempts. Conforming to traditional gender roles helps them avoid these negative outcomes, but at the cost of suppressing their true selves.
How did the speaker’s child Theo react to societal expectations around gender?
-Theo loved wearing a princess dress, but after a friend and teacher told him that boys don’t wear dresses, he stopped wearing it for show-and-tell and eventually stopped dressing up as a princess. The speaker couldn't tell if Theo made this choice because he was ready to move on or because of societal pressure.
What impact does giving children more gender options have, according to the speaker?
-By giving children more options and language to describe their gender identities—akin to giving them a bigger box of crayons to draw with—they are better able to express the complexity of who they are. Limiting their options, such as forcing them to choose between ‘pink or blue,’ restricts their ability to fully express their identities.
What message does the speaker want parents and caregivers to take from their talk?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of listening to children, asking open-ended questions, and providing a supportive environment for them to explore and express their gender identities. By doing this, parents and caregivers help children become the most authentic versions of themselves.

Outlines

00:00

👶 Children's Curiosity and Gender Perception

The speaker recounts an experience with a young boy who asked if they were a 'mommy' or 'daddy.' This encounter sparks reflections on how children categorize adults based on gender and how their curiosity lacks the judgment adults often impose. The speaker explains their non-binary identity as a 'mapa,' a blend of mommy and daddy, and highlights the innocence of children in accepting diverse gender identities. The conversation points out the societal limitations of gender labels and the complexities of gender identity beyond binary definitions.

05:01

🧒 How Children Understand Gender Identity

This section explores the developmental stages of how young children, around the ages of 2 to 5, begin understanding gender based on anatomy and social roles. The speaker, as a pediatrician, explains how children initially think in binary categories but also hints at how some transgender children recognize that their internal sense of gender does not match the physical or social expectations around them. The narrative underscores that some children express their gender identities as early as 3 or 4, challenging societal norms.

10:01

👗 Gender Roles and Social Pressures

The speaker shares a personal story about their son, Theo, who loved wearing a princess dress but stopped after facing disapproval from peers and teachers. Despite growing up in a gender-expansive household, societal pressures and gender norms ultimately influenced Theo’s choices. The story highlights how societal expectations around gender behavior, even in early childhood, can suppress personal expression. It touches on the harsh reality that children learn to conform to gender roles as early as six years old due to fear of punishment or rejection.

15:04

📊 The Impact of Gender Non-Conformity

This paragraph discusses the negative consequences faced by children who deviate from traditional gender norms. It cites alarming statistics on bullying and family rejection experienced by transgender and gender-diverse youth. The speaker emphasizes the severe mental health risks, including a higher likelihood of suicide attempts among these children. They also note that societal understanding of gender is changing, with more young people identifying as transgender or gender non-conforming, signaling a cultural shift in gender perceptions.

🖍️ Expanding the Understanding of Gender

The speaker explains the growing vocabulary around gender identity, with terms like 'gender queer,' 'non-binary,' and 'gender fluid' becoming more common, especially among young people. They reject the notion that this is just a passing trend, likening it instead to a broader societal awakening. The metaphor of giving children only two crayons (pink and blue) versus a full box of colors represents the limitations of traditional gender norms and the importance of allowing children to express their full identities without restriction.

🎨 Gender Identity as a Creative Exploration

Using the analogy of a box of crayons, the speaker discusses the importance of giving children the language and tools to express their true identities. They assert that gender is a creative and personal expression that should not be constrained by rigid societal expectations. By offering children a broad spectrum of possibilities for self-expression, parents, educators, and society as a whole can help nurture more authentic, confident individuals.

💬 Supporting Children on Their Gender Journey

The speaker reflects on their experience as a pediatrician and parent, advocating for active listening and open dialogue with children about their gender identities. Rather than trying to 'figure out' transgender or gender-diverse kids, adults should create a supportive environment that allows them to discover and express their true selves. The importance of unconditional love and acceptance is emphasized, with the speaker highlighting how such support not only benefits transgender children but also fosters self-discovery in everyone.

🌈 Expanding Gender for Everyone

In this concluding section, the speaker emphasizes that supporting transgender and gender-diverse kids isn't just about helping those children; it helps everyone by expanding society's understanding of gender. By offering more than just two choices, individuals of all gender identities gain the language and freedom to express themselves authentically. The speaker ends by reinforcing the interconnectedness of all people in the struggle for self-expression and the importance of fostering an inclusive world.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Gender Identity

Gender identity refers to a person's internal sense of being male, female, a blend of both, or neither. In the video, this concept is central, as the speaker explains how children as young as two begin to categorize gender based on anatomy, but some children, including transgender and gender-diverse kids, recognize that their identity doesn't align with societal expectations. The video's main message emphasizes the need to support children in expressing their authentic gender identity.

💡Transgender

Transgender describes individuals whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth. The speaker discusses how children as young as three or four may identify as transgender and emphasizes the importance of listening to and supporting their self-discovery without imposing societal expectations. The video advocates for accepting transgender identities early in a child's life.

💡Non-Binary

Non-binary is a term used to describe individuals who do not identify exclusively as male or female. The speaker, who identifies as non-binary and uses 'mapa' (a combination of 'mommy' and 'daddy'), illustrates the fluidity of gender outside the traditional binary categories. The video's message includes expanding societal understanding of gender to include non-binary identities.

💡Androgynous

Androgynous refers to a gender presentation that is neither strictly male nor female. The speaker mentions having an androgynous appearance, which has led to both curiosity and discomfort from others. This concept ties into the video’s broader theme of breaking down rigid gender norms and embracing diverse gender expressions.

💡Gender Roles

Gender roles refer to societal expectations about how individuals should behave based on their gender. The speaker highlights how, by age four or five, children start conforming to traditional gender roles, such as boys playing with 'boys' toys' and girls with 'girls' toys.' The video challenges these norms by encouraging children to explore interests outside of these prescribed roles.

💡Harassment

Harassment is a form of bullying or mistreatment that occurs when someone violates societal norms, including gender norms. The speaker notes that 80% of transgender and gender-diverse kids face harassment in schools, particularly for dressing or behaving in ways that don't conform to traditional gender roles. This emphasizes the need for greater acceptance and support for gender diversity.

💡Pronouns

Pronouns are words like 'he,' 'she,' or 'they' that refer to a person’s gender identity. The speaker stresses the importance of using correct names and pronouns when referring to someone, especially in the context of gender-diverse children, as part of affirming their identity and making them feel seen and respected.

💡Self-Discovery

Self-discovery refers to the process of exploring and understanding one's identity, including gender identity. The speaker emphasizes that children, even at a young age, engage in self-discovery regarding their gender, and the role of adults is to listen and provide support without steering them toward a specific outcome.

💡Crayon Metaphor

The crayon metaphor is used by the speaker to illustrate the idea of allowing children to express their gender identity freely. The speaker contrasts giving children only 'pink and blue' crayons (representing rigid gender norms) with giving them a full box of 64 crayons, which allows for a fuller, more diverse expression of their identity. This metaphor encapsulates the video’s theme of encouraging exploration and expression beyond binary categories.

💡Parental Support

Parental support refers to the active role that parents can play in accepting and affirming their child's gender identity. The speaker shares personal anecdotes of parenting and emphasizes that parents should listen to their children and provide a supportive environment where gender exploration is encouraged rather than restricted.

Highlights

A child asked the speaker if they were a mommy or a daddy, prompting a discussion on gender identity.

The speaker reflects on their own experiences with gender identity and societal expectations.

The concept of 'mapa' is introduced as a gender identity that is both mommy and daddy.

Children as young as two can understand gender differences based on physical characteristics.

By age three or four, children begin to identify where they fit within the gender categories they know.

Transgender kids may claim their identities as young as three or four years old.

At ages four and five, children start to understand gender roles and what it means to be a boy or a girl.

The speaker shares a personal story about their child's understanding of gender identity.

The speaker discusses the societal pressure on children to conform to traditional gender roles.

80% of transgender and gender diverse kids experience harassment in schools.

Transgender kids are at a higher risk of being rejected by their parents, which can have severe consequences.

The speaker highlights the increasing number of young people identifying as transgender or gender non-conforming.

New language and terms are emerging to describe a wider spectrum of gender identities.

The speaker argues that supporting transgender and gender diverse kids helps all of us understand and express our own identities.

The analogy of a box of crayons is used to illustrate the importance of giving children the tools to express their gender identity.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of listening to and supporting children on their journey of self-discovery.

The speaker concludes by stating that loving and supporting transgender and gender diverse kids benefits society as a whole.