These psychological habits will make you seem more attractive
Summary
TLDRThis video script offers five psychological habits to enhance attractiveness: 1) Cultivate positivity and kindness to increase perceived attractiveness. 2) Develop emotional regulation to appear more mature and stable, which is attractive for long-term relationships. 3) Engage in a rich social and leisure life to demonstrate independence and interesting hobbies. 4) Practice mature communication using the DEAR method to express needs respectfully. 5) Foster self-love and respect to signal high self-worth and the ability to maintain healthy boundaries.
Takeaways
- 😀 Positivity Boosts Attractiveness: Being optimistic, kind, and warm can significantly increase how attractive you appear to others. Positive behaviors signal that you are a good person to be around.
- 🧘♂️ Emotional Regulation is Key: Individuals who can manage their emotions effectively are seen as more attractive. Emotion regulation helps maintain healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy conflicts.
- 👥 Social and Leisure Life Matters: Having a rich social life and engaging in hobbies makes you more attractive. It shows independence, safety, and a full life that others find appealing.
- 🗣️ Mature Communication Increases Attractiveness: Effective communication skills, such as expressing needs and handling conflicts maturely, are crucial for being perceived as a desirable partner.
- ❤️ Self-Love and Self-Respect: People with higher self-esteem and self-confidence are seen as more attractive. Self-respect signals to others that you know your value.
- 😌 Mindfulness Helps with Emotion Regulation: Mindfulness and meditation are effective tools for managing emotions, which in turn, enhances attractiveness.
- 😊 Kindness and Altruism are Attractive: People who engage in kind and altruistic behavior are rated as more attractive because they seem like good companions.
- 🔄 Replace Negativity with Positivity: To become a more positive person, consciously replace negative thoughts or comments with positive ones, especially in challenging situations.
- 📚 Engage in Social Hobbies: Participating in social activities or hobbies not only makes you more interesting but also increases the chances of meeting potential partners.
- 🤝 Use the DEAR Communication Technique: A useful communication tool is DEAR (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce) for expressing thoughts and needs clearly and effectively.
Q & A
What is the halo effect mentioned in the script?
-The halo effect refers to the phenomenon where people who possess socially idealized traits are also perceived as more physically attractive. This is because non-physical aspects of attractiveness can enhance a person's perception of someone's physical attractiveness.
How does being a positive person increase one's attractiveness?
-Being positive, optimistic, kind, and warm can significantly increase one's perceived attractiveness. Studies have shown that personality traits like these can alter how people rate the physical attractiveness of others.
What is the quick fire tip for becoming a more positive person?
-The quick fire tip is to replace any negative thoughts or comments with positive ones. For example, instead of complaining about a delay, comment on something positive like the ambiance of the place.
Why is emotional regulation important for attractiveness?
-Emotional regulation is important because it signals maturity and the ability to handle stress and conflicts in a healthy way. People who are good at regulating their emotions are seen as more attractive and likable, and they tend to have healthier relationships.
How can the Aura app help with emotional regulation?
-The Aura app, which is a mindfulness and sleep app, can help with emotional regulation by providing meditation, stories, and breath work exercises. It allows users to tailor activities to their specific needs, helping them to manage stress and practice mindfulness.
What is the significance of having a full social and leisure life in terms of attractiveness?
-Having a full social and leisure life makes a person seem more attractive because it indicates that they have strong social ties and are interesting with a rich personal life. This can also increase the chances of meeting potential partners.
What is the quick fire tip for enhancing one's social and leisure life?
-The quick fire tip is to brainstorm one way to get more involved in an activity or hobby that you enjoy and then dive right into it, preferably with other people.
How does mature communication contribute to attractiveness?
-Mature communication skills make a person seem more attractive because they demonstrate the ability to express needs effectively and handle conflicts in a healthy manner. This is appealing to potential partners.
What is the DEER acronym and how can it help with communication?
-The DEER acronym stands for Describe the situation, Express what you feel and think, Assert what you need, and Reinforce the request. It is a strategy from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help people communicate their feelings and needs effectively.
Why is self-love and self-respect important for attractiveness?
-Self-love and self-respect are important because they signal to others that a person has high self-esteem and self-confidence. This can make them seem more physically and socially attractive, as it indicates they are capable of setting boundaries and maintaining a healthy relationship.
What is the suggested method to foster self-love and self-respect?
-The suggested method is to ask oneself what a self-loving, self-respecting person would do in various situations. This can help in making decisions that align with self-respect and self-love.
Outlines
😊 Boosting Your Attractiveness Through Personality
The speaker addresses people who feel unattractive and reassures them that while physical traits may not always be controllable, there are psychological habits that can make one seem more attractive. The video focuses on how non-physical traits can elevate perceived attractiveness and introduces the concept of the halo effect. This effect suggests that personality traits like kindness and optimism can positively influence how physically attractive a person appears. The speaker introduces five personality-driven ways to enhance attractiveness, emphasizing that self-improvement is optional but worthwhile.
😁 The Power of Positivity and Kindness
Being a positive, kind, and warm person can greatly enhance how attractive others perceive you to be. The speaker explains how research shows that personality traits can significantly influence perceived attractiveness, with people rating those who display positivity, kindness, and warmth as more appealing. Smiling, participating in altruistic behaviors, and exuding optimism are all key factors that contribute to this effect. The speaker provides a practical tip to become more positive: whenever you feel the urge to say something negative, replace it with something positive instead, making interactions more enjoyable.
🧘♂️ Emotional Regulation and Attraction
Emotional regulation plays a critical role in how attractive a person appears to others. Immaturity in handling emotions, such as excessive texting or lashing out in anger, makes one less attractive as a partner. The speaker highlights a 2005 study that links high emotional regulation with greater attractiveness and healthier relationships. To improve emotional regulation, practicing mindfulness is key. The speaker introduces Aura, a mindfulness and meditation app, as a tool to help with emotional management, reducing stress, and fostering healthier relationships.
🤝 Building a Full Social and Leisure Life
A rich social and leisure life enhances attractiveness, as people with strong social ties and personal hobbies are seen as more interesting and safer partners. The speaker emphasizes that having a full life outside of romantic relationships not only makes a person more appealing but also boosts opportunities for meeting potential partners. Engaging in hobbies, especially social ones, enriches life, encourages growth, and provides more conversation topics. The speaker suggests identifying a hobby you enjoy and diving into it, especially in group settings, for double benefits—personal fulfillment and increased attractiveness.
🗣 The Importance of Mature Communication
Effective communication is key to appearing more attractive. People who shut down, stonewall, or communicate in hurtful ways are less appealing, except to those with unresolved psychological issues. The speaker introduces the DBT technique 'DEAR'—Describe, Express, Assert, and Reinforce—as a communication framework that can help resolve conflicts constructively. An example is given of using DEAR in a friendship situation to express concerns and assert needs without being hurtful. This technique is praised for its ability to promote healthy conversations and foster stronger, more attractive relationships.
❤️ Fostering Self-Love and Self-Respect
Self-love and self-respect are essential for perceived attractiveness. People with high self-esteem are seen as more physically and socially appealing because they project their own sense of worth. The speaker acknowledges that self-love can be difficult, especially for those who experienced childhood trauma, but offers a practical tip: make daily decisions as a self-respecting person would. By imagining what a confident, self-loving person would do in various situations, individuals can gradually become more self-respecting. Cultivating self-love not only boosts attractiveness but also promotes healthy boundaries and relationship skills.
🎯 Recap: Five Psychological Habits to Increase Attractiveness
The speaker summarizes five key habits that can make a person more attractive: being positive, regulating emotions, maintaining a rich social life, communicating maturely, and fostering self-love. They offer quick tips for each habit, such as replacing negative statements with positive ones, meditating to manage emotions, joining a hobby for personal growth, using the 'DEAR' method for communication, and making decisions like a self-respecting person. These habits, rooted in personality development, can enhance both physical and social attractiveness. The speaker thanks Aura for sponsoring the video and encourages viewers to try it.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Physical Attractiveness
💡General Attractiveness
💡Positivity
💡Emotion Regulation
💡Mindfulness
💡Social Ties
💡Hobbies
💡Mature Communication
💡Self-Love
💡Halo Effect
Highlights
Psychological habits can make someone more attractive, focusing on personality traits that enhance perceived attractiveness.
The halo effect works both ways: positive personality traits can enhance perceptions of physical attractiveness.
Being a positive, optimistic, and warm person increases perceived attractiveness.
Smiling and showing kindness during first impressions make people more likable and attractive.
Emotion regulation is a key factor in being perceived as a more attractive partner, as it demonstrates maturity and stability.
Mindfulness practices, like meditation, can improve emotional regulation, which enhances relationship satisfaction.
Having a rich social life and hobbies makes someone more attractive by showing independence and creating interesting topics of conversation.
Being socially active increases the chance of meeting potential partners and shows you’re well-connected and safe to be around.
Mature communication skills, such as the DBT technique 'DEAR' (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce), can make someone more attractive in relationships.
People with self-love and self-respect are perceived as more physically and socially attractive.
Higher self-esteem signals to others that you know your value, making you more attractive.
Practicing daily self-respecting behaviors, like making healthy choices, boosts self-esteem and perceived attractiveness.
Setting boundaries and being assertive are signs of self-respect, which contributes to attractiveness in a relationship.
Trauma survivors may struggle with self-love but can cultivate it through healthy relationships and mindful self-care.
Daily practices like asking 'What would a self-respecting person do?' can foster self-love and respect over time.
Transcripts
I often get comments from people who
feel helpless in finding a partner feel
like they're not attractive enough to
find someone and while I can't really
help you much with the things that can't
be controlled about you there are some
changes you can make to your daily
psychological habits that are
scientifically shown to make you more
attractive seeming to other people
there's on one hand physical
attractiveness how somebody assesses
your physical attractiveness to be but
there is also General attractiveness how
drawn they are to you and non-physical
aspects of being attracted to someone
often can inflate a person's perception
of your physical attractiveness as well
it's a type of halo effect that I don't
really hear talked about a lot we tend
to assume that attractive people hold
socially idealized traits but it's the
other way around too people with
socially idealized traits also tend to
be rated as more attractive so in this
video I'm going to share five different
ways that you can seem more attractive
to People by working purely on your
personality caveat here I don't think
that you need to change in order to find
your person but if you're open to
self-improvement why not give some of
these a try let's get
[Music]
started number one a really easy way to
increase your attractiveness in other
people's eyes is to be a very positive
person be optimistic kind and warm
several studies have looked at the
influence of Personality information on
a person's perceived physical
attractiveness so basically researchers
have given participants photographs of
an opposite sex person alongside
information about their personality and
having that personality information
significantly changed their ratings of
that person's attractiveness so traits
like positivity optimism kindness and
warmth increased a person's perceived
attractiveness people who smile during
first impressions are also rated as more
likable and attractive people who take
part in general and altruistic Behavior
who showcase themselves being kind and
giving are also considered more
attractive all of this because when you
give off the impression that you're a
kind positive person you're essentially
signaling to the people around you that
you're a good person to be around you're
going to make their life more beautiful
rather than more unpleasant and who
doesn't want more of that so a quick
fire tip if you want to become a more
positive person every time you feel the
urge to say something negative say
something positive instead let's say
that you're on a date at the restaurant
and you've been waiting for the waitress
for half an hour you could in that
moment say where is this waitress it's
been 30 minutes she's so lazy when you
feel the urge to say that instead switch
it to something positive you can say you
know I love the Ambiance in this
restaurant or if you're talking to
someone and they start gossiping instead
of feeling the urge to respond to the
gossip switch to saying something nice
whether it be about the person in
question or about the person you're
talking to or somebody else around you
number two being emotionally regulated
will also make you seem more attractive
I used to be clueless when it came to
emotion regulation as a young adult I
may not have had issues with people
perceiving me as physically attractive
but I don't think I really came off as
an attractive partner to have simply
because I didn't know what to do with my
emotions we don't really want to be
around someone who sends a million texts
when we're busy or who lashes out when
they're angry or who cannot handle even
the smallest of frustrations on their
own it's a sign of immaturity and people
generally aren't looking to babysit
their partner a study from 2005
demonstrated that individuals high in
Emotion regulation were rated as more
attractive and likable also people who
are better at regulating their emotions
tend to have healthier and more stable
relationships emotion regulation helps
maintain close relationships helps avoid
unhealthy conflicts work through healthy
ones respond constructively to stress
all of which tends to increase
relationship satisfaction so if you want
to be a more attractive partner get your
emotions in order how do you do this OB
obviously I could go into dozens of
emotion regulation skills right now but
the very first thing that I think is
also the most important to know is that
when you're feeling a powerful emotion
you have to slow down and practice
mindfulness and this is where I'd like
to thank the sponsor of today's video
Aura like I said the very first step in
being able to regulate your emotions is
to sit with them to sit with your
emotional experience and I used to be
very bad at the sitting with it part
when I was younger I didn't really know
how to self soothe activities like
mindfulness and meditation are a really
good way to press pause when you're
feeling a powerful emotion and take
stock of what's going on before you
respond Studies have found that
mindfulness enhances emotion regulation
which is why therapies like DBT and act
which heavily emphasize emotion
regulation also heavily prioritize
mindfulness an aura is a mindfulness and
sleep app that's used by over 7 million
people it won the best of Apple award
it's an allinone place for meditation
stories mindfulness breath work
spirituality kind of like Spotify but
for the mind and soul and what I love
about Aura is that you can tailor it to
your specific needs based on your goals
and then it gives you recommendations on
certain activities you can try out and
it's not just Audio Only either lately
I've been using Aura mainly as a way to
just slow down because my main goal at
this point in my life is I just need to
manage my stress I need to take
everything a lot more mindfully and
slowly so taking just 5 to 10 minutes
out of my Daye to meditate has been
really helpful it's something so simple
yet so powerful so if you're looking for
a way to boost your emot regulation or
just take care of yourself and practice
a meditation give AA a try get started
completely free using my link below and
the first 500 people to use my link will
also get 25% off their Aura membership
thank you so much to Aura number three
another way to seem more attractive to
people is to have a full social and
Leisure Life people with stronger social
ties are perceived as more attractive
partners because we all want a partner
who makes us feel safe and part of
feeling safe means having these social
connections that we can follow fall back
on when stuff goes south and also that
the person we're going to be with isn't
going to make us ostracized by
association thereby lessening our own
Survival also putting aside just the
social aspect people who have Rich
personal lives who take part in a lot of
hobbies on their own are considered more
interesting they have something to talk
about they have something to share that
they did that day they enrich our lives
they're always growing and
self-improving and it pushes us to do
the same we don't have to worry that
they're always going to require all of
our time and attention because they're
busy with their own stuff they can
handle themselves so one really
important way to become more attractive
is to get out there and participate in
some Hobbies preferably with other
people plus by doing so especially
participating in Social Hobbies you're
going to be increasing your chances of
meeting potential Partners so it's a
double whammy so a quick fire tip for
this one is brainstorm what is one way
that you can get more involved in
something you enjoy and Dive Right In
maybe it's joining a book club or a
sailing class or a hockey team whatever
it is as long as you enjoy it and you
are participating in it ideally with
other people you are going to see the
benefits of that number four people who
can communicate maturely seem more
attractive a person who tends to shut
down and Stonewall when they're upset
who struggles to express their needs or
who expresses their needs in a way
that's hurtful is unlikely to be
perceived as an attractive partner
except by people who have their own
psychological complexes that they're
trying to recreate this is why it's
really important to know how to
communicate well now again I could give
you dozens of healthy communication
strategies here a lot of them are in the
connection course but there is one that
I think can be really helpful in any
situation that I'll share with you now
the acronym is called deer it's from DBT
dialectical behavioral therapy and it
stands for describe the situation
Express what you feel and think assert
what you need and reinforce what you
need so let's run through this with an
example let's say that lately you've
been feeling like a friendship of yours
is really one-sided starting with d
describe the situation hey I noticed
that you've been texting me a lot when
you need some support and last week when
I told you that I needed some support
you stopped messaging me it's very cut
and dry very objective just stating the
facts you're not really speculating on
anything you're not sharing your
feelings yet but next you will and E
Express how you feel about it this makes
me feel undervalued in our friendship it
makes me feel a little bit used a assert
your request so in the near future I
think I need to take a little bit of a
break from helping you out with what
you're going through because I'm
honestly going through my own stuff and
I think maybe leaning on a therapist
would be more helpful and our
reinforcing statements this is where you
explain to people what they have to gain
if they can respect your request and or
what they have to lose if they're not
able to so you could say something like
I really think that if you have multiple
Avenues of support in your life you will
feel more like you're getting your needs
met and I will too or you could say you
know in the future if this keeps
happening I'm not sure that I'm going to
keep wanting to be a part of this
friendship it's very rudimentary you
know just top of my head this is what I
came up with but I think you get the
idea if you have a situation where
you've been thinking about how to
communicate healthfully with someone I
would love it if you could actually map
out your own dear acronym in the
comments if you feel comfortable sharing
I'd love to see what you guys come up
with and lastly something that will make
you seem more attractive to other people
is having self-love and self-respect
people who are higher in self-esteem are
perceived as both more physically and
socially attractive as are people higher
in self-confidence this is because when
somebody respects and loves themselves
it kind of signals to other people what
their value is I know that people who
struggle with self-love often have
immense value to share with others and
I've certainly struggled with self- Lov
from the past myself but unfortunately
because of these you know basic heris
these quick assumptions that we make
about people when somebody treats
themselves like they are not worthy
other people tend to believe them also
when somebody is self-respecting they're
capable of conser liveness and Boundary
setting which signals to other people
that they have the skills required to
keep a relationship healthy and also to
survive in the world as a couple now
it's kind of a catch22 because in many
ways I think everybody needs to know
what it's like to feel loved before they
can truly love themselves that's why
people with childhood trauma for
instance who weren't given that love
when they were really young May struggle
to love themselves until they find that
person in adulthood who treats them well
because they miss that pivotal
developmental milestone we learned learn
how to love ourselves and how to sooth
ourselves by somebody else offering that
to us but there are some things that you
can do to start seeing your worth so one
really quick fired tip every day when
you're making decisions ask yourself
what would a self-respecting self-loving
person do if you have somebody in mind
maybe even like visualize them like
identify a person who you think is
really self-respecting and self-loving
so would they cook themselves a healthy
meal or order something that's
nutritionally pretty minimal would they
let their family walk all over them
would they answer that disrespectful
objectifying text would they stay up all
night watching Netflix or would they
listen to as sleep meditation instead by
practicing this day in and day out you
can start to inject that person who you
think is more self-respecting and more
self-loving than you and over time you
become that person in conclusion here
are five psychological habits that will
make you more attractive to other people
be a positive person a really easy way
to practice this is every time you feel
the to say something negative replace it
with something positive instead number
two have emotion regulation a really
simple way to do this is to start
meditating every time you feel a
powerful emotion and to sit with your
feelings and just press pause number
three having a full social and Leisure
Life simple way to do this is to start
to throw yourself into a new hobby
number four be able to communicate
maturely one way that you can do that is
by using the acronym deer describe the
situation Express Yourself assert your
request and reinforce and number five
Foster a sense of self-love and
self-respect you can do this by every
single day when you're making decisions
asking yourself what would a self-loving
self-respecting person do thank you
again to Aura for sponsoring a portion
of today's video don't forget to check
them out using the link below and I'll
see you soon
[Music]
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