7 Things the Dismissive Avoidant Woman Wants You to Know Now

Summary

This video script delves into understanding dismissive avoidant women, highlighting their sensitivity to criticism and their appreciation for appreciation. It emphasizes their hidden emotional depth and the tendency to withdraw to prevent conflict escalation. The script advises on fostering secure attachment through open communication, valuing their need for space and independence, and the importance of positive reinforcement when they share feelings. It concludes with a call to action for a relationship coaching program based on integrated attachment theory.

Takeaways

• 😣 Criticism affects dismissive avoidant individuals more deeply than it might appear on the surface.
• 👍 Dismissive avoidant women appreciate being appreciated, acknowledged, and supported.
• 😔 They have feelings and are affected by things, even if they don't outwardly express them.
• 🏃‍♀️ Dismissive avoidant women withdraw from arguments to prevent conflict escalation and to sort out their feelings.
• 🚫 The withdrawal is not intended to punish or stonewall but is a protective mechanism.
• 🌐 They value their space and independence, viewing it as essential to their emotional well-being.
• 🔄 Dismissive avoidant individuals often adapt to protect themselves from the pain of unmet emotional needs.
• 🤝 The goal in relationships should be interdependence, balancing reliance on others with self-reliance.
• 👁️ Dismissive avoidant women often feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood due to their emotional disconnection.
• 🗣️ When dismissive avoidant individuals share their feelings, it's important to give them space and positively acknowledge their expressions.

Q & A

How does criticism affect a dismissive avoidant female?

Criticism affects dismissive avoidant females more than one might think, as they are often stoic and do not outwardly show their reactions. They may protect themselves and pull away from experiences where criticism could be perceived.

What is a constructive way to give feedback to a dismissive avoidant female?

Start by acknowledging something positive about them, then deliver the criticism in a constructive and proactive manner focusing on what is needed rather than what they are lacking, and end with another supportive or acknowledging statement.

Do dismissive avoidant women have feelings, and if so, how do they express them?

Yes, dismissive avoidant women have feelings, but they may not express them outwardly due to their protective mechanisms against vulnerability. They may struggle with expressing emotions because of a fear of being too open.

Why do dismissive avoidant women withdraw during an argument?

They withdraw to prevent the conflict from escalating and to sort out their feelings. It is not intended to punish or stonewall but is a way to protect themselves from saying something they might regret.

How does a dismissive avoidant woman view space and independence in a relationship?

Dismissive avoidant women value space and independence highly, as it is tied to their survival strategy and relief from past pain. They see it as a way to protect themselves from the fear of rejection.

What is the importance of interdependence in relationships for dismissive avoidant women?

Interdependence is about being able to rely on others while also being self-reliant. It is a balance that dismissive avoidant women are encouraged to master for healthier relationships.

Why might a dismissive avoidant woman feel unseen or unheard?

They might feel unseen or unheard because they often disconnect from their emotions and communicate indirectly. This can make it difficult for them to convey their feelings clearly to others.

How should one respond when a dismissive avoidant woman shares her feelings?

Give them space to express their feelings and positively acknowledge or reinforce their sharing. Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement for this attachment style.

What is the Integrated Attachment Theory training mentioned in the script?

It is a program that trains individuals to become certified relationship coaches in Integrated Attachment Theory, which can help them understand and support others more deeply.

Who is the Integrated Attachment Theory training suitable for?

It is suitable for individuals who want to make an impact, serve others, and obtain freedom and flexibility. It's also for counselors, therapists, and coaches who want to expand their toolkit.

What can one expect to learn from the Integrated Attachment Theory training?

Participants can expect to gain mastery in understanding their own attachment patterns and those of others, which can help them support and understand loved ones more deeply.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Understanding the Dismissive Avoidant Female

This paragraph discusses the challenges of understanding dismissive avoidant females, whether in a dating or friendship context. It highlights that criticism affects them more deeply than it might appear, as they tend to internalize it rather than showing a reaction. The speaker suggests approaching feedback with appreciation first, then delivering criticism constructively, and ending with more positive reinforcement. It's emphasized that dismissive avoidant women have feelings, despite not expressing them outwardly, and they struggle with vulnerability. The paragraph also explains that when they withdraw from arguments, it's not to be malicious but to prevent conflict from escalating and to process their feelings.

05:01

🌿 The Importance of Independence and Space for Dismissive Avoidants

Paragraph two delves into the dismissive avoidant attachment style's formation, often due to unmet childhood needs for connection. This leads to a subconscious drive for independence and self-reliance as a protective mechanism. The speaker notes that dismissive avoidant individuals value their space for recharging and maintaining independence. They may also appreciate their partner's independence, which can be confusing for those with different attachment styles. The paragraph stresses the importance of interdependence, where both reliance on others and self-reliance are balanced. It also touches on the dismissive avoidant's feeling of being unseen or misunderstood, suggesting that asking for clarification and showing effort to understand can help.

10:03

📈 Becoming a Certified Relationship Coach in Integrated Attachment Theory

The final paragraph shifts focus to an opportunity for individuals to become certified relationship coaches in integrated attachment theory within 60 days. It's aimed at those looking to impact others' lives positively, gain flexibility, and abundance. The program is also suitable for counselors, therapists, and coaches wanting to expand their skills. The speaker mentions that previous iterations of the program filled up quickly, encouraging interested individuals to act fast. The paragraph ends with an invitation for more questions in the comments and a prompt to subscribe for daily content focused on attachment theory and related topics.

Keywords

💡Dismissive Avoidant

Dismissive Avoidant refers to an attachment style where individuals tend to dismiss the importance of emotional bonds and avoid closeness with others. In the video, this term is used to describe a personality type that may be difficult to understand for those in relationships with them. The script explains that despite their stoic exterior, dismissive avoidant individuals are deeply affected by criticism and value appreciation and acknowledgment.

💡Criticism

Criticism in this context refers to the act of expressing disapproval or pointing out faults. The video emphasizes that dismissive avoidant individuals are more sensitive to criticism than they appear, and even subtle negative feedback can cause them to withdraw. An example from the script is the difference between saying 'you never do the dishes' versus 'I could use some support, could you take a turn doing the dishes?'

💡Stoic

Stoic describes a person who endures pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. In the video, it is mentioned that dismissive avoidant individuals often appear stoic, which can lead others to underestimate the impact of criticism on them.

💡Proactive Communication

Proactive communication is a style of interaction where individuals express their needs and concerns in a constructive manner before they become issues. The video suggests that when giving feedback to a dismissive avoidant person, it's beneficial to use proactive communication by starting with appreciation, then sharing the criticism constructively, and ending with further support or acknowledgment.

💡Vulnerable

Vulnerable in this context means being open to attack or damage, especially emotionally. The video script explains that dismissive avoidant individuals may not appear vulnerable because they do not outwardly express their feelings, but they still experience emotions deeply and can be affected by events and criticism.

💡Withdrawal

Withdrawal refers to the act of moving back or away from someone or something. The video discusses how dismissive avoidant individuals may withdraw during an argument to prevent conflict from escalating and to sort out their feelings. It clarifies that this withdrawal is not intended to punish or stonewall others but is a protective mechanism.

💡Independence

Independence in the video refers to the value that dismissive avoidant individuals place on self-reliance and autonomy. They have learned to rely on themselves due to early life experiences where their needs for connection were not met. The script explains that any perceived threat to their independence can feel like a threat to their survival strategy.

💡Interdependence

Interdependence is the state of relying on others while also being self-reliant. The video contrasts this with the independence of dismissive avoidant individuals, suggesting that what is ultimately sought in relationships is the ability to rely on others while also feeling secure in one's own self-reliance.

💡Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement in this context is the act of rewarding or encouraging a behavior by providing something positive in response. The video suggests that dismissive avoidant individuals respond well to positive reinforcement, such as acknowledging and validating their feelings or actions, which can help build a healthier relationship.

💡Subconscious Mechanism

A subconscious mechanism refers to a process or behavior that operates outside of conscious awareness. The video describes how dismissive avoidant individuals may have developed a subconscious mechanism to protect themselves from the pain of wanting emotional connection and not receiving it, leading them to value independence highly.

💡Attachment Theory

Attachment Theory is a psychological concept that describes the dynamics of long-term interpersonal relationships from infancy to adulthood. The video mentions this theory in the context of understanding one's own and others' attachment patterns to better support and understand those in one's life.

Highlights

Criticism affects dismissive avoidant individuals more than expected.

Dismissive avoidant people are more sensitive to criticism than they appear.

They appreciate being appreciated, acknowledged, and supported.

Constructive feedback should be sandwiched between positive comments.

Dismissive avoidant women have feelings, even if they don't express them outwardly.

They withdraw to prevent conflict from escalating and to sort out their feelings.

Dismissive avoidant individuals are not withdrawing to punish; they are processing.

They value space and independence due to their attachment style formation.

Independence is crucial as it provides relief from past pain and stress.

Interdependence is the goal, balancing reliance on others with self-reliance.

Dismissive avoidant women often feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood.

They may struggle with self-understanding due to emotional disconnection.

Asking for clarification can help them feel more understood.

Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement for dismissive avoidant individuals.

When they share feelings, acknowledge and validate their emotions.

Integrated Attachment Theory training can help individuals become certified relationship coaches.

The training is for anyone wanting to make an impact and understand attachment patterns.

The program fills up quickly, indicating high demand.

Transcripts

are you dating a dismissible avoidant

female or have a dismissible avoidant

female friend and are really trying to

understand her but finding it difficult

well in this video we are going to talk

about seven things the dismissive

avoidant female wants you to know even

though they may not share

it so first and foremost I think one of

the biggest sort of aha moments for

people who are in any kind of

relationship with a dismissible voyant

is that criticism affects them more than

you would think

and because they're often so stoic you

wouldn't necessarily know it or notice

it because they may not say anything

about it but if you are somebody who

gives really blunt feedback or gives

feedback in a more critical way you know

one really common example is that if

you're an attachment style or just an

individual who tends to communicate in

the reactive form instead of the

proactive form an example being if you

say something like hey you never do the

dishes rather than saying hey I could

use some support could you take a turn

doing the dishes even even those types

of things can often land as critical

feedback and as a result of this what

you'll see is this individual tends to

sort of protect themselves and and sort

of pull away from any kind of experience

where something could be taken as

criticism and it's because they're

actually much more sensitive when it

comes to these things than you might

realize and on the flip side number two

is that they dismissive abant women and

men both tend to really appreciate being

appreciated and being acknowledged and

being supported so if you're in a

position where you think that you have

to give feedback to a loved one that's a

dismissive avoidant it can be really

beneficial to start by talking about

something that you do appreciate or you

do want to acknowledge about them then

share the criticism that you have in a

constructive and proactive way talking

about what you do need not talking about

what they don't do enough of and then

sandwich it with sharing something at

the end that is also supportive or

acknowledging so those are the first two

really important pieces number three

dismiss of avoidant women have feelings

much more than you might realize just

because somebody doesn't Express their

feelings in an outward manner or they

aren't as forthcoming with their

feelings or as vulnerable it doesn't

mean that they are not feeling their

feelings and feeling their emotions and

that they are not affected by things

even if they are not really showing too

much that they are affected by things

and I think that that's something that a

lot of dismissive avoidant females tend

to really want other individuals to know

and understand about them but it's also

tricky for them to express that or

communicate that because as you know

dismissive avoidance have this big

protective mechanism where they've

learned to kind of Disconnect and not

share their feelings as openly because

of that fear of really being vulnerable

around others and how that may be taken

number four when dismissal avoidant

attachment cells especially women do

withdraw from an argument and we could

say the same thing about men but um they

tend to withdraw because they are trying

to prevent the conflict from escalating

more and because they are trying to sort

out what they're feeling I think that

one of the big common misconceptions is

that because the dismissive wind is

withdrawing it means that that's their

way of like stonewalling you or trying

to ice you out and then it's like

malicious or intentional but the

relationship that the vast vast majority

of dismissive avoidant women have to

this is not to punish or Stonewall or

hurt somebody they would draw because

they are trying to number one sort out

their feelings and number two stop the

conflict from getting too heated and

I've had so many dismissive Wen clients

over the years say A variation of this

which is I'm scared I'll say something

that I'll regret or I'm scared I'll say

something that will make the situation

way worse or that I can't take back and

I've heard so many variations of of Da

women say these things and their

relationship to is actually healthy and

I think that it's important to realize

that people have different rates at

which they they process their feelings

and warm back up and are able to sort of

explore how to communicate and

dismissive WS are just more of like a

slow burn when it comes to this they

really take their time to whittle

through their feelings to understand

what it is they're experiencing and they

just need space a lot of the time to do

that now as I'm going through all these

different things you know this is not a

video that's meant to be like hey you

should walk on eggshells around dismiss

avoidant women and do all these things

all the time perfectly that's not the

expectation nor should that be the the

key takeaway you know what is ideal here

is that you have the understanding about

things that dismiss avoiding females may

not share directly but that can be

really beneficial to understand about

them in a relationship but ideally what

you want to be doing is communicating

your needs to one another communicating

about these things to one another that's

a huge part of be what it takes to

become securely attached and the more

you are able to share your feelings your

needs with one another in an open and

healthy and constructive way and the

more you're mastering Communication in a

relationship the FAS faster of a pace

you will get out of the power struggle

stage of relationships and also the more

longevity relationship is likely to have

um number five dismissal avoidant

attachment cells definitely value space

because they need to recharge in that

space and because they Value

Independence you have to remember that

as a dismissive avoidant when their

attachment style was forming essentially

what would have happened is you'll see a

dismissible wouldn't be urning for

Attunement because literally every

person is biologically wired for

Attunement for presence for connection

and when their parents or caregivers

couldn't give that connection to them

what ends up taking place instead is

there's sort of this pervasive pain

around that because a child is yearning

for something that they can't gain

access to in the way that they need and

this goes on on for long enough that the

dismissive avoidant eventually adapts by

saying okay it doesn't feel good to want

this from somebody I'm going to protect

myself and try to create relief for

myself by trying to not really want it

much at all by trying to be very reliant

on myself not need something from

somebody who's not able to give it to me

and that adaptation actually creates

relief for them and so as a result of

that adaptation creating that relief it

becomes a programmed mechanism right the

the fear is relying on other people in

that way again and having that deep

sense of rejection so when they start to

have their independence and it creates

relief they build all of these positive

subconscious emotional associations to

this and now they feel like wow like my

Independence is so important it's freed

me from this pain and this this stress

that I might have felt at a young age

now that may not be a conscious process

for a lot of dismissive avoidance but

that is a subconscious mechanism that is

there and so trying to do anything that

would violate their independence or

potentially compromise the independence

can actually feel like a threat to their

survival strategy at a deeper level and

it's why they value it so much in

relationships and also I've had many

conversations with people who have said

things like yeah I also really value my

partner's Independence I want to protect

their independence as well which of

course can be confusing for for somebody

if they're anxious preoccupied and

they're not really seeking that

Independence but I think something

that's important to remember is that

what we're seeking for is

interdependence we're seeking for the

ability to rely on other people feel

safe and comfortable doing so but also

feel like we can meet our own needs and

we can be very self-reliant they're not

supposed to be mutually exclusive things

they're literally supposed to be things

that you are a master at both sides of

that and that's going to be what creates

that interdependency and that Health in

in relationships number six I think that

it's very common for dismissable Wen

women um to feel unseen or unheard or

misunderstood I mean there's a very

healthy um argument to make essentially

that dismiss ofid women may feel like

this because often they are not seeing

and hearing and understanding themselves

because if we're disconnected from our

emotions and we're not really wanting to

feel too much of our emotions and we're

trying to repress them or soothe by kind

of avoiding ourselves in different forms

doesn't mean they're not feeling them

but if somebody's constantly going to

their Creature Comforts as a means of

soothing then they may not fully

understand or hear or or see what they

are experiencing and it can make it more

difficult to to then con convey or

communicate to a partner or to a loved

one and obviously we'll start to see

that shift and change as dismissive

voidance start becoming more secure but

usually like a traditional dismissive

avoidant who's sort of starting off

their Journey um that can be a point

that they really struggle with and they

often as a result feel misunderstood in

their relationships and part of this can

be of course that they communicate more

indirectly but it's also really valuable

to ask your partner or loved one for

understanding hey I want to understand

you I feel like how you're communicating

is a little bit vague can you clarify

for me like if you can ask those

questions even if you're not able to

fully understand everything it is that

is being shared or communicated if it is

in more indirect ways your loved one

will then know that you are trying that

you care that you're making the effort

to do that work and to try to understand

them which in and of itself will make

them feel more seen and heard and

understood and the very last thing that

I'll say for today's video is when a

dismissible boid does share how they

feel give them the space to express it

and then it's always beneficial to

positively acknowledge or reinforce

things I think that another thing that's

often underestimated is how well

dismissible wooden attachment cells

respond to positive reinforcement not

negative reinforcement so if somebody

does something in a relationship and you

love and appreciate that they did that

or you see that they care it's also

really valuable to um give that positive

reinforcement and if instead they're

just sharing how they feel giving them

the space to share how they feel and

then validating their feelings

acknowledging how you can understand

what they're experiencing or going

through often will help them feel a lot

more comfortable doing that in the

future and it will again positively

reinforce that that momentum that you

want to see so I have some really

exciting news and it's that integrated

attachment Theory training is back in

other words you can be trained to become

a relationship coach certified and

integrated attachment theory in

literally 60 days so who is this for

well of course this is for any

individual who wants to make an impact

and really be of service to others while

also obtaining freedom and flexibility

and abundance in their lives and this is

also for anybody who's already a

counselor a therapist a coach and just

really wants to expand their toolkit

we've had so many people enter into the

integrated attachment Theory program

because they're just looking to obtain a

certain degree of Mastery in terms of

understanding their own attachment

patterns and also the attachment

patterns of maybe their children or

partner or other loved ones in their Liv

so they can really support those people

and understand them more deeply now

please keep in mind that the last two

times we ran this program we filled up

very fast in fact we oversold the

programs and sold up completely so if

you're interested click the link below

to learn more and dive in with me and

I'd love to see you the on the other

side before seats R out so that's it for

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